The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (56 page)

The apostle John recounted an important truth when he wrote his first epistle: Love can be expressed in words, but it is shown to be true through our actions. Learn the language of your spouse, speak it regularly, and emotional love will return to your marriage.

Lord God, l want us to feel strong, emotional love as a couple again. Please help us reach that point by committing to loving each other by our actions, not just our words. Help us to learn each other's love language and speak it well.

May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.

2 THESSALONIANS 3:5

ONE HUSBAND SAID to his wife, "You know I love you. Why do I have to keep saying it?" Another said, "I gave you a gift for your birthday. That was only two months ago. What do you mean I don't ever give you anything?"

Both of these husbands failed to realize that expressions of love must become a normal way of life, not occasional acts.

Emotional love must be nurtured. Speaking the primary love language of your spouse is the best way to keep love alive. So if acts of service is your spouse's love language, then cook a meal, clean the house, or mow the grass, and watch his or her love tank fill. If it's words of affirmation, give her a compliment, and she will feel loved. If it's quality time, sit on the couch and give him your undivided attention. If it's physical touch, put your hand on her shoulder. If it's gifts, give him a book, card, or special treat.

Love is a choice you make daily. As you make that choice, as the passage above says, the Lord will lead you into a greater understanding and expression of his love. He will teach you to love like he does.

Father, l want to love like you do. Please teach me how. Help me to begin bynurtur- ing the love between me and my spouse, and by communicating through his or her love language.

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. ROMANS 12:2

UNFORTUNATELY, MANY PEOPLE are at a point of desperation in their marriage. A husband recently said to me, "I don't know what else to do. I find my love feelings for my wife dying and being replaced by pity and anger. I want to respect her. I want to love her. I want to help her, but I don't know how." Thousands can identify with the constant frustration of living with a difficult or irresponsible spouse.

Is there hope? Yes, and it begins with you. You must first of all adopt a positive attitude. This husband is doing what most of us do by nature: He is focusing on the problem rather than on the solution. There are scores of steps he can take, but they require a positive attitude.

First, he must agree that God is still in the business of changing lives. Romans 12:2 reminds us that God can transform us from the inside out. If we turn to God, he can change our thinking, which in turn will change our patterns of acting. There is hope. This husband must pray, "Father, I know there is an answer to our problems. Please show me the next step." This focus on seeking solutions will lead him to answers.

Lord, I believe that you can transform lives. I trust that you want my relationship with my spouse to be restored. Please show me what to do next.

We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. ROMANS 8:28

AUGUST 12 Is KAROLYN'S and my wedding anniversary. As I think back over the years, I have to admit they have not all been happy years. Early on we had significant struggles. I know the pain of feeling rejected. I was often plagued with the thought, I've married the wrong woman. In those days, no one ever offered us a book on marriage or recommended a marriage counselor.

We struggled, but by God's grace we eventually found answers. God taught us how to forgive and how to love again. For many years now, we have enjoyed the fruit of unconditional love. I would not want to relive the years of pain, but I know that God used them to give us a ministry to other struggling couples.

Think about the difficulties in your own relationship, whether past or present. In what ways can God use them to help you or others? Romans 8 tells us that in even the worst situation, God can work things for our good and for his own purposes. The most significant struggle may be the one that, years later, you look back on as a turning point in your relationship. The Lord can redeem any circumstance for his glory. In that I rejoice on this anniversary.

Lord God, thank you for this word of hope. No matter what struggles we face in our relationship, we know that the problems are not beyond you. You can bring good out of them. Please use our difficulties to fulfill your purposes.

The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. JAMES 5:16

TRUE OR FALSE? When you are in a bad marriage, there are only two options: resign yourself to a life of misery, or get out.

Many couples live in deep pain. They have tried to improve things and have failed. Thus, they accept the commonly held dichotomy: I need to get out and start over, or else I must accept the fact that I'm going to live in misery the rest of my life. I want to suggest that there is a third option: Let God use you as a positive change agent in your marriage. It is true that you cannot make your spouse change. However, you can positively influence your spouse to change. Most of us underestimate the power of influence.

We also underestimate the power of prayer. The Scriptures include many examples of people pleading with God-and his answering them. James 5:16 tells us that our earnest prayer can bring remarkable results. And the apostle Paul reminded believers to devote themselves to prayer (see Colossians 4:2) and to pray constantly (see 1 Thessalonians 5:17). So pray for your relationship. Ask God to give you a clear picture of how you got to where you are in your marriage. What needs to change for you to have a growing relationship? Ask God to show you how you might be an instrument in his hand to influence your spouse. It's a prayer he will answer. And he will give you the power to do it.

Father, l come to you needing your help so much. Please show me how we got to this point as a couple and what needs to change. Use me as a change agent. May 1 have a positive effect on my spouse.