This Trust of Mine (4 page)

We both sat
silent for what felt like forever, except for my occasional gasp for air as I
tried to calm myself down enough to talk. "I...I...mis...miss...y...you."

"Oh
god, Kayla. I needed to hear you say that. Please, pretty girl calm down enough
to talk to me. I need to talk to you. I need to hear your angelic voice. Hell,
I just fuckin' need you, Kayla."

We sat in
silence a little bit longer, until I was able to speak without stuttering.
"Madison, I made a mistake. I should have gone with you. But, I just
couldn't."

"God, I
know sweetheart. I never should've asked that of ya. I should've stayed. I
could've played ball anywhere. It didn't have to be here."

"It's
okay, Madison. I understand why you did it. Why you needed to leave. You have
to believe me when I say it wasn't like that with Dennis. Cami had been trying
to get me out of the house all month, but I just didn't want to leave or be
around anybody. I finally gave in, knowing that I had to start living again, I
jus-"

"Don't,
please don't finish. You never have to explain yourself to me, ever. I was just
so jealous, it sent me into a small fit of rage." I giggled as I pictured
Madison as the Hulk. "What's so funny over there?"

"Oh
nothing, I was just picturing you all big and green." I laughed louder.

"Oh
really now? In all seriousness KJ, I miss you so bad. I don't know how I'm
gonna be able to do this. It's only been a month and I'm about to lose it.
That's how crazy you make me feel."

"I'm
sorry, cowboy. I promise, we will talk everyday. I'm gonna make a bigger
effort, lord knows you deserve it."

"I
really don't, Kayla. But it's nice to hear it all the same. So tell me what
you've been up to. You all ready for the school year?"

I would've
given anything to just hear him talk to me until I fell asleep, but
unfortunately he wanted to know about me. No lies, was all I kept repeating to
myself. I told him about the school I would be going to, and the job I got in
town. I also told him that my granddaddy was goin' to be buying me a truck so
he didn't have to take me everyday and he just laughed. I wanted to tell him, I
really did, but something deep down just wouldn't let the words come out.

After another
hour or so of talking had passed, I was trying my hardest to stifle a yawn, but
Madison caught on. "Pretty girl, you need your beauty sleep. I'll call you
in the mornin' before I head out for practice, if that's okay?"

"Of
course."

"It's a
date then. I'll talk to ya first thing in the mornin'."

"It is
mornin', cowboy." I giggled.

"Okay,
later in the mornin' smart ass."

"You
like my smart ass."

"Sure
do. Sweet dreams, pretty girl. Dream of me?"

"Always,
cowboy, always."

With that,
our call ended and I drifted fast asleep. For the first time in awhile, I
didn't have one single nightmare.

*****

I woke to
someone vigorously shaking me and I reached for Cami's arm to make sure it was
her before I started swinging. When my hand tightly grasped her shoulder, she squealed
in pain.

"Jeez
Kayla, aggressive much?"

"Well
maybe you shouldn't be shakin' people awake, bitch."

She started
laughing and I joined in once I could get my sleepy eyes to open. "What
the hell time is it anyway?"

"Just
past nine. Please don't grab me again." She had her pillow pulled in front
of her, as if that flimsy barricade was gonna stop me from kickin' her ass.

"Oh my
god, I got hardly any sleep at all. This sucks."

"Did
you talk to him? Did ya, did ya, huh, huh??"

"Oh my
god, shut up. You are way too perky for nine in the morning. What the hell did
you do with my best friend who hates mornings just as much as me? I want her
back, not this imposter in front of me."

She smacked
my shoulder and stood up laughing. "Get dressed. Breakfast is almost ready
and your grandparent's say they have something important to talk to you about.
Hurry up, I have coffee waiting for you." She said in a singsong voice.

I was up and
dressed in less than ten minutes. A record for me, but if I'd get up for
anything, it would be coffee.

