Too Much To Bear: BBW Shifter Romance (Shifters of Spellholm Forest - The Bears) (2 page)

“Thanks honey,” Wes came forward and took the box from her.

For the first time Paris saw Beck sitting at the bar. “Oh, I didn't know there was someone else here.”

A look passed between Beck and Wes, and Jenny was sure a low rumble came from Wes. He must be a little worried what Beck might say to Paris, After all, it wasn’t only Jenny who he liked to be rude to. He cast his vicious comments far and wide.

“This is Beck, my younger brother.”

Paris’s smile brightened. “Hi Beck. Nice to meet you, I thought Wes was hiding you all from me.”

Beck got to his feet, and Jenny found herself holding her breath, ready to step in and defend her friend if he dared say something out of place.

Instead Beck came around the bar, still giving Jenny a very wide berth, and wrapped his huge arms around Paris. “It’s good to meet the woman my brother has decided to settle down with.”

Jenny exhaled, and wondered what had happened to Beck to make him act so civilised. Should she be drawn in to this new version, or be on her guard? It could all be an act, biding his time for maximum hurt. She wished Wes hadn’t mentioned the ring in front of him, the thought of him ruining all this for her friends was unbearable.

“Thank you. Are you staying with us?” asked Paris.

“With us? Oh, you live here permanently?” Beck looked a little shocked.

“Yes, she does, Beck. But of course you are welcome to stay, there’s plenty of room.”

“For a night or two, then I’ll find somewhere else. Don’t want to cramp your style, brother.” He turned and grinned at Wes, and for the first time looked something of his old self. However, when his eyes rested on Jenny again, his face shut down, his expression becoming unreadable.

The atmosphere was so awkward they all felt it. Jenny wished Beck had never come here, and all she wanted to do was leave, so she linked arms with Paris, and pulled her out of the bar. “Come on,” she said brightly. “Let’s go or we’ll miss that bus.”

“Nice to meet you, Beck. See you later,” called Paris. Then, once they were out of earshot she hissed at Jenny, “What was all that about?”

“Beck was my arch nemesis at school. I don’t know what he’s up to, but I wanted to get out of there. Sorry.”

“He’s been gone for a long time, hasn’t he?”

“Yes. I hoped for ever.”

“Wow, he really upset you didn’t he?”

“You’ve no idea. I still have nightmares about him.”

They were outside the bar. Paris stopped and turned to Jenny. “That bad?”

Jenny nodded, frightened to put her memories into words. She had buried them so deep, the last thing she wanted to do was pull them out and let them breathe again. “Let’s drop it. It was a long time ago, he might have changed.”

“But you doubt it.”

“He was vile, Paris, really vile. But it’s not fair for me to cloud your judgement of him. He’s Wes’s brother after all. Come on. Let’s go and buy some new shoes. Or in my case, some new boots for the farm.”

“Why don’t you treat yourself to something special, ready for your birthday?”

“I’m trying not to think about it.” It was true, Jenny’s birthday was only a few days away, and the change would take her. However, her excitement was dimmed by the fear it would not turn out as everyone expected. For the first time ever she quite expected to be a disappointment to her parents.

“Why? I thought you would be excited to be finally fly with your family.”

“What if I’m not like them?” There, she had put her other worry into words for the first time.

“What do you mean, aren’t your family all birds when they change?”

“Yep. They’re also all skinny and tall. As you can see, I do not follow them in any physical way.”

“Oh Jenny. It’ll be fine.”

“I guess. Anyway, you are more important. How are you feeling? I can’t believe we’re going to both reach twenty one within a couple of weeks of each other.”

“I know. One minute I’m so excited, the next I’m choked with fear. I so hope I can change, It will make life with Wes so much more.”

“He loves you the way you are though, you know that.”

“Of course. He’s so sweet, but what if he ever gets tempted away by a woman who can change. Another bear for instance.”

Jenny laughed. “That does not happen, the true mate thing works its magic deep into your soul. There is no escape.”

