The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (12 page)

If you like the feeling of something just being in your ass, and appreciate the fullness and pressure without necessarily any moving in and out, then you would probably love a butt plug. Butt plugs are meant to go in and stay in. No need for lots of in-and-out play, just the sensation of the sphincters closed around the base of a butt plug, and you’re in heaven. Once you slowly slide a well-lubed plug inside the ass, you can then move on to something else—clitoral stimulation, a blow job, vaginal penetration, whatever you’d like—and the butt plug will continue to stimulate without a lot of work on your part. If your partner loves having her nipples sucked while her ass is fucked, or if you want to concentrate on sucking his penis and he wants something up his butt, you could feel like you’re playing Twister. A butt plug is a great solution!

Butt plugs are also a great way to warm up the ass for bigger things to come. Putting in a plug and leaving it in for a while lets the ass get used to having something inside it. Using a series of different sizes of plugs can help you work up to having something larger in your ass, like a dildo or penis. Butt plugs work while you play: the ass gets further aroused, relaxes, and opens up, all thanks to the plug. When you slip it out, the ass says, “Bring it on!” (i.e., it’s ready for something bigger).

I have a clear acrylic butt plug (designed by Ray Cirino at Innerspace) that acts as a magnifying glass once it gets inside. It’s a definite crowdpleaser at workshops. Have you ever looked all the way inside someone’s ass? I have and whoever I peer into, his or her ass is always clean, pink, happy, and healthy—truly a wonder to behold. Sex activist Annie Sprinkle once closed her one-woman show by slipping a speculum inside her pussy and showing audiences her cervix. It was a bold, educational, revolutionary display of female sexual power, and I pay homage to her each time I reveal someone’s ass with my see-through plug. Armed with a flashlight (so geeky, I know), I shine some brightness on a part of the body we often don’t see so intimately. It gives new meaning to being able to see what you are doing.

Some people like to wear a butt plug for a more extended period of time or even outside the comfort of their bedroom or home. For more information on wearing a butt plug long term, see chapter 14.

If you have a butt plug in, you may find that when you get really aroused or during orgasm, the plug inadvertently slips (or even shoots!) right out of your ass. While this may be surprising or embarrassing, don’t be alarmed, it’s pretty common. Remember that during arousal, your genital muscles contract, and those contractions may actually push a plug out of your ass. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the plug is too small and you need to run out and upgrade—it’s just a signal that you were very turned on!

For people who like stimulation of those fabulous nerve endings in the anal area, vibrators deliver consistent and powerful sensations; vibrating toys also help relax muscles, making them a great choice for anal play. Beginners may want to try an anal probe, which is a long, slim toy made of flexible rubber that vibrates; some also bend so you can customize the probe to hit just the right spot. If it bends or has a curved shape, you want to aim the curve toward the front of the body to stimulate the G-spot or the prostate. If you’re a fan of dual action vibrators (like the popular Rabbit Pearl), there is one that has a small attachment the width of a small finger that is great for anal novices. There are also various attachments and sleeves that fit on standard-size vibrators or vibrating
eggs to transform them into anal penetration toys. There are even remote-controlled vibrating butt plugs for people willing to give the power over to someone else.

If you’re going to put a vibrator in your ass, it must have a flared base or be attached to a battery pack; this is especially important for vibrators since many of them are designed for vaginal penetration and don’t have a base. If you already own a silicone toy like a plug or dildo and want to make it a vibrating toy, you can use any kind of vibrator to do so. Simply press a vibrator against the base of the toy once it’s inside someone’s ass, and the silicone conducts that vibration from end to end.

Dildos come in so many different shapes and sizes that there is one for practically every individual taste, need, and desire. Your first consideration should be an aesthetic one: are you into shades of skin color or are you more of a sparkles and swirls kind of girl? There are dildos that look like penises (with balls and realistic-looking heads), dildos that look like torpedoes, and even dildos that look like dolphins. Like butt plugs, they come with different textures as well as different degrees of firmness. Dildos can be made of nearly every sex toy material from flexible rubber and silicone to solid acrylic and glass. They can range in size from that of a fat magic marker to a 13” long phallus—and bigger. Dildos that curve up from the base (instead of being straight) are well suited to anal intercourse because they nicely mirror the curve of the rectum and you can stimulate the G-spot or prostate with them. Dildos are the best tools for in-and-out penetration. You can use a dildo with or without a partner. With a partner, a dildo can be just the thing you need to satisfy the craving to fuck and be fucked. It can also be used as a warm up tool for your ass, before a larger dildo or penis. Some people like to penetrate their partner with a dildo held in their hand; this tends to give the active partner more control of the dildo and its movement. Others like to strap a dildo to their bodies for an altogether different adventure.

