(Un)wise (5 page)

I stepped off the train with blurry eyes and scanned the crowd. Thankfully, I didn’t see any familiar faces.  I’d stayed on the train as long as possible but hadn’t even traveled halfway to my destination. I knew I needed to crash soon and hadn’t thought my fellow passengers would understand my thrashing and screaming when I did.

Stumbling forward, I left the station as other passengers boarded.  This stop, a decent sized town, had several hotels near the station.  I picked one at random, paid for a room, and trudged up a flight of stairs.  Sliding the room card through the pad, the door clicked open.  I didn’t look around as I stepped in and closed the door.  The duffle, barely clinging to my weary shoulder, fell to the floor.

I fell face-first into the firm mattress.  I bounced once but barely noticed.  Sleep had already wrapped its arms around me.  Fully dressed and laying on top the covers, I gave in.

Absolute darkness surrounded me.  A low distant rumble filled the cool, dank air.  Lying on my back, I attempted to stretch out my arms, but they didn’t move.  Bindings bit into the skin of my biceps and forearms.  A small noise escaped me.

“She is awake,” a voice rumbled nearby.

“Untie her,” another voice responded.

My heart hammered as two large hands lifted me and set me on my feet.  A light exploded in the darkness, blinding me.

I could remember dogs trotting into the village.  They had rolled onto their backs, vying for father’s attention.  He had laughed and thrown them some meat scrap.  They, in turn, had hunted down two rabbits to set at father’s feet.  He’d piled straw outside the sheep pen, and the dogs stayed there for three nights.  On the fourth night, when father sent me out to feed them, they changed into men.  One had scooped me up while the other gagged me.  Then, they’d run.

But something had gone wrong.  While running, three dogs crossed our trail.  The one carrying me had dropped me to the ground as he shifted and launched at one of the new dogs, tearing into it with deadly force.  Then, whirling, he had gone after another while his partner fought the remaining one.  The fights had inched closer to me, and I’d scrambled to my feet to try to run, but someone had caught me up from behind.  When I’d looked up, the man who held me had a horrible gash where his right eye should have been.

The same man stared at me in the dim light while his partner untied me.  Dried blood crusted his face, but I noticed the gashed had closed a bit.  His eye socket, however, appeared sunken.

“Do not dwell on it, child,” he said.  “Your life is worth an eye and more.”

With the simple thoughts of youth, I didn’t understand how I could be worth such an injury but kept quiet.

“My name is Roulf, and I have searched for you these last fifty years.”

Since I’d just reached my fifth year, I couldn’t understand why he’d looked so long.  “Why did you bind me?”

“We could not allow you to run.  The cycle ends in a few days.  They are still looking for the last one. You.  This is your third life in this cycle.  My son helped you in the last life,” he nodded at the man beside him, “and felt when the bond was broken.”

His eyes didn’t leave mine as if he waited for me to answer.  I shrugged at him, my younger-self not understanding while my older, dream-self did.  An ache grew within me.  I wanted my father.

“You do not need to understand now, just listen.  What I tell you will matter later.  They must have all of you alive at once.  It does not matter to them if you are Claimed.  You saw what they did to me.  If they take you, they will do the same to you.  They will hurt everyone you ever loved, and people you never knew.  You cannot let them take you,” he stressed with a slight growl.  He sighed and rolled his shoulders.  His son set a comforting hand on him.  Roulf reached up and patted it as he turned to smile sadly at his son.

“We will stay here as long as we can.  If they find us, you must run that way,” he said pointing toward one end of the dark tunnel, “and remember my words.”

They extinguished the light then, and I sat isolated in the darkness, my little heart hammering, listening for a threat I didn’t understand.  I shivered and tried to hold in the whimper that wanted to escape.

Roulf’s son, who had already helped me once in his life, sat beside me and wrapped an arm around me.

He whispered, “When you need to feel safe, remember this.”  He gave my arms a gentle squeeze, much like my father might have if I’d woken with a bad dream.  I leaned into him trying not to sniffle.

He remained beside me for two days, holding me in the darkness for hours, keeping me safe with his father not far from us.  I slept and didn’t complain about hunger when I woke.  Roulf’s words and their cautious silence impressed upon me the need to stay hidden.

