Trouble (10 page)

              “Lannie, is everything okay?” I jump at the sound of Mark’s voice in the doorway. I dropped the picture hearing it shatter across the ground breaking the glass frame into tiny pieces.

              “Yeah, give me a minute to clean up and I’ll be out there, okay?” He nods as he walks out of the house. I bend down and start picking the piece’s up one by one when I notice the tiny piece of paper taped to the back of the photo. I reach for it sitting against the bed on the floor. I look down as it has my name written across it “LANNIE” I was unsure if I should read this. I was nervous at what it contained. I took a deep breath in as I unfolded the letter bringing my dad’s handwriting in front of me.

             
Lannie, my sweet dear Lannie,

If you are reading this that means that either I or your mother have passed away or in a tragic event both of us. I am writing you this knowing that you are back in Florida thinking that we have left you, but I swear my child we have not. There are few things that you may not know about us. I feel the need that you should know. So I am giving it to you like I have always and just say it. I am not your biological father. That is why your grandma and my family has hated you. It’s because your birth dad up and left when she told him that she was pregnant with you. It broke her heart. I was always in love with your mother, so I told her that I would help her. One thing led to another and we fell in love with each other and got married. My family knew that you weren’t mine. So they blame you for me moving away, ending my life to raise a child that was not theirs, and mainly for everything. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think this was all a mistake. You brought me light in my life and you are the reason that I am a great dad to Mark and a wonderful husband to your mother. I am really hoping you never find this that is why I am hiding it behind this photo that has me thinking about the day that you and your mother made me feel completely whole. I hope that you wouldn’t want to know who your father is, but in case you do there is an envelope in the office in Florida address to you with all his legal information and address. I tracked him down a few years ago when I thought that I would tell you, but for some reason I couldn’t. Lannie, I love you. I know that you love us. I hope that you grow into an amazing person if I am not there to see it. Love Dad!

              I stare at the note unable to function. I was just told that the last seventeen years of my life was a lie. What am I supposed to do? Act as though this note never existed? I love my dad. I believed that I reassembled him all these years to turn around and find out that he isn’t my dad. I grab the picture and note along with the keys. I am driving back to Florida in my new car and hoping that these almost forty hours on the road will cool my mind and clear it to make a smart decision. I smile though, because that means that my uncle and aunt are not mine. I walk outside to see Mark in conversation with Brandon and Ashley looking at me weird. I motion her to come over and debate on telling her what I know? She is my best friend, but I am still trying to process this myself.

              “La, what happened?” Well damnit if she didn’t know me.

              “I found a letter, I dropped a picture and my dad wrote me a letter and I am confused and I am going to drive back to Florida. I want his car so I am going to drive it back. Okay?” She glances at Gage and then back to me.

              “I am coming with you then. Let the boys fly back and Gage help Brandon get Mark situated at his new home. And we can talk about the note or not. I won’t bug you, but I know you can’t do a forty hour drive alone.” I nodded my head as she walks up to Gage and spoke into his ear as Mark comes over.

              “La? Are you not flying back?” I look down at this boy who did have our father looks, or should I say his dad. This has brighten my eyes up making me notice things I don’t normally notice. Like how his eyes are dark like dads and mine aren’t.

              “No buddy, I am going to drive the car back. You need time to get use to the fact that Brandon is your new guardian and that you have yet another home. Okay? I promise you will be my first stop when I get back okay?” He nods as he hugs me. I pull him into a deep hug knowing that this is all too much for him.

              I hop into the car and start it as the purr of the engine comes to life and I glance at Ashley who is grinning. I throw on my sunglasses and back out of the garage.

              “Mr. Christian Grey is right when it comes to the luxury of cars. This isn’t even the sports car it’s just the SUV, but damn I feel as though I am having an orgasm just from the engine.” I laugh at Ashley’s little comment. She’s obsessed with fifty shades. When she was learning about the ole mighty Christian Grey I was shoving my face in the book with the wonderful Travis Maddox. I love the underground fight and the chance to make that connection with the love of your life and go along with all the journeys. As she was all into the whips and handcuffs and red room of pain. I mean I am all for the kinky stuff, but Mr. Grey always took it a step too far. She always begged me to get an Audi, because daddy would buy me anything. Now I know why.

              “Ashley was waiting for the Mr. Grey line to pop up. So where do you want to do lunch at?” She punches in a few things into the GPS and then the voice comes over directing me into the next state for lunch or dinner. I nod as I drive and let the music of Jason Mraz, take me over. His voice is so hypnotic that I melt at the words.

              “So do you want to talk about the letter?” I glance at her for a brief second debating if I was ready to or not.

              “My dad isn’t my dad it turns out.” Even over the music I hear the gasp in her voice.

              “Oh wow Lannie. I really didn’t think that after everything you been through, that life would throw this curve ball at you. So did he mention who it is?” I reach in the glove box, and hand her the note. I turn up the music as she reads the note, waiting for her words.

              “Lannie what are you going to do? Ultimately you need to know because of history if there’s anything remotely bad, but seriously what are you going to do.” I laugh.

              “I honestly don’t know Ash. What is one to do in this predicament? Pretend like nothing has changed when in reality my whole life has been yet again turned upside down.” I sighed.

              The drive takes forever and before I know it, it’s Ashley’s turn to drive. I hop into the passenger seat, texting Mark telling him we should be home in about twenty hours, and to have a wonderful day back at school. I debate on texting Brandon, but before I get the chance I hear the chime of a text message.

