The House of Roses (33 page)

“
Oh, dear boy. Are you jealous, little man?” Ella said. “There's room for two babies in this grandma's lap. Bring him over.”

Caitlin did as asked, and laid Rogan in his grandmother's arms. “This is Rogan William. Rogan, baby, this is Grandma.”  Ella looked at Caitlin and whispered softly.

“
Thank you, Cate. You'll never know how much this means to me.”

“
You're welcome,” Caitlin whispered, suddenly worried. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“
I'm wonderful,” Ella said, leaning down to shower the babies with kisses. “They are a miracle, aren't they?”

“
They are,” Caitlin said softly.

“
Can I tell you something, Cate?” Ella asked, and Caitlin nodded.

Ella's eyes grew dark, and Caitlin watched as her expression changed. “I was afraid to be your mother, because I didn't know how. I barely knew how to live without my sweet Charles. I gave you away because I was scared, not because I didn't want you,”  Ella said, as she began to cry. The older woman's shoulders began to shake as sobs racked her frail body. Caitlin sat beside her and held her tightly. “I’ve always loved you, Cate. I’m so glad you know the truth now.”

“
I've always loved you too, Ella, and I think maybe deep down I did know. I knew there was something about you, something different, but maybe it was easier not to know. Maybe I was scared to know.”

“
Don't let fear govern your life, child. Don't let it paralyze you and keep you from living,” Ella said, laying her head against Caitlin's arm. “I want you to have a good life.”

“
I have a good life.”

“
Then live a great life.”

“
I will. Ella, are you all right?” Caitlin asked.

“
I am. I'm just a silly old woman suffering a bout of nostalgia.”

“
Are you sure?”

“
Stop asking me. Just let me enjoy this moment with my family.”

“
Promise me you'll let me know if something is wrong, if you're feeling worse.”

“
I will. How are you feeling?” 

“
Better today. Rita did night duty last night. I didn't want to let her do it, but I'm really glad I did. The sleep was wonderful, and these guys only seem to want to sleep when I can't.”

“
Oh, you little buggers,” Ella said, her tone lighter. “Are you keeping Mommy up at night?”

“
At least half of it so far,” Caitlin said.

Ella looked at the babies she still held. Caitlin sat beside her.

“
Now you sleep,” Caitlin whispered, as Ella looked over her shoulder.

“
Rita, my friend. Come here with us,” Ella said, as Rita appeared in the doorway.

Rita Hollings crossed the room and planted a kiss on the left cheek of her best friend.

“
Hi, sweetheart,” Rita said. “You look awfully pale. Are you all right?” Rita asked, and Ella looked frazzled.

“
Stop fussing over me. I am all right.”

“
You'd tell us if you weren't?” Caitlin asked, and Ella looked cross.

“
Stop it, girl!” Ella chastised.

Several moments passed, as all three women looked at one another. Finally Rita broke the silence.

“
Caitlin, would you mind getting me a coffee?” Rita asked.

“
Of course not. Ella, can I get you anything?”

“
I could have a soda. No sugar, no caffeine, per the diet police,” Ella said, and Caitlin smiled.

“
I'll get one for you. Oh, shit!” Caitlin said abruptly, and Ella gasped.

“
Now, now!” Ella chastised.

“
Sorry. I left my purse in the car.”

“
I have money,” Rita said.

“
I need my phone.”

“
So, go to the car and get it,” Rita said.

“
I'm going. Sorry about the outburst. I'm just tired,” Caitlin admitted.

“
It's okay. I'd love to go get your purse out of the car, Cate, but I'd have to drag all this shit with me,” Ella said with a chuckle, as she glanced at the myriad of machines  surrounding her.

Ella and Rita watched as Caitlin disappeared into the hall. “What's your ulterior motive, my friend?” Ella asked Rita, who shrugged.

“
No motive.”

“
Liar.”

“
You do look like shit, El. What's going on?”

“
I feel like shit today. The doctor said it's all the drugs. He says I'm better. They're going to operate and fix my heart next week.”

“
You have the best heart of anyone I know.”

“
That's not what the doctor said.”

“
I'm sorry you're going through this,” Rita said.

“
So am I. I'd rather be someplace else,” Ella said, sounding wistful. “Thank you, Rita,” she added in a whisper.

“
For what?”

“
For everything. For the flowers, and for telling Caitlin the truth. It's meant a lot to me.”

“
Don't talk like that.”

“
Like what?”

“
Like you're not going to get better.”

“
What if I don't?” Ella asked, as Rita leaned over to take Hannah, who had begun to cry.

“
Stop it.”

“
I had a good life, Rita.”

“
There you go again with that talk.”

“
Sorry,” Ella said in defeat.

“
It's okay,” Rita said, taking her friend's hand. “I've had a good life with you too, Ella. You're the best friend a woman could ever have.”

“
So are you,” Ella said softly. “Promise me one thing?”

“
Anything.”

“
If I croak, I'd better have some bad ass flowers.”

“
What's with the language?” Rita asked through a laugh.

“
Just feeling spunky all of the sudden.”