In the dark, I lost concept of day and night, but they never did.  Baen, as I heard his father call him, whispered to me occasionally, telling me when a night animal entered the cave.

When I felt Baen suddenly shift into his wolf form, I knew we had been found.

Roulf pulled me to my feet, spun me to the left, and nudged me forward.  I didn’t say anything.  I knew what he wanted me to do.  Sticking my hands out, I groped through the darkness, wanting to run but only managing a slow stumble.

“I am proud to call you son, Baen,” Roulf said.

The words struck a deeper fear in me than Baen’s abrupt shifting had.  I tried moving faster.  After his words, nothing but silence rang behind me.

Ahead, the distant roar, which had kept us company during our stay, grew gradually louder.  Still, I stumbled forward.  The thunderous rumble deafened me.  The walls of the cave vibrated beneath my hands.  Before me, a dim light glowed, a tiny bit of sight in the nothingness.  I hurried toward it.  The air grew damp.  Running now, heart hammering with a mixture of fear—instilled by Roulf—and excitement for the light, I ignored the pain in my feet as I kept slipping on the sharp wet rock.

When I reached a churning wall of light, I stopped in confusion, not understanding what I saw.  Mist coated my eyelashes, and I blinked away the droplets.  The way Roulf told me to go was blocked.  I cautiously reached out.  Water tore at my small hand, pulling me forward and down.  Before it pulled me too far, I tugged my bruised hand back and stared at the rushing water.  I couldn’t leave this way.  Turning, I looked into the darkness behind me.  Could I go back to Roulf and Baen?

Something glinted in the black tunnel as I considered going back.  Two somethings that slowly grew larger.  Eyes.  Belonging to a dog.  I felt a surge of hope until the dog shifted, and I saw it was neither Roulf nor Baen.  Blood coated this man, and my heart ached for my would-be friends.  The man stretched an arm forward and motioned for me to come to him.

My little heart hammered as I remembered Roulf’s words, “You cannot let them take you.”  My tears mixed with the mist as I stepped into the falls.

I screamed myself awake and heard someone pounding on the door.  Pulling myself off the mattress, I quickly checked the peephole.  A member of the hotel staff, along with a police officer, stood outside.  I debated not answering the door but ended up pulling it open despite my reservations.

After explaining about a bad dream and letting the officer into my room, the hotel very politely asked me to leave as I had disturbed too many of their guests.  Just as politely, I asked for a refund since I hadn’t even slept an hour.

*    *    *    *

Duffle once again on my shoulder, I walked away from the hotel feeling the eyes of the police officer on my back.  At least the hotel had refunded my money.  I stopped a passerby and asked for directions to the nearest bus stop determined to keep heading west.

Still feeling exhausted, I climbed aboard the next bus, eyed the other passengers, and wished I knew what to look for.  Werewolves looked just like everyone else until they started transforming.

I sat near the window, looked out with a sigh, and thought of the Taupe Lady.  If she had the ability to carry six of us within her and send us into different mothers, why couldn’t she help us?  Why did I have to die over and over?  I thought back to the very first dream of her.  She’d sent each of us to our mothers with a word: Strength, Wisdom, Hope, Peace, Prosperity, and Courage.  From the way some of those things had talked to each of us in past lives, I knew I was Wisdom.  So which sister had Luke and his people already found?

Shifting in my seat, I pulled up my hood so I could block out the world as I thought.  My damn dreams.  They had shown me that the werewolves would come and that I needed to run.  And I had.  I’d run from my home, my friends...my mom.  But the dreams weren’t stopping.  They had, however, changed.  A little.  I wasn’t stupid...maybe just a little slow, but hey I was sleep deprived.  Twice Baen had helped me...or tried to, anyway.  Two dreams showing me that not all werewolves were bad.  It gave me a tiny spark of hope, and I knew what I needed to do.  West, I thought.

The faint smell of soap tickled my noise.  The dreams had just pointed out what I was too afraid to believe; someone had already been helping me.  I unzipped the hoodie, pulled it off and studied it.  It wasn’t mine as I’d thought when I’d pulled it out of the duffle in the back of the truck.  Holding it to my nose, I inhaled deeply.  It smelled like Luke.  He’d also given me money. Several times.  Granted, he’d also snuck into my hotel room—several times—and seemed to be following me like a creeper.  It would take more than cash and a hoodie to earn my trust, but I would listen to the dreams.  I sighed and shrugged back into the hoodie.

