Too Much To Bear: BBW Shifter Romance (Shifters of Spellholm Forest - The Bears) (4 page)

She stood her ground. “No. I wouldn’t.”

His body relaxed.

“But I would lie to protect them. I know why you’re here. I understand that. But if you do anything to hurt my family...”

“I wouldn’t.”

“I know you Beck. This whole mate thing might make it impossible for you to hurt me, but it doesn’t cover my family. I’m just saying, so we understand each other.”

“Damn, Jenny. Give me a chance. I’ll work hard, I know I have a lot of ground to make up, but you promised to give me a chance.”

“I know. But this is not what I had in mind.”

“I call it enterprising. Win your family over, win you over.”

“So simple to you isn’t it?”

Beck now stood only two steps from her. If she reached out her hand she could touch him, feel the heat of his body. The temptation was there, and a need, different to her usual feelings for him. Was it starting already, the pull of knowing he was her mate? She wasn’t ready for that, hating that fate might cloud her judgement. She would have to remain on her guard.

“Nothing about you is simple, Jenny. I get that. But you don’t have to make it complicated. I know you feel something for me.”

“You’re right, I do.” She dropped her voice, sounding a little sultry, her voice deep and breathy.

He smiled, and moved in closer, his breath on her shoulders as he circled her body. “I could show you so much pleasure, right here, right now. We could make our union complete. Let’s not waste any more time Jenny.”

He was good at this seduction. Maybe that was his idea of love, but it wasn’t Jenny’s. She always thought it would be special, with someone special. Instead, she would end up with a Neanderthal like Beck if she didn’t stay strong. Yet the temptation to fall into his arms and let him do as he pleased with her body was strong. But she was stronger.

And after a bit of fun herself.

“You’re so right, Beck. Why fight the inevitable?” She batted her eyelashes at him, because that’s what women did when they flirted, right? Then she touched his chest, sliding her hand over his hard muscles, almost letting the act slip when she felt his small hard nipples.

She wondered if she had overdone it, because he faltered, or maybe her touch had that much power over him. That thought truly went to her head; she had a control over him she only ever dreamt of. If she were a bad person, she could exploit that so much he wouldn’t know whether he was coming or going.

He leaned in to her, and while she questioned her own actions, he pressed his lips to hers in one explosive kiss, which left her weak at the knees. His arms slipped around her, and he supported her against his body, his all male hardness against her soft curves. Her head screamed how right this felt, but she could not give into him, she wasn’t ready.

Surprisingly gentle, he questioned her acceptance, pushing his tongue between her lips, sliding it along her sensitive lower lip. With a gasp, she opened her mouth wide enough to allow him to plunder her mouth, her tongue meeting his in such a natural way. They played, twisting and entwining together, he moved in and out, kicking her arousal up a notch. It was getting out of hand, her teasing gone too far. She had to grip his arms to keep on her feet, and he lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist.

Now his cock pressed against her core, exciting her. He took her to the hay piled loosely on the other side of the barn. There he lay her down. Covering her body with his own. It felt so right, and Jenny knew she had lost the battle. He would take her now; she was defenceless, her plan backfiring, allowing him to win.

Her hands went to her shirt, wanting to pull it off and be naked next to him, feel his skin touching hers. Desperately she clutched at him. His hand going to her breast and squeezing it, making her cry out against his mouth. He must know how much she needed him, and that he had won. Her words ringing hollow in her ears, she had not even lasted a day since finding she was his mate.

She pressed her body closer to his, wanting to join with him, meld herself to him. If this was a glimpse of what he was going through, then she began to understand the pressure he was under. This was bigger than her, and she had no power to stop it. When she thought she had some control of him, she was wrong, because she was as caught up in this thing as he was.

All her life she knew it would happen, shifters were taught that if they were lucky, they would find the one they were bound to beyond the physical.

