The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (13 page)

CLEAN: Anything you plan to put in an ass—fingers, toys, a penis—should be clean. Because each sex toy material is different, follow the care and cleaning recommendations in the next section. Never submerge a vibrating toy in water unless it’s waterproof. Alternatively (or in addition), you can cover a toy with a condom.

 

SMOOTH: Never put any sharp object or anything with rough or jagged edges in the rectum.
Never
put anything breakable in the ass.

 

LUBRICATED: No matter what the size, shape, texture, or material of a toy, always use plenty of lube, and be sure to use the appropriate kind of lube (remember , no silicone lube on silicone toys).

 

WARMED UP: Any toy that’s bigger than a finger is not a starter toy. Begin with fingers or a slim toy to warm up the ass before putting a bigger toy in it.

 

FLARED BASE: Whatever kind of toy you select, it must have one important feature: a flared base. Perhaps you have heard rumors about people “losing” objects in their rectums and rushing to the emergency room. Or maybe you’ve seen one of several websites that document with X-rays the different items people have put in their rectums. While part of this is pure urban legend, the truth is you can get something lost in your ass if you aren’t careful. Once you are aroused, your pelvic muscles contract, and this could cause your ass to suck something all the way inside it; then, your sphincter muscles close and it’s stuck. A flared base prevents a toy from going beyond the rectum and is the best way to prevent your own trip to the ER.

 

REALISTIC SIZE: It’s not a good idea to put something of an unrealistic width, length, shape, or size in someone else’s or your own ass. Be sensible.

The most popular sex toy material is latex rubber. Rubber toys are relatively inexpensive, widely available, and come in a wide variety of sizes, shapes, colors, and textures. A majority of realistic-looking dildos, dual-action vibrators, and inflatable toys are rubber. They are a great choice for sex toy beginners, since you can try out different ones without breaking the bank. Rubber toys are compatible with water-based and silicone-based lubricants, but not oil-based lube. Made of a different type of rubber, jelly toys have a clear, jellylike appearance and tend to be softer and more pliable than plain ol’ rubber. Lots of people like jelly toys for their cool appearance and texture. You should only use water-based lubes with jelly rubber. Over the years, I’ve heard many complaints from women who have a bad reaction to a jelly toy; they’ve told me stories about how jelly toys can make their pussy itch, burn, or sting. Jelly toys are made of food-grade PVC with a softening agent added. Many contain phthalates, chemicals that help give them their squishy texture. Manufacturers of rubber baby and pet toys have stopped using phthalates because of their potential link to cancer, and some, but not all, toy companies have followed suit. For example, Vibratex (a maker of dual-action vibrators), Doc Johnson, and
California Exotics claim their toys are made without phthalates. Ask the retailer where you buy a toy, or look for
phthalates-free
on the label to make sure you’re getting the highest quality jelly rubber available. Before you use a jelly toy, you should inspect it; if it has a strong odor or a chemical film on it, then it’s past its prime and should be thrown away.

Rubber and jelly rubber are porous, which means bacteria can make its way into nooks and crannies and stay there, and these toys cannot be completely disinfected. If you plan on sharing a rubber or jelly toy, you should put a condom on it first. Clean rubber and jelly with a mild liquid soap or a sex toy cleaner and store it in a cool, dry place; never use dishwashing liquid or any cleaner that contains alcohol. If your sex toy cleaner contains nonoxynol-9 (which many do), make sure you rinse toys thoroughly so none of the chemical lingers on the toy. People who are sensitive or allergic to latex should not use rubber toys (or they should cover them with nonlatex condoms first).