             
Brandon: I hope that the drive is clearing your head. I am sorry that you are having to go through this, but always know that I am here for you, as well as Gage, and Ashley. You are not alone in this my love, okay?

              Me: Thank you Brandon, that means more to me than you know. I needed that at this moment and you said it perfectly. Hope that Mark likes living with you. It is only until I am eighteen which is July.

              Brandon: What about college?

              I sigh. I have to give up my dream of going to NY for Mark. I know it isn’t a bad decision I wouldn’t change it for the world to give Mark a stable home that he knows.

             
Me: Mark needs a normal life. In a town that he knows. NY will not be suitable. So I am guessing I need to start filling out applications for colleges in Florida.

              Brandon: Your dream is NY so therefore you need to peruse it. Mark will be fine living with me while you go to college, so don’t use that as an excuse. Your parents would want you to go. Just think about it before you make a final decision.

              I don’t respond back to him, I’m too tired. I fall asleep.

              “La, were here.” I stretch to see that she parked in Brandon’s driveway.  It was around six at night, and I’m thankful that we are finally here.

              “Awesome. So about the note, that stays between us until I can figure out what to do. Okay?” She laughs and smiles at me
.

              “Of course bestie. Now let’s go see what Brandon and Gage made us for dinner. Okay?” I laugh as we hop out of the car. I walk up feeling weird that my brother lives here, and yet I still had to knock. I wondered what Ashley’s mom said about it? Ashley’s mom is a sweet lady. Traci she was understandable, but then again could be just as a bitch as us. I knock on the door and smile when I see Mark answer it with a smile.

              “Hey buddy, how was school?” He starts talking about how his friends were sorry about his parents, but glad that he was back for good. Then he told me that Brandon and him went and got a few things from the house for here, and that the movers will be here tomorrow. In that moment I realize I have a funeral to take care of. I will worry about that another day. Today was for Mark.

              “I will help you with the funeral.” Brandon whispers to me. Answering my unspoken thought. I nodded as I sat at the table. I stare at everyone at the table, Ashley and Gage talking about finding a place together after she graduates. Mark telling Brandon about his first day back. If Brandon and I were together this is how it would be. Us having family dinner with our best friends. For a split second I thought this could happen until Gage ask Brandon about teaching, then reality slaps me in the face. Of course the man I started to develop real true feeling for would be one that I can’t have at the moment. Isn’t that how it always is? In the movies, books, and life? The only difference is you see the person risk everything for love and be with that person, when in reality that will never happen to me.

              “Will you please excuse me?” I stand up with my plate and head to the kitchen, then out the back door to have a smoke. I stare into the Florida night sky. I spot a hammock and go over to it. I lie down on it and wonder if my parents are looking down at me as well. I am still shocked that my dad isn’t my dad. I mean, my whole life has been based on a lie about my dad. Is this why my uncle despite’s me? Does he know who my real dad is?

              “May I join you?” I look up to see Gage standing there smoking a cigarette. I scoot over and he climbs in.

              “You know La; you are one of my best friends. Aside from Brandon, but ever since I met you, I can’t get rid of you. So no matter what I will be here for you. Okay?” I nodded.

              “What is going on here? Nobody ask me if I wanted to join the party and I love parties.” We laugh as we scoot over more so Ashley could hop on. We all position ourselves where Gage was in the middle, Ashley and I were on each side with his arm around us.

              “So this is what a threesome is huh?” We laugh at Gage’s comment.

              “Well you know it would be kind of fun.” I say without even realizing my comment.

              “Wow, so La, tell me how are you really doing?” I let out a sigh.

              “That’s the million dollar question. I am hurt that they left. I am even madder that I don’t even remember the last thing I said to them. Then there’s the confusion about Brandon. Why would he give up his whole life to raise a child that he doesn’t even know?” My mind wanders back to the lawyer office when I was sure that it was Gage going to walk in the door instead of Brandon.

              “La, he lo.” Gage was about to finish it when Ashley nudges him.

              “Gage, no.” I look at her confused. Then Gage begins tickling Ashley and I. I can’t help but laugh and it finally feels good to laugh.

              “I am scared to go home. I am scared to be alone with my thoughts. I know it’s weird, but I feel like I haven’t had a moment alone to be able to grieve properly.” I look out into the night sky; I wish that I was on the ocean.

              “I’ll stay with you La. You know that my mom wouldn’t care.” I shake my head.

              “Not tonight you need to go home and spend time with your mom. I know she has let you be with me, but I will be fine by myself. I promise.” Her eyes begun to water.

              “She isn’t going to be alone. She is staying here with Mark and me for the night at least.” I look up catching my breath to see Brandon standing there. Man he’s a site that I could stare at all day. I wish the universe was different and I had met him at a party instead of school. Well I guess I did meet him at a party, but I wish he would move schools.

              “Thank you.” He nods as Gage and Ashley hug me telling me bye. I smile knowing that at least I have a real friendship with these people. Beggars can’t be choosers right? Brandon slides in and pulls me towards him letting me lay my head on his chest. I couldn’t quit thinking about this dad thing.

              “How are you really doing Lannie?” I wipe the tear that was falling down my cheek.             

              “My dad isn’t my dad after all.” I barely spoke, unsure if I was speaking to myself or to him. Thinking maybe he didn’t hear me, I just sigh,

              “How did you find that out?” I laugh at the irony in it.

              “I dropped a picture frame at the house and shattered the glass. There was a note taped to the back of it with my name on it. I wander back to that moment and thought, what if I never dropped it? Would I know that my dad was never my dad? The only problem is, do I want to know who my real father is or not?” he leans closer to me and kisses my forehead.