The One That Got Away (11 page)

Again he nods appearing distracted. “Whatever
you want Baby, it’s your day I will do whatever makes you happy.” I
feel irritated by his words. What does he mean it’s -my day? Surely
it’s his just as much. I can see them all looking at me so I just
smile. “Ok, what about the last Saturday in June?” Uncle Edward
notes it down and says in a booming voice, “Booked!” He then says
in a loud cheery voice, “Right let’s get out the Champagne to
celebrate.” We all laugh and he dashes off to rustle it up. Phoebe
is beside herself with excitement and starts planning everything. I
join in and soon we are all talking with excitement about the
day.

We leave for home full of ideas and Phoebe
pencils in a planning day with mine and Nathan’s mothers next
weekend. “Oh and Bella, first things first we have to go shopping
for your dress,” She says spinning me around. I go back to Nathan’s
again and we spend the rest of the day making plans and generally
getting quite excited.

Chapter 14

The time races by and soon it is Christmas
Eve. I still haven’t seen Ben since our weekend away and it worries
me. I haven’t even had an email or phone call from him and I am
concerned that he is upset with us. We did receive a card from
Melissa and Ben, but no other contact. Nathan told me that he
hadn’t been near the football team for weeks either which adds to
my anxiety.

We have only got Christmas day off and are
spending it with both sets of parents and my sister. As I turn my
computer off ready to leave for the night there is a knock on the
door and I see Billy from the warehouse hovering outside with a
small box in his hand.

“
Oh Hi Billy,
are you ok?” I ask him. He nods and looks embarrassed. “This came
for you Bella, sorry it came a few days ago but we have only just
remembered.” He looks worried so I smile. “Don’t worry, I know it
gets manic at this time of year. Happy Christmas.” He smiles and
returns the sentiment and then I am left with the
package.

I am almost tempted to leave it until after
Christmas as it is probably from a supplier, either a sample or
Christmas freebie. I am running a bit late and am keen to get out,
however my curiosity gets the better of me and I run a knife around
the tape securing the package and open the box. As I unwrap the
parcel from the tissue paper that protects it I am amazed to see a
small canvas drawing nestling in the box. I sit down on my chair in
shock as I take in the subject matter. It is a beautiful pencil
drawing of two badgers under a tree. It is quite simple which adds
to its appeal and tears come into my eyes. There is no note or
anything to indicate who sent it, but I don’t need one as I already
know. This is my memory, not in a photograph, something much more
personal. As I look at it through my tears I remember how magical
both experiences were.

For some time I sit there looking at the
picture and my mind is awash with emotions. I look at my phone and
long to hear Ben’s voice. I should thank him, but then again I feel
nervous as for some reason communication has been lost between us.
I decide to text him instead and just thank him for his kind gift
and wish him a Happy Christmas.

As I press send I sit there thinking of him
receiving the text. I picture his face as he reads it and wish with
all my heart that I could see him. The phone rings and makes me
jump as it shatters the silence around me. I can see that it is Ben
and my heart does a somersault. I answer the phone and say “Hi.” I
almost whisper the word and feel my heart beating faster. He speaks
and his voice is also low and husky. “You got my gift then.”

“
Yes, only
just. It is very thoughtful and it is perfect.” There is silence on
the other end and I would think that we had been cut off but I can
hear his steady breathing and I inch closer to the phone as though
wanting my mouth to be as close to his as possible. I can’t bear
the silence and say in a low voice, “I have missed you Ben.” I hear
a sharp intake of breath and then he says, “I know, I am sorry but
you need your space.” I feel confused. “What do you mean?” I answer
him still speaking quietly. “I think you know Bella. If we are
together things are complicated. You are with Nathan and as I
understand it are still planning a wedding. I cannot be around
that. He is not right for you and I cannot watch you make such a
big mistake.” I am taken aback by his words and tears once again
spring to my eyes. “Happy Christmas Bella,” and then he hangs
up.

I put my head
in my hands and feelings of desolation consume me. I can’t help it
and I am suddenly sobbing uncontrollably, it is as though the
floodgates have opened and I cannot control it. It is obvious what
he was saying. That all the time I am with Nathan we cannot be
together in any way.

