The Guide to Getting It On (82 page)

If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse?
I have no problem with condoms but I don’t like lubricant because it makes it too slippery and cuts down on the sensation.

Is there a very big gap between the content of your sexual fantasies and the sex you have in real life?
I would like to have sex in a public place, maybe like a rest room but I have never done that. I feel that with a long term partner we go for more intimate, less exciting sex. With a new partner I am afraid of looking like a slut so I don’t ever ask for stuff I like.

Considering your last couple of partners, how satisfied were you with their ability to last during intercourse?
While I am female I am the one who can’t last very long at all which makes me feel very insecure, but my partners have all told me that’s a great thing and I shouldn’t feel bad. With the most satisfying partners, I usually orgasm multiple times. With the less satisfying partners, I orgasm only once.

About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?
95 percent or maybe 99 percent. I rarely don’t orgasm.

If you have hooked up with a person for only one night, how comfortable or uncomfortable is it when you see them in a social situation, at work or in class?
It is okay even though I was nervous. I played it off like it was fine and ultimately it was fine. I want them to desire me and it hurts my ego to feel that they don’t, even if I don’t want them.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
No. But I have kissed someone while I was in a relationship.

When you are aroused or are having sex, does your vagina ever produce more fluids than you are comfortable with?
Yes, especially around ovulation. The milky substance can be a little embarrassing.

Have any of your male partners had a penis that curves?
One partner. I was kind of turned off. I had a hard time climaxing. I couldn’t find a position that was best. In addition to the curved penis, he just wasn’t that good in bed and wasn’t confident which was a total turn off.

If you masturbate, are there certain times of the day when you are more likely to masturbate?
When I first became single after years and years of being in a relationship, I was masturbating nearly every day but then it lost its appeal. Now I pretty much only masturbate once a month.

If you masturbate, how often do you use your fingers vs. other things?
I use a vibrating dildo.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life?
2 - one for 3 years and one for 8 years.

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not a strong emotional connection?
15

What kind or brand of birth control do you use?
I have used pills and the ring. I loved the pill and didn’t feel like it impacted my desire or my mood at all. The ring on the other hand, put a serious damper on my mood and desire.

COMMENT:
As an adult I struggle with the timing of when to have sex in a new relationship. Last time I was single was a few years ago. Not everyone was comfortable having sex on the first date, so there wasn’t as much pressure or question as to when to have it. Now, it is assumed that everyone is comfortable with sex almost upon meeting. I never know how early to jump in. I typically want to have sex soon but not before the exchange of names! I also don’t want to sleep with a jerk and can’t figure out how to manage the timing.

FEMALE 28

Sexual orientation:
Totally straight.
Relationship status:
In a relationship almost 2 years (long distance).

If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?
Love it most of the time.

If you’ve had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones?
I’ve had past partners who are a lot different from my fiancé. One of my previous partners, who I dated over a five year period of time, knew how to play not only with my body but with my mind. That connection, foreplay and the mental push brought the physical pleasure to a different level. My fiancé has yet to learn how to push my mental and physical buttons to bring me to that ultimate pleasure I once had with the 5-year partner.

The 5-year partner was able to get that little part to glow each and every time and push my physical body into the toe curling type of orgasm.

When you are having intercourse, do you sometimes need to make a conscious effort to stay sexually excited and in the moment?
Sometimes. The environment has a lot to do with my response to him. His single/never married/older sister and his elder parents are living with him. He’s the main breadwinner for the household. While having intercourse with him at his house, everything is toned down. The constant consciousness of being quiet, of being slow, of being ‘stealth’ as much as possible...it limits everything, especially my ability to relax.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you talking about what feels good sexually and what doesn’t with a partner?
10. I know what I want, how I want it.

What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?
The best part: seeing his toes curl from the intensity. I love giving him oral sex. I have spent an hour just giving him oral sex without pushing him to climax. I honestly love the feeling of his penis in my mouth.

The worse part: the bitterness of the ejaculation. If the body made it sweeter like candy, the male population would always receive oral sex.

Can you recall when you first “discovered your clitoris” as having potential for pleasure?
I discovered it when I pressed my thighs together really hard during masturbation. Even thought I knew where my clitoris was and I’ve played with it, I just couldn’t get my body to react the same way as I when I would press my legs really hard together. I never found penetration as the way to climax. It is very hard for me to have a vaginal climax.

