The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (11 page)

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WHAT DO MULTI-ORGASMIC WOMEN DO DIFFERENTLY?

This same study took an in-depth look at what characteristics differentiate those women who are multi-orgasmic from those who are singly orgasmic.

Self-Pleasure:
Multi-orgasmic women are more likely to masturbate and to have been orgasmic at an earlier age. While this could be attributed to some greater innate sexual drive, it is more likely that these women grew up in an environment that was more open to sexual exploration or were simply lucky enough to stumble on orgasms early in their life. One multi-orgasmic woman we interviewed for this book developed a great fondness for the bath-tub faucet as a child after her first orgasmic experience there. She never refused taking a bath after that.

These early experiences of orgasm condition our body to become accustomed to having orgasms. Though we can’t go back and change our child-hood experiences, we certainly can now begin having more orgasms, which will condition our body to do so again and again. The body works by habit. We don’t think a whole lot about driving when we’re behind the wheel of a car or about brushing our teeth when we’re getting ready for bed. Any patterned behavior is the same. With experience we develop habitual neural

pathways by which our body knows how to operate. Orgasm is no different. The more you have it, the more you
can
have it.

Know Their Pleasure Spots:
Multi-orgasmic women are more sexually

explorative. This doesn’t mean that multi-orgasmic women need to be interested in sex toys or bondage. It simply means that they have explored (or allowed their partner to explore) their sexual landscape. They know the places on their body that make them swoon and that make them sing. As you do the exercises in this book and discover your pleasure points, you will know how to pleasure yourself and how to help your partner pleasure you.

Stimulate Themselves Physically and Mentally:
Multi-orgasmic women stimulate their clitoris during sex or have their partner do so. Since the clitoris is the key sexual organ for most women it is absolutely vital that we stimulate it ourselves or have our partner stimulate it when we are trying to orgasm.

Multi-orgasmic women are also more likely to use vaginal stimulation when masturbating and more likely to orgasm with vaginal penetration from their partner. Not only do they optimize clitoral stimulation; they optimize stimulation of their sensitive vaginal spots.

They also more often seek and receive nipple stimulation and keep their mind stimulated by using sexual fantasies, erotic film, and literature.

Ask for What They Want:
Multi-orgasmic women are able to ask for what they want or direct their partner’s hands, mouth, or penis to where they want it. They are more likely to give and receive oral sex. They also stimulate or have their partner stimulate a variety of erogenous zones at the same time. They mix and match their stimulation, joining nipple stimulation with clitoral stimulation, clitoral stimulation with deep vaginal or G-spot stimulation.

It is not a mystery why these women are able to have multiple orgasms. They stimulate all of their most sensitive areas more frequently and have partners who are willing to do the same.

So what about you? Using tips from these multi-orgasmic women and the skills you have already learned, the following nine steps will help you have multiple orgasms whenever you want them. If you want to have multiple orgasms with your partner, it is a good idea to encourage him (or her) to read this short nine-step program. Your partner will be a much more able assistant if he has read these few pages.

With experience we develop habitual neural pathways by which our body knows how to operate.

Orgasm is no different.

The more you have it, the more you
can
have it.

Nine Steps to Multiple Orgasms for Any Woman

Orgasms do not hap-pen between the legs; they happen between the ears.

STEP 1: YOU MUST BELIEVE

Orgasms do not happen between the legs; they happen between the ears. We know that this is true because even people who are paraplegic or quadri-plegic and have no sensation below their belt still experience orgasm with stimulation of other parts of their body (for example, their chest or neck). Many women who think that they are unable to have multiple orgasms discover that this is not the case when they “accidentally” have a second orgasm. You have to believe that you can have more than one orgasm and consciously work toward it. Though it may take persistence to experience multiple orgasms the first time, remember that the more you do it, the easier and faster you will have them the next time.

STEP 2: TURN ON YOUR MIND

A woman’s imagination is the primary instrument of her desire, so don’t forget to use it. Remember that the more aroused you feel, the more sexual energy you have and the easier it will be to have multiple orgasms.

We explored what arouses you in the early part of the chapter. Don’t forget to use this self-knowledge now. You can anticipate lovemaking with fleeting sexual touches or prolonged kisses during the day. You can also arrange the setting with lighting and scents that stimulate your sensual mind. If certain locations or times of day feel more erotic to you, then do it there and then. Sometimes a surprise afternoon appointment with your lover can be much more satisfying than sleepy bedtime sex.

If you like, explore erotic literature or film. Sharing these with your partner could be an enjoyable prelude to lovemaking. The stronger your fantasy life, the easier it will be to increase your arousal when you wish.

