Too Much to Lose (21 page)

“Stand up,” I command huskily.

He grins and stands. Kicking
off his boots, he flings away his socks, giving me a chance to admire the
undulation of the muscles in his arms and across his back. Then, after he unsnaps
his jeans, he inches them down until he’s standing in his boxers. The dusting
of dark hair on his legs begs for my touch and I scoot forward, still on my
knees to smooth my hands up and down them. My mouth is in line with his stomach
and I kiss that tempting trail of hair and the dark letters of his tattoo as
his arousal prods my chin.

“And the rest.”

His underwear comes off and I
bite back a groan. I swear, a man should not be so beautiful. I go to touch him
but he grips my wrist and I flick a questioning look up at him.

“I wouldn’t. Soon, but not now.
You have no idea what you do to a man—what you do to me.”

I nod, dumbstruck yet again by
his words. I wish I had such a way with words. How does he know exactly what to
say and when to say it?

He pulls protection out of his
discarded jeans and I help him roll it on, then Hunter uses my wrist to press
me back and I’m cocooned by the couch cushions once more. We stare at each
other for a moment before he kneels between my thighs. A few more touches of
his fingers and I’m close to the edge again. He puts his weight over me and
takes my mouth with his. I can’t hold anything back now. I need it however he’s
going to give it to me. Hard and fast or soft and slow.

With a tender touch, he lifts
my leg around his hip and I do the same with the other. His hardness brushes me
and I bite my lip. Hunter gazes down at me, eyes tender. “I’m going to love
you, princess. Not fuck you, but love you.”

“Oh God.”

Just the way he says it makes
me tingle all over. That’s exactly what I need right now. Hunter making love to
me. And whatever he does, he won’t go wrong. He reads my body so well.

One hand propping himself up,
the other on my hip, he skims my heat several times, then pushes his way in.
The steely heat invading carefully makes me gasp and my vision blurs slightly with
tears. Once we’re fully joined, he rests his forehead against mine and we
adjust to the feel of one another.

“Like heaven,” he whispers.

“Yes,” I whisper back.

His lips find mine and there’s
no holding back. We start off slow, his hips pulsing gently but soon we’re
carried away and the couch is creaking with each movement. I cry out as every
thrust seems to reach deep inside me.

I grip his ass and tilt my head
back. His mouth finds the crook of my neck and he kisses and nibbles as he
pounds into me. Words fall from his lips—my name, princess, other endearments.
I absorb them all as the world comes crashing down around me. I throw back a hand
to grab onto something—the couch cushion in the end—and I buck against him,
unable to do anything but accept the pure pleasure coursing through me. With
great spasms, I come, leaving me breathless and weak.

Hunter doesn’t even stop,
doesn’t falter. He brings his mouth to mine to kiss me deeply, acknowledging my
climax in a frantic movement. With several more hard thrusts that almost have
me shooting to the edge again, he groans and I lift my head to watch. He keeps
his gaze on me and his brow furrows. Muscles tense under my fingers.

“Shit, Jess…” he says harshly,
his powerful body shuddering against me.

Slick with sweat, he relaxes, his
weight propped up by one elbow and the cushions at the side of us. Bringing his
thumb to my face, he rubs it across my cheek, pushes the loose stands of hair
from it. A wide grin cracks across his jaw and I can’t help but grin back.

“Christ, Hunter, that was…”

“Amazing,” he finishes for me.

My cheeks grow hot. “I’ve
never… that is… no one’s ever made me feel like that. I’ve never been… loved so
well.”

That word sticks in my throat.
I don’t know if I sound like a sap or a lovesick idiot. I don’t know if that
was love-making. I don’t know if this is love.

But just calling it sex doesn’t
cut it.

His grin tilts. “Good. Because
there’s plenty more where that came from.” Hunter moves slightly against me and
I barely smother a moan. “I ain’t done with you yet.” He draws back and picks
up our discarded clothes.

Pulling on his boxers, he
flings his T-shirt at me. I catch it and scowl.

He flicks a thumb over my
bottom lip. “Don’t look like that, Jess. We need to talk first and I don’t
think you’ll want to talk naked. As much as I might enjoy it.”

I sigh and tug on the T-shirt.
He’s right. And I don’t need to be feeling any more vulnerable when we drag up
my past. His smell envelops me—cologne and musk. Kind of makes me want to
burrow into it and forget about everything. Or maybe just burrow against
Hunter. I haven’t told him everything yet and I’ve no idea if he’ll freak out
but I don’t think he will. Already my shoulders feel lighter. I guess I didn’t realize
quite how much my past was weighing me down. It’s exhausting pretending to be
someone you’re not while running away from someone you never were. I’m still
not really sure who I am, but in Hunter’s arms, I’m beginning to learn.

He sits on the couch and faces
me, coaxing me to do the same with a hand to my arm. We sit opposite each
other, my legs sprawled in front of me and rubbing against his rough legs. Heat
is already burning inside me. You’d think after that mind-blowing orgasm I’d be
done, but apparently not. The sight of his firm abs and ruffled hair makes my
stomach clench and I fight the need to squeeze my legs together.

Hunter studies me for a moment,
dropping his head slightly so his blue gaze blazes into me from beneath his
brow. At times like this, I’m sure he totally gets it. Gets me. There’s nowhere
to hide and, for a change, I’ve got no intention of hiding.

“How long have you known?” I
ask quietly.

“A while.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Everyone has secrets.”

“Including you?”

“Including me.”

Somehow this doesn’t surprise
me. Hunter is the most complex man I’ve ever met. Hard and soft, tough and
tender. I don’t really get him the way he gets me, I think, but I’d like to. I
want to understand what makes him tick. And I do want to know his secrets. But
weirdly, I don’t feel the need to know them all straight away. I don’t mind if
it takes him a while to divulge them all because I have this little instinct
inside  of me that says he will tell me them all eventually. It’ll just be a
matter of time. How quickly I’ve come to trust this man is scary. And exciting.
I’ve never trusted anyone in my life.

