Trusting Love (2 page)

Repose was the complete opposite of Starling Grove. Women were cherished, honored, respected, and safe.
My God, when will I ever feel safe? When will I ever not have to look over my shoulder, lie about my real name, live without the fear of being forced back, taken against my will and raped once again?

The tears fell and she shook her head. She thought about Milton, Jack, Nevin, and Jesse. No matter how hard she tried not to, she thought of them. It was some fantasy because they were older, mature, fierce, sexy men who made her heart pound, her palms sweat, and her body actually react, which was wrong. So damn wrong. How could she ever let a man touch her again? The thought scared the hell out of her, and she blamed Steven and Collin for that, too.

Milton, Jack, Nevin, and Jesse were perfect and mysterious, plus the rumors around them and their capabilities made for a lot of fantasies for any single woman with a working libido. They were incredible men. Older by ten years or so, and experienced in many ways which made her feel silly for having a little crush. That was the best way to describe it.

She couldn’t deny the attraction. No, it was so damn strong. Way stronger than what she’d thought she felt for Steven. Being that they were older, perfect in every sense, then they would expect her full submission to them. She would have to try and get through the fears she had of a man’s touch. Their large hands and how demanding they might be of her body. More tears fell.
I couldn’t fight them. I couldn’t do anything. Steven and Collin were stronger, bigger, determined.

Could these men be like them? Could they get angry and lash out? Were there secrets in this town, true practices that she would only learn about after it was too late? She swallowed hard. Starling Grove gave the illusion of small town, deep family connections, and a police force set on securing every rule and regulation beyond typical police work. She hadn’t seen the corruption, the control like a cult that ran deep under cover.

She looked at the beautiful scenery before her. Was Repose truly the safest place on earth for her to be right now, or was she better off on the run? What happened to Antonia scared the hell out of her. She couldn’t pretend that the danger was over. She couldn’t get so comfortable and trusting in this town that could turn on her as Starling Grove did. She didn’t want to believe that Cesar wasn’t legit. She believed that the people of Repose were exactly who they said they were, but that didn’t mean she could let down her defenses. Steven and Collin’s actions had lasting effects. Long after the bruises healed, the pulled groin muscle and scratches and marks, a part of her was so damaged, so wounded she didn’t think it would ever change. She wasn’t foolish enough to expect it to with time either.

She swallowed hard and listened to the sounds around her. This was her life now, until that gut instinct, that need to move on, to run again became too strong to ignore. She’d have to leave this town, leave her friends she learned to truly care for, and start all over again. That would be her life, her destiny, her continued battle in search of freedom.

She gripped the arms of the chair and stood up.
No. I’m tired of being a victim and being scared. I don’t want to leave this town. I’m safe here.

She walked inside and locked the door and then grabbed her things. There was a determination, a fight slowly simmering inside of her. She wished it was stronger. Hell, she wished
she
was stronger but realized it was taking time. Little steps. She had to keep reminding herself she was doing the right things and taking precautions for good reason. She could do this. She grabbed her bag and headed out the front door, locking it behind her. She got on her bike and took off for Antonia’s house.

When Carina looked back at the mistakes she made, she realized that by not following her gut instincts, she was setting herself up for trouble, even danger. So she started training herself to be aware. To learn to always know what was going on around her. Taking notice of people, of vehicles, of everyday things out of place or the watchful eyes of those around her.

As she approached the corner, she saw the blue truck, and instantly her chest tightened. It was so natural it took her mind a moment to catch up with her reaction and the fear that gripped her chest. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t Collin or Steven. Mr. Melborn had the same type of vehicle. She relaxed and continued on her way. That fighting feeling, the need to move on and take control of her life and her fears, simmered stronger.

One day, I’ll be strong enough to face everything and move on with my life. I’ll achieve any goals and dreams I’ve ever had. One day at a time, one achievement, another step, a greater success, and I’ll be there. I can do it. I want to do it. I’m not defeated. I’m just working to get stronger and I will do it, no matter what or who stands in my way. This is my life, and no one is going to take it away from me. No one.

Milton stared through the scope of his rifle, his eye on the target. It was a quiet night. The sounds of the woods and the flowing stream in the distance brought him peace. He had finally relaxed, letting down that constant guard and fear that the enemy was hiding in the shadows waiting to take a pot shot at him or his brothers.

He knew he was thousands of miles away from the danger zone, a couple years back on US soil and well transitioned into civilian life, but that didn’t mean the demons were powerless. In fact, it seemed to him they had remained, waiting for the opportunity to put him on edge, make him flinch at a sound, a memory from the war zone in any form it wanted. The banging of a jackhammer as new construction was being built toward town. A car backfiring, making him jerk and duck for cover. A siren in the distance, a door slamming closed, something hard dropping on the floor—anything, even strange odd things that seemed they shouldn’t trigger something, sometimes did.

He swallowed hard and felt the sweat drip from his forehead into his eye. He didn’t move, didn’t wipe it. A sniper knew to stay still, because any movement would give away his position and leave him vulnerable for a shot to the head.

He eased his finger on the trigger, giving one more glance at the bullseye before he pulled back and heard the shot echo through the quiet night. He didn’t even jerk, hadn’t felt much of anything, because he was so conditioned not to feel a thing. Not physically, mentally, or emotionally. He sometimes felt like a machine—some inhuman, government-engineered machine. He was tired of it. Tired of not feeling anything but negativity, constant obsession with training, staying fit and sharp and not feeling emotional about one God-damn thing.