Popular terms like CyberSkin, SoftSkin, and UltraSkin are all brand names for a form of thermal plastic, a material rumored to have been invented by NASA. Thermal plastic has made a big splash on the sex toy scene because it has an incredibly realistic look and feel; it’s as close to skin as something synthetic has gotten. Some women are sensitive to this material (some thermal plastic toys contain latex, so those allergic to latex beware), and if you are, I recommend covering it with a condom. Use only water-based lube with these toys. They are very porous and more prone to nicks and tears, so handle them carefully . You have to clean a thermal plastic toy right after you use it. Wash it with mild liquid soap or sex toy cleaner, make sure it’s completely dry, then lightly dust it with cornstarch. This last step is necessary in maintaining its unique, fleshlike texture. Store in a cool, dry place away from other toys.

Some vibrators and butt plugs are made of hard plastic. Because they aren’t flexible, toys made of hard plastic should be used carefully in the delicate rectum. Hard plastic is nonporous, easy to clean, and conducts vibration well. Some less expensive toys made with this material have seams which may be uncomfortable for penetration.

If you’ve ever seen incredibly large dildos and plugs (especially at stores like Mr. S Leather), they are probably made of vinyl. Vinyl is less porous than rubber and jelly, slightly more durable, but still inexpensive. Vinyl toys are safe for people with latex allergies and safe to use with all types of lubricants; they can be washed with antibacterial soap and water. The same rules about sharing that apply to rubber toys apply to vinyl ones. Vinyl toys should be stored away from heat, light, and other types of toys.

When it comes to pliable sex toy materials, silicone is top of the line. Silicone toys come in a variety of colors, shapes, sizes, and even textures; these toys have a smooth texture that isn’t sticky like rubber can be, and, depending on the manufacturer, silicone can feel soft, firm, or very firm. In addition, it warms to the touch and conducts body heat and vibration. Silicone toys are completely nonporous, so they are easy to clean and disinfect. These toys are very resilient and last the longest of all flexible materials; silicone can tear, but it takes some pretty rough handling to do so. The only drawback for silicone toy lovers is that they cannot use silicone lubricants with them; in most cases, silicone lube bonds to a silicone toy and ruins it, so stick to water-based lubes. Silicone can be cleaned in a number of ways: wash with hot water and antibacterial soap; soak in sex toy cleaner; boil for about three minutes; or wash in the top rack of the dishwasher without detergent (which is too harsh for silicone). Store them in a cool, dry place, and keep them upright if possible to protect them from bending or breakage.

Toys made of acrylic are hypoallergenic, unique, beautiful, and expensive. Some acrylic toys that are less expensive contain seams, but top-notch acrylic toys are completely seamless. Even silicone, the smoothest of soft materials, has a little “drag” to it, whereas these toys create an amazingly smooth sensation for penetration. Lube clings to them nicely, too. Caring properly for acrylic toys is very important if you want to maintain their transparency and finish. They’re nonporous, tough (nearly unbreakable), but they can be easy to scratch. Wash them with hot water and antibacterial soap or soak them in a diluted bleach solution (10 parts water, 1 part bleach), then
rinse well. Don’t boil them or run them through the dishwasher, and never use alcohol as it will ruin the material by causing tiny cracks throughout it. Dry acrylic thoroughly with a soft cloth and store toys in something soft, like a velvet or satin bag (which often comes with the toy).

Glass toys have properties similar to those of acrylic—crystal-clear beauty, seamless lube-friendly finish, hypoallergenic material—except, naturally, they have more weight to them. If a glass toy isn’t made of Pyrex (the most common high-quality consumer brand), then it should be certified medical grade, temperature resistant, and chemical resistant; if you’re not sure, ask the retailer before you buy it. Glass toys can be warmed up easily (so they conduct body heat well), but never boil or put in the dishwasher unless instructions say you can. Because they are nonporous, they can be washed with soap and water, soaked in diluted bleach, even cleaned with alcohol (unlike acrylic). Use common sense: if it chips or breaks, let it go to glass toy heaven.

For folks who like a smooth, firm, solid toy, metal toys offer a variety of styles as well as weights. They’re durable, nonporous, and conduct hot and cold temperatures nicely . There are a variety of metal toys on the market, made of aluminum or stainless steel, and some are hollow while others are solid metal. Metal can be cleaned with hot water and antibacterial soap, diluted bleach, alcohol, or by being placed in the top rack of the dishwasher without detergent. Metal toys must be dried completely to prevent rusting. Store them away from light, and in their own soft bag or a sock, to protect them from other toys.