“I suppose that’s the other thing for me. I want to experience that kind of love for Wes. To know how he feels.”

“I see the way you look at him, Paris. I think it’s pretty close to it now.” She smiled at the colour rising to her friend’s cheeks.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yes,” she answered, unable to see why Paris struggled to accept Wes’s undying love without question. She could only reason it was because the world they lived in was so new to her. “Here’s the bus.”

They ran to the bus stop, and climbed on, heading to town, both pushing their doubts and fears to one side.

“Damn it! You can stop laughing now,” Beck growled.

“I’m sorry, man. This is just priceless. I mean the irony of it.”

“I am so glad you are having fun, because from where I’m sitting I’m totally fucked.”

“Yep. I would agree with you one hundred percent.” Wes straightened up and wiped the tears from his eyes. “There has to be some kind of karma gig going on here.” Then he collapsed into laughter again.

“Shit, what the hell am I gonna do?”

“Grovel. Get used to doing it real good, Beck. Real good.”

“What so I can end up like you?”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” asked Wes, still chuckling to himself.

“You act like a neutered cat. All gooey eyes and lovey dovey. What happened to the old Wes, the one who fucked for pleasure and took risks? I mean married for Christ sake.”

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, Beck. Oh, that’s right; you’ll never get to try it because your mate is the woman whose life you tried to destroy at school.”

“It was not that bad.”

“For you. I’ve seen Jenny when she thinks no one is taking any notice. She’s been hurting for a few long years, puts a brave face on it, but she always seems to be expecting the worst from people.”

“That's not my fault.”

“Whether you like it or not, it is. Now you had better not hurt her again, and I don’t mean because she’s your mate. She’s Paris’s friend, and this is a hard time for both of them. You remember the pressure you felt when you were coming of age.”

“I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything.”

“Yeah, and you shit your pants too. I remember that.”

Beck rose to his feet, fists clenched, to face his brother. “That is not true.”

“Beck. Listen to yourself, and then take some advice. Jenny is your mate. If you don’t want that, walk away now. But let me tell you there is nothing like it in the whole world. Being with your woman, being inside your woman. Nothing can prepare you for that. It just feels so right.”

“Listen to you, you’ll be reading romance novels next.” He sat back down, trying to let his anger and frustration go. “Get me another drink. I want to blot the whole thing out.”

Wes poured him another, and placed it on the bar. “That's not how it works. You can’t ignore the world around you.”

“It’s worked so far,” Beck said, and downed the beer in one go. Wes reached for the empty glass, and filled it again. It was going to be an interesting few weeks. Then he began laughing again.

Too hot or too cold. Jenny pulled the covers off for the hundredth time and lay staring at the ceiling. Sleep evaded her. She could try to blame it on the room temperature, but really, it was the stuff inside her head causing the problem.

Her shopping trip with Paris had helped keep her mind occupied, and when she arrived back on the farm, her chores filled another few hours. However, once in bed, the solitude allowed other thoughts to creep in. Whispers in her head of old wounds unhealed.

At some point, she had dozed, but then his face had appeared, his face holding that smirk which she hated, it had always been the precursor for his taunts. She hated him, and wanted him, her teenage self still very much in control of this side of her life.

When she had woken, her body damp with sweat, she pulled the covers off her heated body until she felt chill again. The night dragged on, it’s endless hours stretching before her until in a desperate attempt to clear her head she decided to dress, and go out into the open fields surrounding the farmhouse.

Quietly, hoping not to wake anyone else in the house, she went down the back stairs, and into the kitchen. The range stove was warm and comforting, and she nearly stopped to make some cocoa remembering how much it helped when she was troubled with bad dreams as a child. Instead, she opened the back door and let the chill night air cool her and awaken her senses.

Since childhood she had loved this time of night, her parents found it too dark. They were birds who loved to fly in the sun, where they were safe from night time predators. It was something else that added to her feelings of being different. Jenny pushed those doubts firmly to the back of her mind. One problem at a time, she told herself, slipping into the darkness, and out across the garden.

