Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1) (3 page)

Thanksgiving!

    
Before I knew it, Thanksgiving had arrived and I spent the whole morning
cooking.
 
My mother always had a big
dinner with all the fixings.
 
My sister
Beth and her husband Scott would be there, along with their three girls.
 
Sometimes my Aunt and Uncles would come, but
usually it was just us.
 
Mother always
baked a turkey, and I fixed sweet potato casserole.
 
Of course, we had many other things as
well.
 
“Mom, are you about ready to
go?”
 
Austin asked as he walked in to the
kitchen.
 
“Mm, something smells
good.
 
Did you bake an apple pie?”
 
He asked at the same time he opened the oven
door.

    
“I did.
 
I know that’s your
favorite.”
 
The pie was in the oven so it
would stay warm.
 
Everything was
ready.
 
“I’m ready.
 
We just need to load the food up.”
 

    
Austin drove as always.
 
Graysen
never would let me drive either.
 
Forty-five minutes later, we arrived at mom and dad’s house.
 
Beth and her family were already there.
  
Mom came over to give me a hug.
 
“Lana, I’m glad you made it, and on time
too.”
 

    
“I know can you believe it?
 
This
is like the first time I’ve never been late.”
 
I said, smiling.
 
She loved to play
this little game, always figuring that I will be at least fifteen minutes late
everywhere I go.

    
“Hi Grandma.”
 
Austin said before
hugging her.
 

    
“Look at you.
 
I think you’ve
grown more since I saw you last.
 
And
look at your arms, have you been working out?”
 
Without answering, he blushed.
 
“Okay, the food’s on the table.
 
Let’s unpack yours and eat.”
 
Mom
started setting the food out while my sister Beth set out the plates and
silverware.
 
Not long after, we were all
sitting around the table.
 
I
  
looked at each person, thankful they were
here this year.
 
Life is short and you
never know what the next year holds.
 
Mom
passed the food to dad. Beth and her husband Scott helped the kids fill their
plates.
 
I looked at Austin and smiled,
knowing we were both grateful even though we still missed Graysen.
 

    
The food was delicious, but I ate way too much.
 
I always loved Thanksgiving, I still do but
it’s not the same anymore.
 
When mom
stood to clear the plates, I got up to help her.
 
“Here mom let me do that.”
 
I tried to take them from her, but I should’ve
known better.

    
“Nonsense Lana.
 
The day I let
someone clean up my mess is the day you better take me to the hospital.”
 
She kept gathering the plates so I headed to
the kitchen and ran some dishwater and started with what was there already.
 
Mom soon joined me, rinsing while I
washed.
 
“Lana, I’ve been meaning to talk
to you about something.”
 
I swallowed
hard, already knowing what she would say.
 
She’s hinted before, but this is the first
real
conversation.
 
“You need
to get out more.
 
I know you still miss Graysen,
but it’s been two years and it’s not healthy to just sit in the house all day.
 
So for Christmas, James and I decided to send
you on vacation.”

    
What could I say?
 
I didn’t want
to go anywhere.
 
I liked being at
home.
 
“Mom, I appreciate what you and
dad are trying to do, but you know how it is, I could be sick at
Christmas.”
 
With my disease, I stay
tired a lot, but thankfully, my health has been better this year with no
hospital stays.
 
I still have a lot of
medicine to do every morning and night, but it only takes me about twenty-five
minutes.

    
“And you could still be just fine.
 
Just think about it.
 
You’re still
so young sweetheart.
 
Maybe you’ll meet
someone if you go on a trip.
 
Austin
could stay here with us and one of your friends could go with you.
 
What do you think?”

    
That’s my mom, always the optimist.
 
Shaking my head, I said, “Don’t get your hopes up.
 
I accepted the fact a long time ago that
nobody would want a wife that’s sick.”
 
Her face fell.
 
“It’s okay mom,
really.”
 
Maybe I shouldn’t be so
honest.
 
I know she just wants what she
thinks
is best for me.

    
“Regardless, you still need to get away.”
 
It would be nice to go on a trip.
 
Living out in the country was great, but it
felt monotonous at times.
 
Don’t get me
wrong, I love sitting on the back porch drinking coffee and watching the birds
eat from the feeder.
 
We live so far out
in the country; it took twenty-five minutes just to get to my two red-light
town and driving through it literally took less than five minutes.

    
“I could see if Megan would want to go with me.”
 
Giving in and really thinking about it.

    
“That’s a wonderful idea.
 
