The Independent Bride (36 page)

“Where I come from it means you’re in love and you want to get married,” she said.

Bryce looked taken aback. “That’s quite a mouthful.”

“Which is why people don’t say it unless they mean it” It was obvious from his alarm that he hadn’t meant his words that way. “We’d better get back before Lieutenant Collier sends a search party for us.”

“He knows I won’t get lost.”

“Tomorrow will be another long day. I’m tired. I’m not used to riding so much.” She started back without waiting for him. She would have enough trouble sleeping in the same tent with him. The situation wouldn’t be made easier if she let him kiss her. She shouldn’t have let him hold her. She could still feel his arms around her. She would probably feel them all night “I’ll let you get ready first,” Bryce said.

Abby ducked inside the tent. She felt uneasy yet excited. And she didn’t feel the least bit cold. Rather, she felt too warm.

It’s knowing you’re going to be sleeping in the same tent as Bryce.

Why had she done it? Could it be just that she felt guilty for taking Bryce’s tent? She couldn’t be sure, but some impulse had caused her to refuse to drive Bryce from his tent. She was stuck with that decision now, so mere was no point thinking about it anymore. She took off her dress, folded it up, and lay down on the cot. It felt as hard as the ground. She turned over to get more comfortable and ended up on the ground.

“Are you all right?” Bryce asked. Apparently he hadn’t gone far.

“I just fell out of the cot,” she said, half laughing, half angry with herself.

“Be careful to stay in the middle when you turn over.”

How could she do that when she was asleep? She set the cot up and got back in, but turning over nearly dumped her on the ground again. She’d never survive the night. She folded the cot and spread her blanket on the ground. It was a little hard, but not uncomfortable. It would be better to put up with the discomfort for one night than worry all night about falling.

“You can come in,” she called to Bryce.

“Why aren’t you using the cot?” Bryce asked when he entered.

“Because I feel safer on the ground. You can use it”

“Not if you sleep on the ground.”

“There’s no reason for both of us to sleep on the ground.”

“If my commander ever found out I slept on a cot while a lady slept on the ground, I’d lose my rank.”

“Even though it’s my choice?”

“Even then.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Probably, but that’s the way things work. Do you have enough blankets?”

“Stop worrying about me and go to sleep.”

Abby was acutely aware of every sound Bryce made. She couldn’t see anything after he closed the flap, but he was so close she could reach out and touch him if she wanted. She
wanted,
but she wouldn’t let herself. She kept reminding herself that she’d decided the love and passion she felt weren’t enough. There had to be love and passion and commitment on his part, but that wasn’t going to happen so it was more than past time she stopped thinking about making love with him.

But she couldn’t stop with him only inches away. Somehow in the dark, the future she tried so hard not to think about seemed possible. Here in this tent, in the dark, miles away from all the problems that beset their lives, she felt free of restraint. Something about being around Bryce made her feel that wasn’t all bad. In the back of her head an insidious little voice kept whispering that her life would be better than ever if she would only give in and let Bryce make love to her.

“Are you asleep?”

Abby knew she should remain quiet. Bryce couldn’t have anything new to tell her. Still, she couldn’t pretend sleep. She had to know what he wanted to say.

Bryce knew she hadn’t had time to fall asleep. Her breathing was still too rapid, too heavy. He shouldn’t have waited until now to talk to her, but they hadn’t had any time alone since they’d left the fort.

And all that time he’d been thinking. He’d thought about Abby. And himself. And Pamela. He’d thought of his future, the plans he’d made, the expectations of his family, of the army. Yesterday he’d realized what he wanted had changed without his being aware of it, and Abby was the reason. It had taken him the best part of a day to work out what the changes meant. Now he thought he knew.

“I’m still awake,” Abby said.

The tension in Bryce’s body eased. He’d crossed the first hurdle, but he wasn’t sure where to start.

“We got off on the wrong foot in the beginning, didn’t we?”

“I wouldn’t say that. I wanted to make my store a success. You didn’t want trouble to keep you from being posted back East. We soon realized all we had to do was work together.”

“I came to realize more than that.”

She wasn’t going to make this easy. He was certain she liked him. He felt it every time she made an extra effort to stay away from him. He felt it when she was willing to sleep in a smoky trading post rather than spend a few more nights in his house. He felt it every time she looked at him, then turned away.

“You can’t be truly interested in me,” Abby said. “You’ve been dogging my footsteps only to make certain I didn’t do anything to cause trouble. You’re waiting until you go home to look for a wife. You told me you were going to pick one out for your career, not for love.”

“I’ve changed my mind.”

“About what?”

“Choosing a wife for the job, not for love.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve fallen in love.”

Chapter Twenty-two

Abby didn’t make a sound. She couldn’t.

“Don’t you want to know who I’ve fallen in love with?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I think you’ve confused love with something else.”

“I didn’t recognize it at first. I thought it was a purely physical attraction for a pretty woman.”

“And when did you realize it was something more?”

Abby held her breath. She didn’t want Bryce to go on. She was afraid to believe that he had truly changed his mind.

“Yesterday.”

She’d expected him to say the night she sat up with Pamela. Or the fire. Some men tended to fall in love with women they rescued.

“What changed your mind?”

“It was a lot of things. But if I had to point to one, I would say it was your courage.”

“I’m not courageous.”

“And your determination.”

“You mean stubbornness.”

A rustling of the bedroll and Bryce’s hand touching her arm told her he had closed the space that separated them. She wanted to pull her hand away, but some impulse caused her to reach for him. Apparently her brain still hadn’t overcome her heart’s hope that Bryce could love her.