 

Sex toy makers have gotten very creative, and in addition to acrylic, glass, and metal toys, there are other one-of-a-kind creations that can be beautiful works of art in addition to orgasm-inducing erotic tools. I’ve played with polished granite anal plugs (from JT’s Stockroom), handcrafted hardwood dildos and anal bead toys coated in nontoxic protective coating (from Toy Bag), an aluminum tuning fork toy (from Innerspace), and other fun, exciting gizmos. These out of the ordinary toys can create unique sensations, and just look really cool going in and out of your ass or a partner’s
ass; as a general rule, they are not for beginners. The most important thing is to read and follow all cleaning and care instructions carefully. The bottom line is you’ve got lots of choices. Take a trip to your local sex toy shop or adult video store, or go online to see what’s out there and what you might like. See the Resource Guide at the end of this book for retailers throughout the United States and Canada that carry a full line of toys and sex supplies.

The best introduction to anal eroticism starts with your own behind. In the 1970s, consciousness-raising groups spawned by the women’s movement encouraged women to explore their vaginas. They did gynecological self-exams with speculums to gain a better understanding of their bodies. The more knowledge women have about our own bodies, the more in touch we can be with our health as well as our sexual pleasure. But even the most enlightened among us are not as familiar with our asses as we are with our pussies. We are taught to think of them as private, dirty, and not a source of pleasure. Because of this, we may be alienated from a very important part of our own body, and masturbation can be a way to connect or reconnect, to literally and symbolically get in touch with our asses.

Unlike men, who only have to glance down to see one important source of their libidos, women have to find a well-lit room, a comfortable position, and a mirror just to see our own vaginas and clitorises. The same is true for our buttholes. Looking at your ass, touching it, stroking it, feeling
how it responds to even the lightest touch can give you a world of information about anal eroticism. If you’d like to experience anal pleasure but you’re skittish about first approaching it with a partner, self-exploration is a great place to start. Anal stimulation may at first be something you want to reserve for your “sex for one” occasions, which is fine; there will be plenty of time to bring anal eroticism to sex with a partner when you’re ready. Your own exploration can get your ass used to stimulation and penetration. Maybe you’re unsure of how it will feel or how you’ll respond to penetration. Beginning by yourself means that you can experience various sensations without the pressure of wanting to please your partner. You can take as much time as you need, go as slow as you want, make noise if you want, stop if you want, come if you want. You can experiment with various kinds of stimulation and try different toys to see what works for you. Remember, you are the key to your own sexual pleasure.

Masturbation of any kind can make you a better lover. Not only is anal masturbation fun, but through it you can learn more about what you like. Then, when you’re ready to share it with a partner, you’ll have information to communicate with him or her—information that will make the experience better for both of you. Experiencing anal pleasure by yourself can also help to reassure you that it
can
be pleasurable with a partner; you’ll know what it feels like when it feels good.

I believe the best way to become skilled at doing something to someone else is to practice it on yourself first. If you want to penetrate someone else’s ass, exploring your own anal area by yourself will give you insight into what’s going on down there, including the ins and outs of the anus, anal canal, and rectum: the sensitive tissue, the all-important curves of the rectum, and the various sensations of anal stimulation and penetration. Self-pleasuring will also give you a good sense of what your partner might feel as you give him or her pleasure.

You may want to take a bath or a shower or give yourself an enema beforehand. The bath or shower will help you relax as well as give you an
opportunity to get your butt nice and clean and ready for fun. Also make sure your hands are clean and your nails are trimmed neatly. Get a handheld mirror and your favorite lube, and find a suitable private place. First, take some deep breaths for several minutes to relax. Perhaps you’ll want to lie down on the bed, play some soothing music, or light some incense. These are simply suggestions—do whatever will relax
you
.