The One That Got Away (12 page)

Soon it is New Years Eve and I am at Nathan’s
getting ready. We are going to the Football Club party and are
dressing up for the occasion. I decide to wear a pale pink floor
length dress with a black wrap and have put my hair up in an
elegant style. Nathan looks very smart in a black tuxedo and I feel
excited to be going out dressed in style.

As soon as we get there he is spirited away
by the team. I find Tina and we grab a drink and find somewhere to
sit. I am not sure why but several of the other girls look at me
with strange looks and I mention it to Tina as we sit down. “Tina,
have you noticed anyone giving me strange looks tonight? Is my
dress on back to front or undone at the back?” She smiles but I
notice that she looks a little worried. I look at her with an
expectant look and she sighs.

“
Look Bella,
I’m sure it is nothing but they are probably more used to seeing
him with Melissa rather than you.” She looks embarrassed and I am
speechless. “But Melissa is Ben’s girlfriend. Don’t they know
that?” Once again Tina looks embarrassed. “The trouble is Ben
hasn’t been for ages. Melissa still comes every match and her and
Nathan spend time together at the bar afterwards.” She looks at me
with a reassuring expression. “I am sure that it’s nothing. They
are just friends. If it was anything else Bradley would have told
me.”

I don’t know what to say. A horrible feeling
is growing in me and suddenly I am adding 2 and 2 together and
making 6. I smile at her quickly but know that I am not fooling
anyone. She looks at me sympathetically. “Come on, let’s go and
find the boys. Nathan will soon put a stop to the looks when they
see you both together. It’s probably because you never come to the
matches.”

We go to look for them but my feeling of
apprehension is growing and I don’t want to be here anymore. Nathan
puts his arm around me as we draw near and kisses me on the cheek.
“Here she is, my beautiful Bella. Aren’t I the luckiest guy in the
world?” Bradley smiles at me and Tina looks at me as if to say,
see, no problem. I am not convinced and just smile weakly.

The place is packed and soon everyone is
merry and dancing madly around the dance floor. I try to quell my
suspicions and concentrate on having a good time. Now is not the
time to bring the subject up but I vow to confront him with it in
the morning. Despite how I am feeling we have a good time and it is
not long before it approaches 12am. Nathan has been pacing himself
thankfully so is just being good company and keeping everyone
entertained. We are all laughing at some joke when I notice that
Bradley and Tina suddenly look worried and stare behind me. Nathan
also notices and as he looks his face turns white. I turn around
and see Melissa standing behind us tears running down her
cheeks.

I look at them all in confusion and see that
she is looking at Nathan, her expression worried and vulnerable. He
recovers a little and says, “Melissa, what are you doing here,
where’s Ben?” Bradley looks really uncomfortable and Tina looks at
me with a worried expression. I watch the scene unfold as though I
am not part of any of it. Melissa says in a quiet voice, “I am
sorry Nathan but I have to talk to you. It’s gone too far now and I
can’t carry on.”

Nathan looks at her disbelievingly and then
at me with consternation. Quickly he grabs her arm. “Come on
Melissa, let’s go somewhere quieter and you can tell me what’s
troubling you.” He then frogmarches her out leaving me looking
after them in confusion. I make as if to follow them and Bradley
grabs hold of my arm. “Leave it Bella,” he says obviously trying to
brush it all off. I snatch my arm away and glare at him before
following Nathan and Melissa out of the room. As I reach them I can
see her shoulders shaking and Nathan looking devastated. I stand in
front of them and say, “What’s going on, are you ok Melissa, how on
earth can Nathan help you?” She turns her face towards me with a
stricken expression. “Oh God Bella, I am so sorry. The last thing I
wanted to do was hurt you.” I must be in shock because no words
come out. Nathan puts his hand on my arm and looks worried. “Bella,
I ’m so sorry, it’s not what you think.” Melissa looks at him in
shock and bursts out crying. “I can’t do this anymore Nathan, I’m
pregnant.” I look at him and he turns even whiter and just stares
at her. I find my voice first and say falteringly, “Does Ben know?
I mean I’m sure he will stand by you.” Melissa looks at me with
almost pity and says, “I’m sorry Bella but Nathan is the father,
not Ben.”

