The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (63 page)

IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP cold and harsh? Have you lost hope? If you want to breathe new life into your marriage, change your attitude. If you think negatively about your relationship and your spouse, you'll probably stay in a winter marriage-one that's negative, cold, and uncaring.

It took me a long time to figure out that life's greatest meaning is found in giving, not in getting. I remember the day I prayed a simple prayer: "Lord, give me the attitude of Christ. I want to serve my wife as Jesus served his fol- lowers"As I look back over the years since our wedding, I'm convinced that was the most important prayer I ever prayed regarding my marriage. When I began to look for ways to serve my wife, her attitude toward me also began to change.

It's natural to treat your spouse the way he or she treats you. But remember, God loved us while we were still sinners. He didn't wait for us to get our act together; he approached us first with immense love and grace. With his help, we, too, can love and serve even when we have lost hope. Nothing is more powerful than unconditional love.

Father, lam so grateful that you loved me even before I turned to you. Please help us to follow that example even in a small way as a couple. I want to serve my spouse, regardless of how 1 am being treated in return. I need your help, Lord.

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. MATTHEW 5:23-24

IN A PERFECT WORLD, there would be no need for apologies. But in our imperfect world, we cannot survive without them. We are moral creatures; we have a strong sense of right and wrong. When we are wronged, we experience hurt and anger. The wrong becomes a barrier between the two people involved. In marriage, this creates tension, and our unity is threatened. Things are not the same in the relationship until someone apologizes and someone forgives.

When wrongdoing has fractured a relationship, something within us cries out for reconciliation. The desire for reconciliation is often more potent than the desire for justice. The more intimate the relationship, the deeper the desire for reconciliation. Reconciliation is so important to God that Jesus instructed his hearers to settle any offenses before offering a sacrifice to the Lord. Before we can humble ourselves before God, we need to humble ourselves and confess our wrong to those we have offended.

When a husband treats his wife unfairly, she often has two reactions. On the one hand, she wants him to pay for his wrongdoing; but at the same time, she wishes for reconciliation. It is his sincere apology that makes genuine reconciliation possible. If there is no apology, her sense of morality will push her to demand justice. Apologies are necessary for good relationships.

Father, I see how important reconciliation is to you. Thank you for reminding me that apologizing and forgiving are integral parts of a marriage. Help me to be willing to reconcile with my spouse so that our relationship will remain strong.

If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. 2 CHRONICLES 7:14

CAN YOU FORGIVE without an apology? If your definition of forgiveness is to release the person, your hurt, and your anger to God, then you can forgive without an apology. But if by forgiveness you mean reconciliation, then an apology is a necessary ingredient. Christians are instructed to forgive others in the same manner that God forgives us. How does God forgive us? The Scriptures say that if we confess our sins, God will forgive us (see 1 John 1:9). In 2 Chronicles 7, the Lord tells Solomon that he will forgive the people if they pray humbly and repent. Nothing in the Scriptures indicates that God forgives the sins of people who do not confess and repent.

We often want our spouse just to forget about what happened. We don't want to talk about it, and we don't want to apologize. We just want it to go away. But things don't just "go away." God has provided a pattern for human forgiveness, and that pattern requires apologizing for our wrongs. The apology is a way of accepting responsibility for our behavior and expressing regret. We recognize that what we did to our spouse has put a barrier between us, and we show that we want it removed. When we apologize, we are likely to receive forgiveness.

Father, thank you for your promises of forgiveness for those who confess their sins and turn away from them. Please help me to be willing to confess my wrongs to my spouse, so that he or she can forgive me freely. Too often I try to pretend that nothing happened, but 1 know that's not the way to a stronger relationship. Change my heart, Lord.

Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.

SONG OF SOLOMON 1:2

MANY CHRISTIANS HAVE GROWN UP with the idea that sex is sinful and worldly-and that good Christians don't talk about sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. Dr. Ruth did not invent sex; sex was invented by God. And let me remind you that when God finished the creative act whereby he made us male and female, he saw that it was "very good" (Genesis 1:31).

As with most of his creatures, God made us sexual. But the purpose of human sexuality is far more than reproduction. The Scriptures indicate that in sexual intercourse, the husband and wife become "one flesh." In this act, our lives become bonded together. It is not simply the joining of two bodies. Something happens emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and socially. It involves the total person. It is God's way of uniting us in a deep, lifelong, intimate relationship.

As we think about God's gift of sex, we can appreciate the guidelines he gave us for how to use it. Within marriage, sex is bonding, pleasurable, and planned for our enjoyment.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the gift of sex and the amazing role it can play in a marriage. Forgive me for sometimes being ashamed to talk about sex, or even for thinking that it's ungodly. Help myspouse and me to celebrate our sexual relationship as a gift from you that can strengthen our bond as a couple.

The husband should fu 111 his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fu 111 her husband's needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations. I CORINTHIANS 7:3-5