We
don’t get to see Austin enough so he can stay here.
 
You can leave the day after Christmas and
stay through New Year’s!”
 
Mom sounded
excited, more excited than I did.

    
“First I have to ask Megan.
 
I am not
going on a trip by myself.
 
Second, I
have to make sure Austin’s okay with me being gone on New Year’s because we
always bring it in together.”

    
“Oh he’ll be fine with it.
 
What
eighteen year old boy wouldn’t want to be with a girl at some party on New
Year’s?”
 
She had a point.

    
“Okay, I’ll talk to Megan.
 
I
haven’t spent much time with her the last two years so it would be nice if she
could go.
 
If she can’t, I’ll find
someone.”
 
Moms beaming smile was answer
enough.
 
We finished the dishes, made
coffee to go with the apple pie, and joined the rest of the family in the
living room.

    
The homemade apple pie was delicious, and went well with the
coffee.
 
I really enjoy it when all the
family is together, just sitting and talking.

    
“Mom you look tired, are you ready to go home?”
 
Austin asked and I could see the concern in
his eyes.

    
“I am tired.”
 
I said, giving him
a halfhearted smile.
 
“Let me pack my
stuff up and we’ll go.” I started to get up but he stopped me.

    
“You stay there and I’ll get everything, load it up, and drive us
home.”
 
Immediately leaving for the
kitchen, I heard him in there gathering our things.

    
“He’s such a good son.”
 
My mother
said with such respect.
 
Austin tried his
best to take care of me and I appreciated it so much, but it also made me feel
guilty.
 
It should be me taking care of
him.

    
“I know.
 
I’m thankful to have
him.”
 
He came back carrying our
things.
 
We said our goodbyes with hugs
and kisses, thanking everybody for a great day, and headed home.
 

    
In the car ride home, I started coughing while exhaustion overtook me.
 
Not a good combination.
 
It would take about twenty-five minutes to
use my medicine and get ready for bed before I would be good to go for the rest
of the night. However, there are many times like tonight when I felt so
exhausted, I wish I could just go to bed like normal people, but I knew I’d pay
for it the next day.
 
Therefore, there
would be no skipping my medicine.

    
The next day I could barely get out of bed.
 
I sat in the recliner all day with my book
while we ate cereal and sandwiches.
 
This
is what normally happened.
 
I would have
normal
energy for a few days, but then
the exhaustion would overwhelm me and for one day, I would sit around and
recuperate.
 
I hid my disease well, as
most of us do.
 
Who wants to explain what’s
wrong to everyone?
 
I remember reading a
post that said something like,
Anyone can
act sick
,
but it takes real talent to
act well
.
 
I chuckled thinking how
true that statement was.
 
When I coughed,
I would explain it away as either allergies or asthma.
 
That always seemed to work.

    
“Want to watch a movie?”
 
I looked
up to find Austin standing there.
 
I
hadn’t heard him come in.

 
   
“Yeah, that sounds great.”
 
He turned on the TV and we spent the day
watching movies, just him and me.
 

****

    
A week later, I felt much better and Austin and I were out Christmas
shopping.
 
I had called Megan and told
her about the trip. She was excited about getting away for a week after
Christmas and us spending time together.
 
I couldn’t wait either and I think Austin felt relieved that I would
actually be doing something, anything that showed I had started to live
again.
 
Maybe this would be my new
beginning, but I doubted it.

Somewhere
in New York

    
Lying awake, just as the sun started to rise, I looked over at the red
headed beauty that I brought home last night.
 
Searching my mind trying to remember her name, I came up empty.
 
She was just one in a long line of women.
Being the CEO of a major investment company, I never had to worry about
dating.
 
The women all vied for my
attention.
 
When I wanted to fuck, I had
plenty to choose from.
 
I didn’t date in
the actual sense, I didn’t delude myself in to thinking that these women really
wanted me.
  
They wanted the money, along
with the power that came with my name.
 
Even though I didn’t date, I took women out all the time.
 
We were photographed together while out to dinner
or to a Broadway show, but it was with the understanding that we would fuck
that night and nothing more.
 
Hearing my
phone ring, I grabbed it from my pants and hit the
talk
button.
 
“Speak.”

    
“Man what happened to you last night?”
 
Matt, my best friend asked.
 
We
grew up together in the same house but my parents never approved of him, as he
was the son of my nanny.
 

    
“Why do you ask?”
 
I honestly
couldn’t remember so I had no idea what he was talking about.

