Too Much to Lose (23 page)

It’s obvious where this is
going. I’m hard, she’s hot and willing. If my libido had its way, I’d lock her
in a room and do nothing but make love to her but I need to gain back my focus.
If I’m going to protect her, I can’t be wanting to fuck her every two minutes.

I force myself away and slide
out of the bed, ignoring her pouty expression. “Get your stuff packed and we’ll
head back to mine.”

Her gaze tracks me as I dress.
It takes every ounce of control not to jump back in bed with her. But not only
do I need to protect her, I have to show her it’s not just about sex. Do the honourable
thing and all that.

I bend to give her a quick kiss
on the lips. “Now, get dressed and packed.” Before she can tempt me further, I
leave the bedroom.

The DVD that triggered it all
still sits on the side. She won’t want me looking at it and I sure as hell
don’t even want to think about the content but something caught my eye yesterday.
It didn’t look like a normal DVD you’d pick up in a shop. The cover isn’t
professional and when I turn it over there’s no barcode on the back.

“What are you doing?”

I turn to see her in a robe,
clutching her arms around her waist. “Jess…”

“Hunter, please throw that
away.” Her eyes glimmer.

It seems I haven’t assured her
enough that her past doesn’t matter. I close the gap and fold her into my
embrace. The coconut smell of her makes my knees judder. “It’s okay. Look, I
wanted to see if it could tell us anything.”

She stares up at me. “Other
than the fact I was a porn star?”

“The cover is strange. Do you
know why?”

Jess glances at the DVD and
winces at the sight before snapping her gaze back to me. “It’s a studio only
copy. It was never meant to be distributed. The stuff I did would only ever
have been online. Not worth making DVDs of girls who aren’t well known.”

“So how did someone get a hold
of it?”

Her mouth drops open slightly
and her brows knit. “I don’t know.” She puts a hand to her mouth, steps back.
“Only someone from the production company could have got hold of this.”

“That explains how they know
about your past.”

“But how did they find me?”

“Coincidence? I realize you’ve
tried to hide yourself but there’s no mistaking your face, Jess. If someone
knew you, I’m sure they’d recognize you.” Unfortunately, I know that for sure,
but I’m not going to tell her that now.

“It’s someone at the studio
doing this. It must be.”

“Can you think of anyone who
might want to do this?”

She shakes her head. “I’m not
sure. I met lots of people. Some of them were nice, many weren’t but I didn’t
think I’d made any enemies. Unless…”

“Yeah?”

“One of the producers—he was the
reason I got out. He wanted—” colour fills her cheeks “—to sleep with me but I
said no. He told me I’d lose my job, but I wasn’t going to let myself be
blackmailed into sleeping with him.”

I shake my head and scuff my
hand over my jaw. “Jesus. Fuck, I’m glad you got out of there. Do you think he
would hold a grudge?”

She nods. “Yes, actually, I think
he would. Lucas was very controlling. He expected all the girls to do as he
asked.”

Lucas. I crunch a fist as his
name repeats in my head. “I think we need to pay this Lucas a visit, Jess.”

Hunter

I turn off the car and face
Jess. She’s been silent the entire journey. I can only imagine what’s going
through her mind. I don’t want to face her past, not really, so how does she
feel?

“You okay?”

She offers me a quavery smile.
“Yeah.” Her hand curls over the top of mine. “This world… the porn world… my
world—”

“Not anymore.”

“It’s not pleasant. It looks glamorous
from the outside—the awards and the famous stars—but it’s not. For the rich,
well known ones, it might be.” She shrugs. “I don’t know, but for me and for
the other girls, it wasn’t. We were a commodity. Another body in a long line.”

“You don’t have to tell me
this.”

“You might see things…” She
draws in a breath. “I doubt I’ll ever forget it as hard as I try. I used to
take strong painkillers, you know? So it wouldn’t hurt and to help me get
through it. We all did.”

Jealousy and bitter rage
curdles my stomach. How could anyone put an eighteen year old through that? I’m
no angel. I’ve watched porn, but the women always looked so hot and eager for
it. It never occurred to me the woman might be desperate for cash and willing
to put herself through anything.

“Maybe you should wait in the
car.”

The anger must have shown in my
expression. I shake my head. “No way. For one, the guy who’s been stalking you
might be in there and two, I’m not letting you do this alone.”

Jess stuffs the end of her
thumb between her teeth and nibbles. “I’m scared, Hunter.”

“I know you are.”

“Not of this guy… well, yes, of
this guy, but I’m scared you’ll change your mind about me after you see this
side of things.”

“Nothing could make me change
my mind about you. I know it won’t be easy, I know I’ll probably hate
everything I see, but I won’t hate you. It makes me sick to my stomach that you
went through that, that you felt you had no other choice, but it doesn’t make
me feel any different about you.”

Her shoulders soften. “Okay.
Let’s get this over and done with.”

We climb out the car and, hand
in hand, enter the studio. The reception is bright and airy—professional
really. Nothing like the seedy setting I’d imagined. An attractive woman with
bright pink hair in a retro style sits behind the elongated white reception
desk.

“Hi, how can I help?”

Jess leans against the counter.
“Is Lucas Delgado here?”

“Did you have an appointment?”

Jess’s cheeks colour and I
squeeze her hand. “No. I… uh… used to work with him.”

“I’m sorry, Lucas doesn’t work
here anymore.” The woman grins, the first genuine one I’ve seen from her.

I release Jess’s hand and step
forward. “Do you know where he works now?”

“Nuh-uh.” The woman cracks the gum
in her mouth.

“An address for him then?
Anything?”

The receptionist shakes her
head. “Sorry, babes, I can’t give that out.”

“Does Marcus Ranulph still work
here?” Jess asks.

“Marky? Yeah, sure does.”