He lay there on his belly and just absorbed where he was. In the woods way back on his and his brother’s property in Repose, Texas. A place far, far away from all that pain, all that negativity, and all those damn ghosts. Or so he thought, as he heard a sound in the distance, gripped his rifle, rolled, and aimed in the direction. He hadn’t lost his touch, his incredibly accurate and strong sniper abilities. Something was out there approaching. His mind began to wander. Was someone coming for him?

His heart began to pound, sweat dripping from his forehead into his eyes, but he remained focused.
It’s not the enemy. I’m in Repose. I’m home, its safe here
, and he told himself but kept a finger on the trigger and waited to eliminate the enemy. Then he saw the twitching ears, the fur, and the deer come into sight, two babies along with her, and he sighed. He watched them through the scope. Helpless, vulnerable, and they didn’t even know it.

It was a beautiful sight. One he would take over the memories of those fearful missions and the survival instinct of kill or be killed. He was safe here in Repose.
They
were safe here in Repose. He lowered his gun and just watched them, two babies and their mother, until he decided it was time to head back home and try to get some rest.

* * * *

“I’m so glad that you’re feeling better. You look great,” Carina said to Antonia. Antonia was happy that Carina stopped by. Her friend had avoided Cesar’s home, always seeming on edge and nervous around Antonia’s men, but especially Damon and Cesar.

“I’m so happy that you’re here, Carina. I’m going to be back to work this week and hoping to get back to the dojo. Have you been going?”

Carina lowered her head and looked toward the doorway where Cesar had just disappeared. He was on his lunch break, but Fox and Gino were around and taking care of Antonia.

“No. I haven’t gone back.”

“Why not?” Antonia asked, scrunching her face in surprise. She knew that Carina had liked the kickboxing classes and felt ready for the self-defense classes, too.

She smiled and then held her gaze and Antonia knew she was trying to pretend that it was no big deal. “I was waiting for you. It wouldn’t be the same going there alone,” she told her.

Antonia raised one of her eyebrows up at Carina.

“Seriously? You’re so full of crap. Does this have to do with Milton, Jack, Jesse, and Nevin?”

“Antonia. Please.”

“No, I think we should talk about it. They like you. Hell, I heard all about how Jack put the pedal to the metal to get to you first and quickly after the car accident. Then about how attentive Dr. Cortland was. You haven’t gone back for your checkup yet, have you?”

She sighed and then moved around on the couch. “There’s no need to. I’m fine now.”

“Well, then, you should be hitting the dojo.”

“I will be soon enough.”

“And the checkup?” Antonia pushed.

“Not happening.”

“You should reconsider, or Nevin might make you go to the hospital for the checkup.”

Carina’s eyes widened.

“Not happening.”

Antonia chuckled. “Don’t be surprised if he threatens you with that. You saw him for the initial evaluation after the accident and handled him fine.”

“I was avoiding the hospital. Okay, Antonia?” She held her gaze and Antonia stared at her a moment and it clicked.

“Because you do like him and his brothers?”

She saw the emotion in Carina’s eyes.

“Because I was avoiding the hospital and all the paperwork, the computer system, and getting my information in a public system. Not smart.”

“You mean they could find you like that?” Antonia was surprised. She never would have thought of that. “Shit.”

“Exactly. So no hospitals for me.”

Antonia exhaled.

“Maybe you should talk to Cesar. Let him know what happened and he could help.”

Carina shook her head. “No,” she whispered.

“You’re scared, Carina. Living in fear that your ex and his buddy will come looking for you. Don’t pretend that you’re not or that it isn’t a good possibility he’ll come. Look what Ray did to me. Look at the extent he went to, to catch me off guard.”

Carina looked at her and Antonia saw the emotion in her eyes, how different she seemed. She knew what Ray did to Antonia, and the car accident, too, had scared her best friend because of her own past.

“Do you really think they’ll come looking? I mean, wouldn’t they have by now?”

“Who says they aren’t?”

“They won’t know where to look.”

“Antonia, listen, I trusted you with what happened, but I wasn’t a hundred percent honest with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“It doesn’t really matter. It’s just additional crap that adds to my fears and anxiety.”

“That isn’t good. You should feel safe in Repose. Any of the men would protect you, you know that?”

Carina shook her head. She was denying her attraction to the Cortland men, even after their care for her and public display of guardianship. What hadn’t she told Antonia about where she lived and the circumstances that caused her to run, besides the assault?

“I have a plan. I just need to get my damn car back.”

“What plan, and what do you mean get your car back? I thought it was fixed and ready.”

“Oh, it is, but they want new insurance and registration papers and I can’t get those.”

“Why?”

“Because I kind of sort of bullshitted them and have everything under my grandmother’s maiden name. I told the mechanic that it was a screw-up and that I would fix it and then pick up my car. I can’t drive it without showing all the documentation.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Ride my bike for a while and walk. Luckily it isn’t the rainy season around here.”

“What if I register it under my name and you just pay me the insurance for it? Will that help?”

Carina opened her mouth and then stopped as tears filled her eyes.

“You would do that for me?”

“Of course. What are best friends for?”

“Are you certain?”

“Hey, if it gives you peace of mind and helps you to deal with hiding from the problems you had, then I get it and I want to help. You confided in me about what happened to you. I wouldn’t want those men coming here and finding you because of something as simple as your name in a computer. Oh, crap, what about the police report and accident?”

“It was filed under the name I’m using, not my real name.”

“I don’t like this. I really think talking to Cesar would be smart, just as a precaution. He won’t tell anyone else, and he could give you advice, too.”