    
“You got shit faced and then disappeared.
 
That’s not like you at all.”
 
Huh, I guess that’s why I didn’t know who
what’s her name over there was.

    
“I don’t know.
 
The last thing I
remember was being at Robby’s party, and then nothing.
 
There is a woman beside me though.”
 

    
“Of course there is.”
 
He deadpanned.
 
“I don’t remember a lot either.
 
I think there was more in the drinks than we
know.”

    
“Probably.
 
I can’t believe Robby
turned forty.”
 

    
“I know.
 
That’ll be you in five
more years.”
 
Matt laughed.
 
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
 
I’ll let you get back to what’s her
name.”
 
He hung up.
 
Matt didn’t approve of my lifestyle.
 
He was a one-woman man, and he and Carly had
been together for two years.
 

    
Hearing the woman in my bed stir, I put my pants on.
 
I thought about easing myself with her again,
but not knowing who she was, I decided against it.
 
Opening her eyes, she smiled but I felt
nothing inside.
 
“Good morning.”
 
She purred.

 
   
“Morning.”
 
I grunted.
 
“Get dressed and I’ll
call you a cab.”
 
Her face fell and anger
flashed in her eyes.

    
“Excuse me?”
 
She said with barely
controlled outrage.

    
“What didn’t you understand?”
 
I
know I’m an asshole, but I never let women spend the night.
 
We fuck and they go home.
 
End of story.

    
“You’re throwing me out?”
 
Her
eyes narrowed.

    
“No, I’m asking you to leave and calling you a cab.”
 
I said, emotionless.
 
She jumped out of bed and hastily started
jerking her clothes on.
 
Anger radiated
from her, not that I cared.
 
Women were a
dime a dozen and all of the ones I knew would use their bodies to get what they
wanted. I knew that, had grown up knowing that.
 
I came from a wealthy family here in New York, and now had my own money
made from a company I started.

    
“You’re an asshole!”
 
She yelled
as she marched from the room and slammed the door behind her.
 
Good, now I could enjoy breakfast while I
read the morning paper.
 
Even though it
was Saturday, I still needed to finish some last minute work, which I could do
from here.

    
Working from home, I sat at my desk going over some numbers when my
phone interrupted me.
 
Grabbing it,
“speak,” I said as a way of greeting.

    
“Man you really need to find a different way to answer your damn phone.”

    
“Hey Matt, what’s up?” Looking at my watch, I started putting my papers
in my briefcase.

    
“Just wanted to see if you want to go out tonight.”

    
“Sure, sounds great.
 
What did you
have in mind?”

****

    
That night, I met Matt and David at Club Jade, the hottest new nightclub
in town.
 
We bypassed the long line at
the entrance and were led up the stairs to the roped off VIP area.
 
The scantily dressed waitress made her way
over to take our order.
 
“I’ll have a Scotch
on the rocks.”
 
I said while watching the
dance floor.
 
“Where’s Carly tonight?”
 
I asked Matt.

    
“She’s visiting her family in Maryland.”
 
He said while eyeing the beautiful women.
 

    
“Careful there, you have lust in your eyes brother.”
 
I said, laughing.
 
He glanced my way and gave me a mischievous
smile.
 

    
“No worries, I’m just looking.
 
Nothing wrong with that.”
 
I
couldn’t agree more.
 
About that time,
the waitress brought our drinks over.
 
As
she set mine in front of me, she made sure to put her barely covered tits in
front of my face.
 
Of course I looked,
who wouldn’t.
 
Matt and David also got an
eye full.
 

    
Three drinks later, Matt and David made their way to the dance
floor.
 
I thought about joining them, but
ordered another drink instead.
 
This time
when the waitress bent over and pushed her tits in front of my face, I grabbed
her ass and pulled her to me.
 
She smiled
as she spread her legs to straddle me.
 
She was like all the others, stick thin with bleach blonde hair that
looked as if she’d done it herself.
 
Her
tits were DD, and fake but I didn’t care about that.
 
I licked those tits she kept putting in front
of me.
 
Looking around, and not seeing
anyone else, she asked, “What would you like?”
 

    
What would I like?
 
Now that was a loaded question. The table we
were sitting at was in a dark corner of the VIP section, and I couldn’t see
anyone else.
 
They made it this way on
purpose, for privacy.
 
“I want you in
front of me, on your knees.”
 
I said in a
commanding tone.
 
She smiled and dropped
to the floor.
 
