TITAN (15 page)

He sat there, stunned.

She had never asked him for
anything.

She wasn’t the type to be needy.

He didn’t understand where this was
coming from. She was not acting herself.

She was all he ever wanted in a
woman and she never picked fights or even tried to argue with him. Even when
she didn’t agree with him, she would say it in a way that wasn’t offensive.

She was the opposite of what
annoyed him about women.

And now, this crap?

What did she want? I love you?

She was happy most days and had a
way of bringing him out of whatever mood he was in. He wanted her in his life.

She made him…
better
.

He finished his dinner and stood
up, deciding to take the bait.

Walking into the bedroom he looked
at her. She was asleep. He smiled.

She never expected him to cave, not
at all; she wasn’t waiting on him to say anything. That’s when he knew she had
gotten him.

She knew if he did say something
she would know she was right, but she also knew if he came after her that would
be enough too.

He realized then, that he needed
her, that’s all she wanted to show him.

She looked so beautiful and she had
gotten the best of him. He was not happy.

“Wake up JORDY!” he snapped,
spoiling for a fight, not ready for any of this.

“Too much, too soon?”

She smiled from under the covers.

“This is my fucking bed, you don’t
give me permission to,” he cut himself, off laughing at her. Her body was
shaking with uncontrollable laughter under the covers and she couldn’t hold it
in anymore.

“You are an evil, evil bitch.
Trying to fuck with me?” he said, smiling at her.

“And succeeding,” she said, smugly,
“now
come
get your spoonful of sugar to help that
medicine go down.” 

“I ought to rape you and throw you
down the stairs but…”

“But you need me.”

“You make me better,” he said,
sincerely.

“Good, don’t fuck it up,” she said,
satisfied.

“I really hate you right now,” he
said.

“It’s probably the one and only time
I will ever get the best of you, Tite,” she said, positive that was the truth.

“Jordy,” he said, climbing into
bed. “Fine. You got me, now pass out.” He covered her face with his hand and
smashed it into the pillow.

“Oh baby, the pillow talk,” she muffled
through his fingers, gasping for air.

She knew he loved her.

She knew it.

It was the best day of her life.

Another week passed and Tite came
home one day, seriously irritated.

He had just had
a
fallout
with one of his crew and was tired and irritable.

She had felt him becoming more
distant in the past week and had no idea why this had started. When she tried
to broach the subject, he just dismissed it as if it was in her head. He was
looking bored with every word she spoke.

She tried her best to appease him,
but he would barely respond to her.

When they finally went to bed, she
expected nothing other than the new normal. When she went to reach for him, he
hesitated.

She felt her heart drop and took
her hands back.

“What do you want, Jordy?” he said,
sarcastically.

“Nothing, Tite. What is wrong with
you today?” she asked, carefully.

“I know what you want,” he said,
grabbing her and roughly entering her without an invitation.

“Ow, oh.” She let him hurt her and
when he got more aggressive, she started to protest.

“Maybe this song has been playing
too long.”

She knew what he meant but asked
anyway, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe we are just a little tired
of each other? I mean, when is the last time you went home, Jordy?”

Jordy didn’t say a word. She was
humiliated. She buried her face in her pillow.

“I am not trying to be a dick, but
you know it’s been a long time and we are together and all that.”

“I swear to God,” Jordy piped, “if
you give me that space talk I will punch you right in the fucking jaw. I know
what you mean. I know what you are saying.”

“I will go home tomorrow and please
don’t think for one fucking second you won’t miss me. You are different than
other men, I will give you that, but I will be damned if you make me feel like
another whore, so do us both a favor,” she said, grabbing her pillow and
heading out of his bedroom, “don’t say another word.”

It was too dark to see the
expression on his face, but she knew it read, ‘I don’t care’.

He was heartless, he had to be.

She will never understand this
bastard. She prayed that her words were true, that he would miss her. They
hadn’t been apart in months.

Maybe it was time for some space.

Once again she had neglected her
family and friends. She doubted Angie would even speak to her.

Bastard.

If she didn’t have so much crap in
his room and bedroom she would have left then. She stayed up all night,
planning her exit route. She waited for him to wake up and hit the gym.

She finished packing her tote. He
didn’t say it was over. There was no reason to bring it all. She saw him out of
the corner of her eye, sweaty from his workout. She had taken too long to pack.

