The Night Off (26 page)

As tempting as it was to fall back into old habits, Nat finished making their martinis. “I do need a drink. We may both need one, in a minute.”

Janis took the glass from her hand without breaking eye contact. “Uh-oh. Does this have something to do with all those appointments you had me cancel?”

Nat told herself that the lump in her throat was simply a result of her already volatile emotional state. That she wasn’t going to lose it now, with Janis. “Yeah, it does. Listen, I actually need to talk to you about something. About…” She took a quick gulp of alcohol in a desperate attempt to calm her nerves. “I’m sorry, this is hard.”

“Let me make it easy on you, then.” Janis took her hand and led her to the vintage loveseat on the other side of the room. She tugged Nat down to sit beside her, then gave her a bittersweet smile. “You quit. Am I right?”

Nat blinked away her rising emotion. “Yes.”

“Well, damn.” Janis took another dainty sip of her martini, with a rueful shake of her head. “I can’t say I’m entirely surprised. But I will miss you, and so will your clients.”

“I know.” Nat tossed back the rest of her drink, then set her glass on the coffee table in front of them. “You’ve always been good to me, Janis. And just so you know, I’m not going to work for another agency, and I’m not branching out on my own.”

Janis raised an elegantly sculpted eyebrow. “Early retirement? Or a career change?”

“Career change.” Blushing, Nat said, “I’ve just been hired as a sous chef at this little restaurant downtown. The Vine Street Station—have you heard of it?”

“Oh!” Janis’s face lit up. “My brother-in-law took us there for breakfast once. They have wonderful omelets. It’s very quaint, a charming little place.” She set down her drink, covering Nat’s hands with her own. “You cook? I didn’t know.”

“Not many people do.” Nat shrugged. “I’ve mostly kept it secret.”

“I’ll say. So what inspired you to go from secret chef to shopping for a new career?”

Nat really didn’t want to talk about Emily. She was barely hanging on to her composure as it was. “I’m almost thirty. It’s time.”

Janis scoffed, dragging her gaze along Nat’s torso. “Almost thirty? You’ve never been sexier. Trust me, you’ve got plenty of miles left on you.”

“Maybe. But I’d rather spend them doing something that truly fulfills me.”

With a long, drawn-out sigh, Janis scooted closer and traced a fingernail along the exaggerated curves of her pinup-girl tattoo. “So you’re saying that being the best lay I’ve ever had isn’t fulfilling?”

Nat chuckled, nipples tightening under Janis’s teasing caress. Those painted red nails got her every time. “No, it definitely is. Just not in the same way.”

“I do understand that.” Janis exhaled, then gave her a mock glare. “Well, I’m pleased that you’re following your dream, even if I really will miss you. And not just because you’re the most popular escort working for me. If you ever want a job in the future, or even if you just want to moonlight, let me know.”

“Thank you.” The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as Janis’s hand moved to her chest, seizing an erect nipple between two perfectly manicured fingers and twisting lightly. Normally this would be when she’d kiss Janis, but as much as she craved the warmth of a female body, only one woman could truly satisfy her needs. Fucking Janis wouldn’t make her feel better, not really. “Jan—”

“Oh.” Janis dropped her hand from Nat’s chest, easing away. She studied Nat’s face, then chuckled. “I see.” Her eyes sparkled with amusement. “You’ve met someone.”

“Stop being so perceptive,” Nat grumbled, though she was honestly grateful that Janis could so easily read her body language. She respected Janis too much to want to forcefully push her away. “Honestly, we kind of broke up. Like, last night. So as much as I love being with you, and as good as I know it would feel…”

“You’re nursing a broken heart.” Janis stared at her with quiet, tender sympathy. “Oh, honey. I’m really sorry.”

Nat lifted a shoulder, ready to brush off Janis’s concern, but instead her chin trembled and tears streamed from her eyes before she could stop them. She shook her head and lowered her face, embarrassed to let Janis see her so undone. “Whatever. It was probably doomed from the start.”

“But you obviously care about her a lot.” Janis went from seductive to maternal so quickly that Nat struggled to adjust. When Janis pulled her into a tight hug, she tensed for a moment before surrendering to the warm safety of her arms. Janis kissed her temple, as though Nat were a child. “Do you love her?”

