Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1)

BOOK: Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1)
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Trying

To

Survive

By

Hannah Davenport

 
 

    
Thank you for purchasing my book.
 
If you enjoy reading it, please click on the link at the end of the book
and leave a review.
 
Every good review
helps sales and I would appreciate your honest opinion.
 
Thank you!

 

    
This story is fiction; names and places are not real and not based on
any known person.
 
Like most stories,
there are some hidden truths inside the make believe.
 
There is heartbreak, worry, laughing, and of
course love.

 

    
I would like to thank my family for being so patient and understanding
while I spent hours, days, even weeks writing this book.

    
I would also like to thank SelfPubBookCovers.com/
FrinaArt
for providing me with an amazing book cover.
 

Copyright:
November 2015 by Hannah Davenport

All
rights reserved.
 
No part of this
publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by
any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical
methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the
case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other
noncommercial use permitted by copyright law

Prologue
 

    
I sat in the cold metal chair as my husband lay in the casket along with
all of our dreams.
 
My life was
over.
 
My life lay there with my husband,
my only lover, my best friend, my everything.
 
Holding a red rose, a tear slipped down my face and I couldn’t bring
myself to lay it on his casket.
 
This
could not be the end, it couldn’t be over.
 
Everyone had long since left except me, but I refuse to let him go.
 
Looking toward heaven, I sobbed and asked the
one question I knew I’d never get the answer to.
 
Why?
 
Why did you take him?
 
Why did this happen?
 
Sobbing, I found my legs, walked to his
casket, and threw my body over the top and while I cried, I begged, “Please
don’t leave me!
 
I can’t do this without
you!”
 
I didn’t understand why this had
happened, I’m the one with health problems, I was supposed to go first but not
for a long time.
 
We had plans, had dreams
and we still had to finish raising our son.

    
I don’t know how long I lay on top of Graysen’s casket, but my crying
had stopped when I felt strong warm arms wrap around me, and when I looked up,
I looked in to Graysen’s eyes.
 
However,
it wasn’t Graysen, it was our sixteen year old son, Austin.
 
He lifted me up and carried me to the
car.
 
“It will be okay mom; I’ll take
care of you.”
 
I heard his words and
although they gave me comfort, it wasn’t right.
 
He didn’t need to take care of me, I needed to take care of him.
 
He was my child and that’s what mothers do.

Chapter 1
 

Two Years Later

 

    
“Mom, where are you?”
 
Austin
yelled as he came through the front door.
 
Smiling, I thought about how some things never change no matter how old
he got.
 
Walking in to the kitchen where
I had been making dinner he said, “There you are.
 
Why didn’t you answer me?”

    
“I didn’t want to yell.
 
I knew
you would find me eventually.”
 
He made
his way over to the bar and took a seat on the stool.
 
“What did you need?”
 
I ask while stirring the pot of chili I was
making for dinner.
 

    
“Nothing, I just didn’t know where you were.”
 
Austin had grown in to a fine young man but
at times, I worried about him.
 
He spent
too much time worrying about me and not enough time being a teenager.

    
“I’ve been here all day.”
 
I
smiled.
 
“Are you going to the ballgame
tonight?”
 
He loved to watch football
especially with Graysen.
 
They went to
all of the high school games on Friday night and watched college games on
Saturday.
 
The two of them made a day of
it with chips and salsa in front of the TV.
 
The first year after Graysen passed away Austin just closed down,
refusing to go by himself.
 
I knew he
took Graysen’s death hard and with him suddenly thinking he was the man of the
house, he internalized his grief.
 
A few
months later, I made an appointment for us both to talk to a counselor, not
together of course, although they did have us together a time or two.
 
Counseling really helped us both and I’m not
sure where we’d be today without it.
 
Oh,
it was still hard.
 
I still missed Graysen
every single day but I’m learning to live without him.

    
“No, I think I’ll stay home.”
 
He
said solemnly.
 
I stopped and looked at
him, I mean really looked.

    
“What’s wrong?
 