Fuck.

“Should I take it all?”

“I am sorry, you know, about the
way I said things.”

“I am sorry you’re such a fucking
dick, too, answer the question.”

“Language, Jordy,” he said,
smiling.

“I’m out,” she said, grabbing her
tote, “If you want to be rid of me, have your next whore pack my shit.”

“You’re not my whore, I just
want…..”

“I don’t care, whatever the reason
is, I don’t care,” she said, voice shaking. She didn’t look at him. She just
got the hell out of there, taking special care not to brush him as she walked
past him.

“Jordy, don’t go away mad.”

“I get to go
out
now, Tite.
I get to go to restaurants and movies and hang with my friends. Can you say
that? I’m not mad, I promise, I will think of this as a vacation.”

The elevator door started to shut
and his face hardened to complete fury. She gave him a million dollar smile.

She opened the door and stumbled
in, Angie on her heels.

“You better have a bottle of
something after that shit,” Angie slurred, turning on the light and heading for
the kitchen.

“Angie, I love you, but you can’t
even fucking speak properly.”

She watched Angie open the fridge
and go down fast when it gave quickly.

“Ah!” was all Jordy heard as she
saw Angie's head disappear. Jordy roared with laughter, setting their fast food
bags down on the counter, rounding the corner to help her up.

“You stupid ass. You are totally
staying the night.” She helped her up.

“JJJJOOORDDDY, I love you.”

“Yes, yes, you do and I love you.
Damn glad I drove.”

“Oh shut up, I am not that bad,”
she said, reaching on the counter and grabbing a bag and fidgeting with it.

Happily letting out a sigh, she
found her prize, shoving the egg roll in her mouth.

She looked up and saw Titan sitting
on the couch, studying her.

“
Holy shit!”

 Angie could not maintain her
composure. She knelt on the floor again and spit out her eggroll.

“What?” Jordy turned to see what
had scared her and saw him.

She knelt down next to Angie, who
was clearly having a panic attack.

Jordy was so amused and buzzed she
had to make sure he heard, “I know exactly how you feel, baby, you just stay
down here and finish your eggroll.”

“Really Tite? Mass murderer style
with the lights off? Well, you didn’t get me this time, but you’re still on
point,” she said, nodding over her shoulder at Angie who was still hiding
behind the counter.

She had given him a key to her
place after a few months together, this was the first time he had ever used it.

He was not amused at all. He looked
furious.

“Who is this?” he asked, as calm as
possible.

“Angie,” she piped up, brushing
herself off, and coming up slowly over the counter. She looked at Jordy,
helpless that she would never recover.

“This is my best friend Angie,
Angie this is TITAN,” she said, loudly, as if she was introducing a circus
animal.

“Okay, that’s my cue,” he snapped.

“What’s the matter with you?” Jordy
said, knowing full well he was mad at her for being drunk, having fun and not
sitting at home, waiting for him.

“I wanted to say what’s up but I
can see you’re entertained.”

“No! Don’t leave!” Angie all but
screamed, embarrassing herself further.

Jordy looked at her best friend and
understood exactly where she was coming from.

“She needs a Xanax.” Jordy took a
jab.

It had been almost two weeks and he
had only called her once, with no indication that he wanted to see her.

She grabbed his hand and took him
to the bedroom so they could talk.

She felt him stiffen as she touched
him.

He was
on fire
mad.

“Stop it, just stop it. What you
did to me was fucked up, but I have come to expect it from you. You can’t be mad
at me for being buzzed or having fun or living without you. You forced this on
me.”

“I got through at the studio and
came here, thinking about you. I didn’t expect to be sitting here an hour,
wondering where the fuck you were. It’s later than the bars close.”

“In the dark? You call me dramatic.
That’s what phones are for, Tite, but I get the feeling you were making sure I
was alone,” she said, a little testy.

“Honestly, we went to the bar. Then
we went and got food and got pulled over. I narrowly escaped DUI and now, we
are here,” she said, not wanting to rock the boat. God he looked so good.

He rolled his eyes and looked
bored.

“You know I hate that, when you
roll your eyes like you are bored and have better things to do. You want
perfect, buy a Barbie. They are quiet.”

He missed her so much, now all he
wanted to do was strangle her.