She was glad Janis couldn’t see her face. Red eyes, tear-streaked, with her bottom lip quivering uncontrollably, she knew she looked pathetic. Ridiculous. Heartbroken. In other words, exactly how she felt. “Yeah, I love her. Doesn’t look like she feels the same way, though.”

“Well, then she’s a fool. That’s the only explanation for letting someone like you go.” Janis’s hand, which had been rubbing her back, stilled suddenly. “Was she upset about you being an escort? Is that why you’ve decided to change jobs?”

“No, she wasn’t upset. In fact, she was unhappy that I was planning to. She thought I might be doing it because of her, and apparently that smacked of taking our relationship too far, too fast.” Nat pulled away, taking deep, regular breaths in an effort to calm down. “I’ve wanted to be a chef for a while now, but I didn’t think I was ready. Meeting Emily gave me the push I needed to try. But she didn’t like hearing that.” She fell silent, anger building as she thought back on their conversation the night before. “Anyway, what’s the big deal about not wanting to fuck other women? It’s not like I asked her to marry me.”

“I’ll say it again, she’s a fool.” Janis patted her knee sympathetically. “So her name is Emily? Where did you meet her?”

Nat cringed. “Technically, you introduced us. Her last name is Parker. Abduction fantasy. You met her when she came in for her client evaluation.”

Gasping, Janis brought her hand to her chest. “Oh! I
knew
you were going to like that one.”

“Yeah, I did. Very much. And then it got…complicated.”

“So she broke up with you
because
you decided to become a chef?” Janis frowned. “Why?”

“It wasn’t just that. Honestly, she told me from the start that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. She’s raising her younger sister, she’s busy, she’s scared…” Nat shrugged, trying to act less affected than she was. “I think the last straw was when her sister walked in on us when we were in a…delicate situation. Her sister freaked, and then Emily freaked. The job interview just gave her the excuse she was already looking for, I think.”

“That
does
sound complicated.”

Chin trembling at Janis’s obvious sympathy, Nat swallowed back the angry words that sat on the tip of her tongue. Then she spit them out. “And then Emily has the gall to suggest that maybe we can still meet for
appointments
. You know, something impersonal. Something that won’t threaten to upset the neat order of her life. Because obviously a whore like me can just turn off her feelings and fuck, right?”

“Nat, sweetheart…”

Shaking her head, Nat exhaled harshly. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get over it.” Even as she said the words, she didn’t believe them. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

“You don’t sound so sure of that.”

Nat nodded, then cursed as she dissolved into fresh tears. “That’s because I’m not.”

Emily tried not to let her gaze stray to the time displayed in the lower right corner of her computer monitor, content to pretend that it wasn’t already six o’clock in the evening. That was hard to do when the office was so eerily silent, the regular hum of productivity having quieted an hour ago. Only her boss Denny remained, but he would also leave soon. He had a seven-year-old son, so despite his workaholic tendencies, he never stayed too terribly late. She used to be the same way, mostly, but since the break-up with Nat and the new distance between her and Colleen, she no longer had any reason to rush home. Her loneliness only intensified when she wasn’t keeping busy with work.

A knock on her door startled her into awareness. Denny held onto the doorframe with a sheepish smile on his face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“I’m fine,” Emily said automatically. That was her standard response to everyone. She was always fine—even when she really, really wasn’t. “Heading home?”

“In a few minutes.” Denny stepped inside her office, holding up a ledger she’d worked on that morning for one of their biggest clients. “Emily, is everything okay?”

Emily swallowed as her throat went dry. She wasn’t sure why he was asking, but it couldn’t be good. “Of course. What do you mean?”

“Well, I just caught a transposition error. And a reversal of entries.”

Heat crept up her face. Two mistakes? She usually double-checked her work, so she couldn’t remember the last time she’d let even one error slip through. “I am
so
sorry.”

“No worries, mistakes happen. That said, they don’t usually happen to you.” Denny held the ledger against his chest, clearly nervous about the conversation he had initiated. “I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed a little…distracted lately. So I thought I’d ask.”

Emily tensed at Denny’s tentative attempt to get her to open up. He was a nice man, with sandy-brown hair that was graying at the temples and glasses that made him look both handsome and intellectual. From the way he talked about his son, he seemed like a good father. She had mused once or twice about how her life would have been different with a dad like him, but they’d never had a personal conversation before, despite his general air of kindness.

