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Authors: Tristan Taormino
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The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (14 page)
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ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR:
Pumping
Pumping
Q:
My boyfriend and I recently discovered the pleasure of penis pumping, and I’m thinking of getting a clit pump. But lately I have been using my guy’s penis pump on my asshole while I masturbate, and I love the sensation and the feeling. I was wondering if you have ever done this, and if it is a safe practice?
My boyfriend and I recently discovered the pleasure of penis pumping, and I’m thinking of getting a clit pump. But lately I have been using my guy’s penis pump on my asshole while I masturbate, and I love the sensation and the feeling. I was wondering if you have ever done this, and if it is a safe practice?
A:
Many men and women have discovered the joys of pumping. For readers who may not know about it, a penis pump works like this: Your cock goes inside a hard plastic cylinder which either has a built-in pump or an external one. As you pump, air is sucked out of the cylinder, and the vacuum-like suction sends blood rushing to the cock. This helps the cock become erect, enhances an erection by giving it a bigger appearance (temporarily), and creates a sucking sensation which many men love. Women can use the same pumping mechanism with a nipple attachment (a much smaller cylinder), which works great on the clitoris. There are also clit pumps on the market made especially for women. The same principles apply: blood rushes to the clit, making it more swollen (and often more sensitive) than usual. I’ve pumped my own clit, and find that not only is it hot to see my clit all fat and thick, but clitoral stimulation is a lot more intense after I’ve pumped. I’ve never used a pump on my butthole. The puckered skin of the asshole is sensitive tissue that’s incredibly rich in nerve endings and gets engorged when you’re aroused much like the rest of our genitals. So, it makes sense that when you apply suction to it, blood rushes to the area and creates a pleasurable sensation. Similar cautions for all pumping apply: use a little lube inside the cylinder for a comfortable, easier fit; be careful not to pinch the delicate skin when inserting it into the cylinder; do not over-pump or leave the cylinder on for too long.
Many men and women have discovered the joys of pumping. For readers who may not know about it, a penis pump works like this: Your cock goes inside a hard plastic cylinder which either has a built-in pump or an external one. As you pump, air is sucked out of the cylinder, and the vacuum-like suction sends blood rushing to the cock. This helps the cock become erect, enhances an erection by giving it a bigger appearance (temporarily), and creates a sucking sensation which many men love. Women can use the same pumping mechanism with a nipple attachment (a much smaller cylinder), which works great on the clitoris. There are also clit pumps on the market made especially for women. The same principles apply: blood rushes to the clit, making it more swollen (and often more sensitive) than usual. I’ve pumped my own clit, and find that not only is it hot to see my clit all fat and thick, but clitoral stimulation is a lot more intense after I’ve pumped. I’ve never used a pump on my butthole. The puckered skin of the asshole is sensitive tissue that’s incredibly rich in nerve endings and gets engorged when you’re aroused much like the rest of our genitals. So, it makes sense that when you apply suction to it, blood rushes to the area and creates a pleasurable sensation. Similar cautions for all pumping apply: use a little lube inside the cylinder for a comfortable, easier fit; be careful not to pinch the delicate skin when inserting it into the cylinder; do not over-pump or leave the cylinder on for too long.
Begin by masturbating as you usually do; start by doing what you know first, which for most of us will mean stimulating the vagina and clitoris. Bring out that favorite vibrator or dildo, turn on a hot porn video or a steamy movie—do whatever will get you aroused. Don’t jump right into exploring your anus; instead, simply masturbate and get your entire body aroused.
Once you feel relaxed and ready to explore, find a comfortable position, one where you’ll be able to stay for a while and where you’ll have a good view of your butt. Lying on your back or sitting in a comfy chair or on the edge of the bed might be best at first so you can look in the mirror. Begin by looking at your anus. Just check it out—the shape, the size, the color. How does it look? Relaxed, tense, somewhere in between?
Chances are you’ve got some nervous energy, so begin with some relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation; you may also want to do some PC muscle exercises (see chapter 2) to get warmed up and get the blood flowing to your ass.
Gently massage your butt cheeks, inner thighs, and the area around your anus. Continue to massage, stroke, and explore the area, going at your own pace. Note how the opening responds to the massage around it. When you feel comfortable, lube up your finger and gently touch your anus. Make sure your finger is good and slippery . Don’t penetrate it, just do some external touching. Stroke it, rub it, let the lube glide over your skin. Just stimulating the opening can be extremely pleasurable because of all the nerve endings in the area. You may also want to use a vibrator to stimulate the outside of your anus; vibrations can both relax the area and get the blood pumping there. Tune in to the sensations you feel, both in your anus and in the rest of your body. Keep touching, but just touching—no penetration of any kind yet. You can continue using the mirror , or put it down at any time. A good next step is to use your finger to press gently at the opening. Feel how your body responds to the pressure against it. Keep touching and pressing until you feel ready for more. You may want to continue to stimulate your clitoris to get further aroused; remember, masturbating gets the whole pelvic area stimulated and engorged.