“At least a Barbie has an ass,” he
said, still pissed, but trying to play it down a little.

“We have greasy food that will put
you in the gym for three hours.”

Jordy smiled at him. She planted a
soft kiss on his lips and gestured for him to join them.

“And have her stare at me the whole
time?” he said, gesturing toward Angie. “I’ll pass.”

“She is my family,” Jordy said,
offended.

“So spend time with her. I will
pick you up tomorrow.” He grabbed her and kissed her, letting her know it was
going to be a fun day.

“Tite,” she sighed, “I fucking hate
you.”

“You too, baby,” he said, leaving.
“Bye Angie, I will see you again.”

He winked at her and shut the door
behind him, locking it. It made Jordy’s heart leap in her throat when she saw
the lock turn.

Maybe he did have a heart.

At least he was protective.

“Angie…
breathe
,
breathe, good… now, sit down.”

“I mean, holy fucking shit Jordy!
How do you handle that?”

“It gets easier, especially when
they start to act like a typical man. Then, I see him in the limelight again
and I am awestruck. It’s hard to explain.”

“You have got to be the luckiest
woman in the world,” she said, still shocked at what just happened.

“Yeah, but it’s scary, Angie,” she
said, grabbing her takeout, hoping tomorrow would be as fun as it seemed.

It had been two weeks since he had
showed up in her apartment. He was back to his old self again. She would never know
why he had started acting the way he did and she didn’t care.

She was so happy, she never asked.

“Jordy, I am leaving,” he said,
almost scared at her reaction. “But I want you to move in, move your stuff in,
while I am gone. I want you to make this your home. You can keep your place;
too, I just want to know you’re here.”

He looked at her, serious, but also
asking.

“For how long, Tite?” She was
ruined already. She couldn’t imagine how bad this was going to be.

“Three months.”

“Fuck,” she said, letting
herself
sound the way she felt, devastated.

“Yeah, and I will be so spread out,
I won’t be back at all.”

“This is what comes with it,” she
said, sighing into submission.

They were on the couch laying down,
T.V. in the background.

“So, will you move some stuff in?”
he asked, sounding hopeful.

“Half of my stuff is already here,
Tite, not much else I can do,” she said, sitting up, looking at him, looking at
her.

“It’s not going to be a long time
for me, but for you,” he said, letting his voice wander, “it will seem a little
longer. I will be really busy and tired a lot. I won’t get to call you often
and it will be a big pause on, I guess, on us,” he said, letting her know what
she was in for.

“So what’s the point of me sitting
here in your house, going fucking crazy, and missing you when I can be at home
doing the same? I will see you with every step I take in this house. We
never
leave this house, Tite. You want to mind fuck me to death?”

“Because you will be here, and my
staff can look after you, and I will know you’re here,” he said, hopeful.

“If that’s what you want, I want it
too.” This time she couldn’t hide that her voice was shaking. “When do you
leave?”

“Tomorrow,” he said.

“Tomorrow!” she said, almost
hysterically.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t
want to upset you and lose what time we had left while you pouted, like you are
now, woman,” he said, amused.

“Fuck.” She got up abruptly and
left the room, walking outside to her usual route on the grounds.

When she came back in, Tite was
still on the couch, watching the Cowboys and texting.

She knew her face looked
tear
stained but she didn’t care. She walked around so he
could see her and stood there, with her arms folded. “Will you tell me if you
end up sleeping with someone?” she said, as calmly as she could.

“Jordy, I can keep my dick in my
pants, but yes, if I slip up, I won’t lie,” he said as honestly as he could,
even though he was more amused than offended by her question.

“I never expected it to last this
long. I never expected you to be completely faithful to me, even after you said
you would be, and now I am so fucked for you, I don’t know if I can do this,”
she said, honestly.

“Jordy, it’s hard. I can tell you
now. We haven’t even had to deal with press yet. This is not an easy road, as it
is. I am getting older and I have to do this as long...”

She cut him off. “I will never,
ever
ask you to give anything up for me. I don’t think I can wander around your
castle, not hearing from you, wondering who’s in your bed for three months.
That’s all, Tite.”

“Jordy, please, just do it for me.
Knowing you’re here will make a difference to me. And it kind of makes you
queen of the
castle,
doesn’t it?”