While fantasy is an important part of self-cultivation and lovemaking, fantasizing about someone other than your partner while making love
with
your partner can distract you from the exchange of energy taking place between you. Taoist lovemaking exemplifies the subtle blending of each other’s sexual energies in order to renew each other’s physical and spiritual strength. If you are not mentally present with your partner, this energetic exchange cannot take place. This doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t fantasize at all during lovemaking, only that you need to be emotionally and spiritually present with your partner. For example, you could imagine that the two of you are alone on a warm Caribbean beach instead of in your bedroom in Baltimore.

STEP 3: STIMULATE MULTIPLE PLEASURE POINTS

Multi-orgasmic women enhance their arousal by stimulating multiple pleasure points. Some of these (clitoris, G spot) are so important that they will be discussed in detail below. You will have discovered your own hot spots in the body exploration at the beginning of the chapter.

If touching the curve of your ear makes you crazy or caressing the insides of your wrists makes you writhe, stroke these during self-pleasuring or let your lover in on the secret. Sucking on fingers or toes is a wonderful foreshadow-ing of more intense stimulation to come.

Many women find nipple stimulation extremely arousing. In fact, some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. If you are someone who enjoys nipple play, it can be a tremendous source for increasing sexual energy. You can stimulate your own nipples during self-pleasuring or partnered sex. Most partners will find it highly erotic to watch you stimulating yourself.

Women differ greatly from one another in the sensitivity of their nipples and how they like to be touched. Some women always prefer a featherlight touch. Other women find rougher handling of their breasts and nipples, including nipple squeezing and pulling, hard sucking, and rolling of the nipples, to be very erotic. In general, most women prefer lighter touches when they are less aroused and more intense touching when they are more aroused.

Sometimes having your nipples stimulated at the wrong time or in the wrong way can cause pain or nausea. It is important to demonstrate to your partner how you like to be touched and to give continual feedback—verbal or nonverbal—about what you like. If you are someone who does not have particularly sensitive nipples, keep in mind that, like any other part of your body, the more focused attention your breasts receive, the more sensitive they will become.

Remember that all bodily titillation will raise your
ching,
or sexual energy, and make it easier to crest over into second, third, and even fourth orgasms.

STEP 4: FOLLOW THE WAY OF THE TONGUE

If vibrators are perhaps the easiest way for women to have orgasms during self-pleasuring, oral sex is probably the easiest way for women to have orgasms during sex with their partner. It’s hard to surpass the intense pleasure of direct clitoral stimulation with the soft malleable surface of the tongue and the sucking of the mouth. In the 1950s oral sex was considered taboo in the United States, but since the sexual revolution in the 1960s and 1970s, oral sex has become widely accepted and frequently practiced.

Multi-orgasmic women enhance their arousal by stimulating multiple pleasure points.

If vibrators are perhaps the easiest way for women to have orgasms during self-pleasuring, oral sex is probably the easiest way for women to have orgasms during sex with their partner.

When Susan Crain Bakos interviewed multi-orgasmic women for her book
Sexual Pleasures,
she found that those women who did experience multiple orgasms typically had the first orgasm while receiving oral sex. They reported that they could more easily experience another orgasm after oral sex than they could if their first orgasm had occurred during intercourse or man-ual stimulation. “Their other ‘secret’ was varied stimulation; cunnilingus often followed by intercourse with simultaneous manual stimulation. Also, they frequently made subtle shifts in position to get the sensations where and how they wanted them.”
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The tongue is a perfect instrument for stimulating the clitoris because it is strong, flexible, and soft.

Many more couples regularly practice cunnilingus now than they did forty years ago, but there are still couples who for various reasons do not make cunnilingus an active part of their sex life.

Discomfort with cunnilingus may be on the part of the giver or the receiver. Surprisingly, we find that most of the time women themselves are more uncomfortable with the idea of oral sex than are their partners.

The major reason for this discomfort seems to be concern about having one’s mouth or one’s partner’s mouth near the genital and excretory area. (In other words, “It’s dirty down there.”) It might be enlightening to know that the variety and concentration of bacteria in one’s mouth easily rivals the concentration of bacteria on the perineum or vaginal areas. One is not going to “get dirty” by kissing one’s lover’s genitals. If you bathe regularly, your genitals are certainly clean enough for your lover to kiss.

The vagina cleans itself quite satisfactorily. Putting any other substances in it to “freshen” it only disturbs its healthy balance. We would not recommend douching at any time, unless recommended by your doctor, as it disturbs the healthy bacteria that live in your vagina.

You should avoid using soap on the genital area as the various additives and perfumes in soaps can be irritating to the sensitive skin of the vagina and genital area. Washing off with water as part of general bathing (and before oral sex if you’d like) is usually sufficient. Using a cup of water to wash off while sitting on the toilet or in the bath or shower is quick and easy. (Detachable showerheads are also helpful, but watch out for the shower massage—you may not get out!)

Each woman’s vaginal secretions have their own unique scent. This scent changes throughout the month with hormonal fluctuations and can even be affected by what you eat. For most men the smell of a woman’s genitals is pleasant and for many even a turn-on. There are biological and evolutionary