Until Alex (15 page)

“Thanks.” It sounded so insignificant.
Like it wasn’t enough to express what I really felt.

* * *

After my final class of the day, I lagged behind to speak with the professor about his lesson. By the time he was done, the building had cleared out. Okay, so maybe it had been cowardly, but cut a girl some slack. The day had been difficult enough.

A beam of sunlight shone through the exit door into the empty first floor hallway. I hurried toward the light. I was almost home free. 

“Alex.”

Tension grabbed hold of my body, stopping me cold. I closed my eyes, hoping to God it wasn’t who I thought it was. I pulled in a d
eep breath, then twisted around.

Nervous laughter fled my lips
as I watched Professor Smith approach, her clasped hands twisting.

“Just wanted to let you know rehearsals start tomorrow.”

“I don’t—

She shook her head. “Please don’t do it.”

My brows shot up.

“No, that came out wrong,” she explained. “Please don’t feel like you can’t stay in the competition. You gave the best audition this year. You earned your spot.”

I chewed on my bottom lip. While Professor Smith would’ve been horrified by Taylor’s duplicity, I couldn’t tell her the truth. It wouldn’t help. I wasn’t sure anything would. “Can I let you know?”

“I wish you wouldn’t think too hard about it. You’re already in.”

HAYDEN

I sat in the parking lot on the open tailgate of my truck, my foot bouncing like it had a mind of its own. Alex should’ve been home thirty minutes ago.

Down deep I knew her delay was only partially to blame for my nerves. After the way things got intense in my bedroom, I had no clue what to expect. What to say. How to act. She’d been through hell. Could I really expect her to make rational decisions?

I followed her lead at school, keeping my distance. But I stayed close enough to know if she needed me. She handled herself like a champ, ignoring the stares and whispers. That took major balls. Some of the toughest guys I knew would’ve snapped under such scrutiny. But not Alex.

I just wished she wasn’t so stubborn and set on doing it alone. I would’ve driven in with her. Stayed by her side. Told off the masses.

But I got it. She needed to prove she could do it. 

I suspected her courage and show of independence had a little something to do with me. More like me telling her we couldn’t be seen together.

The purring of an expensive car’s engine sent my head twisting. Alex’s BMW zipped into the lot, taking the spot next to mine.

Flashing
me a big goofy smile, she stepped out. Her sunglasses concealed her pretty eyes. I didn’t like not seeing them. They were always so expressive, telling me what her words wouldn’t. 

My tailgate dipped as she hopped onto it, bumping her shoulder into mine. “Hey.”

I matched her grin. “Have a nice day?”

She lifted the sunglasses to the top of her head. “The morning wasn’t so bad.”

I arched a brow. “Wasn’t so bad, huh?”

She shrugged. “Mediocre.”

I laughed, deliberately eyeing her up and down. “Well, you made it through the rest of the day unscathed I see.”

She nodded, her eyes lifting to the cloudless sky. It must’ve been the first opportunity she had all day to escape the chaos. “But, as you can see, Hayden
Martin
, the day isn’t over yet.”

Loving the way my name rolled off her tongue,
my smile widened. Since meeting Alex, I’d never smiled so much in my entire life. She brought it out of me in spades. That and some other things that were completely new for me.

“I did run into a little problem on my way out of school.”

The muscle in my jaw tightened, my molars grinding. Who did I need to hunt down? “That why you’re running late?” My fists clenched at my sides.

She nodded, her eyes narrowing. “Were you out here waiting for me?”

“Maybe.”

Her smile stretched
wide. “Good.”

Her
excitement over something so small caused my fists to unclench, my anger to ease, and my body to relax.

“Anyway…” she bumped my shoulder again. “Professor Smith really wants me to stay in the competition.”

“You should.”

Her head pulled back, jarred by my agreement. “I’m not so sure about that.” Her attention moved to the shifting trees. The late September days had grown slightly cooler, and the coastal breezes had given life to the landscape. The wind stole a few
of her waves and whipped them across her face. She let them blow, her eyes still focused on the scenery. “Taylor must have other pictures, huh?”

I couldn’t lie. Especially when trust and honesty were what Alex needed most from me. So when her eyes shifted to mine, I twisted my lips and nodded regrettably.

“So if I don’t do what she wants, she’ll keep sending them out until I’m driven back to Austin.” She wasn’t asking. She knew the chances were high it could happen. She gnawed on her bottom lip. I could practically see the wheels turning. “How much worse could they really be?”