If you want to explore penetration, begin with one well-lubed finger. You can also use a very slim sex toy. If you choose a toy, remember that
it should have a flared base to prevent it from going too far into your ass. If you’re using a dildo, it should have a base or be longer than 8” and have something to hold on to (like a baton-style dildo, which actually has a handle). I find that fingers are best to start with because you can really feel how your ass responds to stimulation, whereas with a toy, you may feel like you’re flying blind. Plus, if the first finger that slips in your anus is your own, then someone else’s won’t seem so scary and may even feel better than you had imagined! Continue by adding more lube to your finger and inserting just the tip into your anus; stay there and let yourself get used to the feeling. Add some lubricant. Move your finger gently against the sides of the opening without going any farther inside. When you feel ready, venture a little farther. See how the sphincter muscles feel around your finger. You may want to continue to masturbate with your other hand or use a vibrator. Remember to be patient with yourself, go at your own pace, and listen to your body. If at any time you feel discomfort or pain, stop. There’s no rush. Keep nudging the finger inside until it’s as far as you want it to go.
it should have a flared base to prevent it from going too far into your ass. If you’re using a dildo, it should have a base or be longer than 8” and have something to hold on to (like a baton-style dildo, which actually has a handle). I find that fingers are best to start with because you can really feel how your ass responds to stimulation, whereas with a toy, you may feel like you’re flying blind. Plus, if the first finger that slips in your anus is your own, then someone else’s won’t seem so scary and may even feel better than you had imagined! Continue by adding more lube to your finger and inserting just the tip into your anus; stay there and let yourself get used to the feeling. Add some lubricant. Move your finger gently against the sides of the opening without going any farther inside. When you feel ready, venture a little farther. See how the sphincter muscles feel around your finger. You may want to continue to masturbate with your other hand or use a vibrator. Remember to be patient with yourself, go at your own pace, and listen to your body. If at any time you feel discomfort or pain, stop. There’s no rush. Keep nudging the finger inside until it’s as far as you want it to go.
Experiment with all the different sensations you can create with just one finger. You can try a slow probe, venturing inside inch by inch, experimenting with a variety of depths. Some people like a circular motion, creating circles just inside the anus with a finger and feeling the walls of the anus contracting around the finger. Other people enjoy the feeling of simply having something in their ass; see what it feels like to rub your clitoris while your finger stays still in your ass. You can also practice some in-and-out play, trying different speeds and rhythms as you slide your finger in and out of your anus. Savor each new movement and sensation.
As you become more experienced, you can repeat this exercise with more lube and more fingers. When you can comfortably fit about two fingers inside, you may want to graduate to a butt plug, dildo, or vibrator. Remember, plugs are good for that full feeling, dildos for in-and-out action, and vibrators for in-and-out and, of course, vibration. Because these toys are longer than your fingers, you can use them to probe more deeply into the rectum. Make sure to use plenty of lube and start out slowly. Pay attention to how the muscles contract around the toy; make sure to let your ass get used to the feeling each time you inch a little farther inside. You’ll notice a difference as your tool moves from the anal canal into the rectum. In the anal canal, you’ll experience more resistance
and a tighter feeling. In the rectum, you will feel like there’s more room. If you rush penetration, your anus is likely to get sore and you’ll have to stop all activities before you might want to. If you listen to your body and give yourself a chance to get fully aroused, your ass will open up and give you plenty of room for penetration by a slim dildo and, eventually, even bigger things, if you want.
and a tighter feeling. In the rectum, you will feel like there’s more room. If you rush penetration, your anus is likely to get sore and you’ll have to stop all activities before you might want to. If you listen to your body and give yourself a chance to get fully aroused, your ass will open up and give you plenty of room for penetration by a slim dildo and, eventually, even bigger things, if you want.
Betty Dodson,
Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
(New York: Three Rivers Press, 1996).
Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
(New York: Three Rivers Press, 1996).
CHAPTER 10
Let Your Tongue Do the Walking: Analingus
Analingus, known more commonly as “rimming,” is stimulation of the anal area with the mouth and tongue—licking, flicking, nibbling, sucking, circling, and tongue-fucking. Many people love the simple pleasure of having their ass licked or licking a partner’s ass. Because the anal area is so full of nerve endings, even the tiniest sensations can register high on the turn-on meter.