If you want to have a hands-free fuck or your partner craves being fucked in the ass with a cock, strap a dildo between your legs and satisfy those desires. With a strap-on, a woman can put her whole body behind the penetration, and feel what it’s like to shoot from the hip, so to speak. People also like the closeness (of body and mind) that a strap-on affords partners during penetration. I recommend a slim dildo (about 7 inches long) and a simple, functional harness of your choice.

There is a growing selection of harnesses made of leather, vinyl, nylon webbing, and even denim; two of the best manufacturers of quality harnesses (who also do retail sales) are Stormy Leather in San Francisco and Aslan Leather in Toronto, Canada. Your choice of material depends on how you want your harness to look and how much money you want to spend.

Harnesses come in several styles, and your selection should depend on both function and aesthetics (see illustration 11). They all have an adjustable strap that goes around your hips. There is a basic triangle harness with one strap that fits between your legs; this harness tends to fit especially petite women the best. Because it fits like a G-string, the center strap rubs against your genitals, which may feel stimulating to some and annoying to others. There is a two-strapped harness with a triangle front that you wear like a jockstrap; this style places the straps around your asscheeks, leaving your vagina and ass easily accessible and free to be
stimulated. People find that the two-strap harness tends to give them more control than the one-strap model; the dildo moves around less and is easier to guide. Both of these triangle styles have a hole where you slip the dildo through, resting it against your pubic mound.

If you prefer something between you and the dildo, there is a two-strap harness with a piece of material behind the cock ring. This style (sometimes called the Terra Firma harness) also allows you to change the size of the cock ring, which is especially good if the dildo you are using is significantly smaller or larger than an average-size one. You also have a choice of fasteners on your harness, either buckles or D-rings. There are plenty of other styles, including those made to fit plus-size women. See what fits you best and is easiest for you to adjust.

You want to choose a harness that fits you well—the snugger and more secure the better. I recommend that you try a few different styles on before you buy them or if you order from a catalog, see what the return policy is. The majority of dildos will fit in a standard harness, as long as there is a flared base and the dildo isn’t excessively large. For beginning anal players, I would recommend a smaller dildo to start out.

For some women, when the base of the dildo rubs against the clitoris and vagina, there is enough friction there to feel fantastic. You should also consider the power of having balls. Some women simply don’t choose a dildo with balls because they prefer a more nonrealistic-style dildo; however, balls do more than make it look real, they extend the base of the dildo and cover more surface area—which means more for you to rub up against. Think about it. If you want to add a vibrator to the equation, you’ve got several options. You can select a vibrating dildo, which will deliver vibration to you and your partner. You could try to don a wearable vibrator beneath the harness, but this may be awkward and interfere with the harness being tight enough. A better idea is the Buzz Me harness made by Stormy Leather and equipped with a pocket for a small vibrating egg. There are also dildos with hollowed-out bases made for vibrating eggs; choose a small vibrator or one more powerful with a battery pack; tuck the battery pack in the side of the harness and you’re ready for vibrating action! For double penetration (one for you, one for your partner), there are harnesses with two holes, one for the dildo to penetrate you with, another for a dildo pointing in your partner’s direction. The Nexus by Vixen is not an extra-long jelly dong like you see in adult novelty stores. Instead, it’s a two-dildos-in-one package: the harness wearer can have a dildo inside her pussy or ass while simultaneously penetrating her partner. I just love sex toy technology! (For more on strap-on anal sex, see chapter 11; for more on male anal pleasure, see chapter 12).

Inflatable butt plugs may look like bachelor-party gag gifts, but they are sex toys that actually work. Some of my best friends swear by inflatable plugs! One selling point is that you can gradually work your way up from slim to sizable without having to buy four different size butt plugs. You can track your progress, and one toy can suit your different desires. Other people like to feel something expand inside them. Once the plug is inside you, you can give your ass time to relax, then one pump, and you feel more full. Like with all kinds of anal play, don’t try to rush things—take your time. Use common sense and never overinflate one of these bad boys. Make sure you first inflate it outside the body, and note how many squeezes of the inflating pump it can take, since you don’t want to find out its limit while it’s up your butt. According to all the letters I receive, and the people I meet at my anal sex workshops across the country, I know of only two people who’ve ever experienced an inflatable plug bursting. Both times, it wasn’t a manufacturing defect, but the user’s overzealousness.