Until Alex (13 page)

I sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped tightly around me, like that would shield me from his sudden distance. “Should I go?”

He shrugged, then dropped down on the foot of his bed with his back facing me and his head hung low. 

Nothing I’d overheard—except maybe his heartlessness when discussing the girl he brought home—explained his indifference. This Hayden was the one I couldn’t understand. The one I struggled to keep up with. The one who changed moods like girls changed outfits before a date.

Did I even want to invest time in someone whose personality switched at the drop of a dime? Or was having him in my life, in whatever capacity I could get, enough?

I dropped the blanket and crawled down to the foot of the bed. I sat beside him the way we’d sat on the picnic table. Both silent. Both in our own heads. Both soothed by the other’s presence.

“I need to stay away from you,” he mumbled into his chest.

Unsure if he was serious or not, I turned toward him. “You do know you’re quoting a super famous novel-turned-movie, don’t you?”

“I’m serious, Alex. It’s not a good idea.”

I stared at his bowed head, trying to make sense of the situation. Moments before hadn’t he been ready to kiss me?

“There’s so much you don’t know about me. Things I do that I’m not proud of. Things I’ve done. Things I don’t tell anyone.”

“I’m not following.”

A sardonic laugh left him as his eyes finally slid to mine. “Exactly. There are things I can’t talk about. Blanks I can’t fill in.”

“Okay. Then I won’t ask.”

He scoffed. “You don’t get it. There are more things I can’t tell you, than I can.”

“Can or will?”

His jaw clenched. “Both.”

I nodded, thinking back to the cemetery. Thinking back to my aunt’s warning. Thinking back to his own warning only a few minutes before. I knew Hayden had secrets. Secrets I’d probably never know if I waited for him to tell me.

Could I control my curiosity for a chance to get to know him better? Could I resist the urge to follow him when he didn’t tell me where he was going? Was he even worth all the trouble?

I huffed out a long breath. “Fair enough.” 

His brows arched.

I leveled my eyes with his. “Since I can’t seem to stay away from you, I’d say we’re just getting started.”

His shoulders sagged in defeat. The complete opposite of the relief and happiness I’d hoped for. 

I reached over and placed my hand on his solid thigh, attempting to comfort him from whatever displeased him. Sure, it could’ve been me, but I wouldn’t allow myself to believe that. “What is it?”

He stared down at my hand on his
skin, like the first time we met. But now I knew him—as much as he’d let anyone know him. And he obviously kept too much locked inside. It wasn’t healthy. I should know. He needed someone to talk to. Someone to confide in. Someone who would listen and not try to solve his problems. I could be that someone. If only he’d let me.

“I need you to stay away from me when Remy’s around.”

I almost didn’t need to ask. “Mr. Piercings and Tattoos?”

Hayden nodded.

“Is that who was here?” My thumb moved back and forth over his bare leg, the fair wisps of dark hair softer than expected.

He nodded again.

“Can you tell me why?”

My question was met with the swift shake of his head.

“So, we can hang out, just as long as Remy doesn’t know?”

He twisted his lips and nodded.

“He goes to our school.”

Hayden shook his head. “He just hangs out there.” His eyes flashed around his room, at the bare walls and empty furniture. “This is all I can offer. This apartment, this building, bars and restaurants in other towns. Anywhere Remy won’t find out.”

I withdrew my hand from his leg and crossed my arms, contemplating his offer for me to be his dirty little secret. “Why does he care who you spend time with?”

“I don’t know if he cares, so much as he controls what I do when I work with him.”

“You don’t strike me as the type to let anyone control you.”

He made a low, choked sound. “If anything stands in the way of work, Remy won’t tolerate it. And when that’s you…” His eyes fixed on mine, almost softening. “I’m willing to try this. But it’s all I’ve got to offer.”

My belly rippled with a series of Olympic style backflips. He was willing to
try this
. Whatever
this
was I really wasn’t clear on. But he wanted something with me. And I really needed him to want something.

Unfortunately, as soon as the elation settled in, so did the truth. A truth I couldn’t ignore.

