The Revolution (29 page)

“They’re halfway through the set. They should be on the seventh song,” Holli says, her eyes on the band, her fingers tapping the table lightly.

Rochelle adds, “
Beautiful Deathly
.”

I ask, “How do you guys know that? I’ve never heard this band before.”

Two sets of eyes land on me and then they burst out laughing. Holli says, “
The Resistance.
We’ve got the set schedule down. It’s weird, but I like to know when they have their break before the encore and be ready. Johnny calls me, even if it’s a quick call.”

“That’s so sweet,” I say, wondering if Kaz and I will be
that
kind of couple, the kind that sneaks time together when apart or if we’ll have a family. Wow, a family. My mind struggles to wrap my head around having a family. I take a quick gulp of my cosmopolitan.

Holli adds, “Dex does the same. It’s so sweet.”

If there was more light I might be able to prove it, but I swear Rochelle is blushing. She’s also waving her hand frantically in front of her as if that will brush us off so easily. “Uh-uh. Let’s talk about anything, anything but me. How about Kaz being of royal descent?”

Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on the table and move in closer to whisper. “He hasn’t told me the details. He hates talking about it because of how it all played out with his family. The few things he has told me break my heart for him. He basically left that night of the concert and disappeared. I don’t know how he survived, but I know it hurts to see the pain in his eyes when he thinks back on that time.”

Rochelle looks around to make sure no one’s listening to our conversation. “He’s agreed to an interview next week when they’re back. I’ve been working on the details. It will be at a secret location so there’s no chance of leaks before it airs. But he agrees that this is the only way it’s going to be put to rest. He’s been thrust even more into the spotlight that he didn’t ask for. He has a fascinating story to tell though, so the media’s going to hound him until they get it.”

“It’s good he has this opportunity,” Holli adds. “Some of us aren’t so lucky. He has a better chance of keeping it contained this way, making sure the truth is out instead of the blatant lies.”

The thought still weighs on my heart. “I worry about him. He’s a private person.”

Rochelle asks, “Would you like to come with us? You can be there for him. It might help. When you agree to these types of interviews, you can dictate what is off limits, but that doesn’t mean they stick to the script. Reporters have a way of working in a curveball or two. He might like the extra support.”

I love the thought of being there for him how he needs, but I worry about being intrusive. “I should wait to talk to him. Make sure it’s something he wants.”

She smiles. “I can ask him so it’s not awkward.”

“Thank you.”

We watch the band play a few songs and I let my mind wander to last night and how good, how natural, how at peace I feel with him.

“How’s the house coming along?” Holli asks, breaking into my thoughts.

“I love it there. It has such a great energy about it. It’s actually been a dream to work on. It has a style that defines the structure, but with Kaz, everything is lighter. Lots of light streaming in. Whites, soft beige, blues, and navy are playing a strong role in the design.”

“Sounds beautiful,” Holli says. “Can’t wait to see.”

Rochelle smiles. “Sounds like Kaz is finally becoming an adult. First he gave up the hard partying, then he bought a house. You’re having a great effect on him.”

“He did that before I was in the picture.”

“You were in the picture, Lara. You just didn’t know the role you were already playing in his life. I knew you were good for him.”

The thought of Kaz putting the stepping-stones in place for a relationship is romantic, but then I remember the hard time Rochelle gave me for showing interest in him and laugh. “Then why did you tease me relentlessly?” The answer pops into my head as soon as I ask her the question, and our smiles and good times are gone. She doesn’t answer. She doesn’t have to.

My stomach twists as the name taunts my mind.

Mark.

Mark.

Mark
.

I stand. “I’ll be back.”

Rochelle grabs my hand before I can escape to the bathroom. “Do you want me to go with you?”

“I’m fine.” I put on a fake smile and leave the table. Fortunately there’s no line when I reach the restroom. I go to the mirror and check for blood, swelling, and bruises. They went away weeks ago, but they’re still there on the inside. With my hands on my cheeks I stare at the woman reflected back at me. She’s not who I want to be. She deserves happiness and love.

I’ve not taken any of Mark’s calls and not opened any of his emails. The threat of filing a restraining order against him has kept him at a distance, but I wonder for how long. Forever? For another few months, weeks, or days? Hours?

Kaz’s story has overshadowed Mark and my relationship troubles. Royalty is intriguing to everyone, especially when it’s a member of a popular band.

My heart starts to race and I wish Kaz were here to help calm it. I reach for my phone but remember I left it at the table.
Shit.
He’s doing a show. Panic starts to rise, the pit of my stomach reaches my chest, and each breath becomes harder to grasp until I’m gasping. My head drops down as I press my palms into the cold, tile countertop.

“Lara?” Rochelle calls, but I can’t open my eyes. I can’t speak. “Lara, breathe. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Do you hear me?”

A jagged breath works its way in my mouth, but I lose it when she tells me, “Nose. Breathe in through the nose. Listen to my voice, Lara. In the nose, out the mouth.”

I focus on her words and take a slow breath into my nose, my grip on the counter loosening. When I exhale, I open my eyes, the tightening in my chest, the viselike squeeze on my lungs releases, and I look up.