“I’m fine. Just…some stuff going on at home.” Emily folded her hands on her desk to stop them from shaking. She hated talking about herself with co-workers, even the ones she genuinely liked and respected. “I promise I won’t let it interfere with my work again.”

“I’m not trying to reprimand you. Or pry.” Denny stepped closer to her desk, seeming to gain a little confidence. “You’re excellent at your job, Emily. We’re lucky to have you. I just want you to know that if something is bothering you, if you need to talk, I’m a pretty good listener. And…I hope I’m not overreaching.” He exhaled as his nerves visibly resurfaced. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just figured…if I could do something to help. If you need some time off, or whatever…Just let me know.”

Time off was the last thing she needed. Work was the only thing keeping her mind off the mess she’d made of her life. Still, Denny was obviously trying to be helpful. She forced a smile. “I really do appreciate that, but it’s not necessary. My younger sister and I had an argument, and it’s been weighing on me. I’m her legal guardian, so the occasional major clash sort of comes with the territory, I guess.”

Denny’s gaze softened. “Being a parent isn’t easy. How old is she?”

“Eighteen. Leaving for college soon.”

“How long have you had custody of her?” Seemingly emboldened by her willingness to open up, he rested the ledger casually against the chair on the other side of her desk.

Never having had a conversation like this at the office, Emily wasn’t entirely sure how much she should say. She absolutely, wholeheartedly did
not
want to over-share. But they were both just people, it was after hours, and it felt damn good to talk to someone who wasn’t upset with her. “Since she was twelve. It took me a year after our parents died to get her out of the foster-care system. First I had to turn eighteen, and then I had to prove I could care for her.”

“Wow.
Eighteen
?” Denny looked at her with new respect. “I don’t know how you did it. I mean, I know she wasn’t a baby or anything, but when I became a father at thirty-five, I worried that I wasn’t possibly mature enough to take care of another human being. When I was eighteen…I was in college, drinking beer and chasing girls.”

Emily always felt jealous when people spoke about college as a time of freedom, fun, and personal growth. Those had been the hardest years of her life. “I took most of my college classes online and studied at night when Colleen was asleep. I worked during the day, when she was in school.” Embarrassed by the growing sympathy in Denny’s eyes, she shrugged. “It was worth it. The alternative was foster care. I only spent a couple months in a foster home, but it was enough to know that Colleen was better off with me.”

Denny exhaled and shook his head. “I already knew you were an impressive accountant. Now it turns out you’re an all-around impressive human being. I’m not sure I could have done all that.”

Emily waved him off. “I did what I had to.” Not taking care of Colleen had never been a real option. “Anyway, I appreciate your concern, but we’ll be okay. We’re sisters. She can’t stay mad at me forever.”

“Pretty soon she’ll realize what you sacrificed for her. I’m sure she’ll always be grateful, once she’s grown up enough to understand.”

She would be lying if she denied hoping that was true. Since Colleen was born, she’d done everything possible to give her the childhood, and then the adolescence, that she’d never had. She didn’t want Colleen to have to worry about what they would eat, or where they would sleep, or how to pay bills with parents who spent all their cash on heroin. Every sacrifice was worth it if it meant Colleen’s biggest worries could be grades, boys, and getting into college. She felt like she’d mostly succeeded on that front, even if Colleen had rewarded her with some questionable behavior. Unfortunately, she was starting to understand that the cost of Colleen’s happiness was her own youth and joy.

Somewhere along the way, sacrificing for Colleen had become second nature to the point where it didn’t seem to matter that her sister wasn’t a child anymore. Emily had just destroyed her first real opportunity to love someone because it took time away from Colleen and because catching them together had upset Colleen so badly. Naturally she wanted Colleen to appreciate how much she had sacrificed to make her happy—including Nat.

To be fair, her fear of investing her emotions in something she couldn’t control had also played a large part in the way she’d sabotaged things with Nat. She’d figured that worrying about Colleen was exhausting enough. Being in a romantic relationship would stretch her already strained mental and emotional resources to the breaking point, especially once the honeymoon phase wore off.