“
Promise you'll hold onto that spunk?”

“
Like my life depended on it.”

***

Caitlin wound through the hospital to the lobby doors. She stepped out into the evening, which had grown cool with the sun's departure. She crossed the Visitor's parking lot, toward Rita's SUV. Caitlin popped the lock with the remote. She was surprised to find her hands were shaking.
Was she scared?
  No. She was terrified.

She had put it off all day long. She had to call Colin back. She knew before she reached for her purse, that this time when she dialed him, he would answer. She leaned against the car with her purse held tightly to her chest.
Breathe.

A minute passed, and then another, and finally she reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone.

“
Please give me strength,” she whispered into the night. The shadows claimed her words, and they disappeared into the darkness.

Carefully she dialed Colin's number, and as expected, he answered. He sounded groggy.

“
Hi, did I wake you?” she asked, and several seconds of silence ensued.

“
Yeah, but it's okay. My knee is killing me and it's been a heck of a day.”

“
Tell me about it,” Caitlin said, surprised by how quickly they fell into an easy banter.

“
You hurt your knee, too?” Colin asked, sounding sleepy.

“
No, but it's been a heck of a day,” Caitlin said, smiling.

“
Life has gotten a little crazy,” Colin lied.
A little crazy? 
That had to be the lie of the century!

“
Yeah, here, too,” Caitlin replied, matching his lie. “I'd like to see you, Colin. Can I see you?” she asked, trying to sound like she wasn't begging, when in reality, she'd been prepared to.

“
I need to see you, too. There are things I need to tell you, and I can't tell you over the phone. It's complicated.”

“
It's complicated here, too,” she replied. She was finally starting to relax, but she felt just a hint of fear as she recalled the beautiful woman and the little girl. She was wondering if they had anything to do with the complications he mentioned.

“
I'm tied up for the weekend,” he said, and Caitlin nodded without thinking.

“
So am I.”

“
How's Monday?” he asked.

“
Monday's good.”

“
You had Cliff's coffee lately?”

“
Only once,” she said.
It was in the hospital, the morning after I delivered your twins.
She eliminated that part.

“
Want to meet me there?  Maybe we can take a walk.”

Caitlin wasn't prepared to let him know she wasn't living in the city at present. It would only open things up to a myriad of questions she wasn't prepared to dodge on the phone. “That's fine,” she decided to say, and did.

“
How's 10:00 on Monday morning?” he asked.

“
How's 11:00?” she asked, “I have something to do first.” 
I have to drive two hours for Cliff's coffee.
She left out that part, too.

“
Eleven is good,” he said. Neither said anything for nearly a minute, until Colin spoke again.

“
I have really missed you, Cate.”

“
I have really missed you too, Colin.”

“
I can't wait to see you,” he said.

“
Neither can I.”

“
Okay, Monday then.”

“
Monday,” she said, searching for more to say.

“
See you then,” he said. “Thanks for calling, Cate. It's good to hear your voice.”

“
It's good to hear yours,” she said, which wasn't a lie. She stood in the parking lot with tears streaming down her face. It was wonderful to hear his voice, and she had no idea how much she had truly missed him.

“
Goodnight,” he said, and she listened as the phone clicked.

She whispered, “I love you,” into the night, and several miles away, he did the same. Three words that meant more than any other were whispered into the darkness, by two people who had only begun to realize the true value of love. They were words spoken from the heart, words of hope, words meant for each other but spoken only to the universe. Hopefully the universe was listening.

Thirty-nine

Friday passed with a manageable level of chaos. Caitlin had spent another afternoon at the hospital, taking turns with Nathan, as they alternately sat with Ella. After promising to return on Sunday, Caitlin left the hospital at 3:00, drove the nearly two hour trip back to New Hope without incident, and pulled into Rita's driveway as evening was approaching. A familiar Mercedes sat beside her.

“
Secret's probably out,” Caitlin muttered, as she grabbed her purse and stepped out of Rita's SUV. Gravel and leaves stirred beneath her feet, and she could hear voices through the open door.

“
Was there something you wanted to tell me?” Maria asked, as Caitlin stepped into the kitchen. Maria sounded stern, but there was a glimmer in her eyes.

“
Actually, no!” Caitlin said.

“
How could you not tell me?” Maria said, rising from the chair to take her best friend into a warm embrace. Maria smacked her red-painted lips against Caitlin's cheek, and swatted her backside playfully.

“
I didn't tell anyone, Maria. Please don't take it personally,” Caitlin said, defensively.

“
Why?  I can't say I know a hell of a lot about being pregnant, but I can guess it's not something you want to do alone,” Maria said, and Caitlin shrugged.

“
She had me,” Rita said, and Maria laughed.

“
I'm sorry, Rita. You know I mean well,” Maria said, crossing the kitchen, and pulling Rita into a hug.

“
I've gotten a lot better,” Rita said in her own defense.

“
She has gotten better. Lots of things are better now,” Caitlin said, sharing a smile with her mother. “Did you see them?” Caitlin asked, and Maria shook her head.