No
. Fucking. Way.

I stared at the ballsy girl seated beside me. If anyone could pull off the gutsy move, Alex could. She’d already faced everyone at school knowing what they’d seen. And here she sat. In one piece.

“I mean, what are they gonna get next time? A different angle? They’ve already seen all of me.”

The severity of her words jolted me in the center of my chest. Looking her dead in the eyes, I shook my head, not wanting her to feel any more exposed than she already did. “They’ll never see all of you, Alex.”

She stared back with narrowed eyes. I couldn’t decide if she believed me or not. She probably thought it was another attempt to get in her pants. But if she only knew how truly amazing I thought she was, she’d realize something completely foreign was happening to me. 

Then, as if snapping out of a trance, she blinked. “Spoken by the ever elusive Hayden Martin.”

I grinned. “Elusive, maybe. Honest, absolutely.”

Alex tilted her head, eyeing me in what
might be described as admiration. Her eyes were so expectant, eager. They took my breath away. She inched closer. I hoped she was giving me the green light to continue where we left off that morning.

My eyes dropped to her lips. I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to taste them. 

The phone buzzing in my pocket stopped both of us.

Alex’s face drained of color as her eyes widened.

I pulled back, my eyes locked on hers. The intensity present seconds before had been replaced by fear. Fear of what awaited us on the phone.

Alex nodded, giving me the go ahead to look.

I inhaled a deep breath as I slipped the phone from my pocket. Alex stared down at it, undoubtedly sending out a silent prayer.

I swiped my finger across the screen.
Oh, thank God
. A text from Remy. I never thought I’d be so glad to get a text telling me I had to hit up some scumbag.

My eyes lifted to Alex’s. She let out a long shaky breath.

Then, at the same time, we burst into laughter. 

Alex fell back into the bed of my truck. I followed her lead, stretching out beside her. Our chests bounced in relieved amusement as we lay there with the sky above us even brighter than normal. I guess relief did that shit to you. Made you appreciate the little things a tiny bit more.

Or, maybe it was just the Alex effect.

I waited a long time before letting my head fall to the side. I hated having to blow her off. But I had no choice. “I’ve got to run out for a little while. Will you be around when I get back?”

Alex nodded as her head fell to the side.

I hoped like hell my words weren’t the cause of the disappointment in her eyes.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

ALEX

The heels of my boots echoed all the way down the steep theater aisle. Everyone in the seats turned to stare. I hoped they were simply sizing up their competition. But the way their probing eyes examined me, I’d say they were seeing the picture instead of me.

If that wasn’t bad enough, Taylor sat in the front row, looking me dead in the eyes like she didn’t single-handedly destroy my reputation in a matter of seconds.

Bitch
.

She probably expected to steal my spot when I didn’t show up. But I did. And I flashed her a grin as I dropped into a seat on the opposite side of the theater, letting her know my presence was payback. Nothing but payback.

“Hey, girl.” Sophia dropped down beside me

“Hey
. I didn’t see your name on the list,” I whispered, trying not to interrupt Professor Smith who began spouting off instructions.

Sophia shrugged, sending her black ponytails bouncing. “I’m a woman of many talents.” She dropped her heavy backpack onto the floor with a
thud.

Professor Smith paused, searching
out the distraction.

Sophie wiggled her fingers at her before whispering to me. “No, actually, I’m not. Smith roped me in this morning.  I’m in her script analysis class.”

“Do you sing?”

“Hell no. I’m a stagehand—whatever that is. But I can add it to my ever-expanding resume. Works for me.”

I smiled, meaning it more than Sophia could ever understand.

Maybe the whole situation wouldn’t be so bad after all.

* * *

Friday’s late afternoon sun sat on the horizon while Sophia and I sat fully clothed on lounge chairs by the pool enjoying the light breeze and each other’s company. She may have only been five-foot-two, but she turned out to be my very own bodyguard, sticking by my side whenever she could. 

“Hey,” a deep voice greeted us.

I sat up and glanced over my shoulder, knowing exactly who I’d find. What I didn’t expect was him to be shirtless with white and blue board shorts hanging low on his hips. But I wasn’t complaining. Neither was Sophia whose mouth hung in her lap.

“I’ve gotta go.” She jumped to her feet as if Hayden’s presence was too much to handle.

I grabbed hold of her arm. “It’s okay. You don’t have to leave.”