The reason I felt so drawn to him was because I could trust him. Now he claimed he couldn’t reciprocate that trust. He’d keep secrets.

His eyes searched my face. For the first time they looked hopeful. “What are you thinking?”

As much as I wanted him and whatever he could offer, I knew for my own well-being, my own state of mind, my own shattered heart, it wouldn’t be enough.

I needed someone to want to be with me. To seek me out and show me off. I wasn’t high maintenance like he presumed at Jake’s. I just needed a real connection. Not one that only existed when Remy wasn’t around.

“I’m thinking…” I knew what I wanted to do. But I also knew what I needed to do. I deserved more. I’d been through hell. Now the guy who saved me couldn’t be seen with me. I needed distance. I needed to straighten out my head. “I should probably head home.”

Hayden nodded, like he already knew my response.

I stood from his bed.

He reached out
, his warm hand grabbing hold of mine. His normally strong hold was gentle. But I could feel his unwillingness to let go.

I didn’t turn. Turning would’ve caused me to stay. And I needed to leave. I needed time.

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you need me to be.”

I closed my eyes as his words struck something deep inside me. Something fragile. Something teetering on the balance of happiness and despair.

And in that moment I knew…his words weren’t only the truth, but also goodbye.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

HAYDEN

Dark storm clouds loomed overhead. Rain sat ready to burst from the sky. I’d waited in my truck outside the Taco Barn for over an hour staring at the front doors of the cantina-style building.

Finally, Cameron stepped outside.

I jumped out of my truck and jogged to him. Before he even saw me coming, I grabbed the back of his neck and slammed his face into the brick building.

“What the fuck?” he cried as I yanked his startled body to the alleyway beside the building and slammed his chest into the wall. With everyone avoiding the impending storm, the area was deserted and his pleas went unheard.

I leaned into his ear, my teeth gritted in disgust. “What did you do to Alex?”

“Alex who?” he cried.

With my hand pressed firmly into the back of his head, I scraped his pretty boy face against the wall. 

“You mean Taylor’s friend?”

I spun him around, squeezing his shoulders so hard he had no other option but to look at me. Bloody dirt-filled scratches marked up his cheeks. A giant gash split his bottom lip. He deserved so much worse. “Tell me what happened.”

His eyes widened once he realized who I was. He’d heard the rumors. But he didn’t know the truth. If he did, he would’ve been even more terrified. “Nothing. Nothing happened. I swear.”

I tightened my grip on his shoulders, digging my fingers in deeper. “Did you slip her the drug?”

His eyes shot away.

I slammed him back. His head bounced off the wall like a rag doll. But rag dolls didn’t talk, and I needed him talking. I reeled in my anger and eased up my hold. “Did you drug her?”

His eyes shot down. “It was Taylor. She made me—”

My tempered anger was short-lived. I slammed my fist into his stomach with such force his body folded, air abandoning his lungs in a giant whoosh. “Did you touch her?”

He groaned, his shaggy blonde head moving from side to side.

“I said did you touch her?”

With his body still slumped, he screamed, “No! Taylor wanted it to look that way. But I swear on my baby sister, I’d never touch a girl who’s unconscious.”

“Did anyone touch her?”

“I don’t know, man. I don’t think so.”

The sight of him whimpering like a bitch made my stomach turn. I slammed my fist into his side, needing him to feel my anger. My disgust. My need for vengeance. “You didn’t have to do it.”

His body slid down the wall, drawing into a ball on the concrete.

“Fuck, Hayden.
You probably killed him.”

I shook
off the all too vivid image.

I needed to get out of there.

With clenched fists and my head spinning, I stalked toward my truck.

“With Taylor, you don’t have a choice,”
Cameron muttered.

I looked over my shoulder at the pathetic mess I’d left behind. “You always have a choice.”

I drove in circles for almost an hour, trying to get my head in check. After all Alex had been through, how could I tell her that her friend had her drugged? Wouldn’t surprise me if she never trusted anyone ever again.

Inevitably, I stood outside her apartment. I’d seen her car in the lot, so I knew she was home. I stared at the
solid structure separating us for a long moment. I wished it wasn’t just a stupid door that separated the two of us.