“Can we see him?” Exasperation
tinges Jess’s voice.

“He’s probably filming now.”
She swings her gaze between me and Jess before sighing. “Let me call through.
What’s your name?”

“Jess Callahan…” I see Jess’s
throat work. “He… he might remember me as Trinity Sparks.”

I put a hand to the base of her
back and feel the tension in her spine. I wish we didn’t have to go through
this. The need to bundle her up and take her away from it all is so strong that
I have to concentrate on keeping my feet glued to this one spot while the
receptionist makes a call. She keeps her voice low, mutters Jess’s name and
finally nods toward us.

“You can go on through. Do you remember
your way around?”

Jess nods. We step through the
door partially hidden behind a large fern and Jess puts a hand to my arm.
“Hunter…”

“It will be okay.”

The glitz of the reception
doesn’t continue behind the scenes. The corridor is dimly lit and the smell of
sex hangs in the air. A filthy scuffed carpet feels gritty underfoot. I blink
as a naked woman strolls past me into one of the side rooms. Jess leads the
way, not even registering the woman. She couldn’t have been more than nineteen.
Not far off how old Jess was. Barely a woman to my mind. Fuck, give me crooks
and missing people any day.

The corridor opens up into an
office area. A thin wall separates the desks from what looks to be the main
studio. I can only see a little bit of it—bright lights and a couple of
cameras—but the cries of a woman are enough to fill the picture. A reedy,
bleached blond guy spins in his chair and narrows his eyes as he spots Jess.

He points at her then taps a
finger to his lips. “I remember you now. Jessie, baby, you’ve changed. What
happened to my golden girl?”

I curl a fist at my side at his
familiar reference and Jess grips my arm, giving me a sideways glance that
tells me not to do anything stupid.

“Marky,” she greets, a
tentative smile on her face. “How are you?”

He stands and kisses her cheek.
“Haven’t you grown? What are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’re looking for
work?” He turns and runs his gaze over me “Or perhaps your friend is?”

“Not likely,” I say through
gritted teeth.

“I was hoping you could help,
Marky. I was looking for Lucas.”

Marcus folds his arms and rocks
back slightly on his heels. “Whatever for?”

“Do you know where he is?” I
snap.

“You’re an aggressive fellow
aren’t you?” A smile twitches on his lips. “I don’t know to be honest. He was
fired. Tried to force himself on one too many girls, I’m afraid.”

Marcus’s words rattle in my
head. Jess never said the guy had a habit of forcing himself onto women, just
that he tried to blackmail them. Did he do the same to her? I concentrate on
breathing in pungent air through my nostrils and controlling my churning stomach.

“Do you have any clue where he
went?” Jess presses.

“He was going to set up his own
production company, I believe.” Markus waves a dismissive hand in the air. “I
haven’t seen anything from him, so who knows if he succeeded. Still it’s only
been a month or so.”

Jess and I exchange a look. A
month or so. Might explain why he turned his attention onto Jess.

“Does anyone know where he
might be?” I ask, voice harsh.

I’m tired, my head still hurts
and fear is inching into every part of me. I can protect Jess, I know that, but
from everything? From the memories of this place? With Lucas hanging around in
the background, it’s a constant reminder of the world she left behind. I’m not
sure I’m strong enough to defeat all her demons, not when I’m carrying a few of
my own around.

I glance at her, study her
strong pose and determined chin. Her steady gaze and unclenched hands. The
opposite of me at the moment. Admiration makes my heart stretch. Jess has been
through more than most people will ever have to suffer and yet she’s here,
confronting her problems. Makes my problems pale in comparison.

“Speak to Cindy. She dated him
for a while. She’s just taking a break.” Markus points down the corridor and I
conclude the naked woman we passed was Cindy.

“Thanks, Markus.” Jess offers a
smile and Markus shakes his head.

“You coulda made it big, baby
girl. Shame you got old on me.”

“This world was never for me,
you know that.”

He snorts. “It’s never for any
of us at first, baby.”

A jaded look flickers in his
gaze but I can’t feel any sympathy for the man. He makes money off of
vulnerable girls. If that haunts him at night, I’m glad. I curl a hand around
Jess’s arm. “We need to get moving.”

“Sure. See you around.”

“See you, baby girl.” Markus
presses a kiss to her cheek and heads back to his computer.

Heat churns through my veins. I
can’t wait to get Jess to bed and replace all the slime ball’s kisses with my
own.

“Come on. Let’s talk to Cindy.”

“Sure.” I nod distractedly
while I quell the urge to smack the back of Markus’s head as he views kinky
shots on the screen. I had no idea. This seedy, desperate world is so far
removed from my own.

We head back down the corridor
and Jess knocks on the door we saw the woman go into.

“Come in!”

Jess takes the lead and we
enter the messy room. Underwear, alcohol bottles and cigarette butts litter the
place. On the dressing table is a variety of make-up and a couple of tubs of
prescription pills. Sat in front of it is a slender blonde woman and she’s
still naked. I keep my gaze on the mirror behind her as she gives me the once
over.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Jess, I used to work here.
We were looking for Lucas.”

Cindy scowls, reaches for a
pack of cigarettes on the side and offers them to us. When we shake our heads,
she shrugs, lights up and motions to the worn leather couch opposite. I sit, my
knees practically touching my chin as the small couch sags under my weight. My
gaze drifts back to the woman. In spite of the vast array of make-up behind
her, her face is free from it aside from smears of mascara under her eyes. Her
skin is red and puffy. Nothing like the glamorous women I’ve seen in porn
films. Redness and bruising scuffs her skin. I try to avoid looking at her
body. She sits, utterly shameless, with her legs crossed but I have a good view
of decent breasts and a slim waist. I am as far from turned on as I could
possibly be. Not now I know what she’s been through.