This Trust of Mine (2 page)

I knew she
wouldn't answer, she rarely, if ever, did. But, I needed to hear her voice. I
needed to hear her to say something, anything. I was dying not being able to
touch her, feel her or listen to her.

"Say
something, Kayla. Please." I stood back staring at her. Her face went from
elated to sullen in less than a second. I wanted to comfort her. Something was
wrong and I could tell she needed me. "Kayla, please tell me what's
wrong."

She turned
briskly and started walking towards our place. I followed slowly behind her,
but she was gaining distance. The more I tried to catch up, the further she
would go.

"Kayla,
wait! Come back!"

I stopped
mid-stride as she came to a halt and slowly began turning in my direction. Her
face was covered in black, and I could only assume it was from her mascara
because she looked as though she had been crying. Just as she was about to turn
away again, I caught sight of a large bruise over her left eye. I began running
faster than I had ever run before, but it wasn't enough.

Just as I
reached out to grab her to comfort her, she was gone.

I shot
straight up in bed, drenched in sweat. I checked my phone through the
splintered screen and it flashed a bright blue twelve, zero, zero. I wiped my
hand down my face and then back through my hair, trying to catch my breath.

The dreams
had only gotten worse since the first time. It was about a week after I had
spoken to Kayla, when she started appearing as the star in my nightmares. She
was always wearing the same thing and her face always went from happy to sad,
in a matter of seconds.

I shook my
head, trying to clear my thoughts enough to go back to sleep, but nothing was
working. I reached for the bottle of water I had left in my sports bag and the
sleeping pills that my doctor had prescribed to me. I wasn't a fan of taking
medication to sleep, but it was the only thing that seemed to keep her away.

I popped the
small white pill and swallowed the remaining contents of the water bottle. I
laid my head back down on my pillow and counted, waiting for sleep to take me
under.

Kayla

The last
thing I wanted to do was go down to the swimming hole with everybody today.
After the night Madison left, I found myself not wanting to do a lot of
anything, actually. I had all but holed myself up in my room, refusing to go
out or talk to anybody. I knew Cami was leaving soon, but that didn't change
the fact that I just wanted to be left alone.

I didn't
tell anybody about the ending to that night. Cami was the only one who knew,
and it was only because she had come looking for me when I didn't come home by
two in the morning.

It didn't
take her long to find me. Despite what Madison seemed to believe, that place,
our place, behind the shed wasn't very inconspicuous, because Cami found it
right away. I had no idea how long I had been out there by myself, but the look
on Cami's face when she found me, was reason enough for me to not ask.

With a
little bit of help on Cami's behalf, we made our way back to the house and up
to my room without being noticed. I collapsed on my bed in a fetal position and
remained unmoving for the next forty-eight hours. Cami brought me some food and
water every now and again, but I had no interest in eating or drinking anything.
I just wanted to be left alone.

She had kept
my grandparents away as best as she could, but my granddad was one stubborn old
man. He was constantly coming in to check on me, making sure I didn't have a
fever and such. What happened to me, didn't come with a fever, it just came
with heartbreak and bad memories.

I gave into
Cami's demands finally, and went with her to the hole with Glenn. They had been
spending quite a bit of time together and I wanted to be able to see her a bit
before she left this weekend. When Cami told me that Dennis was going with us,
I about choked on my own vomit. He was the last person I wanted to see, and the
last guy Madison would want to hear about me being around.

I threw on
one of my most unattractive swimsuits on and threw my hair up into a ponytail
before we headed out to meet Glenn. I vowed not to ask anyone, especially Glenn
about Madison, but being around Glenn again was making that harder than I
thought possible.

The
overwhelming need to say something took over me and I was at a loss when he
answered my unasked question.

"He's
not doing that well, but baseball is keeping him busy."

He glanced
at me out of the corner of his eye, and I half smiled knowing he was telling me
the truth.

The rest of
the day seemed to drag on and I was having absolutely no fun at all. The last
time I had been here it was with Madison and that's how I wanted to remember
it. I heard Glenn's phone ring from across the water hole and by the look on his
face, I knew exactly who was calling. When I saw Cami get on the phone next, my
suspicions were confirmed.

I tried to
concentrate on what Dennis was saying, but in all actuality, I just wanted to
go home. I excused myself and swam back over to Cami, just as she hung up. I
wanted so badly to know what he had said to her, but more than anything, I
wanted to know what she had said to him. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Once we were
back home, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. I was already
registered for school, I found a part time job at one of the local boutiques in
town and I had everything I needed to start. I started the hike up the stairs
when my grandma caught me by the arm.

"Honey,
I believe you and I should have a bit of a talk."

"Oh,
Gram, I really don't feel like it right now. Can we do it tomorrow?"

"No, we
sure as hell cannot. Now come." I stood back in shock at the tone of voice
she had pulled on me, but more so, the language. She never cursed, not one
little bit and if she was cursing now, it was because she was dead serious, and
mad.

"Okay."

She led me
out to the front porch, to the matching wooden rocking chairs. I sat in the one
right next to her, crossing my arms across my still damp bathing suit. "So
what do you wanna talk about?"

"You
need to talk to me, and you need to talk now. I don't know what exactly is
goin' on with ya, but I reckon if ya don't tell me, we're gonna start havin'
some issues."

My
grandmomma's face looked so sad and I wanted to ease her frustration, but there
was no way she could handle what I had to tell her. In fact, it would probably
kill her.

"I
can't. I just can't." I buried my face in my hands as the tears started
rolling endlessly down my face. I knew why she was asking questions. The bruise
on my left eye was just now starting to completely disappear.

