The House of Roses (37 page)

“
I've been thinking about it since last Christmas,” Maria admitted.

“
Oh?”

“
Yeah. Everyone went home to see their families, or they had family gatherings in their own homes, and you wanna know what I did?” Maria asked, looking wounded.

“
You worked.”

“
Yeah. I worked, on fucking Christmas.”

“
Rita would cringe if she heard you say that.”

“
Why?  Is she big on Christmas?” Maria asked.

“
Yeah, but she's also big on not using 'fucking', and 'Christmas' in the same sentence.”

“
I did that?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Sorry. Hey, Cate. I wanted to ask you something. What happened to Nathan's wife?”

“
She got killed in a car accident almost three years ago.”

“
Holy shit. That's awful. I mean......., it would have been awful no matter how she died, but that is totally awful.”

“
Yeah. What was worse is she didn't actually die in the accident. It left her in a coma. Nathan had to make the decision to stop life support.”

Maria stopped suddenly. Caitlin just stared at her. “You all right?” Caitlin asked.

“
Yeah. I just can't imagine that nice man having to go through something like that. Why is it the really shitty stuff always happens to the nicest people?”

“
I don't know.”

“
That's why I try so hard not to be nice. It's safer,” Maria said, and Caitlin chuckled.

“
You're nice. You just try really hard not to show it.”

“
I guess.”  Maria stopped walking again, and again Caitlin just looked at her.

“
What now?” Caitlin followed Maria's gaze and gasped. “Oh my God........, Colin.”

“
I know,” Maria said.

“
What is he doing here?” Caitlin said, sounding panicked.

“
I don't know.”

Caitlin ducked behind a booth as quickly as her healing body would allow, and a friend of her mother's, whose name Caitlin couldn't remember, said hello to her. Caitlin mumbled a quick hello and peeked out from behind the booth. Maria stood behind the stroller, and lifted her hand to wave.

“
For God's sake, Maria, don't wave at him.”

“
I'm not. I'm waving at Nathan.”

“
Oh.”

“
Chicken shit. What would happen if he saw you?”

“
I don't know. What the hell is he doing here?  Oh my God, Maria. He's with that woman and the little girl!” Caitlin said, sounding agonized.

“
He's with who?”

“
I saw him, Maria. I saw him from my hospital room the morning after I had the twins. He was with that woman, and the little girl.”

“
You think they're a couple?”

“
I don't know.”

“
The woman is in a wheelchair, Caitlin. Maybe she's a patient.”

“
That's what Ella said.”

“
Go talk to him.”

“
No!”

“
Caitlin, go!  I'm going to the diner for an ice tea. I'll take the babies, and you go talk to Colin.”

“
I don't know what to say.”

“
You could say hello.”

“
Yeah, but what then?”

“
You'll figure it out from there. He won't be listening to you anyway.”

“
Why would you say that?” Caitlin asked, looking confused.

“
He's a man. He'll be staring at your enormous boobs.”

“
You're a big help.”

“
I do what I can. Now go.”

Caitlin did as told, weaving her way through the crowd and keeping her eyes on Colin. She watched him with the woman and the little girl, and while there was an intimacy in the way they interacted with one another, Caitlin wondered if Maria and Ella were right. She wondered if the woman was Colin's patient. She didn't think he'd left Pediatrics, but she hadn't seen him in nearly a year. She didn't know what he'd been doing lately.

He turned as she approached and what she saw in his eyes didn't look anything like guilt. He looked happy, if not a bit surprised and anxious.

“
Cate,” he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. His lips lingered there, and Caitlin suppressed an urge to press her lips to his. The little girl moved to his side, and looked at Caitlin with beautiful eyes the color of cocoa.

“
Who's that, Papa?” she asked, and Caitlin forced herself not to react.

“
She's my friend, Mia. Can you and Faith sit here in the shade with Mom for a minute?  I need to talk to my friend.”  Mia nodded, and sat in the grass beside her mother.

“
Caitlin, this is my friend Rosario, and her daughter, Mia.”

“
Hello,” Caitlin said, looking at Colin with curiosity. The woman extended her hand, and Caitlin took it. She shook it gently, amazed at how frail the woman seemed. Caitlin guessed Maria was right. The woman looked ill and Caitlin imagined she was Colin's patient.

“
They'll be fine for a minute. Can I get you something to drink, Cate?” Colin asked.

“
A coffee or an ice tea would be nice,” she said. Colin took her arm, and steered her away from the woman and the little girl.

“
How's your leg, by the way?” Caitlin asked, noticing the bandage had gotten considerably smaller.

“
Feels like it never happened,” Colin said, as they took a seat on a nearby bench. “It's nice of you to ask,” Colin said, feeling idiotic.

“
Did you want a coffee, Colin?  I can get it, if you want to rest your leg.” 
Small talk. Useless small talk.

“
No, I'm good. I'll be right back,” he said, disappearing in search of the coffee.

He returned in less than five minutes, and sat beside her on the old stone bench. A canopy of ancient oak trees shielded them from the blazing afternoon sun.

