The Hunter (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (24 page)

Cortez Abernathy
: Present
-Chapter Thirty-

Surprisingly, Katya was in the nursery after I got out of the shower, and she wasn’
t angry with me- resolved. But I have no idea what she’s resolved about. Kat was curled up on Baby Ez’s bed, reading the twins a bedtime story. I was so happy that Katya was acting like a mother that my heart nearly burst from my chest. I kissed everyone on their cheeks, not wanting to infringe on Katya’s private time with the kids, and quickly left to meet Ezra.

“You’
re late,” Ez grumbles as he lays on a blanket staring up at the starry night. But he’s not angry, he’s fighting back a smile. It was months ago that Ezra and I made love out here on this lawn. It was still warm back in October. But now, the frigid December air causes me to shiver. Producing another blanket as enticement, Ezra pats to a spot made just for me.

“This is rather romantic,” I murmur as I settle next to Ezra, who rolls over and
protectively curls around me, swaddling us in the blanket.

“Well, my romance writer is a romantic kind of guy… and you and I love being ou
tside where it’s just the two of us.” Ezra mutters against the side of my neck, his breath warming me. “I know what you and Katya are up to. When one of you is ready to admit it, I’ll be ready to listen without judgment. But know this, I’m not worth fighting over. We just need to be honest with each other.”

“If you
honestly
believe that you’re not worth fighting for… then you don’t know me, Ezra,” I warn, wrapping my arms around him and fiercely holding on. “I’ve been as honest as possible the past few months. This is how I want my life, minus the stress and the lack of a home. I’ll be happy with you and the kids. As far as Katya, I’m keeping my mouth shut and letting you two work that out. I’m going nowhere,” I promise. “And if you try to remove me, you’ll have to kill me.”

“This is going to be difficult,” Ezra breathes, voice hitching in despair. “Honesty… I called you out here to admit one of my deepest shames. You know everything else, as I know all that you’ve done, as well. This secret, no one but Marcus and I know the details.”

“Did Marc hurt you?” I ask, deeply concerned. “What is this about?”

“On the contrary, I hurt Marcus- I seem to hurt everyone I love. No surprise there,” Ezra mumbles in shame. He squeezes me tightly, burying his face into the side of my neck.

“Marc is scared because he and Regina are progressing to the point of no return. He doesn’t know if he can handle her needs without losing himself. Marc’s lost without a job or a home- a higher calling. He knows about the game and it’s tearing him up that he isn’t the one in control. He’s using you as a crutch, an excuse- a punishment to me. It’s all subconscious. Strong men break, and when they do, it’s more powerful than a normal person. Marcus needs a mission to feel alive- a purpose. You and I being happy and content completes one of the only missions he had left. So now Marcus is set adrift. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, are you talking with him
- counseling?” I want to voice how bad of an idea that is. But Marcus needs the help, and Ezra is the best in his field.

“No, but Marcus is speaking with my colleague, Dr. Faust.
The same doctor that counsels Ava. I trust him… I trust Faust enough that he is the one I go to for advice. It’s a waiting game for now. We have a few weeks until this nightmare is over. Marcus and Regina will know the truth, and Marcus will have a new mission, a new reason to live.”

“I can’t believe how unhinged Marcus is… I really did try to stop him. I mean, I knew it was wrong, but it felt really nice.
” I blush seven shades of Hades, and hide my face against Ezra’s hair.

“
Eventually, I just ripped Marcus off me and made him feel bad for using me. Now I feel bad. I didn’t want Marc to do it, but I don’t want him to feel ashamed. He’s confused. I’ve been there more often than I want to admit.”

“Going against our code
of ethics, I called Faust and told him what happened tonight. Faust told me Marcus is dealing with what I’d done to him a long time ago- the catalyst. Marcus knows I’m not at fault for how his life went to shit, but subconsciously he blames me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Marc is highly devout. Before Marcus met me, his vision of the future was a wife, kids, a home, and an enriching career- the dream life. Marcus ignores the fact that his grandmother put him into the lion’s mouth. My actions caused Marcus to run- and he didn’t like what he found when he got to his destination. In a way, I
am
to blame. But how Marcus dealt with everything is all on him. It’s hard to come to terms with the good and the bad from the poor decisions.”