I grabbed my scotch while
she unzipped me and took my hard dick out of my pants.
 
As I watched the dancing down below, she
sucked me into her mouth.
 
Experienced,
she had done this many times before.
 
I
could always tell.
 
As she continued to
suck, I could feel my balls tighten and knew it wouldn’t be long.
 
Setting down my drink, I grabbed her head,
pumped in to her mouth once, twice, and then came why holding her on me.
 
“Swallow it sweetheart.”
 
I said, but there was no gentleness in my
words.
 
“Oh yeah, that’s it!”
 
I moaned.
 
When I finished, I watched her lick her lips.
  
Zipping me back up, she smiled, grabbed her
tray and left.
 
She had done this enough
to know she would get a huge tip.

    
Matt and David were returning when she zipped me up and by the smile on
David’s face and the scowl on Matt’s, I knew they saw everything that happened,
or at least the end of it.
 
“You’ve got
to be
shitten
me!
 
We leave for ten minutes and you get the waitress to give you a fucking
blow job?”
 
Matt said, grabbing his drink
as they sat down.
 
“Colin, you need
help.
 
I swear I think the older you get,
the worse you get.
 
You’re in a fucking
nightclub and didn’t even bother to use the bathroom for your
sexcapades
.”

    
“Shut up Matt, if I could get away with it I would do it to.”
 
David came to my defense.
 
Not that I cared either way. I have always
done what I wanted and when I wanted to.
 
David was Matt’s friend from grade school.
 
I hung out with both of them growing up, but
I was around Matt more often.
 
Neither of
them ever asked or expected anything from me, which was unusual in my world.
 
We stayed another hour before I paid the tab
and left a $500 tip for the waitress, and called my driver.

    
“Would either of you like a ride home?”
 
I asked as we made our way to the private side door exit.

 
   
“No thanks, we came in Dave’s car.”
 
Matt answered.

    
I nodded, “I’ll see you both later.”
 
 
They headed for the parking lot
and I climbed in to the back of my limo.
 
My driver, Seth, shut the door behind me.

    
“Where to sir?”

    
“Home Seth.”
 
He had been my driver
for the last seven years and probably knew more about me than anyone.

    
“Yes Sir.”

    
Arriving at the front door of my building, I nodded to Dean, the night
doorman before heading up to my penthouse.
 
Letting myself in, I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
 
After undressing, I stepped in and let the
hot water run down my back as I leaned forward and placed my hands on the wall
in front of me.
 
 
Thinking about Matt, and what he said, I
wondered if he was right.
 
Was I getting
worse, colder hearted?
 
I didn’t know.

    
Finishing my shower, I dried off and headed to bed noticing it was now
2am.
 
Sleep claimed me within minutes.

    
What is that ringing?
 
Please just stop ringing!
Opening my
eyes, I realized it was my phone.
 
Rolling over and grabbing it off the nightstand, “Speak.”
 

    
“That is no way to greet your mother.”
 
She said in a stern voice.
 
Why
did I not check caller Id first?
Oh yeah,
I was sleeping
, I thought while rubbing my eyes.
 
I rarely took her calls, but sometimes like
now, I didn’t check the Id and stupidly answered.

    
“What do you want mother?”
 
No
need to pretend with pleasant chitchat.

    
“I want you here for Thanksgiving dinner, 1 pm sharp.”
 
Trying to avoid this conversation for the
past week, I messed up by answering.
 
“Colin,
do you hear me?”

    
“Why mother?
 
Why pretend?”
 
I seriously wanted to know why she insists we
get together on these holidays.
 
They
never cared if I was there growing up, actually they preferred I wasn’t.
 

    
“It’s tradition and besides, your Uncle Rob will be there with his
newest wife.
 
I can’t remember what her
name is.”
 
Mother huffed, and I knew she
had to keep up appearances in front of dad’s family. “Anyway, be here at 1 and
leave your bimbos at home.”
 
With those
parting words, she hung up.
 
My mother
and father were never really a part of my life growing up.
 
Maggie, my nanny and Matt’s mom practically
raised me from the time I turned nine.
 
I
really liked her, and loved playing with Matt, so I knew not to get to close to
her. There had been several nannies before her, but when mother thought they
were growing too attached to me, she fired them.
 
Always saying she was my mother and they were
the help
.
 
I think they just wanted, well needed an heir
and didn’t really want a child.
 
I would
love to have an heir, but I vowed never to put a child through what I had to
endure, feeling unloved and always alone.