Why aren’t you
going?”
 
This was his senior year and I
wanted him to enjoy it.
 
Doing so well
this year, I wanted him to go and have a good time.

    
“Nothing’s wrong, I just don’t want to go that’s all.”
 
He never made eye contact so I knew something
was up.

    
“Talk to me Austin.
 
Please tell
me what’s bothering you.”
 
He looked up
and I saw the pain in his eyes.
 
Walking
over to him, I pulled him in for a hug as he threw his arms around me and
hugged me tightly.

    
“I miss dad.”
 
He whispered.
 
It made my heart hurt because I missed him
to…so much.
 
I knew I couldn’t be mom and
dad, so I didn’t even try.
 
“I want him
here for my senior year; I want him to go to the games with me.”
 
I heard his voice break and a tear slipped
out of my eye.
 
Austin may be
six-feet-two with muscles everywhere but to me he was still my little boy, my
beautiful little boy.

    
“I know honey.
 
I miss him
to.”
 
A few minutes later while I still
had him embraced, I said, “I can go and you can teach me all about it.”
 
He laughed, as I knew he would.

    
“Mom you hate cold weather.”
 
And
just like that, he felt better.
 
His
shoulders were more relaxed and he wore an easy smile on his face.
 
I moved back over to the stove while he sat
back down.
 
“Kaitlyn asked me to meet her
there.”
 
He said without looking up.

    
“Oh she did huh?”
 
A brief smile
graced his face.
 
For some reason he
never talked about girls that often.
 
I
always felt like he thought it would bother me for some reason.
 

    
“Yeah, she did.
 
I thought
afterwards I would take her out for a pizza.”
 
He still wouldn’t meet my eyes.

    
“Austin?”
 
I waited.
 
“Austin, look at me.”
 
When he did, I could see something in his
eyes.
 
It looked like guilt but I didn’t
know why.
 
“Honey, I think that’s
wonderful.”
 
I gave him my best smile and
saw him relax again.
 
“You should go and
have a great time.
 
You’re eighteen-years-old
and that’s what you’re supposed to do.”

    
“I know you keep telling me that but I don’t want you to be alone for so
long.”
 
My heart melted at the thought of
having such a caring son.

    
“I’ll be just fine.
 
It makes me
feel better to know that you are living your life and having a good time.
 
Your happiness gives me happiness.”

     
“I can’t help but worry.
 
You
never go out and do anything and you haven’t dated anyone.”
 
I glanced his way.
 
This was a sore topic for us.

    
“Do you really want me to date?”
 
I could see how uncomfortable that made him.

    
“No, but I don’t want you to be alone either.
 
You’re still young and you should have some
fun to.”
 
I didn’t feel that young even
though I was only thirty-five.
 
I had Austin
when I was seventeen and had spent my whole life raising him.
 
I didn’t mind though, I actually felt lucky.
 
With my disease, the doctor told me that the
chances of me having children were very slim.
 
At fifteen I met Graysen and we started
dating, at seventeen I found out I could have children after all, at least one
anyway as we never tried to prevent pregnancy.

    
“Listen to me honey, I want you to go and have a great time and not
worry about me.
 
I’ll be fine, I promise.
 
 
I know
I’ve told you before, but I’m going to tell you again.
 
If anything happens make sure you use
protection.”
 
I wanted to laugh aloud but
I kept a straight face.
 
I loved
embarrassing him even though I meant ever word I said.
 

    
“Mom!”
 
His face turned red like
always.
 
Graysen never liked to talk
about sex with Austin but I was determined that he would not become a
statistic.
 
I also liked to watch his
reaction.

    
“I’m serious Austin; do you have condoms in your wallet?”
 
Bless his heart he looked horrified.
 
You would think he would be used to it by
now.

    
 
“Yes mom!” He looked away,
embarrassed.

    
“They haven’t expired have they?
 
Maybe you should check.”

    
“Oh God, just please stop!”
 
He
groaned and I laughed.
 
“You know, we
don’t have to talk about this every time I have a date.”
 
