The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (58 page)

Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains. PROVERBS 14:13

IF YOU SEEM to have lost the spark in your marriage, if your enthusiasm for life is waning, or if you find yourself irritable and often snap at your spouse or children, you may be suffering from long-term anger.

When we overreact to little irritations, it is a sign that we have anger stored inside. Stored anger can eventually lead to huge explosions. That's when people wonder, What happened to him? because the explosion seems out of character. But what people have not seen is the buildup of anger that has been going on inside the person, perhaps for years.

When we hold anger inside instead of getting rid of it, the pressure mounts. In Proverbs 14:13, King Solomon wisely observes that hidden emotions don't just go away. That's why the Bible says, "Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry" (Ephesians 4:26). Get rid of anger quickly. If you don't, you can become a chronically angry person, ready to explode at any time. That's never good for your marriage.

Father, forgive me for letting things build up inside me for so long. I don't want to hurt my spouse by such misplaced, explosive anger. Please help me to deal with my strong emotions when they come.

Fools make fun of guilt, but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation.

PROVERBS 14:9

LONG-TERM ANGER, held inside, can be detrimental to your relationship. Why? Because internal anger will eventually become external. You can't hold it in forever. Perhaps you've noticed that you are already like a pressure cooker-periodically blowing off steam. Your outbursts cause pain to your spouse, and he or she may lash back at you. Now you have more anger. Would you like to get rid of all of that and live a peaceful life?

Ask God to bring to your mind all the hurts of your past, and the people who hurt you. I suggest you write them down. Then lay the list before God and ask, "Have I also wronged these people? I know they hurt me, but have I been unkind to them?" If the answer is yes, then ask God to give you the courage to ask those people to forgive you for treating them unkindly. As the passage above from Proverbs says, wise and godly people admit when they have done wrong-because it's the right thing to do, and also because it's the path to reconciliation. Your apology may stimulate an apology from them. If both of you choose to forgive, your anger will disappear.

When this kind of reconciliation happens between you and your spouse, your relationship will improve.

Father, it's easy to focus on how others have wronged me. But please help me also to be honest about when I have hurt others. I need the strength of character to admit that and make it right so that reconciliation can result.

We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.

1 JOHN 4:16

I REALLY DO BELIEVE that "love makes the world go round." Why would I say that? Because God is love. It is his love for us that makes all of life meaningful. First John 4 reminds us that when we realize how much God loves us, it is so magnificent that we put our trust in that love. Even those who do not believe in God are the recipients of his love. He gives them life and the opportunity to respond to his love. He wants to forgive and enrich their lives. His plans for them are good.

What does all of this have to do with marriage? God instituted marriage because he loved us. His intention was certainly not to make us miserable; he made us for each other. Husband and wife are designed to work together as a mutually supportive team to discover and fulfill God's plans for their lives. It's beautiful when it works.

What is the key to having that kind of marriage? In a word, love. It is the choice to look out for each other in the same way that God looks out for us. It is allowing God to express his love through us. It doesn't require warm feelings, but it does require an open heart.

Father, thank you for your amazing love for us. When we know you, we know the true definition of love, because you are love. I want to have this kind of love for my spouse, too. Please transform me and show me how to love my husband or wife this way.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. i JOHN 4:18

LOVE IS NOT our only emotional need, but it interfaces with all our other needs. We also need to feel secure, to have a healthy sense of self-worth, and to feel that our lives are significant. When two people choose to love each other, they also meet these needs. For example, if I know that my wife loves me, I feel secure in her presence.

The apostle John, who is known as "the disciple Jesus loved;' writes a lot about love in his letters to believers. He wrote, "Perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18, NKJv). In our relationship with God, this means that when we know the Lord loves us and has saved us, we are no longer afraid of judgment. In a sense, we can face anything. Genuine love in a human relationship has some of the same effects. Why should I be afraid if I am loved?

If I feel loved by my wife, then I also feel good about myself. After all, if she loves me, I must be worth loving. Ultimately, it is discovering that God loves me that gives me my greatest sense of worth. But my wife is an agent of God's love.

If my spouse loves me, I'm also more likely to feel that my life has significance. We want our lives to count for something; we want to make a difference in the world. When we give love to and receive love from our spouse, we are making a difference. We are enriching his or her life. This is what God called us to do-express his love in the world. Why not start at home?

Father,/ want to make a difference-and 1 know 1 can start at home by loving my spouse. May my love be so strong and genuine that it changes the way he or she feels about life. MayI always understand that my true worth comes because of your love.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

HEBREWS 10:24

MARRIAGE GIVES a husband and wife an opportunity to minister to each other. They accept each other as they are, but they can also encourage each other to excellence. God has plans for each life. Spouses can help each other succeed in accomplishing these plans, and often this is done by expressing love.

Not everyone feels significant. Some people grew up in homes where they were given negative messages: You are not smart enough. You're not athletic or talented. You'll never amount to anything. All of these messages are false, but if they are all you have ever heard, you are likely to believe them.