"I
wonder what they need to talk to me about? Did you do something wrong, Cam? Are
they sending you home early, you little slut?" I threw my head back in
laughter as Cami shot me a dirty look.

"No,
bitch! I've been a good little girl, unlike you."

I shot a
quick dirty look in her direction before we headed downstairs. The mouth-watering
aroma of coffee assaulted my nostrils and I swear I ran the rest of the way
down the stairs.

"Well,
well, someone looks happier today."

I ran to my grandmomma
on my way to the coffee pot and gave her a huge hug. "Thanks you,
Gram." I whispered into her ear.

"Anytime,
Dear." She whispered back.

"What
are y'all whisperin' about over there?" My granddaddy always got a little
jealous when I gave more attention to my grandmomma. He could be quite a baby,
that old man.

"Now
get your coffee, and make your way back over to the is table, Darlin'. We have
somethin' we need to talk to ya about."

"Okay,
I'm hurryin'."

I quickly
stirred in my cream and sugar and made my way over to the dining room table.
Everyone else was already seated with a chair open for me right next to my granddad.
I placed a small kiss to his cheek and he lovingly patted me on the hand.

"So
what's up?" I was strangely nervous for the first time around my
grandparents in I don't know how long.

"I
reckon I better just show ya. No need to talk about it." My grandfather
was being cryptic, which so wasn't him.

I almost
choked on my coffee as a sly smile broke out across his weathered adoring face.
"Oh-kay! Lead the way."

As I
followed my grandparents and an overly excited Cami outside, my breathing
started becoming short and staggered. I was never good with surprises and after
the month I'd had, I wasn't really in the mood for another. As we reached the
end of the driveway, a bright cherry red, 1969 Chevy pickup came into view. I
was speechless as my hands flew up to my agape mouth. This wasn't just
some
pickup truck. Upon closer
inspection, I realized just how much work my grandfather must've put into this thing.
The paint was brand new, along with the tires, rims and pristine leather
interior. Everything was immaculate and beautiful with its illustrious shine.

I turned and
threw myself into my granddaddy’s outstretched arms. I held him tightly,
breathing in his scent and holding him as near and dear as I possibly could. I
loved this man with all that I was. Every bone in my body cherished him and my
grandmomma like no one else in this world. I gently pressed a small kiss to his
weathered cheek as he slipped the keys into my hand.

And just
like that, my day was suddenly looking up.

Madison

I woke up
the next morning for practice feelin' like absolute shit. Although I was
ecstatic to be able to talk to Kayla, I was less than enthusiastic to be gettin'
up at the ass crack of dawn for practice. As I made my way into the locker
room, flashbacks of last night flooded my mind. Shit! What the hell had I done?
Before I could get to down on myself, Swansen came strutting into the locker
room, patting me on the shoulder.

"Nice
score last night, bro. So how was she?"

Fuck!

"Shut
up, dude. Nothin' happened." He knew just as well as anybody else that
this was a lie.

"Yeah,
okay buddy. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

Yeah, I knew
it totally wasn't. Swansen had a big mouth. I was already aware of this fact,
even though I hadn't even known him that long. What the hell was I supposed to
do? If Kayla ever found out, she would never forgive me. I promised I would
wait for her. I promised her everything. Although, we did agree that we weren't
together right now. Oh hell, there was no way I was goin' to be able to find an
escape clause.

I finished
getting dressed for practice and ran my ass out onto the field for warm up's.
Maybe I'd get lucky and Korena hadn't told anybody.

To my
surprise it was a scrimmage day. Could this day get any worse? Our scrimmage
went by exceptionally slow. By the time we were done and cleaning up all of the
equipment off of the field, I felt as though I was about to throw up and then pass
out.

I was the
last one to make it over to the locker room, and I about shit myself when I saw
Korena leaning up against the wall. She was dressed in a short denim mini
skirt, and a barely there top. It's not that she wasn't attractive, but I
wasn't about to mess things up with Kayla even more than they were already.