Yet, right now, she was completely trapped in the physical, her body responding, heat warming her while the thrill of being so close to Beck made her body tremble. Even through her jeans, she felt herself close to climax as he moved, stimulating her clit until it throbbed, her sex aching to be filled by him, for this mating to reach its completion. She grasped at his belt frantically, needing to feel him naked next to her. Then he stopped, his voice rough when he spoke.

“Jenny, Jenny, slow down.”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Her hands still clutched at him, trying to strip his clothes from him.

“Yes. It is. But not like this.” His breathing came in short gasps, his eyes dilated with lust.

She stopped moving, her breath coming in short gasps. “Why not? I thought you wanted me.”

“I do, more than anything in this world,” he said, pushing her hair back from her face.

“Then why not get it over with?”

“Because I don’t want you to regret this?”

“I’m offering myself to you. What’s wrong?”

“It’s too quick.”

“That’s not what you said last night.” She pulled back from him, straightening her clothes, unable to meet his eyes. “You don’t want me.” Then she looked at him appalled. “You made this all up. Oh god, you’re not my mate are you, you did this so I would make a big fool of myself? What are you going to do now, tell the whole village what a stupid fool I am for ever thinking I would be your mate?”

“No.” He pulled her back to him. “No Jenny, I swear that’s not what this is. You are my mate; soon you’ll feel it to. If you don’t already.”

He looked at her hard, and she dropped her gaze. Beck understood what was happening, and his grip relaxed. Instead, his hand slipped up to the small of her back and he stroked her, soothing her. A sob escaped her, leaving her embarrassed in front of him. Her old feelings for him returned, gone was the desire to have sex with him.

“I’m sorry, something took over me.”

“I know. I understand better than anyone does at this moment. I want you to trust me, Jenny. Before I make love to you, I want you to have feelings for me, not be controlled by this urge. I’m told it’s harder to control when one of us finds their mate so close to the coming of age. The change is nearly on you, soon the shifter gene inside you will wake up, it’s like puberty on steroids. And on top of that you have to deal with me.”

Jenny took a big shaky breath, and straightened herself up. Wiping her eyes, she took in the man standing before her. “Thank you. It must be hard to turn down the thing your body craves.”

He smiled crookedly. “You have no idea.”

“I think I’m starting to.”

“Look, I’ll keep my hands to myself, and try to resist your advances. But I can’t promise how long that will last. I want to do the right thing, Jenny. For once in my life I really do...”

“I get it.”

As she left the barn, she couldn’t have felt any worse. After telling him she would never mate with him, ever, she had thrown herself at him. Only his control had stopped them mating, the world seemed to have turned on its head. She was supposed to be in control, this was supposed to be his punishment, denying him the only thing his body craved as much as air to breathe.

The only thing clear from this encounter appeared to be that she completely underestimated the effect finding your mate can have. It was not something you chose to fight. It went deep into your soul, bound you to your mate in a way you could not refuse.

Her only hope was to learn to love him, or be miserable her whole life. In one way he was right, if they had gone through with what she wanted, if they made love in a moment fuelled by lust, she would forever feel as though it had been without free will. He had given her a chance to make this thing her choice, but that chance only existed for a few more days, a week at most. Knowing Beck, that was not enough time for him to reform, but today he had shown her he was at least willing to try.

Beck picked up the pitchfork. Hard work would blot out his thoughts; his fingers were white as they gripped the tool. Running after Jenny and begging her to let him fuck her was out of the question. He doubted she would ever know what it cost him to stop when she was so desperate for him to go further.

What the hell had she done to him? Before he set eyes on her again yesterday, he had been a carefree drifter, taking his pleasure where he wanted. Now he was tied down like some neutered cat. Damn this whole mate thing. He wanted to fight it, to struggle free of the hold she had on him. Now he sounded the same as Jenny had last night.

He had seen how long that lasted.

Grabbing the pitchfork, he launched it at the side of the barn, hearing the satisfying sound of it burying itself into the wood. Just like he would like to be buried inside Jenny, up to the hilt. He could imagine the feel of her, the warmth of her wrapped around his cock. That was where she belonged, and he was a fool not to have taken her.

