Touch Me There (11 page)

Furthermore, having the G-spot massaged on a regular basis can in- crease genital blood flow when a woman experiences sexual arousal. This

can lead to new sensations, helping some women to climax who may have been unable to do so before. Many women describe their reaction to G- spot stimulation as a powerful flushing feeling that spreads throughout both the genitals and the entire body. When the G-spot is stimulated si- multaneously with the clitoris, words can’t do the experience justice, but it’s something like a can’t-catch-my-breath, paralyzed-in-paradise state of mind, a melting-into-my-lover-while-being-launched-into-the-cosmos ex- perience. As if these responses weren’t enough, G-spot stimulation is also one more way to attain multiple orgasms and to stay sexually charged over an extended period of time. Plus, it adds more natural lubrication to the whole affair, often resulting in female ejaculation for some women.

Second, the frenzy about the G-spot—the what-is-it, where-is-it, why- can’t-I-find-it, does-it-really-exist media mayhem—has turned this spot into a bit of a mystical deity. Worshipped for its unexplainable, breathtak- ing powers, the G-spot has caused lovers everywhere to be labeled sexual winners or losers for having found it or not. Tabloids have made locating the G-spot the ultimate crusade of lovemaking, so a certain attitude of “I’m normal,” “I’m sexual,” and/or “I’m an amazing lover” exists around finding it.

G-Spot Myths and Misconceptions

Myth: The G-spot doesn’t exist.

Many women can attest that the G-spot
is
a hot spot that exists. And many researchers, like Drs. Alice K. Ladas, Beverly Whipple, and John D. Perry, authors of the infamous
The G Spot,
consider the G-spot an actual, responsive part of a woman’s physiology—a type of female “prostate,” be- cause it consists of a group of sexually sensitive lubricating glands along the urethra, similar to the male’s prostate.

Myth: All women have an erogenous G-spot; some people just have trouble finding it.

Although every woman has a G-spot, it is not an erogenous zone for every woman. Some women simply don’t get anything out of having this area stimulated or don’t find its reactions anything special (the same is true of all of the hot spots). Many women and couples have been made to feel

sexually challenged and incompetent because they’ve been chasing a treasure chest that simply doesn’t hold gold for her. However, she (and her partner) is no less sexual or sexually accomplished because of this.

Myth: The G-spot produces instant magic-button reactions.

Many women and couples shoot themselves in the foot when trying to find the G-spot because they’re under the impression that, once hit, this erotic area will unleash the sexual forces of the universe, blowing her away into a state of sexual satiation she’s never known. The G-spot doesn’t pro- vide instant results. First, you need to take the time needed to get a woman sexually aroused, and then you need to explore the vaginal canal, again taking your time to stimulate the area. With time and patience, you may discover superpower sensations and feel like a superhero for having done so—just don’t expect yourself (or her) to react with the speed of Wonder Woman.

Myth: Every woman ejaculates fluid when aroused.

While many women experience female ejaculation, especially at climax during G-spot stimulation, not every woman does. What was once a
faux pas
reaction to sexual excitement has become the “latest” in sexual re- sponse, with many women now feeling pressured to be ejaculators by pro- ponents for the cause and partners alike. It’s wonderful that this natural bodily reaction is no longer being stigmatized and is actually being sup- ported, but we need to remember that there’s great beauty in the diverse reactions we humans have to sexual stimulation. As with all other experi- ences, a woman is no more or less sexual, no more or less feminine, be- cause she does or doesn’t ejaculate. Such erotic potential, however, is cer- tainly well worth exploring.

G-Spot Orgasm

1. spot orgasms, also referred to as
   vaginal, internal,
   or
   uterine or- gasms,
   are triggered by G-spot stimulation and involve contractions of the whole uterus, vagina, and pelvic region. They tend to feel deeper, trig- ger more of an emotional reaction than clitoral orgasms, and last longer. Many women find them more relaxing and satisfying, because they
   

   produce warm waves of an “I’m-turning-to-putty” sensation that pump steadily throughout the body, making the woman feel like she’s sus- pended in a charged, uncontrollable, climactic high.
   

   

   

   

   You may notice that the term “uterine orgasm” is used again in the fol- lowing chapter. This is because some experts hold that such orgasms are different from what is typically referred to as the G-spot orgasm. Rather than weigh in on the debate, I thought I’d keep both camps happy and let you decide what you want to call it.
   

   Being able to stimulate the G-spot at the same time as the clitoris can lead to a
   “blended” orgasm,
   which involves both the pudendal and pelvic nerves, hence the stronger reaction that includes contractions of the PC muscle. Such an orgasm is often described as more sudden, more explosive, “deeper,” and longer lasting; in essence, it combines the reac- tions of the two types of orgasms. This is the result of internal uterine and pelvic (mostly in the outer third of the vagina) contractions. Women also generally experience feelings of deeper physical and emotional satisfac- tion with a blended orgasm. It should also be noted that apnea, a tempo- rary cessation of breathing, is not as common during a blended orgasm as with a vaginal orgasm.
   