“If Marc hadn’t reacted how he did- we wouldn’t mean so much to him and us to him. Spyder wouldn’t be alive. He may or may not have ever found Regina. Marcus enriches us- everyday. But I’ve done things that I could blame on my mother, but how Marc reacted I could blame on him. I could blame my age, naiveté
, and my mental illness… but what we all need to do is acknowledge our part and move on, heal from it.”

“That’s what I’ve been doing through The Hunter, trying to move on and heal,” I admit, feeling
immense relief.

“Good,” Ezra murmurs, squeezing me ti
ghter. “I’ve noticed the change. I’m scared shitless that you’ll hurt me, but happy to see you happy.”

“I’m not going to revert,” I vow.

“And I finally believe you,” Ezra murmurs, a smile in his voice. He seems at ease around me- more so than ever. “Fighting with our wife over me was a huge tipoff that you plan on keeping me.” He heartily chuckles, the warm sound vibrating against my chest. “Highly unnecessary. You don’t need to fight- I share very well, thank you very much.”

…And that’s what I’m afraid of- what if we don’t want to share anymore- Katya and me. What if either one of us wants Ezra to ourselves. Then what?

“I love my mother, faults and all. I was lucky to have your mom in my life. I only knew she was my aunt for a year before Celeste passed, but it was comforting. My mom can be cold, but I understood why. I was a boy, and I longed to please her. Looking back as a man, I understand how many ways I was wrong. But I was just a kid back then, and she was only human. Just because you reproduce doesn’t make you infallible- as is proof with my behavior.”

“I love Diane, too, ya know,” I murmur. “She scares
the shit out of me, but I respect her.”

“And she loves you, too… My mother was trying her best. I realized after I joined the game how out of control you feel, and you try your damnedest to mitigate the impact on your daily life. Here was my mom, knowing she was playing a game, but not why. Being told to do one heinous act after another while trying to protect us- worse, it was by her family. I am a product of one of the worst times of her life. No matter what, it’s what I see when I look into the mirror, and no doubt what she sees when she looks at me.”

“Ezra,” I softly whisper, comfortingly running my hands over his back.

“Shh… none of that pity shit. It is what it is. I’m just setting up the circumstance for my actions. I
need
you to understand.”

“Okay, I’ll shut up now,” I tease, causing Ezra to softly laugh against my neck.

“Marcus was going to leave my mother because she wouldn’t consummate the marriage- he was going to start over, and I think he planned on being with Regina. Marc is old school, and I do believe he loved my mother in his own way. He wanted her, and he wanted children. You can only get them from one thing- sex. Sex my mother wouldn’t have. It wasn’t common knowledge that my mother was gay. It wasn’t until I started being with you that she came out of the closet. You remember,” Ezra mumbles, and I nod my head yes.

“I did what my mother wanted me to do. She saw how Marcus looked at you, and wondered if he liked guys. She couldn’t ask this of you, bu
t I was her son. I owed my mother my life and her miseries. I… I went to Marcus and I touched him. I thought he was awake. When he didn’t push me away, I… I did his favorite activity. I found out Marcus was asleep when he came. I freaked out when I realized he was asleep and I’d just forced myself on him. I… Dr. Weiss had to sedate me.”

“Oh my God,” I cry, voice breaking in pain. I feel for both of them. “How old were you?”

“I had just turned fifteen, and it was the first time anyone had ever touched Marcus. I told you he was devout. His first kiss was when he took his vows to my mother. Marc was good about it. He comforted me, and said there was no reason to keep apologizing. It was a misunderstanding. I couldn’t tell Marcus my mother had sent me to please him.”

“Jesus Christ,” I hiss. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was ashamed,” Ezra quickly says. “I was so very ashamed… but it gets worse.” Ezra’s voice cracks under the strain of his confessional. “It’s a wonder Marcus hasn’t killed me. I understand why he did what he did tonight. He’s working through some shit- the lack of control bringing the past to light. I was wrong-”

“You were a kid, doing what your mother told you to do. Don’t do this,” I demand. “Don’t be destructive.”

