The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (25 page)

Whether you end up in a sling or on the ol’ Sealy Posturpedic, here are some examples of anal fisting positions. All the pros and cons discussed in chapter 11 about positions for anal penetration apply to these as well.

 

MISSIONARY WITH KNEES UP: Fistee on her/his back with fister sitting or kneeling between fistee’s legs. To insure full access to the back door, prop up the butt (in order to tip the hips up and back slightly) with a firm pillow or the Liberator Shapes wedge and have your partner spread her/his legs with knees bent.

 

LEGS OVER SHOULDERS: Fistee on her/his back with fister sitting or kneeling between fistee’s legs. Fistee folds legs so knees touch chest or legs flip up and over shoulders. This configuration only works if the fistee can stay in it for a while without discomfort.

 

MISSIONARY ON THE EDGE: Fistee on her/his back at the edge of the bed (or a massage table, a bondage table, a spanking bench, or a comfortable stuffed chair) with fister between fistee’s legs, either standing or sitting in a chair of the appropriate height.

 

DOGGIE-STYLE/ON ALL FOURS: Fistee on hands and knees, fister kneels behind (if on the bed) or stands behind (if using edge of the bed or other furniture).

 

DOGGIE-STYLE/HEAD DOWN: Same as Doggie-Style/On All Fours, except fistee’s head and shoulders are down.

 

DOGGIE/BENT OVER FURNITURE: Fistee bent over a bed, couch, table with fister standing behind.

 

IN A SLING OR SWING.

As you are preparing to fist someone, one of your most important goals should be to get his or her ass warmed-up, relaxed, open, and ready
without wearing it out
. You have to walk a fine line between playing with an ass enough to get it wanting more and playing with it
too
much. If you cross that line, the ass is tired, sore, and done. So, you’ve got to figure out what kinds of stimulation work for your particular fistee’s butt. Does she need to have vaginal penetration, clitoral stimulation, and her first orgasm of the night in order to begin? For multiorgasmic people, coming can relax their body, take the edge off, and allow them to begin the process of opening up. Maybe he wants a slow, sensual blow job with his favorite plug nestled in his ass. Genital stimulation sends blood rushing to the entire genital region, including the anal area, and the butt plug will help his ass start to relax. Remember that desire and arousal are unique to the individual, so discover what works for you (or your partner)—what gets you to that place where you are revved up and ready—and do that.

For some folks, fisting is all about the hand. All anal stimulation comes from the fingers, beginning with one, then two, then three, four, five, and, hopefully, past the widest part, until the whole hand fits inside. If you take this approach, your fingers do not need to go straight in; you can explore different finger positions as you cross one finger on top of the other. Don’t forget to curve your fingers toward the G-spot or the prostate for extra stimulation. When you first add another finger (accompanied by more lube, of course), don’t go all the way inside. Go just past the first knuckle,
and stay still until the body gets used to the addition. Then carefully slide farther inside. If you are the recipient, let your partner know when you’re ready for another finger; you should feel open and aroused, and the penetration will feel comfortable and pleasurable. Everyone’s fingers and hands are different sizes, and, as a general rule, men’s hands are bigger than women’s hands. Use these tips as a guideline, but if you have large fingers, keep in mind that your process may be slower as a result. You can switch from fingers to a dildo or vibrator (as long as it has a flared base) to create a different sensation.

If you find that a lot of in-and-out penetration with fingers or dildos puts too much stress on the sphincter muscles and wears out the ass too quickly, butt plugs are the perfect solution. I like to use butt plugs for warm-up as an alternative to other kinds of stimulation because they simultaneously create a pleasurable sensation and help the ass begin to open up. Start with a well-lubed small butt plug, and have your fistee wear it for about twenty minutes to a half hour. During that time, you can concentrate on other things—dirty talk, cock and ball play, vaginal penetration, clit stimulation, tit torture, whatever. While you’re busy entertaining your partner (and yourself), the butt plug is working its magic: helping the ass adjust to having something inside it and relax in the process. Take the toy out carefully, and slip a finger or two inside to gauge how aroused and relaxed the ass is. Ideally, penetration will feel easy. Move on to a medium-size plug, and keep that in for about a half hour as you continue with other kinds of stimulation. When you’ve both agreed that the ass is ready for more, insert a large plug (I recommend one with a diameter of two inches or more), which the fistee can wear for up to an hour. (Review the previous chapter for long-term butt plug wear information.)

After the large butt plug is removed, I like to start penetration with three or four fingers. That may sound extreme, but remember that the person’s ass has had a butt plug in it for a couple of hours by now. Move from three to four fingers, taking care to add more lube and go as slow as you need to. However you get to four fingers, this is the point where you should decide whether to continue or stop genital stimulation. Some people need stimulation to have anything in their ass feel pleasurable, and four or five
fingers is no exception. For that reason, keep working her clit or his cock while you’ve got your fingers inside. For other people, while genital stimulation may feel great, it also causes their sphincter muscles to contract. To the fister, these contractions can feel like a vice clamping down on your fingers and the tightness can prevent you from getting any farther. One solution is for the fistee to concentrate on relaxing the sphincters by taking deep breaths and bearing down. If one becomes aware of the contractions, one may be able to lessen them. If that doesn’t work, it may be time to back off of genital stimulation altogether and concentrate solely on the anal penetration. As discussed in chapter 12, this may also be the point when a man who is being fisted loses his erection.

