The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (59 page)

When you learn your spouse's primary love language and speak it regularly, you are filling his love tank. You are also impacting her concept of herself. If he loves me, she thinks, 1 must be significant. You become God's agent for helping your spouse feel loved. Few things are more important in encouraging your spouse to accomplish God's plans. As the author of Hebrews wrote, as believers, we should consider how we can encourage each other to greater love and service. That's even more true within a marriage.

Marriage is designed to help us accomplish more for God. Two are better than one in his Kingdom.

Father, thank you for the plans you have for our lives. We are significant to you, and we can make a difference. Please help me to encourage my spouse in his or her walk with you.

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.

1 CORINTHIANS 12:12 (NIV)

DO YOU FIND YOURSELF fighting about money? A national survey indicated that 64 percent of American couples frequently argue about finances. "Where did the money go?" "Did you buy something without telling me?" "Don't tell me you forgot to record the check again." Sound familiar? How do we find financial harmony in a marriage?

It begins with identifying why we do what we do. Why does one person fail to record checks after writing them? Is it a deliberate attempt to frustrate the spouse? Is it an effort to hide the cost of an item? Most likely, it's a matter of personality. The person who fails to record the check is probably the person who also spends hours looking for car keys. When the organization genes were given out, he didn't get one, and those details aren't important to him. The solution is to make sure the organized person is the one balancing the checkbook. If that's you, stop arguing, and do your job.

Remember, 1 Corinthians 12 underscores that God has created us all with different gifts. Husbands and wives generally have different strengths. Your spouse will compensate for you in other areas as you work together. That's what marriage is all about-teamwork.

Father, thank you for the reminder that some problems have simple solutions. Sometimes we argue about the same thing over and over when it would be much easier just to change responsibilities so whichever of us is better suited to a certain area can take care of it. Please show us the best way to handle our differences about money.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. PHILIPPIANS 2:4 (NIV)

HOW DO WE FIND financial harmony in marriage? There is no quick route to financial unity, but each couple can and must find a way to achieve it. The process requires talking, listening, understanding, and seeking a new waynot my way or your way, but our way. We must try to understand the reasons behind our partner's feelings and thoughts.

For example, say a wife wants to build up five thousand dollars in a savings account. Why is that so important to her? Possibly because it gives her emotional security. With that money safe and readily available, she knows that her children will not go hungry, no matter what emergency may arise.

Now imagine that her husband is an investor who wants to make his money work for him. He feels it's a waste of resources to keep any more than one hundred dollars in a savings account. Perhaps he feels that he is not being a good steward if he does not make wise investments. That's a worthy perspective.

Until this couple understands each other's feelings and thoughts on this issue, they will find themselves arguing over what to do. But once the husband understands the emotional impact on his wife when they only have one hundred dollars in savings, then he can stop arguing and accept her need for security.

The solution? He can use whatever is available beyond the five thousand dollars for investments. Now the argument is over, and both are having their needs met. Learning to work as a team and consider others' needs and interests, as Paul challenges us to do in Philippians 2, leads to financial harmony.

Lord God, I pray for grace to understand my spouse better when it comes to financial decisions. Please help me to see the need behind the request. Remind me to consider my spouse's interests, not just my own, and to be selfless enough to accommodate them.

An open rebuke is better than hidden love! Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. PROVERBS 27:5 -6

IF YOU'RE LIKE most couples, you will arrive at a point in your relationship (likely multiple points) where, instead of sharing your feelings and trying to resolve differences, you will be tempted to ask yourself, Why bother? Don't make that mistake. Once communication lines are down between you and your spouse, it may be difficult to restore them.

Maintaining communication with your spouse will take a boatload of patience and persistence. At times, you may feel like you're beating your head against a wall. Take some aspirin, and keep pounding. Eventually, your work will pay off.

Never assume that silence or indifference is preferable to conflict. It's not. As the above passage from Proverbs makes clear, sincerity is always better than buried feelings. Truthful responses can be painful, but they can also bring healing and genuine communication. As long as you and your spouse are interacting and actively trying to resolve your differences, there's hope. When you stop talking, hope dies. Keep your relationship on the front burner. Neglect your relationship, and you will poison your intimacy. Talking and listening are the ways we learn to work together as a team, and that's what a growing marriage is all about.

Father, thank you for the reminder that we should not avoid conflict at all costs. Please help me to remember that communicating is always worth it, even when it feels frustrating. Help me to take the hard path through the conflict, not the easier but ultimately dangerous path around the conflict.

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. PSALM 127:3

HUSBANDS, if you'd like to have a happy wife, I can tell you how: If you have children, love them. This means engaging your children in conversation. "What happened at school today?" is a start. But don't stop with the reciting of events. Ask questions that evoke more information, such as, "How did you feel about your art class?" The child's answer may reveal a great deal about his or her inner thoughts and feelings.