Sophia winked. “Yes, I do.” She slipped free of my hold and raced through the gate, shimmying around Hayden who passed through at the same time.

She probably thought she was doing me a favor by giving us some time alone, since I mentioned how he’
d disappeared over the last few days. “Talk to you later,” I called.

She gave a quick wave over her head as she jumped into her powder-blue VW Bug and zipped out of the lot.

Hayden sat down on the chair beside me smelling of fresh shower.  He shoved back pieces of wet hair that poked up all over. “Was it something I said?”

My cheeks heated, likely flaming on the outside. Would I ever get used to him? His masculine scent? His body? “
No. She had to get going.”

It was difficult to remain composed when I knew how it felt to have my body wrapped up with his, pressed against it, consumed by it. And how it felt when his tongue explored my mouth with long luscious sweeps. Sensing my body temperature rising, I shook off the image. 

“Sorry I’ve been MIA this week.”

I shrugged like it was no big deal, though nothing would have pleased me more than to know where he’d been and what he’d been doing.

“How was rehearsal?”

I shrugged, hating how quickly he changed the subject.

“So, has Taylor tried offing any of the other contestants?”

I choked out a laugh.

HAYDEN

I sat mesmerized by the laughing girl beside me.

Most would’ve dropped out of the competition knowing the leverage Taylor held. But not my little survivor. She faced the bitch head on.

I felt like a total dick not being around for most of the week. But Remy had my ass working. Not only shaking down deadbeats, but moving money between Cooper’s businesses like we did back when we were younger.

Once I started college and Remy was released from juvie, Cooper gave him more responsibilities. It wasn’t like he had anything else occupying his time. He loved his new duties. He wanted more. His ultimate goal was to work his way up the ranks in Cooper’s organization.

That definitely wasn’t a long-term goal for me.

Alex waved her hands in front of my face. “Hayden.”

Her voice snapped me back to reality. 

“I asked you a question.”

My face must’ve shown my confusion because she continued. 

“I asked if you’d heard about tomorrow night’s formal?”

I scoffed. “If you hadn’t noticed, I don’t
really do school functions.”

Her eyes cast down. Her fingers played with the hem of her striped shirt. “You just sign other people up for them.”

My eyes narrowed. Had I missed something? Was she pulling some female shit where she expected me to read her mind? And what was so interesting about her damn shirt she wouldn’t look at me?

“I think I might go.” She said it so softly I had to lean in to hear her. “A bunch of the contestants and stagehands are gonna meet up there. I don’t really know anyone, so—”

“You should go.” I sat up so my legs straddled the chair. “You’ll have a good time.”

Alex nodded. “I wasn’t sure what to tell them…” her voice trailed off
as she sat up as well. “Like about you.” 

Jesus Christ.

She wanted
me
to go. But she had to know. I wasn’t that guy.

My eyes shifted to the idle pool—my destination until I
got distracted by Alex.

Since moving in,
that’s what she’d become. A major distraction. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t even know it. Or maybe she did. Who the hell knew? But I wasn’t used to distractions, and it was just a matter of time before she got me into a shitload of trouble.

My eyes moved to the parking lot. Was that Remy’s Mustang pulling out? I watched until the
silver car disappeared from view, then slipped my phone from my pocket. He would’ve called if I didn’t answer my door. And he hadn’t.

A soft hand settled on the back of my shoulder. My body stilled. If I wasn’t so fucked in the head, I would’ve left it there. Instead, I jumped to my feet leaving Alex’s hand dangling in the air.

“I’ve been wondering what that was,” she said casually. But as she settled back into her chair, disappointment shone in her eyes.

“Now you know.” It came out harsher than intended. But I was pissed she saw it. 

She tilted her head. “It’s sad.”

I glanced to my bare feet. She was right. My tattoo was sad. I’d gotten it when all I knew was darkness. Loss. Anger. Guilt.

“Mai Più?” she inquired.

I nodded at her reference to the words scrolled in black through the image.

“Maybe someday you’ll tell me what that means.”

I shrugged, hoping I could change the subject. But I didn’t need to. Alex stood up and walked to the building, disappearing inside without another glance.

So that’s how it felt.

ALEX

I lay awake all night wondering what provoked Hayden to get a heart pierced with a dagger forever inked on his back. And what was the point of the Italian words for
Never Again
scrolled through it?