I feel as if she has slapped me in the face
and I stagger back. Nathan makes as if to grab hold of me but I
push him roughly away. Tears spring into my eyes and as I look at
them everything falls into place. It is not me who has been
unfaithful but Nathan. They are both looking at me and I pull
away.

My first thought is that I have to get out of
there. I start to run and hear Nathan calling after me. I hear
Melissa call his name but still I run, as fast as I can away from
them. Bursting through the doors outside the cold air hits me.
Tears run down my face and luckily I see a Taxi waiting in the
lay-by. Jumping in I ask him to take me to my flat, giving him the
address.

I sit back heavily in the seat and dare not
look behind me. I need to get away from them both and I just sit
there in total shock. I get home feeling totally numb. As I let
myself in I notice with relief that Phoebe is not home. I can’t
face anyone and need to digest what has just happened. Locking the
door behind me I draw the curtains. I know that it’s the first
place that Nathan will look, that is if he even tries to find me. I
go into my bedroom and tear off my dress. I put on my jogging
bottoms and sweatshirt and lay on the bed.

The events of the last hour play around and
around in my mind and I can’t make sense of any of it. I hear my
phone ringing and see that it is Nathan calling. It rings off and I
block his number. I look up and see the little canvas propped up
against the shelf and I reach out and lift it down studying it and
remembering how free I felt in the tree. I would give anything to
be back there, nothing but the freedom it gave me to worry about.
Somehow since then my life has blown out of all control.

I hug the canvas to me and tears run freely
down my face. I don’t know what I should be feeling. Seeing
Nathan’s face as he looked at me in shock will probably live in my
mind for some time. Lying back on the bed I draw my knees up to my
chest and try to block everything out. I lay there in darkness as
the New Year dawns and I know in my heart that this is the end for
me and Nathan. It probably ended ages ago but we didn’t register it
and just carried on regardless. If we were in love nobody could
come between us, and I recognise that it could have been me who was
unfaithful if Ben had just clicked his fingers. I also decide that
I need time to get away. As soon as I can I will go where nobody
can find me. I need to adjust to what has happened on my own and in
my own time.

I must have fallen asleep because I am woken
up by someone banging on the door. I sit up and it all comes
flooding back. I look at my clock and see that it is 3am. I can
hear Nathan calling, “Bella, please open the door. I need to
explain.” I sit there in the darkness wrapping my arms around my
legs quietly waiting for him to go. I hear shouting and realise
that my neighbour has been woken up and is annoyed. I hear Nathan’s
footsteps moving away and sink back on to my bed with relief. I
know that I have to face him at some point, but I am not strong
enough yet. My head is spinning with all manner of thoughts and
then I think of Ben. He must be going through this too. I wonder
what Melissa has said to him and what he must be feeling.

Then I think of my parents and Nathan’s
family and the tears fall again. They will be so disappointed and
upset. We all got along so well and now there would be bad feeling
between us all. Then I think of Melissa. Strangely, I don’t blame
her. It was obvious that she was feeling neglected and obviously
Nathan filled the gap for her. I wonder about the baby and fresh
tears fall as I picture them together as a family.

Once again I fall into a fitful sleep and as
the New Year dawns I wake up a changed person. Nothing is the same
anymore and I need to re-group and sort my head out.

I make myself some tea and contemplate what I
must do next. The need to get away is overwhelming me so I look up
the number of the only place that I can think of to go to
think.

Chapter
Sixteen

I call and surprisingly they answer. In no
time I have booked in for later on today and set about packing a
bag. I leave a note for Phoebe, saying that I have my phone and
will text her later and then send one to my parents, not giving any
details just saying that I am going away for a few days and will be
in touch when I get back. I send an email to the HR department at
work and say that I won’t be in for the rest of the week due to a
family emergency. I think about contacting Ben but decide it is
best not to as I need to keep a clear head.