When you were growing up, did you ever put your fingers inside your vagina to explore what was there?
I must of been 13 or 15. I was reading a romance novel and I was getting aroused by the book. I remember getting wet but not knowing why. I only touched the lips of my vagina but never inside. When I put my finger in my vagina for the first time... I felt indifferent. I didn’t know if I was supposed to feel pleasure or any sensation.

If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse?
Yes. I don’t feel that same heat, that first penetration and the texture of the penis when it’s in a condom.

Is there a very big gap between the content of your sexual fantasies and the sex you have in real life?
No. Every fantasy has its moment and time. I am lucky to have my fiancé share the same feelings. We can be as ‘raw-animal-like’ to downright boring in bed. I have never had a problem sharing whatever type of fantasy with him. However, we would never bring in a third party. That will always remain a fantasy. We both strongly believe that a third party is an act of cheating.

Considering your last couple of partners, how satisfied were you with their ability to last during intercourse?
Previous partner #1: too long. Previous partner #2: way too short. Previous partner #3: just right.... then again... he’s the longest I’ve been with. Current partner, can be too short at times. If he’s in control, he can last longer.

About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?
Maybe 10-20%

If you have orgasms during intercourse, do they happen from thrusting alone, or does it require fingers on your clitoris or grinding against his pubic bone?
Grinding against his pubic bone does it for me.

Have you ever cheated on a partner?
I went back to my ex-boyfriend - the one I’ve had the longest relationship with. He is also the one I lost my virginity to. When I dated other guys, I kept finding faults in them... and went back to the ex-boyfriend. How did it turned out? I didn’t have that guilty feeling that I ‘should’ have.

When you are aroused or are having sex, does your vagina ever produce more fluids than you are comfortable with?
Yes. Too much. I feel like I’m the Niagara Falls and I can’t get the same friction. A bit embarrassing. So I just wipe away the excess from the outside and go on.

Have any of your male partners had a penis that curves?
I had one partner that was curved to the left. Some positions were painful. I had to move to one side so I wouldn’t get that trusting painful stab. However, doing it “doggie-style” was pleasant.

If you masturbate, are there certain times of the day when you are more likely to masturbate?
In the early morning, when I just wake up or at night and ready to fall asleep after a big orgasm.

How many times a week or month do you masturbate when you are not in a relationship vs. when you are in a relationship?
Depends on my cycle, but in a relationship, maybe once or twice a week. When I’m not in a relationship, once or twice a month.

If you masturbate, how often do you use your fingers vs. other things?
Rarely fingers. Just the squeeze the thighs. Nothing else.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life?
3

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not a strong emotional connection?
2

What kind or brand of birth control do you use?
? Ortho Ttricyclen. The first week of the pill, I am a complete horn dog. If my fiancée is not of available, I would masturbate as many times as possible in the morning and then as many times as I can at night. When I see him, I would want him several times during that session. Sexual desire gets lower during the second and third week.

FEMALE 24

Sexual orientation:
Mostly gay
Relationship status:
In a relationship for 1 1/2 (1.5) years

If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?
Pretty satisfying (without orgasm).

When you are having intercourse, do you sometimes need to make a conscious effort to stay sexually excited and in the moment?
Sometimes I am distracted by thinking about all the “responsible” things I “should” be doing. Also with a partner I’ve had for a while it is less exciting since the partner is not new and unexplored.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how comfortable are you talking about what feels good sexually and what doesn’t with a partner?
9

Can you recall when you first “discovered your clitoris” as having potential for pleasure?
When I was about 12 or 13 I spent a lot of time having cybersex with people in chat rooms and would rub my clitoris and vagina while doing so, although I didn’t bring myself to orgasm it felt good in a deep, inner part of myself.

When you were growing up, did you ever put your fingers inside your vagina to explore what was there?
When I was about 15 years old I thought it was better to stretch my vagina out to prepare it for when I would lose my virginity so I would hold my fingers inside myself for a few minutes each night in bed, it wasn’t until a year or 2 later that I discovered how good it felt to move my fingers around and actually finger myself.

If you have hooked up with someone for only a night, what was the sex like?
Exciting because it was someone new but ultimately became boring because they didn’t know how to make me orgasm; it was more about the excitement, of being with someone different and doing something “bad” than getting off.

Is there a very big gap between the content of your sexual fantasies and the sex you have in real life?
Somewhat; I enjoy fantasizing about oral and vaginal sex between a male and female, even though I have little interest in having sex with a male in real life; I enjoy picturing myself in the role of the male and what it would feel like to have a penis.