HygieneLots of people feel especially anxious about rimming because of the association between the anus and defecating; we learn at an early age that if something is dirty or smells bad, we shouldn’t put it in our mouth—or put our mouth on it. Remember that there are normally only trace amounts of feces in the anal canal and if the receiver has bathed beforehand, there won’t be any around the external opening. If you and your partner are especially concerned about cleanliness, your partner could have an enema. (Remember an enema should be done at least two hours before the sexual encounter). Analingus need not be any more dirty or messy
than cunnilingus. Some people find the anus disgusting or gross, just as some unenlightened folks find the vagina and clitoris unappealing. Yet many of us approach cunnilingus with desire and enthusiasm and feel the same about analingus.
than cunnilingus. Some people find the anus disgusting or gross, just as some unenlightened folks find the vagina and clitoris unappealing. Yet many of us approach cunnilingus with desire and enthusiasm and feel the same about analingus.
ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR:
My Ass Licking Hang-Up
My Ass Licking Hang-Up
Q:
My girlfriend wants me to kiss and lick her anus. I find this difficult to do because I was raised by strict Catholic parents who taught me that shit is dirty. I sniffed her asshole and it did not smell. I also licked all around it, but I could not bring my tongue to her little rosebud. I kept imagining it opening up and shit coming out of it. But when my girlfriend licked my anus, I ejaculated uncontrollably onto her chest. It felt great! How can I get past my hang-up?
My girlfriend wants me to kiss and lick her anus. I find this difficult to do because I was raised by strict Catholic parents who taught me that shit is dirty. I sniffed her asshole and it did not smell. I also licked all around it, but I could not bring my tongue to her little rosebud. I kept imagining it opening up and shit coming out of it. But when my girlfriend licked my anus, I ejaculated uncontrollably onto her chest. It felt great! How can I get past my hang-up?
A:
It’s not just God-fearing Catholics who shy away from ass-to-mouth action; actually, plenty of folks have a fear of shit that prevents them from exploring many different forms of backdoor love, including being tongue-tied inside a sweetie’s ass. Empty bowels and a hot soapy shower will ensure that your anal romp with your partner will be nothing but good clean fun. However, if you are especially concerned about cleanliness—and judging by those powerful poop images you are having, I’d say you are—then you may want to ask your girlfriend to have an enema before you go anywhere with that reluctant-yet-potentially-eager tongue of yours. You may also want to consider using a dental dam or some plastic wrap as a barrier between your mouth and her butthole. Since you have obviously experienced the ecstatic pleasures of rimming from the other end, you owe it to yourself and your girlfriend to give it right back to her. Sexual double standards suck, and it’s not fair that you should be sitting on her face without letting her sit on yours.
It’s not just God-fearing Catholics who shy away from ass-to-mouth action; actually, plenty of folks have a fear of shit that prevents them from exploring many different forms of backdoor love, including being tongue-tied inside a sweetie’s ass. Empty bowels and a hot soapy shower will ensure that your anal romp with your partner will be nothing but good clean fun. However, if you are especially concerned about cleanliness—and judging by those powerful poop images you are having, I’d say you are—then you may want to ask your girlfriend to have an enema before you go anywhere with that reluctant-yet-potentially-eager tongue of yours. You may also want to consider using a dental dam or some plastic wrap as a barrier between your mouth and her butthole. Since you have obviously experienced the ecstatic pleasures of rimming from the other end, you owe it to yourself and your girlfriend to give it right back to her. Sexual double standards suck, and it’s not fair that you should be sitting on her face without letting her sit on yours.
A good way to introduce rimming is to begin nibbling and licking your partner’s asscheeks. As is true for other activities, it’s important to explore and pleasure the whole area, rather than diving right into the crown jewel.
Once you’re ready to put your mouth on the anus, start out slowly. Let your mouth, lips, and tongue explore freely, and experiment with different techniques as you go along. Listen to your partner’s verbal and nonverbal responses and let those help guide you. Brush your lips against the opening, letting your bottom lip drag and linger there. Lick around the opening making a circular motion with your tongue. Start at the pucker and move out toward the cheeks, repeating this technique all the way around. Reverse this motion: begin at the outer edge and move toward the center. Let your tongue slip into the hole gently, then back out. Try thrusting your tongue in and out, penetrating your partner’s ass.
