The Merry Wives of Windsor (4 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

BOOK: The Merry Wives of Windsor
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Knocks

What, ho! Got pless your house here!

PAGE
Who’s there?

Speaks within and then enters

EVANS
    Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice

Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that peradventures

shall
tell you another tale
63
, if matters grow to your likings.

PAGE
    I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for

my venison, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW
    Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it

your good heart. I wished your venison better, it was
ill
67

killed. How doth good Mistress Page? And I thank you

always with my heart,
la
69
— with my heart.

PAGE
    Sir, I thank you.

SHALLOW
    Sir, I thank you:
by yea and no
71
, I do.

PAGE
    I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

SLENDER
    How does your
fallow
73
greyhound, sir? I he ard say he

was outrun on
Cotsall
74
.

PAGE
    It could not be
judged
75
, sir.

SLENDER
    You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

SHALLOW
That he will not.—

’Tis your fault
78
, ’tis your fault.— ’Tis a good dog.

Aside to Slender/To Page

PAGE
    A
cur
79
, sir.

SHALLOW
    Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog, can there be

more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

PAGE
    Sir, he is within: and I
would
82
I could do a good office

between you.

EVANS
    It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

SHALLOW
    He hath wronged me, Master Page.

PAGE
    Sir, he doth
in some sort
86
confess it.

SHALLOW
    If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so,

Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed he hath,
at
88
a

word, he hath. Believe me: Robert Shallow esquire saith he is

wronged.

PAGE
    Here comes Sir John.

[
Enter Falstaff, Bardolph, Nim and
Pistol
]

FALSTAFF
    Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the

king?

SHALLOW
    Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer,

and broke open my
lodge
95
.

FALSTAFF
    But not kissed your
keeper’s
96
daughter?

SHALLOW
    Tut, a
pin
! This shall be
answered
97
.

FALSTAFF
    I will answer it
straight
98
: I have done all this. That is

now answered.

SHALLOW
    The Council shall know this.

FALSTAFF
    ’Twere better for you if it were known
in counsel
101
.

You’ll be laughed at.

EVANS
    
Pauca verba
103
, Sir John, goot worts.

FALSTAFF
    Good
worts
? Good cabbage. Slender, I
broke
104
your

head. What
matter
105
have you against me?

SLENDER
    Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you,

and against your
cony-catching
107
rascals, Bardolph, Nim and

Pistol.

BARDOLPH
    You
Banbury cheese
109
!

SLENDER
    Ay, it is no
matter
110
.

PISTOL
    How now,
Mephostophilus
111
?

SLENDER
    Ay, it is no matter.

NIM
    
Slice
, I say!
Pauca
,
pauca
. Slice, that’s my
humour
113
.

SLENDER
    Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

EVANS
    Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is

three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master

Page —
fidelicet
117
Master Page — and there is myself —
fidelicet

myself — and the
three
118
party is — lastly and finally — mine

host
119
of the Garter.

PAGE
    We three to hear it and end it between them.

EVANS
    Fery goot, I will make a
prief
121
of it in my note-book,

and we will afterwards
’ork
122
upon the cause with as great

discreetly
123
as we can.

FALSTAFF
    Pistol!

PISTOL
    He hears with ears.

EVANS
    The
tevil and his tam
126
! What phrase is this? He hears

with ear? Why, it is affectations.

FALSTAFF
    Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

SLENDER
    Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never

come in mine own
great chamber
again else, of seven
groats
130

in
mill-sixpences
, and two
Edward shovel-boards
131
, that cost

me two shilling and two pence apiece of
Yead
132
Miller, by these

gloves.

FALSTAFF
    Is this true, Pistol?

EVANS
    No,
it is false
135
, if it is a pick-purse.

PISTOL
    Ha, thou
mountain-foreigner
136
! Sir John and master mine,

I
combat challenge
of this
latten
bilbo
137
.

Word of denial in thy
labras
138
here!

Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

SLENDER
    By these gloves, then, ’twas he.

Points to Nim

NIM
    
Be avised
, sir, and
pass good humours
141
: I will say

‘marry
trap’
with you, if you
run the
nuthook
142
’s humour on

me. That is the
very note
143
of it.

SLENDER
    By this hat, then,
he in the red face
144
had it: for

though I cannot remember what I did when you made me

drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

FALSTAFF
    What say you,
Scarlet and John
147
?

BARDOLPH
    Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk

himself out of his five sentences.

EVANS
    It is his five senses. Fie, what the ignorance is!

BARDOLPH
    And being
fap
151
, sir, was, as they say, cashiered: and

so
conclusions passed the
careers
152
.

SLENDER
    Ay, you spake in Latin then too. But ’tis no matter. I’ll

ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly

company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those

that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

EVANS
    So Got
’udge
me, that is a virtuous
mind
157
.

FALSTAFF
    You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen, you

hear it.

[
Enter Anne, with wine
]

PAGE
    Nay, daughter, carry the wine in: we’ll drink within.

[
Exit Anne
]

Aside?

SLENDER
    O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page!

[
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page
]

PAGE
    How now, Mistress Ford?

FALSTAFF
    Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met.

By your
leave
164
, good mistress.

Kisses her

PAGE
    Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have

a hot venison
pasty to
166
dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we

shall drink down all unkindness.

[
Exeunt all except Shallow, Slender and Evans
]

SLENDER
    I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of

Songs and Sonnets
168
here.

[
Enter Simple
]

How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait on

myself, must I? You have not the
Book of Riddles
171
about you,

have you?

SIMPLE
    
Book of Riddles
? Why, did you not lend it to Alice

Shortcake upon
Allhallowmas
174
last, a fortnight afore

Michaelmas
175
?

SHALLOW
Come, coz. Come, coz, we
stay
176
for you. A word

with you, coz. Marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a
tender
177
,

a kind of tender, made
afar off
178
by Sir Hugh here. Do you

understand me?

SLENDER
    Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I

shall
do that that is reason
181
.

SHALLOW
    Nay, but understand me.

SLENDER
    So I do, sir.

EVANS
    Give ear to his
motions
184
. Master Slender, I will

description the matter to you, if you
be capacity of
185
it.

SLENDER
    Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you

pardon me, he’s a Justice of Peace in his
country
,
simple
187

though I stand here.

EVANS
    But that is not the question. The question is

concerning your marriage.

SHALLOW
    Ay, there’s the point, sir.

EVANS
    Marry, is it: the very point of it, to Mistress Anne

Page.

SLENDER
    Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable

demands
195
.

EVANS
    But can you affection the
’oman
196
? Let us command

to know that of your mouth or of your lips, for
divers
197

philosophers hold that the lips is
parcel
198
of the mouth.

Therefore, precisely, can you
carry your good will to
199
the maid?

SHALLOW
    Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

SLENDER
    I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would

do reason.

EVANS
    Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies, you must speak

possitable
, if you can
carry her
204
your desires towards her.

SHALLOW
    That you must. Will you,
upon
205
good dowry, marry

her?

SLENDER
    I will do a greater thing than that upon your

request, cousin, in any reason.

SHALLOW
    Nay,
conceive
209
me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do

is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

SLENDER
    I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there be

no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
decrease
212
it

upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have

more occasion to know one another. I hope upon familiarity

will grow more contempt. But if you say ‘Marry her’, I will

marry her — that I am freely
dissolved
, and
dissolutely
216
.

EVANS
    It is a fery discretion answer. Save the
fall
217
is in the

’ord
218
‘dissolutely’ — the ’ort is, according to our meaning,

‘resolutely’ — his meaning is good.

SHALLOW
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

SLENDER
    Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

SHALLOW
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

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