I don’t know how long I sit here just looking
at the picture when my phone once again rings, pulling me back from
my isolation. I can see its Nathan and swallowing several times I
try to answer it normally. “Bella, where are you? We are in the
Coachman waiting for you. Put the work down now, it’s Christmas Eve
and time to let go.”

“
Sorry
Nathan, I’m just coming, get me a drink in.” Quickly I hang up
before he can ask why I’m late and I carefully wrap the picture
back up and put it securely in my bag. Maybe a drink with the gang
after work is just what I need.

The Coachman isn’t far from the store and I
can see that it is jammed packed with various members of the staff.
Nathan cheers when he sees me. “Bella at last, come on honey I’ve
got you a drink in.” Soon I am chatting away with everyone and
firmly push my feelings away in the darkest recesses of my mind. I
can’t think about them, I need to try to clear my mind and just
enjoy the short time off that I have.

We get back to my parent’s house at about
9pm. Luckily we had a bite to eat at the pub so just spend a nice
chilled out evening helping prepare things for tomorrow. I
absolutely love Christmas and always have. There is a sense of
excitement and expectation in the air and we are all having a good
time. I have banned all talk about the wedding until after
Christmas as it has been dominating every conversation for as long
as I can remember. Sitting around the fire with my feet up on
Nathan and drinking mulled wine I finally feel a sense of calm. I
look at him nodding off and think how tired and strained he looks.
The work load has obviously taken its toll because I have never
seen him like this. He is also quite short tempered which is also
unlike him and I just hope that we can get through the stress of
Christmas without arguing.

We decide not to go to Midnight mass and just
go to bed as it has been a long day and we are all tired.

We wake up at about 10am on Christmas Day and
I feel excited, like I used to as a child. I shake Nathan awake and
whisper with excitement, “Come on hurry up, let’s go downstairs,
it’s Christmas Day.” Before I can get out of bed he grabs hold of
me and says, “Not so fast. I want my Christmas present now and I
can’t wait to unwrap it.”

He pulls me down and rolls on top of me,
kissing me passionately. I push him away in pretend shock. “My Dad
might hear us, absolutely not. You will have to wait for that
particular present.” He pretends to sulk but quickly gets dressed
and we head off downstairs.

The presents are all glittering under the
tree and my parents are already there. My Dad has lit the fire and
Mum has made some tea. I clap my hands together with
excitement.

We all sit around and open our presents. I am
happy to see most of the things that I hinted at and am delighted
to see the others reactions to what I have bought them. Nathan is
very pleased with the new computer game that he had been coveting
and the vouchers that I bought him for his favourite computer
store. I unwrap his present to me and I am surprised to see a
handbag that I have wanted for ages.

“
Nathan, how
on earth did you know that I wanted this bag?” I say in amazement.
He smiles and shrugs. “You probably mentioned it 100 times already
and it finally sank in.” My parents laugh but I feel confused. I
can’t remember mentioning it once. Then I remember that Melissa had
it and I said how much I liked it when were away. Goodness, he has
a good memory I think surprised. We tidy up and go and get changed.
My sister and her husband are due for dinner and I decide to help
my mother get the dinner ready. Nathan plays around with his
computer game whilst I help in the kitchen.

I love spending time at my family home. It is
so comforting and familiar and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
My mum and I chat about work and she says, “When are you back in?”
“Oh, the day after Boxing Day. I have to make sure that everything
is in place for the sale which is starting on the 27th.” She raises
her eyes. “Maybe we should wait until then to buy our presents in
the future.” I laugh and grin, “Yes, but where’s the fun in
that?”

“
Is Nathan
back then as well?” “Yes, but at least we are both off for New
Year. We are off to the Football Club for their party.” My mum
pulls a face and I laugh, “Yes, after computers football is his
love. I know my place.” The doorbell rings and my Dad lets my
sister and her husband Kevin in. There is more excitement and I
busy myself getting everybody a drink.

