Read The Language Inside Online
Authors: Holly Thompson
we go to the same restaurant
where we ate with the dance troupe
but this time we take a small table
and I order the Phnom Penh noodle soup
which comes with seafood and meat and stuff
that I like except for the thin slices of
what Samnang calls liver sausage
we have tea
and we don’t talk
until we’re done slurping and drinking
then Samnang says
thanks for your help last night
that was the worst I’ve been
in three years
I thought I was too late
I say
I’m going to AA tonight
he says
good
I say
and remind him he can call me
anytime
and he says
I know
I look at him
and he looks straight back at me
into me
and there’s a calm
between us
we are just sitting, breathing
I think we are smiling
with our eyes
and I feel like we just turned a corner
but I don’t yet know
what’s around the bend
when he pulls up in front of YiaYia’s
I ask him if he’s going to his
dance practice tomorrow
and when he says yes
I ask if I could maybe join in
from, like, next week
learn the folk dances
just following along in the back if it’s okay
and he says he’ll talk to the director tomorrow
I know I’m only here for a year
but I’d like to learn what I can
he thinks it’s fine
and reminds me
the performance is next Friday
so I might have to wait a week or two
to start
I ask if I can watch his performance
if that’s okay with him
and he smiles
shakes his head, says
sometimes Zena’s right
you really are a dodo
he peers into my eyes
and again practically right through me
then he leans over
lightly turns my chin
kisses me
and says
yes
I’m practically flying
when I get in the house
for a minute I just hold still
in the quiet kitchen
breathing
not sure if I should
sit
stand
walk upstairs
or put my arms out
and try to soar
up there
I shout
but no one’s home except Toby
on the computer in Mom’s room
so I go upstairs and flop onto my bed
delirious
when Mom and YiaYia finally arrive
home from shopping for loose shirts
I’m writing in my journal
I go down to the kitchen
and Mom shows me
first one top with asymmetrical lines
then two loose and billowy
next another smocklike—
and she seems so pleased
and I’m pleased for her
but I’m dying to say
something
about Samnang
to someone
anyone
so when she finally
stops talking about the tops
I’m just about to tell her
that things may have changed
between Samnang and me
when Dad calls
Mom slips into her bedroom
kicks Toby off the computer
and out of the room
and closes the door
and she and Dad have a long
drawn-out conversation
Toby and me trying to catch snippets
from the kitchen
nearly twenty minutes later
Mom comes out
and sits down
YiaYia sets chamomile tea
before her
then me
and Toby’s looking from Mom
to YiaYia
to me
and I think
something’s wrong
what?
I say
Mom tells me
it’s my choice—
I can go back
to Japan
in January
if I want
since it looks definite
Dad will go back then
she says she and Toby
will stay with YiaYia
but if I want
I can return to Kamakura
just after winter break
to attend international school
we know that’s what you want, honey
she says
I lean back in my chair, say
I thought we needed to stay together
you, Toby, me
for all this
that’s what you said in August
that’s what Dad’s been saying
but Mom says something about the prognosis
being better than she’d initially feared
and adds
I think by January
I’ll be able to manage better
even if we have to be apart for a while