She loved the smell of the damp earth, the sounds of night creatures moving around and the stars shining in the dark velvet sky. This was home, the darkness making her hard to see, almost invisible as she moved with stealth at odds with her size. Her body relaxed as she followed the track leading out into the hay meadow, the grass brushing her calves as she walked.

Her mind became attuned to every movement, the small scurrying of mice, a fox out hunting along the hedgerows, all of it made sense to her. In this relaxed state, she switched back to thoughts about what she would be when she came of age, it no longer seemed so scary. Maybe she was going to be an eagle, or an owl. A nocturnal bird. Her parents wouldn’t be quite so upset surely, she would still be able to fly.

Reality wasn’t quite that kind. They had named her Jenny. Jenny Wren that was what they thought their little girl would be. Instead, she had grown into a huge moose of a girl, too tall, too curvy. Nothing like her petite namesake.

Her head shot up. Something else was out here tonight. A creature that didn’t belong on the farm. Not many other shifters invaded their territory. They frightened the farm animals, so an agreement had been made with the counsel and they kept away.

The shuffling footsteps came closer; they were at the edge of the trees. Probably whoever they belonged too thought she wouldn’t be able to hear, not while she was in human form, but her hearing was her keenest sense.

A bear. Of course, they did not abide by counsel rules. Especially this bear. It had to be Beck, come to upset her.

“You are not welcome here,” she shouted.

Silence. Then movement, a crackle of electricity in the air. Jenny knew that sound only too well. He had shifted back to human form. Worse, his naked human form. Now those thoughts were certainly unwelcome. A naked Beck, all muscles and taut skin bronzed by the sun. Her mouth watered, who was she kidding, they were very welcome in her fantasy world.

“So are you going to come out, or hide in the shadows?” she called, hating that she didn’t know what he was up to.

“You always did want to get a glimpse of me naked.” His voice sounded more like the old self confident Beck.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Beck. Just tell me what you want, and then you can be on your way.”

“I was refreshing my memory. You know, visiting my old haunts.” He moved out of the shadows, but was still behind a low hedge. She could see his bare chest, but not what lay lower down his hard sculptured body.

Just the thought of him naked, and so close, made her body react. She hated the way it betrayed her, she hated him, and that was how it was always going to be. There was no way she could ever risk letting him know about her crush. Anyway, that was dead. Or so she thought. Now, after seeing him again, she forced herself to admit it had simply been buried.

“I don’t remember this being one of your old haunts. In fact, I’m fairly sure you avoided the place. Didn’t like the smell.”

“We were kids then, Jenny. People change.”

“Do they? Are you saying you’ve changed, Beck? Or is this some game you’re amusing yourself with.”

“I’ve grown up a bit. I see things differently now.”

“How differently? Because from what I remember you were always pretty specific in your opinions about farms, and the pigs that lived there.” She couldn’t be sure, not in the darkness, but she thought he winced.

“I admit I said some unkind things back then.” His voice almost crooning, seductive might be the way she would describe it if it were meant for anyone but her.

He was inching his way closer, although he was still too far away for Jenny to see him fully. Was he really as big as the older girls had said he was? He was something of a legend before he left, one of the best lays for miles apparently.

And still out of your league, she told herself. This was threatening to get out of control, and send her life spiralling into depression again.

“I’m not falling for your tricks, Beck. I have nothing to say to you.” With that, she turned heel and began walking away from him.

He was fast, and before she had taken two steps, he was in front of her, blocking her escape. She firmly planted her eyes on his face; refusing to let him see how much she wanted to look, oh, actually touch his...No. Don’t even think it.

“Get out of my way.” She allowed her anger for him to surface, it was her only hope.

“I only want to talk to you Jenny.”

“You did enough talking. Or don’t you remember?” She cocked her head on one side while he tried to avoid her gaze. Yet all the time she wanted to look at him, to see if he was hard, if his cock stirred with desire for her. Because she had to admit her body ached for him, in a way she had never experienced before. How could it be possible that the one person who had put her off boys for life, was the one person she really wanted to be close to?