“I said it gets worse- much, much worse… I… I made Marc leave- or rather, my mother did. I blame her and myself… and Marc. I… Mom sent me again because Marcus was even worse, bothering her after he had a taste of sex. I did what she told me to do. Marcus woke up to me hovering over him. I… don’t make me say what I did,” Ezra cries, burying his face into the side of my neck. His sobs are muffled and heartbreaking.

“I think I get the idea,” I tightly say, and for the first time I understand Ezra’s madness. This had to have contributed to the insanity. I want to be mad… at Diane… at Ezra… at Marcus. But I can’t. We all do devastating things to the people we love because we think it’s the right thing to do. Who am I to judge when I’ve done so many bad things at Ray’s request. Ezra didn’t want to harm Marcus any more than I wanted to harm whores one and two and not-a-whore… and Aaron.

“I can’t admit it to you,” Ezra’s voice breaks. “Don’t make me admit it with words… I’ve never told anyone what I did for my mother- I just wanted her to love me- to make Marcus happy, and I failed. Marcus left us because of me- disappeared for a year.”

“Shh… Ezra,” I comfortingly murmur, because Ez is shuddering so badly that I can’t warm him. It’s his nerves assaulting his body, not the cold.

“Marcus woke up, and he was so very angry. He glared at me while he finished. Then he pulled from my body and washed himself off on the sheet. Marcus stormed from his room, screaming for my mother.
Diane, you did this! You ruined Ezra! It’s all your fucking fault. Is it too much to ask that you fuck me like a wife should. You have a son, I know you’re not a virgin.
He screamed and screamed while I hid out in the hallway in shame. Marcus thought I was ruined,” Ezra sobs, wracking sobs shuddering his body.

Ruined.

“
Admit that you told Ezra to rape me!
I hadn’t realized that’s what I did until Marcus screamed it… I was frozen in fear and self-disgust. And then the screaming started, my mother’s frightened screams. Marcus screamed over top of her-
You’re my wife, and I’m taking what you should freely offer. It’s mine to take, not yours to give. No matter what religion you believe in. I. AM. YOUR. FUCKING. HUSBAND. AND. YOU. ARE. MY. WIFE. SO. SAYS. GOD.
”

“I stood out in the hall, shaking so badly that my muscles hurt- I did this- I did this to them. When I finally had the courage to open the door, the screaming had stopped. Marcus was on top of my mother, rutting on her. Blood was on her thighs, and they were both crying, and both moaning. I was mesmerized- it’s like I could feel something
in me click- something that shouldn’t like what it was seeing. It fucked me up,” Ezra chokes out. “Totally annihilated the boy that I was, just as it rewired Marcus.”

“They both deeply moaned, and then Marcus jumped off the bed looking like dea
th would be a welcome change. Marcus gutturally groaned,
what have I done? May God forgive me.
He ran from the room and we didn’t see him for almost a year... and the man who came back was not the man who left, who he was an hour before I violated him.”

“Marcus blames me for the loss of his innocence, his raping my mother, his running off to Vegas where Olivia captured him.
Marcus blames me for his need to participate in BDSM. Marcus came home to me and you because he was scared that my mother would ruin us further. He left Spyder for us- Marcus chose us over his own flesh and blood, and we’ve deceived him with the game every day since we found out.”

“
I don’t deserve someone of Marcus’ caliber to champion us. I don’t deserve you- I don’t deserve Kat- I don’t deserve my children- I don’t deserve to be fought over like
I’m
the prize. But since Marcus still loves me, I need to be the best son I can be. I’m fixing myself. I’m trying to be the best husband and father that I can be. I’ve been working on myself since last May when I hit rock bottom. I promise that I’m doing my best.”

“You are
not to blame, Ezra,” I firmly profess. “Marc isn’t to blame. Diane isn’t to blame. It was a combination of everything- the game, circumstance, and it wasn’t meant to spiral out of control, but it did. If Marcus truly believes in God, then this all happened for a reason.”