“Does it bother you that I was
a porn star?” I force myself to ask.

He wraps both hands around each
of my legs and leans slightly forward. “Does it bother me that someone took
advantage of you? Yes. Does it bother me that you were that desperate you felt
you had no other choice? Yes. Does it bother me you have a past? No. I can’t
deny I don’t like the thought of any other man touching you but I plan to erase
any memory of other men. I didn’t expect to find a twenty-two year old virgin
in this day and age but as far as I’m concerned, this is a clean slate for both
of us. This is where it starts. You and me. This is day one for both of us.”

My heart does a flip, joy
filling me. I beam at him like an idiot. That’s all I’ve ever wanted—a clean
start—and Hunter is offering it to me.

“So…” I have to ask. “You won’t
get mad or jealous if you ever see anything or if any of your friends figure
out who I am?”

“I might get jealous,” he
admits. “It wouldn’t be natural if I didn’t, but I won’t blame you and I won’t
get mad, Jessie.” He grins suddenly. “How could I get mad at you, princess? You
only need to kiss me and I’m yours.”

“Are you really?” I whisper,
wrapping my arms about myself. It’s all so surreal. I can’t quite believe I’ve
met someone who accepts my past and still wants me. Someone like Hunter too,
who is intelligent and complex and… well, ridiculously sexy.

“Yeah, I think so. Are you
mine?”

I swallow. For the first time
in my life, being owned by someone appeals to me.  I want to be his. I want to
belong to Hunter O’Reilly. If he’s willing to overlook my past and still say
he’s mine, then I owe him that much, don’t I?

“Yes. I’m yours.”

His grin expands, looking ever
so slightly smug. Leaning forward, he wraps his arms around my waist and drags
me forward until I’m sitting on his lap, legs curled around his hips. We
connect and hardness presses against my softness. I allow myself a little gasp.
“Already?”

“You have me in this state
pretty much all the time. You have no idea how torturous it’s been.”

I bite my lip and throw my arms
over his shoulders. “I don’t know. I think I’ve been suffering just as much.”
My breasts press against him and his arousal grows harder in response.

Hunter strokes a finger along
my arm, staring absently at my shoulder. “We still have more to figure out, you
and me.”

“I know.”

“I need to tell you things.
Things you might not like.”

I smile gently. “I know.” I
lift my chin. “I’m not scared.”

His grin drops, gaze darkening
and making the little green part of his right eye more visible. “You should
be.”

“I’m not,” I insist. “What
could be worse than being a porn star?”

Then I rock against him. I know
we’ve got stuff to go through. He still needs to know all about my past. Maybe
I feel the need to justify my decisions but I don’t want to think about that
right now. I just want to feel. For the first time in a long time, I’m really
not scared and I need to relish it.

 A reluctant laugh comes from
him. “You’re insatiable.”

“Yep.”

“Just remember…”

“Remember what?”

He brings his gaze fully to
mine and his finger stops stroking. “I don’t know to be honest. We’ve got a lot
to work through and I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m yours now, remember?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me put a smile back on
your face.”

He shakes his head and grins.
“You’re incorrigible.”

“Incorrigible and insatiable
all in one day. Think I can be inventive and imaginative too?”

“Oh, Jesus, woman, what have
you got planned for me?”

I climb off his lap and hold
out my hand. “Follow me to the bedroom and you’ll find out.”

Hunter

Jess’s lips on my chest and
working their way down to my stomach pretty much erase any worry I had. She’s amazing.
I’ve just all but told her I’m keeping secrets from her and she accepts it. Accepts
me. The world is messed up. She acts like she’s the one who should have to hide
but I get it now. Why should a woman be so ashamed of an act of desperation at
such a young age? I’ve done far, far worse. God, I hope she forgives me.

In my moment of desperation, I
took on a job that I knew was wrong. I used Jess for money. I’m no better than
the guys who used her for her body. I suck in a breath as her fingers work
beneath my boxers. I can’t tell her yet. Not if what I believe is true.

She might be in danger. And I’m
wondering if I’m the one who placed her in that position. I can’t afford for
her to send me away when she discovers the truth. So for now, I’m going to have
to keep quiet until I know she’s safe.

Jess flicks a look at me and
grins as she works my underwear down my legs. Her green eyes sparkle, that
chocolate hair falls in streams over her shoulders. It might be a disguise, but
there’s no disguising who she really is. Her heavy make-up is all but gone from
our love-making and her tears, and I see the innocent girl beneath.

Damn, look at her. I’m a jerk.
I’m not good enough for her. She might think it’s the other way around, but I
know the truth. Unfortunately for her, I need her so badly, I can’t bring
myself to get out of her life. I want to make her see what I see. She’s not a
whore or a damaged woman. She’s a vibrant, strong person.

That innocent girl is about to
put her mouth around—Fuck. Her gaze connects with mine and I lift my hips off
the bed, captured by the ways she looks at me as she loves me with her mouth.

But she is still innocent.
There’s something insanely pure about this woman. Which is crazy talk, right?
But I’m not sure. You just get this sense of something wonderful and wholesome
being buried inside that lush body and come-to-bed eyes. Shit, I have fallen in
deep here.

I can’t think anymore. Can only
feel. I close my eyes and let my head sink into the pillows. Rocking my hips, I
savour every slide of her tongue and every little suck. I hope I’ve got it
right. I pray she’ll stay mine, even when she learns the truth. That girl inside
of her is desperate to trust someone. Is she willing to do for me what I want
to do for her? To start from the beginning? To forget everything we’ve done
wrong and move forward.