I am now feeling numb and slightly removed
from my situation. As I turn into Marsden Grange, I feel as though
I have come home. I check in and receive the keys to one of the
lodges. I am so grateful that they had space and were open as most
places wouldn’t be on New Years Day. As I enter the lodge a sense
of calm comes over me. I feel as though I can breathe again and
relax away from the nightmare that has unfolded back at home. I
know that I am being a coward but the sense of self preservation
has overridden everything else.

I decide to sleep in the bigger bedroom. The
memory of the other one with Nathan is too vivid, so I dump my bag
on the bed and look around. It is so quiet here and I know that I
have made the right decision. I decide to light a fire as it is
quite cold and in no time it is roaring away. I make myself a hot
chocolate and sit watching its flames leaping around, warming me
and distracting me from my thoughts. I have put my phone on silent
and sit there for some time, clearing my head.

After some time I feel hungry and decide to
see if the shop is open. I am not really expecting it to be and
hope that I don’t need to go looking for a pub to eat in instead. I
really can’t face being around people at the moment.

Wrapping up warmly I head off down the path.
I am the only one around and can just hear the birds singing in the
trees. As I thought the shop is closed and sighing to myself I head
back thinking that I will have to get the car out and look for a
shop in the nearby town. All of a sudden I get to the tree that Ben
and I climbed, not that long ago. It becomes really important for
me to climb it so I haul myself up into it.

Onwards and upwards I go until I can climb no
more. I sit there holding on looking at the view and feel a rush of
pleasure as I feel totally free for the first time in ages. I can
do whatever I want. I am free at last. My life is waiting for me to
decide in what direction I want it to go and my feelings of
desolation and unhappiness are replaced by an all consuming
happiness. I feel as though I want to stay here all day. This is my
moment and I am enjoying every minute of it.

I am not sure how long I have been sitting
here for. It seems like ages and once again my hunger takes over.
Reluctantly I decide that I should climb down and find a shop to
buy some food. I take it slowly and feel a great sense of
achievement as I jump to the ground. I turn to head back up the
path and am disconcerted to see somebody approaching.

As they draw nearer I suddenly tense up in
shock. Ben is heading purposefully down the path towards me and is
looking very tense. He suddenly sees me standing there and his eyes
lock on to mine and he stops and looks at me intently not saying a
word. Slowly he approaches still looking intense, not looking away
for a minute. Soon he is standing inches away from me. His face
relaxes and he looks at me, his eyes shining as he holds my gaze.
Gently he cups my chin between his fingers and leans towards me. I
see his eyes darken and feel his breath on my face. He brings his
other hand up around the back of my head and holds it firmly. My
knees have gone weak but I don’t look away. I want him to kiss me
more than I have ever wanted anything in my life and then suddenly
his mouth is upon mine. My lips part welcoming him in and I feel
the effects as if I have been hit with a thousand electric shocks..
His kiss is more urgent now, his tongue caressing mine, deeper and
deeper. He pulls me against him harder so that our bodies are
touching and pushes me forcefully against the tree trunk, his leg
moving in between mine. I am pinned against the tree as he kisses
me relentlessly. I move my hand up and run my fingers through his
hair, holding his head in my hand as he continues to kiss me
creating the most exciting intense pleasure that I have every
felt.

I don’t want it to stop and arch my body
towards his. His arm moves around my waist and pulls me even
tighter towards him. Nothing else matters to me but this moment. I
have waited for this for ten years and it is every bit as good as I
imagined it, in fact even better. Then it is over. He buries his
face in my hair and my breath comes in short sharp gasps.

We cling together not wanting to let go but
reluctantly pull apart. Still holding on to me he looks into my
eyes and I can see that it has affected him too. His voice is husky
as he says, “I have wanted to do that for the last 10 years.”
Shocked I look at him and he smiles. “Ever since we kissed at the
party. You may not remember it but the memory has never left me.”
Tears roll down my face and he looks concerned. Wiping them away
with his fingers he says, “I’m sorry Bella, I didn’t mean to upset
you.” I smile at him. “Me too. I thought that you were too drunk to
remember. I have never ever forgotten it. Nothing has ever come
close to how I felt that day - until now.” He looks surprised and
then a broad smile spreads across his face. “Then we share the same
memory. If only things had been done differently then, I wonder
where we would both be now.”