I laughed more, I couldn’t help it.
 
No, I didn’t have to remind him but I wanted
to make sure he was always prepared, and I liked watching him blush.
 
“Do you ever regret it?”
 
He asked with sincerity and without looking
at me.

    
“Regret what?”
 
My smile faded and
I was confused.

    
“Getting pregnant at seventeen.”
 
I don’t know why but this is something we have never talked about
before.
 
Did I regret it?
 
That was an easy answer.
 
Never!

    
“No, I don’t.
 
Don’t get me wrong,
we had a hard go of it in the beginning but I wouldn’t change a thing.”
 
I said, meaning every word of it.

    
“You never talk about you and dad, about when you met or about having
me.”
 
Huh, I guess I hadn’t.
 
I didn’t mean to keep it from him I just never
thought he cared about it.

    
“Would you like to know?”
 
I
watched him for any signs that we shouldn’t venture in to this new
territory.
 

    
Letting out a breath he said, “Yeah, I would.”
 
I decided I needed a cup of coffee, and to
sit down if we were going to talk about this.
 
Grabbing a filter and the coffee from the
cabinet, I readied the pot while I put creamer in my cup. I knew this would
happen one day.
 
Yes, it still hurt to
talk about him but I decided a long time ago that I would do whatever Austin
needed me to.
 
Pouring my cup full, I
turned to him.

    
“Let’s go sit down.”
 
Walking into
the living room, I sat on the couch while Austin took a seat in the
recliner.
 
“I met your father when I was
thirteen and we had just started high school together.
 
He asked me to be his girlfriend and of course,
I said
no.

 
I sat there smiling at the memory.
 
“To be honest, I wasn’t that interested in
boys then.
 
He didn’t care though, he
still called me at night and we sat together when we were in class.
 
He became my best friend.”
 
Taking a sip of coffee, I let the memories
flood my mind.
 
“Then one day it all
changed.
 
I was fifteen and in the tenth
grade.
 
We were at a school dance and the
girl he was with left him for another guy.”

    
“Seriously, she dumped him
during
the
dance?”
 
He asked and I could tell he was
hanging on to my every word.
 
I should
have talked about his dad more before now, but the memories were just too
painful before.

    
“Yeah!
 
Can you believe it?
 
She had some nerve.
 
When I found him standing alone, I took his
hand and led him to the dance floor where we had a great time.
 
Then about an hour later she came back
because the guy didn’t want much to do with her, or something like that.”
 
Shaking my head at that particular memory, “And
Graysen stayed with her the rest of the evening.”

    
“What!
 
Why would he do that?
 
If some chick dumped me during a dance I sure
as hell wouldn’t take her back.”
 
I
smiled at his outrage on my behalf even if it did happen almost twenty years
ago.

    
“Language.”

    
“Sorry.”
 
He didn’t sound it.

    
“On Monday he told me he shouldn’t have done that and wished he’d have
just stayed with me.
 
That’s how we
started dating. It started out great at first and I fell head over heels in love
with him.
 
Don’t get me wrong we had our
problems, a lot of them, but when you love someone you work it out.”

    
“Like what?”

    
“One of the biggest problems that I recall was his mother.”

    
“Really,
mamaw
didn’t like you two being
together?”
 
He asked with disbelief.

    
“No she didn’t.”
 
I took another
sip of coffee while my mind went to Sandra, my mother-in-law. After Graysen
passed away, I didn’t visit and she never came around much. She never took an
interest in Austin or anything he did.
 
When
Graysen was alive, she wanted us to visit all the time but at her
convenience.
  
“We’re getting off
topic.”
 
I smiled.
 
“We dated the rest of the way through high
school and married soon after we graduated.”

    
“And you didn’t have me until after graduation?”
 
 
He
looked so interested.

    
“Right.
 
I was seventeen when I
graduated and had you right before my eighteenth birthday.”
 
My baby was born in October and I turned eighteen
in November.
 
It was hard to have a baby
so young but he was so worth it.

BOOK: Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1)
13.16Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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