He finished a text and looked up at
her. Seeing her face a mess didn’t settle well with him. He knew it would be a
long trip. He would take her with him, but their relationship would finally
break out in the press and that might ruin what they had going on.

She was still working and he wasn’t
under fire for any personal questions. They had managed to avoid outing their
relationship and it was for the best. He also didn’t know how he would feel if
he let her in that part of his life.

She didn’t irritate him now, or at
all, for that matter.

If she were a part of his entire
world, that might change.

He didn’t want to take that chance.
Not yet.

“Tite, quit asking me like I have a
choice,” she said, knowing she would do it for him and for her. Staying home,
alone, in that apartment, she would lose her mind just as easy. Oh, this was
going to be horrible.

“So, what are the rules here?” she
asked, curious.

“I work and call you when I can,”
he said with finality.

“And, I work and sleep here and
stay miserable,” she said, now worried she was throwing too much of a fit.

“Jordy,” he started, getting
irritated.

“Hey, asshole, don’t get edgy with
me, you just threw this on me without warning,” she hissed.

“Wow,” he said, unimpressed by her
venom.

“
It’s
jealousy,” she said, “It’s a new flaw.”

“Jordy, are you starting a fight
with me?” he said, standing now, hands on his hips, in one of his funniest
accents.

She started laughing right away but
then her face fell, and she couldn’t stop the tears.

“This is going to suck so
bad
.” She cried in his chest.

Laughing, he pulled away from her.
“Jordy, you know I just asked you to move into my house, right? You could act a
little excited.”

“Yay,” she said, voice shaking.

“Jordy,” he said, laughing at her,
“stop, come on, baby, let’s go eat dinner.”

“Fucking sucks,” she said, letting
herself get dragged to the dining room.

 “You okay down there?” he
said, calling to her, still laughing at the fact she made them sit on opposite
sides of the twenty person dining table.

“Yep, just fine. I just want to get
used to distance,” she said, sarcastically.

“
Jordy,
cut the shit. I am sorry I didn’t tell you. Can you please chill and come down
here and eat with me?”

She grabbed her plate and drink and
walked down to join him. There was no sense fighting the inevitable. “I know I
am being an ass.” She glared at him. “Don’t you dare start with the ass
jokes.
”

“Baby, baby,” he said, lowering his
voice and acting surprised by her accusations.

“I am fine, Tite. Three months?
 I will deal with it.”

“Jordy, it’s not going to be
easy
for me, just
busy
for me,” he said, reassuring her.

“What if…“

He cut her off right away.
“Remember those two months?” He reminded her of his faithfulness when they
weren’t together. “Don’t start with
the what
if’s. Move
into my house and be with me, that’s how I am leaving here.”

Jordy tried her best not to cry the
next morning. She was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth when she felt the
first hot tears starting to flow. She tried to recover quickly when she heard
the water cut off and the shower curtain move, but he saw them.

She put the toothbrush down and
looked at him in the mirror.

“I love you, Phillip.”

That shattered him.

He was hopeful that she would be in
better spirits today and would send him off with great sex and a smile.

She had said his name, which was
rare.

He couldn’t even remember the last
time she had said it.

“You already knew it, so stop
staring at me like that,” she said, still staring at him in the mirror, his
naked body only ruining her stability by the second.

“I just wanted you to hear me say
it. I love you.”

She picked up her toothbrush again
and started brushing, still watching him in the mirror. He grabbed a towel,
barely dried himself and went straight for her.

She was wearing a terrycloth robe
and he quickly undid the tie. He kept her facing the mirror, staring at him,
hot tears streaming down her face. She set her toothbrush down and tried to
turn but he kept her where she was. They looked at each other in the mirror for
the longest time. He moved her wet hair away and kissed her neck, taking his
other arm and wrapping it around her.

He whispered in her ear, “Jordy”,
almost as if he was asking her to stop.

He gently lifted the robe around to
her midriff, bending her over
slightly,
he stared at
her in the mirror again and entered her slowly. She was letting the tears flow
out, one after another. He slid himself in and out so slowly, staring at her,
breathing in deep, closing his eyes, shutting them and would open them again to
her doing the same. When they finally let go, he turned her around and propped
her on the sink. He looked at her and kissed her. “I hope I can be that guy for
you.”

“You already are,” she said,
without hesitation.