I sucked in a deep breath and knocked. When Alex left my apartment earlier, she made it clear whatever was going on between us—my promise to try—wasn’t enough for her.

I knocked again, then stepped back. My eyes dropped to the bottom of the door. A shadow lingered underneath. 

I felt ridiculous speaking to a closed door, but it was easier than seeing the disappointment in Alex’s eyes. “I talked to Cameron today.”

I paused, giving her time to open the door. But she didn’t.

“He fessed up. Said he did it. But the whole thing was Taylor’s idea.”

Still no sound. No movement.

“Just thought you’d want to know who you’re hanging out with.”

Even as I turned and walked to my apartment, I expected her to open the door. 

But she didn’t.

At least I’d done what I could. I’d gotten her the truth. What she did with it was up to her.

ALEX

I gripped the doorknob, wanting to pull open
the door. Wanting to see the face of the guy who only hours before had held me in his arms, protecting me from the world around me.

But I couldn’t.

With my back to the door, and my mind spiraling with the news he delivered, I sank to the cold hardwood floor.

Taylor
.

I should’ve known.

There was no way she would’ve just let that opportunity slip through her fingers. 

Now what was I supposed to do? Confront her? Tell someone?

Being on the receiving end of her vengeance told me one thing. Mess with Taylor and expect a fate worse than death. Acting oblivious could buy me time. Time to drop out of the competition. Time to distance myself from her.

Unfortunately, the only real friend I had just walked away, and I did nothing to stop him.

HAYDEN

Taylor stood alone outside the student union texting on her phone. I hadn’t called her like I told Alex I would. I needed to see her eyes when I called her out on what she’d done.

Taylor’s entire body jumped
as I grabbed hold of her arm and dragged her inside the building without a word.

Her phony, sugary-sweet persona slipped off her face. “What the hell, Hayden?”

“That’s what I want to know.” I swung her around the corner into the commuter lounge. I didn’t care if people stared. Let them. It took everything in me not to inflict the same pain on her that Cameron got. But I’d
never
touch a girl. Not even a selfish conniving bitch like Taylor. “Have you talked to Alex?”

She looked me dead in the eyes. Admitting no wrongdoing. Displaying no remorse. She actually puffed out her chest. Did she think she was tough? Did she think she’d get away with it? “Not since Friday night.”

“You the one who dropped her off?”

Taylor rolled her eyes on a huff. “Since when are you concerned about anyone other than yourself?”

I slammed my palm into the wall beside her head, likely cracking some of the paint. She flinched. “Answer the fucking question. Did you drive her home?”

“Yeah.” The tough girl mask slid back in place. “She was plastered out of her mind. I thought she could handle her liquor, but she was falling all over the place. It was embarrassing.”

Blood rushed violently through my veins. The thought of Alex drugged, with no one to take care of her, pulled at something deep inside me. Something I didn’t even realize still existed.

And knowing the bitch who did it stood in front of me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to make her pay, amplified my rage. “Why’d you leave her? Why not bring her into her apartment?”

Taylor crossed her arms and sighed, like my inquisition was a waste of her precious time. “She said to leave her outside. She didn’t want to wake her aunt or something.”

Lying bitch. “Her aunt’s away.”

She shrugged. “That’s what she said.”

I wasn’t satisfied. “What happened with Cameron?” 

“Cameron? I don’t know. He took her for a walk.”

“Come on, Taylor. You’re boy was more forthcoming than that.”

Her bored façade slipped for just a second as she fought to maintain her composure. Then, as if I hadn’t just bagged her, her lips parted, a cunning smile sweeping across her glossy lips. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

I scanned the faces of the students occupying the seats. If there
weren’t witnesses, I would’ve forced her to tell me the truth. I tried my final hand. “She was drugged.”

Taylor’s eyes expanded. “For real? Is she all right?”

Oh, her acting chops were stellar. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve believed her myself. “She said she only had one drink. The one Cameron got for the two of you.”

Taylor shrugged. “I was fine.”