Mum calls
everyone to the table and I notice that Nathan isn’t there. “I’ll
just run and grab Nathan, don’t start without us.” I race upstairs
to our room and as I open the door I can see he is on the phone. He
quickly says, “Got to go Bradley, Happy Christmas. See you at the
party.” He smiles and I look at him questioningly. He blushes and
taps his nose. “None of your business Baby,you’ll just have to wait
to find out.” I wonder what he is planning and pull him up
playfully saying, “Come on there will be nothing left by the time
we get there.” He grabs hold of me and kisses me, suddenly looking
serious. “I do love you Bella, always remember that won’t you.” I
feel suddenly guilty and look at his serious face. All I seem to do
is think and fixate on Ben in my mind and I have forgotten who it
is that I am in love with. I hug him tightly. “I love you too
Nathan.” Then I kiss him gently. The door suddenly bursts open and
my sister rushes in, “Oh for goodness sake you two, the dinner’s
getting cold hurry up!” We all rush downstairs laughing and
joking.

Chapter
15

We spend the rest of Christmas day and Boxing
Day between our parent’s houses. Nathan’s family are so much fun
and I feel more relaxed than I have in ages. We go back to Nathan’s
the evening before work and decide to just flop in front of the TV
as we are exhausted. We watch a film but half way through Nathan’s
phone rings. I see him frown and jump up. “Who is it, is anything
the matter?” I say noticing his expression. He looks distracted.
“Sorry baby I’ve just got to pop out for an hour.” I follow him as
he changes into his jeans and a jumper. “Who is it?” I say
confused. “Just a problem at work with the system. I won’t be
long.” He hardly looks at me and rushes out and I feel a bit put
out. Surely he is entitled to an evening off without being called
in. It could have waited until the morning.

I don’t feel like watching the film and
switch it off, deciding to have a bath instead and whilst it runs I
hear my phone ringing. Turning the water off I notice that it is
Bradley’s girlfriend Tina. “Hi Tina, great to hear from you,” I say
genuinely pleased to hear from her. “Oh hi Bella, I know its short
notice but do you fancy getting a drink with me? Bradley has gone
out with Nathan and I thought that you may be at a loose end like
me.”

I am really surprised. “But Nathan has been
called in to work. He’s just left.” Tina laughs. “I bet you he
hasn’t the scoundrel. They were probably organising this escape
yesterday when I caught them on the phone.”

It all falls into place and I laugh. “Yes I
caught them too. Nathan said it was a surprise for me, clever boy.”
Tina laughs. “At least he will have to do something for you now,
otherwise his cover story will be blown. I know let’s not tell them
that we know and see how long they can get away with it.” I agree
and we decide that we will postpone the get together as it is
getting late anyway. I continue with my bath and then the phone
rings again. Oh for goodness sake, can no one leave me alone for 5
minutes? It’s Nathan. “Sorry Bella, I may be out for a while. Go to
bed and I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m sorry Baby.” “No, I’m sorry for
you Nathan. Go carefully, I love you.” The phone goes dead and I
think that he must have lost the signal. I decide to just have my
bath and an early night, and wonder what the surprise is that he is
planning.

The next day I see that Nathan has been back
but has obviously gone again as there is a note in the kitchen. It
says.

Sorry baby had to go in early. See you later
x

Once I get in to work it is all hands on deck
getting the sale ready and I don’t have time to catch up with him.
I decide that I will go home later as I am running out of clean
clothes and Nathan could probably do with the rest. I text him and
then head off home.

Phoebe is full of her Christmas celebrations
and it turns out that Boris bought her a new car, a really sweet
little Fiat 500, which totally suits her. She bought him a new
Telescope, as he loves to look into space. I laugh to myself at the
thought of the two of them. They are certainly a wacky couple.

Strangely I don’t hear from Nathan for a
couple of days but just put it down to his workload. Since he
returned from Head Office he has had lots of catching up to do and
as usual my thoughts turn to Ben; I can’t help it and look at the
canvas that I have put up in my bedroom, remembering how I felt at
the time. He is right, it is better when I don’t see him. Despite
the fact that he is always not far away in my thoughts my head
feels clearer when he is not around.