"Hey
Madison. How was practice?" Her voice was too perky for my liking.

"Hey
Korena. Long and boring. I gotta go." I wasn't in the mood to have to
explain my entire life to this girl.

"Well,
I was just wondering if you wanted to get together later?"

"Sorry,
no. I have a lot of shit to do before tomorrow." I didn't wait to hear her
reaction, so I just squeezed past her to go into the locker room.

I quickly
showered and gathered up my things to head back to my dorm room. The mid
afternoon sun began scorching my skin as I made my way over to my truck, and I
suddenly remembered that I promised Kayla I would call her this morning.

Shit!

I dug
through my jean pockets for my phone, letting out a huge sigh of relief when I
found it without missed calls. I quickly scrolled through to find her name and
clicked on her picture to call her.

The phone
rang more times than I thought it would, but I wasn't surprised that she didn't
answer. She was probably pissed off at me at this point. I was supposed to call
her first thing this morning and it was now almost four in the afternoon here.

When she
didn't answer, I realized that I may have just botched the one good thing I had
goin' for me at the moment. I started making my way to my dorm, when I found
myself walking back towards the diamond. I made my way onto the bleachers and
sank back against the cool metal stands.

I had loved
playin' ball for as long as I could remember. When I had first decided to play
t-ball when I was four, I knew it was exactly what I wanted to do with my life.
I felt free on that mound. I felt whole. My dad had been the one to convince me
to keep at it, when all I wanted to do was quit. My mom had just died and even
though at my young age, it was a hard thing to fathom, he found it in himself
to keep me going. We used to spend hour upon hour at that small baseball field,
playing catch and him teaching me how to bat. Back then, I thought my father
could have walked on water. He was my idol and I couldn't wait to grow up and
be just like him.

My how the
tables had turned. When my father started gambling, he slowly started missing
games one at a time. By the time I turned thirteen, I knew that I wanted to be
the exact opposite of my father. I wanted to be a man that people could
respect. A man that people would want to be associated with, and a man that a
woman would give anything to be with. Determination and self resolve pushed me
into becoming the best baseball player possible and when Glenn and I decided to
start a band, well, life got even better. We threw ourselves into sports and
our band, and we never cared for one single second what people thought of us.

My father
went off to jail when I was fifteen, and that was the day I decided to never
look back. I could no longer let who my father was, dictate how I lived, or who
I hung out with. That was also the day Glenn and I had gotten our first
tattoos. Someone probably should have told me how addicting they were, but
whatcha gonna do?

I grabbed my
bat and a couple of balls out of my bag, trying to let all my aggression out
before I called Kayla again. It seemed lately, that every time I tried talking
to her, she would shut down and turn the conversation onto me. She seemed to
never want to talk about herself and it was starting to drive me nuts.

I threw the
first red-laced ball high into the air and just as it came falling down, I
swung. The crack of the ball against the aluminum made my heart jump, just as
it always had. I closed my eyes, listening to the ball fly through the air and
then landing on the freshly cut grass, just short of the outside fence.

I threw
another and with every crack, my body slowly started to relax and my mind began
to go blank. I repeated the same action until I was all out of balls. I threw
the bat to the ground and quickly took off in the direction of the baseballs. I
had driven most of them in the same vicinity. When I reached them, I let out a
sigh and gathered as many as my arms would hold. I made a small pile of the
leather balls and began throwing them back to home plate.

Just as I
had done a million times before, I stood breathing in the crisp mid afternoon
air before closing my eyes and concentrating on nothing but the beat of my
heart. I brought my hands together, lifted up my left leg and cocked my
throwing arm back. I opened my eyes at the last second pulling home plate into
my vision and only concentrating on that tiny piece of white rubber. I kept my
eyes straightforward as I snapped the ball forward, my body following through
as my eyes fluttered shut. When I stood to see where I had thrown it, I caught
sight of that small ball tapping down right on home plate.