“It’s okay, honey. You’re safe.”

I take in another deep breath and release slowly. “I’m safe,” I repeat. “I’m safe.”

“Come here.” She hugs me lightly. “You’re safe, Lara.”

Wrapping my arms around her, I rest my head down on her shoulder. “I’m safe. I’m okay.”

Her arms tighten around me. “You are.” She leans back. “Are you really okay?”

Rubbing my hands through the ends of my hair, I manage a small smile. “I am. Thanks.” I release another breath feeling the heaviness lighten under my ribcage. “I don’t know what happened.”

“You had a panic attack.”

My head goes back in disbelief. “No, I don’t have panic attacks.” Rochelle remains quiet as my mind starts to process this information. “I’m happy.” But as much as I try to convince myself, it’s clear I’m not convincing her. “You have panic attacks when…” I can’t seem to finish the sentence and feel a different kind of panic take over. “When does someone have panic attacks?”

Rochelle takes my hand. “It’s okay. All kinds of people have panic attacks, even happy ones. It’s your body feeling overwhelmed with emotions, sensory overload, or other stimulus. I used to get them.”

“What? But…”
Cory.
“But why would I get one? I’m in a good place.”

“You weren’t when you left the table. It’s okay though. Now you know what you need to do when that—”

“It’s not going to happen again,” I state defiantly. I take a step back, pulling my hand away in the process.

If I’ve hurt her feelings, she doesn’t show it. Her kind soul is exceptional, and I’m lucky to count her as one of my dear friends. “Okay, but if it does, remind yourself to breathe through it.” Reaching for the door, she says, “There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Rochelle?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Her expression lifts. “You’re welcome. Come out when you’re ready.”

“I’m ready now.” I follow her back not wanting to be alone, still so confused by what happened.
What did happen exactly?

When we reach the table, Holli announces excitedly, “It’s almost time.”

Rochelle checks her watch. “The break before the encore.” Her phone is placed next to Holli’s on the table, and they stare in anticipation.

When mine rings, all eyes land on me. Looking down, Kaz’s photo is on the screen and I smile, like a seriously goofy big grin. When I meet their eyes both of them are smiling too. With a twinkle in Holli’s, she says, “I think it’s more serious than you thought.”

Rochelle excitedly says, “Answer it.”

I grab the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey there.” Kaz’s smooth dulcet tone comforts me and I release a breath that felt like it was trapped in my throat.
Until now
.

“Hi. How’s it going?”

Both Rochelle’s and Holli’s phones ring.

I plug my free ear so I can hear him better. “Good,” Kaz says. “We’re taking a quick break and then heading back out.”

“I heard it was sold out.”

“I’m not sure. I miss you. How are you doing?”

This time I smile, but I want to hide it away and keep it safe for his eyes alone. “I’m doing okay,” I reply, not worrying him with small details like panic attacks in bar bathrooms. He has enough to worry about without me adding more to the load than I already have. “I miss you, too. Six days.”

“Six days.” He pauses and the quiet makes me nervous. “So, I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

“You and me.”

Fluttering emotions swarm my belly. “Yes?”

“I was thinking maybe since you have a key and all, you might be at mine when I get home.” How am I meant to resist that?
Resist him?

“You want me to wait for you at yours?”

“Yeah, like I’ve said, I’ve been thinking about you and me. When I do, it’s at my place.”

Smiling ear to ear, his sweet nervousness entirely charms me. “I’ll be there.”

“We get back late.”

“I’ll wait up.”

There’s a commotion on the other end of the phone. “I have to go.”

“Yeah, there are about thirty thousand people waiting for you.”

“You’re the only one I care about waiting on me.”

I lower my head for a bit more privacy. “Kaz?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for calling me.”

“I love you.”

And there it is without any obligations or requirements, without anything expected in return. Love.
True love.
“I love you, too.”

“I’ll call you later.”

“All right. Break a leg.”

“Goodbye, Lara.”

“Goodbye, Kaz,” I singsong, and then we hang up.

Rochelle stands with her glass in the air. “I love
love
.”

Holli stands. “To being in love and to being loved.”

When I join them, I raise my glass. “To love and all the happy side effects that come along with it.”

“To love,” we say in unison.
And I realize I feel happy. Content, something I haven’t felt for a long time. How did I get so lucky?

We all finish our drinks. I head to the bathroom to use it this time and they stay to order another round.

When I’m finished washing and drying my hands, I open the door and practically walk into a wall.

My feet stop and I look up and right into my biggest fear.

“HEY, IT’S ME
. Give me a call back when you can.” I hang up the phone after leaving a message for Lara.

My back is slapped and I’m dragged forward under Derrick’s arm. “Man, we fucking rock. It’s pussy time.”

Wrangling out from under him, I say, “Yeah, you go do that.”

With his arms out wide, he stops walking. “What happened to my boy? I need my wingman back, brah.”

I laugh him off and keep walking. “I’m off the market, brah.”

“For now.”

“Might be for good.”

“Ugh! You’re killin’ me. Not you too.”