“Stubbornness can be good,” Bryce said. “In you it is.”

“That’s not what you said at first.”

“I was wrong. I was too busy thinking about myself. When you told me you didn’t want a relationship, something in me wouldn’t give up. I knew I wanted you. When I saw you with Pamela, I knew I needed you.”

He wanted a mother for his daughter, a wife for his career, but did he want a lover for himself? She would like to be Pamela’s mother. She wouldn’t mind helping him with his career once she learned what to do, but he would have to want her for himself. He would have to love her.

”Tell me why you think you need me,” Abby said.

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop wanting you.”

That was good, but it wasn’t good enough. Maybe he couldn’t stop thinking about her, wanting her, because she was the only woman present and he’d been without a woman for a long time. She wanted to be the only woman he wanted regardless of the number he had to choose from.

“You’ve even made me question what I want to do with my life.”

That sounded much more promising. “How do you mean?”

“I realized that while I might like to go back East, I enjoy the work I’m doing now.”

“You mean you’d give up a Washington, D.C., appointment?”

“If mat’s what it takes to make you consider marrying me.

“You don’t have to give up anything to make me consider marrying you,” Abby said. “You only have to love me.

Bryce covered the rest of the distance between them. His arms went around Abby and his lips met hers in a passionate kiss. She didn’t know how they found each other so easily in the dark, but it didn’t matter. They
had
found each other.

“I love you more than I thought I could love anyone,” he said. “I was afraid to let myself fall in love because I made such a mistake the first time. I married despite knowing there were a dozen reasons why I shouldn’t. But this is different. I can think of more than a dozen good reasons why I
should
love you.”

Abby thought of all the reasons she had for never marrying, and suddenly they didn’t seem very important. She’d probably come up with them as a defense against getting hurt again. When she’d fallen in love with Bryce, she’d used them as weapons to keep herself from letting down the final barriers. Now that he said he loved her, her resistance collapsed.

She loved him so desperately she wondered how she had found the strength to keep him at a distance. She couldn’t have loved Albert, because what she’d felt for him had never caused her to be on the brink of casting aside nearly everything she believed just to be with him. She knew without even thinking she’d do whatever, go wherever Bryce wanted as long as he loved her.

Abby returned Bryce’s kisses eagerly. She’d waited so long for this, dreamed about it so frequently, told herself it would never happen, that the release of all restraint induced a kind of euphoria. She felt deliriously happy.

“I fell in love with you weeks ago,” she said, after breaking their kiss. “I didn’t want to trust a man that much ever again. Whenever my resolve started to weaken, I would tell myself you wanted a socialite for a wife.”

“That’s what my family wants. I tried to make myself believe an arranged marriage was better than one based on love, but you ruined that theory forever.”

Abby allowed him to nestle her in the curve of his arm. “How did I do that? I’ve caused you nothing but trouble.”

“I think that’s why I fell in love with you. You never gave up. You refused to let anything stand in the way of your success. Yet as determined as you were to keep me at a distance, you always had time for Pamela.”

“She’s a darling girl.”

“She’s a terror, and you know it. I live in fear of what will come out of her mouth next.”

“I think she’s sweet. She asked me if I’d marry you so I could be her mother.”

“What did you tell her?”

“What I told you; that I couldn’t marry anyone who didn’t love me.”

“What are you going to tell her now?”

“I’ll let you tell her. Besides, you might change your mind when you see me in the daylight My eyebrows still haven’t grown out.”

“I never loved you more than when you fell into my arms that night.”

“You must be besotted”

“Completely.”

He laid her down and leaned over her. “I wish I could see you now, but I don’t need light to be able to see your face. Your image never leaves my mind.”

Abby pulled him down so she could kiss him. “Your image is always with me, too. I thought I’d never love anyone but Albert, but I can’t even remember what he looks like.”

“Good. If you ever showed him to me, I’d want to murder him for what he did to you.”

She realized now it wasn’t knowing Albert didn’t love her that had hurt so badly. It was knowing he’d lied about her, tried to get her in trouble just because she wouldn’t lie for him. He’d ruined her reputation out of spite.

“I’ve thought about him for the last time,” Abby said. “Now it’s up to you to make sure I never have reason to think of him or any other man again.”

“That’s a challenge I can’t resist,” Bryce said.

If anyone had told Abby that one day she’d be sleeping in a tent on the plains in the Colorado Territory being kissed by the man she loved with a dozen soldiers sleeping no more than fifty yards away, she’d have sworn it couldn’t be. She felt giddy at the improbability of it all. Surely she’d wake up and find she’d dreamed the whole thing.

But the feel of Bryce’s lips was too unmistakable, the pressure of his chest against her breasts too stimulating, the knowledge that the man she loved loved her in return too stupefying for her to have remained asleep. She had to be awake. This had to be real.

Throwing caution to the winds, Abby threw her head after her heart.

This wasn’t the first time Bryce had held Abby in his arms and kissed her, but never before had she allowed herself to concentrate on the exquisite feeling. Now she was free to wallow in it, to enjoy every second, every sensation, every shred of happiness. This wonderful man belonged to her and she to him. She could do this every night for the rest of her life.

Knowing that only made Abby more hungry to experience everything she could right now. Having given him free rein, she realized she’d been missing more than she guessed. Such as Bryce kissing her shoulders. That sent shivers up and down her spine. It had such a delicious feeling of decadence, even naughtiness. Abby had been circumspect her whole life and still ended up suspected of a crime. Never again would she hold back. She wanted everything regardless of the cost.