At the four-finger mark, you should discover which finger and hand positions work best for the specific butt you’re working over. Here are some examples:

 

PALM UP: With the receptive partner on his/her back, the fister’s hand is palm up with middle and ring finger flat and straight, index finger and pinky pointed inward. The thumb can rest on top of the base of the index finger; this creates a natural funnel for lube to run down and into ass. You can manipulate the G-spot or the prostate with the tips of the fingers. As you get farther inside, you’ll want to tuck the thumb closer to the center of the hand (between index finger and pinky) to tighten up the size of the hand.

 

PALM DOWN: Identical to Palm Up, but used when the fistee is in doggie-style position. The fister’s hand is reversed so the palm is down (toward
the front of the fistee’s body). You lose the funneling ability to gravity, but can still hit the G-spot or the prostate with the tips of the fingers.

 

PALM UP OR PALM DOWN WITH CURL: This hand position is similar to Palm Up or Palm Down, except the fingers spread out and curl down and the thumb is tucked under them to make a fist.

 

HANDSHAKE: Start with the receptive partner on his/her back, and put your hand out like you’re about to shake someone else’s hand. Leave the middle and ring finger flat and straight, and bring the index finger and pinky pointed inward and on top of the other two fingers. Bring the thumb to the middle of the hand. Once inside, you can bend your thumb slightly and use the thumb knuckles to stimulate the G-spot or the prostate. You can duplicate this hand position when your partner is on his or her hands and knees, except without the benefit of the thumb-knuckle trick.

 

HANDSHAKE WITH CURL: Begin with the Palm Up with Curl position, then rotate your wrist 90 degrees to the left.

 

In the beginning, feel free to explore many different hand positions. I like to let someone’s ass tell me which position will work the best. In other words, in order to discover the ideal placement of the hand, assess the internal geography of the ass. How pronounced is the curve of the rectum? Is there more room on the front wall or the back wall? Can you find extra space if you move slightly to the left or the right? Once you get to four fingers, you should commit to one hand position since a major shift at that stage isn’t a good idea.

Moving from four fingers to five should be relatively easy, since the pinky is the smallest of the bunch. Then comes the toughest challenge: getting the widest part of the hand inside. This is the place that’s the most difficult to get past, the place where most people get “stuck.” In my experience, at this stage of the game, there is room inside the rectum, which you’ll recall can expand a great deal during anal play. However, the fister has got to contend with the gatekeepers—the anal opening, the sphincter muscles, and the anal canal—which comprise the narrowest, tightest part of the butt’s anatomy. You want to apply enough gentle pressure to let the muscles know you’re there and be able to gauge the amount of resistance,
but you never want to force your way in. It’s a delicate dance of give and take, during which you and your partner need to constantly communicate. When or if you do feel resistance or a tightening of the muscles, stay where you are and give the muscles a chance to get used to the feeling.

Each person likes to use a different method for entry. Some people like to move with a slow, constant pressure. Others use a gentle twisting motion to work their way inside. Some let the receiver draw the hand inside or go slowly in and out as you would with a penis or dildo (although the sucking motion that can happen with toys or a few fingers isn’t going to happen with a whole hand). At this point, I like to pace my breathing to match the inhales and exhales of the person I am fisting. It helps ground us, connect us, and get us in sync. It also helps both of us focus on the task and experience at hand. Try inching your way in on the exhales. For the fistee, this is when relaxation is crucial. Take a deep breath—a really deep breath. Then another. Concentrate on feeling the breath move through your body. If you’ve been “working out” the sphincters, their toned elasticity will reward you as the widest part of your partner’s hand is able to slip through the snug ring and past it into the more spacious rectum.

The physical and emotional rush that both partners will feel when the entire hand slips inside is incredibly intense. Take a moment, take a deep breath, and stay exactly where you are. Fister, let your hand get used to the new feeling of being entirely encased. You may feel the sphincters clamp down around your wrist; don’t panic, they should relax after a few minutes. Fistee, keep breathing. Adjust to the sensation of newfound fullness.

Once the hand is all the way in, you’ve got a few options. Some fistees (especially novices) will not be able to tolerate having an entire hand in their ass for more than a few minutes. As the receiver, you are in control of the action. It’s critical that you pay attention to your body, know your limits, and communicate with your partner. Do not push yourself to do something if your body isn’t ready. Rest and take a break if you need one. If you’re done, say you’re done.

If you want to continue, so should your communication. As the fistee, you call the shots. Your partner will take all cues from you, and so you need to be aware of your desires, your needs, and the sensations you are
feeling. Maybe you want your partner’s hand to stay exactly where it is while she or he continues (or reintroduces) genital stimulation. Maybe you want to stimulate yourself or use a vibrator. If you want your partner’s hand to move a little farther inside, then remain still, say so, and guide her or him.

Fisters, if your fistee asks for some movement, proceed slowly and gently. All your movements should be understated unless directed otherwise. Begin with a subtle in-and-out motion, and see how your partner responds. Depending on your hand position, use fingertips or knuckles to stimulate the G-spot or the prostate. I’ve had fistees tell me that the tiniest movements of my hand feel like deep pushes in the sensitive rectum. I’ve also fisted people who like a powerful, in-and-out thrusting motion. And, of course, there are plenty of folks’ desires that fall in between these two ends of the sensation spectrum. Be mindful that fisting may or may not build up to and conclude with an orgasm. For some people, the sensation created by a fist is incredibly unique, but not orgasmic. For others, it’s a case of
too much
stimulation, and their bodies may feel too overwhelmed to come. If an orgasm is in the cards for you, congratulations! The contractions an orgasm will produce can create a lot of tension around the hand, so fisters should ride the wave with their partners, then gently and slowly extract their hand. Coming out is easier than going in, however it may cause some discomfort for the fistee, especially as the widest part of the hand slips through those sphincters. I like to rub some lube around the anal opening and my wrist to help make the exit as smooth as possible.