When I told him I hoped he’d tell me what the words meant, I wanted him to tell me the significance. Never again what? But the way he pulled away when I touched him told me one thing. I’d never find out.

I was
so
stupid. I made the ridiculous agreement. I agreed to be friends, or whatever we were, and not ask questions or be seen together. That’s why when I gave him the perfect opportunity to ask me not to go to the formal—or to join me—he didn’t. He followed his rules.

Why did I ever think I’d be able to do the same?

Maybe I was stupid for bringing up the dance. Truthfully, I felt like he’d abandoned me the last few days.
Needy. I know.
Sure, he’d apologized, but not seeing him made me question what was going on with us. Maybe mentioning the dance had been my pathetic attempt to get a reaction.

I huffed out my confusion. I’d never fall asleep with my mind
such a mess, so I headed into the kitchen. It was after one when I settled on the sofa with my warm glass of milk. Again.

Just as I lifted the remote to find something to watch, laughter trickled in from the hallway. I jumped up and moved to the door, lowering my eye to the peephole.

Hayden stumbled by with two bottle blondes giggling at his sides. I watched in shock, as their hands traveled all over his body as he struggled to unlock his door.

Why were they touching him? Why was he
letting
them?

My heart sank.

He got the door open, and the blondes slipped inside. Before following them in, he glanced over his shoulder and eyed my door.

Did he
want me to see them?

Anger fused with embarrassment.

I’d been so stupid. Leopards didn’t change their spots. I should’ve seen it coming. I’d been played for a fool. There was no misconstruing it. The truth slapped me across the face, and it was time I paid attention. Time I saw Hayden for who he really was.

My knees wobbled as I turned from the peephole. With my emotions in complete disarray, I sank to the floor.

Maybe I was to blame.

We didn’t even have a real relationship. I’m the one who let myself believe we did. Believe there was something else there. Something that could grow and turn into more. I’m the one who became too involved. The one who let him in. The one who let him rescue me when I should’ve been rescuing myself. The one who’d been fooling myself.

Hayden never promised me more. Sure, he said he needed
this.
But maybe I mistook that for needing
me
.

I’d read somewhere that after traumatic experiences, people did crazy things like latch on to things that could potentially make them happy. Potentially erase the pain. Potentially replace the sadness. Some chose drugs. Some chose liquor. I chose Hayden.

I ignored the warning signs. The unanswered questions. The secrets. I held onto the good moments that were few and far between.

A soft tapping pulsed against my back before I even heard the knocking. My eyes shot around my aunt’s dark living room. Had I imagined it?  I’d been doing that a lot. Imagining things that weren’t there. 

But when the tapping continued, I crept to my feet and checked the peephole.

With my anger beyond the boiling point, I threw open the door. “What?” I spat.

Hayden glanced up, his bloodshot eyes secured on mine.

I waited for him to speak. To explain his actions. To apologize for leading me on. But he just stared at me.

In the past the sensation accompanying that heady gaze sent my heart racing, but now, as he stood no more than two feet away, it was as if miles separated us.

This time the unspoken words spoke volumes.

I wouldn’t play his game any longer. He needed to actually say the words.

But his silence stretched on.

I waited him out. I wasn’t going to sleep after what I’d witnessed.  What I knew lingered behind his door. I had all night. Besides, he’s the one who showed up in the middle of the night at my door. 

His long sleeve gray
Henley over his strong arms and faded jeans low on his hips showed a man. His defeated expression showed a sad little boy I could almost feel sorry for.
Almost
.

“I don’t want you going to that dance.”

I blinked hard. “What?”

He grasped both sides of the door frame and leaned in. His words were slurred, and his breath reeked of cheap beer. “I don’t. Want you. Going to that dance.”

“Hayden, you’re drunk. Why don’t we talk in the morning? After your guests leave. Where are they anyway? Naked in your bed?”

One corner of his mouth lifted, but not in amusement. The anger in his eyes made that abundantly clear. But why was
he
angry? If anyone had the right to be, it was me. “You’re driving me fucking crazy,” he growled.

Oh no he did not
. “Me?” Okay, so I knew it was useless to argue with a drunk person, but it needed to be said. “I’m driving
you
crazy? Let me tell you what, buddy. You’re on the crazy train. Actually, you’re driving it.” I threw my arms out at my sides. “I’m right here. I have been since day one, and you’ve done nothing about it. Oh, wait. You brought home two skanks whose faces you won’t even see,
after
you said you didn’t do that anymore.”