He picked her up and carried her to
bed. She had her legs wrapped around him. He took her again, this time with
less tenderness. She fell asleep listening to him breathe. “Just don’t tell me,
if you do anything wrong, lie to me, Tite, just lie, and I will believe you.”

When she woke up, he was gone. He
didn’t even say goodbye, but she guessed it was better that way. She had cried
more in the last 24 hours than he had witnessed.

She felt terrible for doing it to
him, but knew his logic in telling her when he did was for the best. He was probably
saving himself the drama.

She started crying immediately when
she realized he was gone. She let go of the sobs she had been holding on to.
She stayed in that bed for two days until it was time to go to work. When she
dragged herself out of his castle, she knew she would have to return to it
without him.

Work would be her refuge. It was
the only way she could endure this.

“What the fuck, Jordy?” she heard
Angie hiss through the phone.

She had completely neglected their
friendship these last months with Titan and she knew she deserved what was
coming. She hadn’t even bothered to call her when he left.

 
She had kept to herself for almost two months.
Angie was really upset and she didn’t know if she would forgive her this time. She
sat at her desk scanning her co-workers, worried, as if they could hear Angie’s
tantrum on the other end of the line.

“What would you do in my shoes,
Angie?” she said
,
as if to challenge her to come up
with a better answer for her disregard.

“I don’t know. Maybe pick up the
phone, at least. Maybe hang out once in a while?”

“I just got to the comfortable
point again when he left,” she said, softly crying, trying not to let Angie
hear her shaking voice.

Jordy played with the phone cord
and tried to sound casual and apologetic, but all she felt was empty.

“How can I be a friend to you, now,
when you have ignored me whenever he’s around?” Angie said, more hurt than
angry.

“I don’t expect you to, but I still
love you and I don’t blame you if you hang up on me,” Jordy said, defeated.

“No. I love you, even when you are
a selfish bitch,” Angie said, almost throwing her a bone.

“Let’s go to the Red Room tonight
and have a drink,” she said, as if they were picking up where they left off.

“No clubs, I am too old for that
shit,” Jordy said with finality. “You haven’t told anyone have you Angie? About
me and Tite?

“No Jordy, just Cameron, and he
could care less,” she said, referring to her husband who didn’t care for rap or
mainstream anything.

“Good then, how about a bar?
Nomo’s please
?” she said, a little excited about the
prospect of being out. It had been too long. She had wrapped herself so far
into Tite’s world she forgot the feeling of freedom, being able to go into a
place without worrying about exposure.

“Deal,” Angie
said,
excitement in her voice as well. “And you are going to tell me everything!”
With a short pause, she added, “And Jordy, Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks, Angie. Pick me up at
5:00?”

“Yep.”

“Only one more month Jordy,” she
muttered.

Tite had called her two or three
times a week.

She had leapt to the phone each
time, sounding painfully cheerful.

He could tell she was faking it.
Their conversations were short and awkward. He didn’t like the phone and wasn’t
a fan of phone conversations. She never got off feeling better, only more
distant. She counted the days, they were creeping by. She could care less about
her birthday, what she wanted was on a different continent.

“Delivery for Jordania Wilson,”
Chip, her favorite coworker said, handing her a UPS box.

She smiled when she saw the card.

Happy Birthday Baby, love Ahab
.

She smiled and ripped the box open
while Chip looked on. Jordy grabbed the contents. It was two boxes. One large
box and one small black box with Cartier written on both. She looked at Chip
for some privacy and he looked right back at her, showing her he had no
intentions of leaving. Jordy opened the box to find a diamond studded computer
mouse with gemstones on the right and left click buttons. She let out a gasp
but Chip did worse. “HOLY SHIT!” he exclaimed.

She opened the small one and it was
a diamond Cowboys helmet with sapphires as the star. Jordy knew she was in for
twenty questions and cursed herself for opening the gift when she did. How in
the hell did Tite think he was going to get this past the staff?

“Jordy, that mouse has to be worth
fifty grand!” Chip could not keep his composure.

“Do tell, bitch, who’s the
millionaire?”

“Chip, If I tell you, you have to swear
to God you will tell no one in this office that this is real and never, I mean
ever, say a word, ” she said, as serious as she could muster, still amazed at
her gift and desperate to say thank you to a man that was half way around the
world.