Imagining what his life would be like if he forced things before she was emotionally ready, made him calm down. School life for Jenny must have been tough, especially while he teased her. If he didn’t want to live with that regret for the rest of his life, hear it in her voice every day of their lives together, he had to do things right.

For once in his life, he must consider someone else’s feelings. Make decisions for them, as he just did. He went and retrieved the pitchfork. Getting back to work, he tried not to let his mind drift to what he could be doing instead of shovelling pig shit.

Yet the images crept in. Jenny, thighs spread wide for him, her wet pink sex inviting. His fingers inside her, making her ready for his cock. How he would pound her until she begged for mercy, those luscious curves all his.

She had no idea how much he had always wanted her. Through school, he teased and taunted her, made her believe he was the last person in the world she would be happy with. It had worked far better than he could ever have imagined, far far better.

Beck always knew she had a crush on him, the way she looked at him, watched his every move when he played football. Stupid thing was, it seems she must have had some sixth sense about the whole mate thing. He had got it so wrong, and pushed her as far away as he could. Talk about backfiring spectacularly.

If he hadn’t thought he knew better, if he hadn’t misread what he had been told, he would have his woman under him right now. There would be none of this stupid seduction thing going on.

“Yeah, run that one past her,” he said to himself, mimicking his own voice. “Really Jenny, the only reason I humiliated you in front of the whole school was to save you from yourself. I thought there was no way a bear would end up mated to a bird, so I killed your crush for your own good.”

“Idiot!” He lifted the pitchfork and began filling the trailer again, working until he was exhausted.

“Are you going to tell me what’s bugging you?” Paris asked.

Jenny sat in Paris’s kitchen. Wes had gone to the wholesalers, and Beck was working on the farm. Her dad had him driving the tractor, assessing whether he could be trusted to cut the hay meadow.

Jenny pulled her attention back to Paris, trying to stop obsessing over Beck. “Nothing particular.” She did not feel ready to share such what had happened. Although she could think of nothing else. Beck kind of had her convinced, but a nagging doubt still bothered her. Despite her own feelings, she still could not be sure it was possible for a man to change so completely. At school he behaved so dreadfully, she found it hard to imagine him being any other way.

“That’s the trouble; there is so much to think about. I’m sure Wes is up to something, and then there’s the whole will I won’t I vibe I keep picking up from everyone. My mom is the worst; all of a sudden she has a maternal instinct.”

“I suppose it had to happen sooner or later.” Jenny replied, suddenly feeling guilty for obsessing over her own worries. It must be much harder for Paris. “Does anyone remember your dad? I know my parents do vaguely, but not what he was when he changed. Nothing.”

Paris came and flopped down on a stool next to Jenny. “He’s a mystery. It doesn’t help that he wasn’t here long. Stayed in the cottage for a few months, and then moved on.”

“Leaving your mom to make it on her own.”

“Yes. She’s still hanging on to the hope he might suddenly turn up and claim me as his own on my twenty first.”

“And what about you?”

“I don’t know. I suppose I would like to meet him, but there’s already so much pressure. What if he comes and I don’t have the gene. I’d be a disappointment all over again.”

“You are not a disappointment, especially to that man of yours.” Jenny smiled wistfully. “You are so lucky to know who your mate is, and to love and trust him.”

“You’ll find yours, Jenny. I’m sure of it, and when you do, it will be perfect.”

Jenny buried her face in her hands, shaking her head. “I don’t know if I believe in perfect. Nothing in my life ever has been.”

Paris put her arm around Jenny. “Sure you can’t talk about it?”

Jenny rested her head on Paris’s shoulder. “Not yet, I need to get my head together first. Everything seems to be happening so fast.”

"Scary isn't it?" Paris said. "I find it hard to believe I went from a lonely college student to living with a man who turns into a bear. It has to be the weirdest thing ever. I only hope when I change...if I change, that we’ll be compatible."