“No, shit.” I evened my eyes with hers, moving in so our noses nearly touched. I lowered my voice to just above a whisper. “I know what you did.”

She didn’t even blink. “Prove it.”

I’d never felt more inclined to snap someone’s neck in my entire life. If I stayed a second longer, I would’ve ended up in jail. I spun away from her and got the hell out of the building.

My heart pounded harder than it had in a long time. Someone needed to take Taylor’s ass down. But I couldn’t risk the ramifications for Alex. She’d be the one who’d suffer.

Philosophy was a waste of time. I couldn’t focus on Aristotle’s
Metaphysics
. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t focus on anything. Anything but Alex. The girl who’d been avoiding me since the previous morning. I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to get involved with someone like me. Someone with nothing to offer. I’d put myself out there the best way I knew how. And it backfired.

The classroom clock seemed stuck on eleven forty. At least in five minutes, I’d have a break for lunch. I needed something to snap me out of my pissed off mood. Not sure if that meant running into Alex or downing some much needed carbs, but both would help.

My phone vibrated in my pocket.

Even though
last night’s job went better than most and I didn’t even have to get out of my truck, I prayed it wasn’t Remy. Not today. Not with my mood.

I glanced at my professor before sliding the phone from my pocket. Oddly, everyone else in the classroom checked their phones at the exact same time.

I swiped my finger across the screen. It wasn’t from Remy, but the school’s alert system. Maybe they were cancelling afternoon classes. I wouldn’t argue with that. But it wasn’t a voice message. It was a text.  No, a photo.

Whispers and snickers erupted around me.

Like a detonated bomb, the photo flashed across my screen.

Fuck
me
.

My stomach dropped out from beneath me.

Bile crawled up the back of my throat.

My pulse pounded in my ears.

I jumped to my feet and bolted out the door. I needed to find Alex. I needed to get her off campus before she saw it.

I rushed through the empty hallways of the
psych building, not even sure it’s where she was. I thrust my face in classroom windows like a madman. There were brunettes of all shapes and sizes. But none of them were Alex.

Visions of the photo flashed in my mind as I jogged to the
arts and sciences building and continued my search. Alex’s naked body. Her closed eyes. Her seductive pose. The hungry look on her face.

I wished I hadn’t seen it. I wished
no one
had. It didn’t depict the real Alex. It depicted someone who consented to being stripped bare and photographed. They wouldn’t know she’d been drugged. They wouldn’t know what she was really like. What she’d been through. They wouldn’t realize the photo existed out of jealousy.

As I stalked the hallways, I reminded myself she hadn’t been raped. But it didn’t stop the adrenaline
from gushing through my body.

I needed to find her.

Classroom doors flew open. People emptied into the hallway from every direction. I maneuvered around bodies, shoving people out of my way. The crashing of my heart and the perpetual ringing in my ears muffled the sounds around me.

I pushed through the building exit, coming to an abrupt stop on the top of the concrete stairs. I scanned the crowded quad.
Students crossed the X-shaped paths in a hurry to their next classes, while some congregated in groups, tossed a football, or sat on the grass. But no Alex.

Had she already seen the photo? Had she gone home?
Was she hiding?

There was one place I needed to check, hoping to God she was nowhere near it. I jogged across the quad to the student union and right into the busy dining hall.

My head twisted around, my eyes scanning the faces of the people who’d seen the picture.

Oh, fuck.

Alex stood on the opposite side of the room, handing her money to the cashier. She turned with her drink and walked over to Taylor’s table.

What was she doing? Hadn’t she heard me? Didn’t she know what Taylor had done?

She looked so innocent, almost angelic, in her white sundress flowing with each step. She didn’t notice all the eyes on her. She didn’t know what they’d all seen. At that point, every person in the dining hall stared, pointed, or laughed. It was just a matter of time before she knew it.

I needed to get to her. But too many people with filled lunch trays obstructed my path. I pushed closer, edging around bodies while straining to hear Alex and Taylor’s exchange over all the noise. But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t get to her fast enough. It was like a bad dream. A nightmare where everything happened in slow motion.