   Rules for G-Spot Play
   

   • Before attempting to stimulate the G-spot, make sure that the woman is sexually aroused, with the vagina well lubricated, so that the urethral sponge swells and becomes more noticeable to the touch. This will make it
     way
     easier to find.
     
   • If you’re using a diaphragm for birth control, reconsider. Dia- phragms have been known to interfere with G-spot stimulation.
     
   • Take your time finding and stimulating the G-spot, and do so on multiple occasions. This type of sexual pleasuring takes practice and perseverance, and you’ll get better every time you try. You may not arouse a reaction from this spot the first time or two, or you may not
     

     do so effectively. As long as it’s a hot spot, however, you’ll hit the jackpot sooner or later.
     

   • Make sure your fingernails are well groomed. This is not an area to scratch! Long nails should ideally be covered by latex gloves.
     
   • Make sure the bladder is empty before stimulation. A woman may experience the urge to urinate when the G-spot is first stimulated but can rest assured that this is not the case if she’s hit the loo (bath- room) beforehand. After no more than ten seconds of massaging, the “need-to-pee” feeling is replaced by pure sexual pleasure.
     
   • Use lube! Getting things wet, or even wetter, down there will assist efforts.
     
   • Make sure you’re both relaxed and that this is not a goal-oriented sexpedition, even though it’s hard not to look at it that way. This is about having fun, feeling sexual, exploring the body, and finding out how to make it feel good. Plan your sexploration as though going on vacation. You have a general road map of places you’d like to visit, but you are willing to get detoured and are open to new surprises that might pop up along the way. You may have such a good time in your travels that you never need to get to your destination, or you may end up arriving via ways you never imagined!
     
   • Communicate with your partner. Find out what feels good. Ask her if she’s aroused enough, if more pressure is needed, or if one motion feels better than another. Keep this light, sexy, and fun.
     
   • Women, explore on your own. Masturbating is a perfect opportunity to take your time exploring your genitals, your hot spots, what turns you on, and how to turn you on. Get to know your G-spot and have no fear in giving a sexual show-and-tell with your partner. It’s a com- plete win-win situation and conveys a sexual confidence that is hot.
     

     How to Find the G-Spot
     

     In trying to find the G-spot by herself, a woman can squat, though it is much more comfortable to sit and lean back onto a support. If with a part- ner, she can lie on her stomach, legs apart, with her hips slightly elevated,
     

     perhaps on a pillow. Her lover can then use two or three fingers, palm down, to apply light, then firm, pressure downward onto the vagina’s ante- rior (front) wall (the one closer to the bed or floor). Lying on her back is also an option (and one that is commonly illustrated in sex books), with or without a pillow under the buttocks, with knees bent and legs spread; however, finding the G-spot may be much more difficult in this position. If attempting this position, the inserted fingers should be curved upward, like a fishhook, and pressure applied with a “come hither” motion.
     

     1. Once the woman is aroused, insert two or three well-lubed fingers. Using more than one finger covers more ground and provides more stimulation. One finger can be used if she’s uncomfortable and “tight,” though this is often a good indication that she’s not aroused enough for vaginal stimulation. Consider taking things back a step with more kissing, sharing an erotic magazine, or running your hands all over her body while telling her how irresistibly sexy she is.
        
     2. Feel along the front vaginal wall for a rough patch about two inches in from the vaginal opening (see Figure 3.1 on page 35). You’re look- ing for a swollen, puckering, wrinkly area, different from the sur- rounding soft tissue, ranging from the size of a small bean to that of a half dollar. Keep in mind that you’re likelier to find it in the shal- low versus deep end of the vagina. Don’t bypass it by trying to stick your whole finger in, as some people do, missing the spot entirely.
        
     3. If you’re still having trouble finding the G-spot, with your other hand trace a line from the belly button to the top of the pubic bone, and with your palm or fingers gently press on the area where the pubic hairline starts. This stimulates the spot from the outside, so pressure can be applied from two angles. Shifting positions—for ex- ample, sitting up or leaning back even more—may also make it eas- ier to find.
        
     4. Check in with your partner. How does everything feel to her? What does she need more of? Or less of?
        
     5. Once you feel the rough patch of the G-spot, stroke the area, using firm, deep pressure. Continue to do so in a rhythmic circular or
        

        up-down motion, making sure to stay steady and firm. The middle finger is especially good for providing steady, rhythmic pressure, whether accompanied by the index or ring finger.
        

     6. Continue checking in with your partner to learn what type of stimu- lation feels best to her. Do you need to apply more pressure? Which motion does she like best?
        
     7. Once you’re golden, gradually increase the rhythm, creating a lot of friction, which will increase the chances of having a Big O.
        
     8. Simultaneously work other hot spots that have proven to be erotic for her, like her inner thighs or nipples, helping her to achieve more of a total-body reaction.