Once you’re ready to put your mouth on the anus, start out slowly. Let your mouth, lips, and tongue explore freely, and experiment with different techniques as you go along. Listen to your partner’s verbal and nonverbal responses and let those help guide you. Brush your lips against the opening, letting your bottom lip drag and linger there. Lick around the opening making a circular motion with your tongue. Start at the pucker and move out toward the cheeks, repeating this technique all the way around. Reverse this motion: begin at the outer edge and move toward the center. Let your tongue slip into the hole gently, then back out. Try thrusting your tongue in and out, penetrating your partner’s ass.
I trace my tongue up and down
her crack, so gently, full of hot
breath, I want her to feel the heat
even through the barrier, want her
to be able to imagine it isn’t there.
I start to work my tongue in a little
deeper, wriggling it against the
sensitive spots, taking long, long
licks from just below the opening
of her cunt over and past her
asshole, licking a fraction harder
with each swipe of my tongue. She
sighs, shifts her hips, presses
against me. Encouraged, I keep on,
starting to vary the pressure and
depth of each lick, sometimes
using the broad flat of my tongue
and sometimes just the very tip,
as hard as I can make it; I trace
around the opening of her
asshole, crinkled tightly shut,
tracing my tongue along each of
the tiny sunburst furrows of skin
that radiate out from it, trying to
get it to trust me.
her crack, so gently, full of hot
breath, I want her to feel the heat
even through the barrier, want her
to be able to imagine it isn’t there.
I start to work my tongue in a little
deeper, wriggling it against the
sensitive spots, taking long, long
licks from just below the opening
of her cunt over and past her
asshole, licking a fraction harder
with each swipe of my tongue. She
sighs, shifts her hips, presses
against me. Encouraged, I keep on,
starting to vary the pressure and
depth of each lick, sometimes
using the broad flat of my tongue
and sometimes just the very tip,
as hard as I can make it; I trace
around the opening of her
asshole, crinkled tightly shut,
tracing my tongue along each of
the tiny sunburst furrows of skin
that radiate out from it, trying to
get it to trust me.
—S. BEAR BERGMAN—
There are a variety of positions you can try for analingus. Some people like to lick their partner’s anus from behind in the doggie-style position, with the receiving partner on hands and knees. Others like to create a version of the sixty-nine position, so they can pleasure each other simultaneously. You can lick your partner’s anus from almost any position, including standing, sitting, or lying down. Experiment with what is most comfortable and pleasurable for both of you.
Rimming can be incredibly pleasurable for everyone involved, including the person giving the pleasure. Nina Hartley demonstrates in her anal sex video: “Rimming is extremely, extremely pleasurable… It’s important to keep in mind that if you’re performing analingus, give your mouth a good time. Again, it’s never something that you’re just doing to the other
person; it’s something you’re sharing with each other. As happy as my [ass] is, his mouth is equally as happy.”
1
person; it’s something you’re sharing with each other. As happy as my [ass] is, his mouth is equally as happy.”
1
ASK THE ANAL ADVISOR:
Cotton Mouth
Cotton Mouth
Q:
I am a newcomer to analingus, and I’ve only performed it on my girlfriend a few of times. Every time I do, my mouth gets extremely dry. Why is that?
I am a newcomer to analingus, and I’ve only performed it on my girlfriend a few of times. Every time I do, my mouth gets extremely dry. Why is that?
A:
As an avid ass-eater myself, I’ve never run into the problem you describe. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. There is nothing inherent to rimming that leads to a dry mouth, but there are a few possible explanations for your condition. As you lick your lover’s butthole and spread your saliva around, you may be sharing more spit than your mouth is producing, leading to an imbalance. You may also be dehydrated, which is easily rectified by drinking plenty of fluids before you dive back in. If it’s still uncomfortable, then I suggest you rub a small amount of lube (either a flavored one or one with a taste you don’t mind) on her pucker before you kiss it. Your dry mouth is most likely unrelated to your ass licking altogether: many medications can cause a dehydrated mouth, as can common substances like tobacco, alcohol, and caffeine. If this parched condition persists, you should see your doctor.
As an avid ass-eater myself, I’ve never run into the problem you describe. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. There is nothing inherent to rimming that leads to a dry mouth, but there are a few possible explanations for your condition. As you lick your lover’s butthole and spread your saliva around, you may be sharing more spit than your mouth is producing, leading to an imbalance. You may also be dehydrated, which is easily rectified by drinking plenty of fluids before you dive back in. If it’s still uncomfortable, then I suggest you rub a small amount of lube (either a flavored one or one with a taste you don’t mind) on her pucker before you kiss it. Your dry mouth is most likely unrelated to your ass licking altogether: many medications can cause a dehydrated mouth, as can common substances like tobacco, alcohol, and caffeine. If this parched condition persists, you should see your doctor.
BOOK: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
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