"Did
Madison do this to you?" She pointed at my fading bruise with a stern look
on her face.

"Oh no,
god no. Madison would never hurt me, Gram. You know him better than that. It
wasn't Madison."

"Then
you have five seconds to tell me who it was and what has happened to my bright
eyed little darlin', because honey, the girl I'm lookin' at in front of me, is
not her."

"Gram-"

"No, I
won't hear anymore no's comin' from you. I want the truth, all of it and if I
don't get it, well, then you might have to just find yourself somewhere else to
live, Darlin'. We don't lie to one another in this family. You know that."

Guilt, that
was the only reason I started explainin' myself to her, and this was the only
home I knew. "He found me."

"Who
found ya, Darlin'?"

Her cool,
wrinkled hands were holding mine as she stroked the back of them with the pads
of her thumbs. "Wren." His voice came out barely a whisper, but I
knew she heard me when she tightened her grip on my hands.

"When?"
She stuttered.

"The
night Madison left. I went out to say good-bye to him and when I started comin'
home, he was right behind me." I swallowed past the lump in my throat,
trying to get out the rest of the story, without falling to pieces in front of
my grandmomma.

"What
happened, KJ?"

I looked up
at her with tears in my eyes. I blinked rapidly trying to clear my tear clouded
vision. "He...he...ra...raped, me." As I heard the words being spoken
out loud, I crumpled over into my granmomma's lap. My cries instantly turned
into hysterics and I was havin' a hard time catching my breath. Her fingers
combed through my hair and ran down my back, in small soothing motions, but
nothing or no one could take away the pain of that night, not even my
grandmomma.

"Oh my
lord, Kayla. You should've never had to go through that. No girl or woman
should ever have to go through that. It wasn't your fault, Darlin'. He is a
wicked boy. Are you okay? I mean physically are you okay?"

I shook my
head in her lap, knowing damn right good and well that I wasn't.

"Have
you told Madison?"

I looked up
through hooded eyes at my grams, "no, I can never tell him. He will never
want me again."

"Oh
dear, you know that ain't true. That boy loves you. Kayla, that boy would climb
the tallest mountain for you, swim the deepest ocean, hell he would even give
you his own life as long as he could have just a small piece of you. I know
this."

"How do
you know?"

"Because
I spoke with the young man the day he left. There ain't nothin' that boy
wouldn't give to be with you."

I slowly sat
back in my chair, wiping the still falling tears off of my cheeks. "He
asked me to go with him." As much as I didn't want to tell her, I felt I
owed her that since she had shared something with me.

"I see.
And why didn't you go? Do you not love him, Kayla?"

"Of
course I do. I know that sounds a little trite, given the current situation and
the lack of time that I've known him, but I really do. He's all I ever think
about. Everyday, I wake up and go to sleep thinkin' of nothin' but him. Hell,
he's even in my dreams. I can't shake him, and I don't think I want to. Does
that make any sense?" I set my head back against the tall wooden chair and
began rocking.

"Of
course that makes sense. It's called the Raine Effect." My grandmomma
chuckled. "I too, was once in love with a Raine. I don't know what it is
about those men, but they have somethin' that grips at your soul and never lets
go. Trust me baby, I understand."

My eyes shot
open and in the direction of my grandmomma. "Well, I reckon one day you'll
have to tell me that story."

"Another
day, dear, another day. I think you should call that boy. He is probably just
about freakin' out. How long has it been since he has even heard from
you?"

"A
month." I whispered, ashamed at my behavior.

"Good
lord, that's quite a while. Kayla Anne James, you march your butt into that
house and you pick up that phone to call that boy. You need to put him out of
his misery. Now I'm not sayin' you need to share
everything
you shared with me, but you need to make him understand,
before it's too late."

I nodded in
agreement. I stood and kissed my grandmomma on the head as I made my way inside
to find my cell phone. I had turned it off almost three weeks ago, when Madison
wouldn't stop calling. As soon as I powered it on, I saw all the missed calls
and messages. My entire voicemail box was full. I couldn't believe it.

Before I
called Madison, I sat against my headboard and listened to every last message
he had left me. They varied from sad, to mad, to angry, to hurt, to heartbroken
and finally livid. I wasn't sure exactly how he was going to react to me
calling, or if he'd even pick up, but I had to take the chance, on him.

Madison

I woke up
again a little after one in the mornin', unable to get any sort of sleep. I was
feeling a bit loopy due to my sleeping pill, but I could no longer just lay in
bed staring at the ceiling, willing her to come back to me. After my
conversation with Glenn and Cami today, I could only assume that she was
finding a way to move on from me.

Of course it
broke my heart, but what could I do really? Kayla was a strong willed girl, and
if she wanted something, she would make it happen. Obviously, what she wanted
wasn't me. I pushed myself into a sitting position, as I ran my hands down my
face, trying to wake up enough to get out of this suffocating dorm room. I
pulled on a pair of jeans, my black t-shirt, black chucks and my signature
baseball cap and headed out. I wasn't exactly sure where I was going, but ASU
was known as the party school, so I'm sure I could find some sort of trouble to
get into.

Sure enough
after walking down sorority row, or whatever they called it these days, I saw
that one of the sororities was having a party. There was a slew of plastic red
cups strung across the yard along with a couple of people. Some passed out,
some having sex and some throwing up the contents of their stomachs. Yup,
wouldn't be a Friday night otherwise. School wasn't in session yet, so it was a
little weird to see so many people already on campus, but I was going to go
ahead and assume that the fraternities and sororities came early.