“
The little girl called you Papa, Colin. Why did she call you that?” Caitlin asked.

“
It's a long story, Cate.”  Colin reached for her hand, and Caitlin didn't pull away. “She's my patient.”

“
The woman.”

“
No. The little girl. Her mother is dying of AIDS. There isn't any easy way of saying this, Caitlin. I'm adopting that little girl.”

For a moment Caitlin said nothing. She just stared at the man she loved. “You are?” she asked, in a small voice.

“
Yes. I am.”

“
I'm amazed,” Caitlin said.

“
Yeah, so am I.”

“
I'm proud of you, Colin.”
And, I'm more in love with you now than I was five minutes ago.

“
Me, too. Rosario has no family. Actually, she has no one. She asked, I said yes. In a way, it seems surreal, like I'm watching it happen to someone else.”

“
I know that feeling,” Caitlin said. She did.

“
I wanted to call you when I decided. I was so scared, and truthfully, I still am. I wanted to know what you'd do, what you would say.”

“
I'd have said yes.”

“
I did,” Colin said, staring longingly at the woman by his side. “God, Cate. I've waited a long time for this moment. I've wanted to talk to you for so long, and we haven't said anything about us.”

“
Is there an us?” Caitlin asked. Everything stopped as she waited for an answer.

“
I shouldn't have left you. I really loved you.”

“
Past tense.”

“
I still love you, Caitlin. My life is really complicated right now, but I'd like to see you sometime. I'd like to go to dinner, and I'd like to know about your life. I'd like to know who you are now. You look different. Are you all right?”

“
Things have been crazy.”

“
For me, too. Do you still love me, Cate?” Colin asked softly. Caitlin tried her best not to cry, with little success. The tears slid one by one down her face. “You do love me, don't you?” he asked, and Caitlin nodded. “Don't cry. We'll figure it out,” he said, brushing her tears away with his fingers. “Don't cry, Cate.” 

He leaned in to kiss her, and she gasped into his mouth. Ten months of longing burned within her, and she kissed him with a ferocity that frightened her. When he finally pulled away, she stared at him. She saw passion and confusion in his eyes. She sniffed loudly, and he smiled at her. They sat for several minutes beneath the tree. He held her hand, and she laid her head against his arm.

“
I should get back to them,” Colin said. “Rosario isn't doing well. She doesn't have much time.”

“
I'm sorry for her.”  Caitlin took a deep breath, as the same words played over and over in her head.

Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.

In the end, she didn't. He stood to go, and gently he kissed her lips one last time.

“
Are we still on for Monday?” he asked, looking hopeful.

“
I'd like that.” 
I'll tell him then. That was the original plan.

“
I'll see you then. I love you, Cate. I always will.”

His voice was so gentle, so genuine, that Caitlin couldn't speak. He said he loved her, but was it enough for him to want to try again?  She wasn't sure, and for a moment, doubt and fear grabbed at her, and she nearly fainted. Instead, she smiled weakly, and watched as he turned to go. When he had taken a few steps, he turned and waved. Caitlin lifted her hand, and stared as he smiled one last time, and walked away. Once again she'd stood, unable to speak, watching him leave.

Forty-two

Nathan Parker watched as Maria struggled to get the stroller into the diner. He moved quickly, taking the door she held open with her backside.

“
Can I help you, Miss?” he asked, sounding official.

“
Please,” Maria groaned.

“
Harder than it looks?” Nathan asked, and Maria nodded.

“
This is impossible.”

“
You look good with them.”

“
I do?” Maria asked incredulously.

“
Yeah.”

“
Thanks......, I think.”

“
It was a compliment,” Nathan said, sounding suddenly shy.

“
Would you like a drink?” Maria asked, once she'd successfully gotten the stroller into the diner.

“
I don't know. You very nearly pickled me last night.”

“
This is a diner, Nathan. I'm pretty sure they don't serve margaritas here,” she said, smiling at him.

“
Good point,” Nathan said, returning the smile. “I could go for an ice tea. It's on me.”

“
Thanks. I'll try to get these guys near a table, and then I have to text Caitlin to let her know I'm here.”

“
Where is she?” Nathan asked, pulling a crinkled five-dollar bill from his pocket.

“
She's talking to Colin.”

“
He's here?  What is he doing here?”

“
I don't know. I'm assuming Caitlin will return with the answer to that question.”

“
Wow. Okay, I'll be right back.”

Maria navigated the twins' stroller to a corner table, and sent a quick text message to Caitlin while Nathan got the drinks.

“
Thanks,” she said, as Nathan reappeared with two frosty glasses of ice tea.

“
You're welcome.”

“
How are you today?” Maria asked.

“
I'm good. You?”

“
I'm good. Shall we talk about the weather now?” she asked.

“
I don't know how to do this, Maria. I'm sorry.”

“
Don't apologize. We're having a drink and a conversation. This is the easy part.”

“
Lord, what's the hard part like?” Nathan groaned.

“
It's what Caitlin is doing now, trying to fix something you know got screwed up. This is the beginning of something, at least I hope it is. This is the good part.”