My head ached from the need to sleep.  After a few torturous hours, the bus stopped for a refuel.  Stepping off the bus into the increasingly frigid air, I chose a road heading out of town and started walking.

Several hours later, I heard the loud roar of a motorcycle behind me.  I looked back, saw it was Luke, and I suppressed the urge to run.  It wouldn’t do any good. He would just chase me.  Besides, I’d already decided to talk to him...to see if he really was like Baen.  So I stopped walking and waited.

My stomach tugged and twirled as I watched the bike slow.  I forced down my physical reaction—it had been used against me in the past—but that didn’t stop me from appreciating how good he looked.

He pulled up beside me and cut the engine.  His hair was slightly messed from the ride, and his eyes sparked with annoyance.

“Are you mental?” He dismounted with grace and pulled off his leather jacket.

Too stunned by the sudden display of beautifully defined pectorals beneath his t-shirt, I couldn’t answer.  Sure, I’d remembered a few mates from past lives, but none attracted me like this.  He was even more dangerous to me because of it.

He stalked toward me, and I didn’t even have a chance to squeak in protest when he pulled the duffle off my shoulder.

“You’ll freeze out here.” He set the still warm jacket on my shoulders and zipped me in without waiting for me to put my arms in the sleeves.

Every time he found me, he helped me. I tipped my head back and stared into his eyes.  He watched me intently.  Tiny flecks of green and gold peeked through the soft brown of his eyes. Inside, I gave a little sigh of appreciation.  How stupid was I to want to trust this man?  I needed to be practical.  Squashing my tingling awareness, I recalled what happened in my last dream.  Even my help had set me up to die.  Wasn’t there a way to live that didn’t involve torture or forced servitude?

“Tell me about my sister,” I said as I shoved my arms through the sleeves.  The jacket was better than the hoodie alone.

“Sister?” he asked completely confused.

“The one who sent you to find me.”  It came out with more force than I intended.  I knew better than to provoke his kind.  I was tired.  Trying again in a softer voice, I said, “You said she was weak.  Did you hurt her?”

He snorted.  “Not a chance.  Her guard dog doesn’t let anyone near her.”  He smirked and added, “Well, he tried to keep us away.”

What was that supposed to mean?  She was being guarded, and he’d found a way to her.  But, which side was guarding and which side was going around the guard?

I eyed him as he stood before me.  In just a shirt, he didn’t seem bothered by the cold.  They never really did.  I needed to know his intentions.  Did he really want to help me like Baen, or was he like the rest?  I couldn’t ask him outright.  These creatures were never honest. But, they were easy to provoke.

Calming my overly attentive physical awareness, I stepped toward him.  He watched me with cautious eyes, no doubt remembering my attempt to knee him.  Placing my hands on his shoulders, I stood on my tiptoes stretching to get as close to his height as possible.  His heat warmed my palms, and my stomach went crazy.  The muscles beneath my fingertips twitched, and a shudder passed through him.  His pupils dilated.  His attention intensified, and I doubted he heard anything around us. His reactions affirmed what I already knew.  We had a connection.  But what would he do about it?

I leaned in further and let my cheek touched his jaw.  His tremors grew.  I knew I was playing a dangerous game.  His hands settled on my waist, and the touch spiked my heart rate despite my efforts to control myself.  I couldn’t be sure whether my reaction was fear or excitement, and it worried me.  I needed to stay strong.  I knew that a sliver of weakness could bring my downfall.

Against his ear, I whispered, “I will not choose you,” as a test—as a statement of truth.

When I pulled back, his eyes were closed and his jaw clenched.  As slowly as I’d approached him, I eased away.  His hands dropped from my sides without a fight.  My throat tightened as I watched him struggle.  Fear pooled in me.  He inhaled deeply, and I knew he smelled it on me.

After a moment, he calmed and opened his eyes.  “Good,” he agreed amicably.  “Someone your age shouldn’t be choosing.”

My age?  His words confused me as much as they comforted me.  He hadn’t grabbed me or insisted I was wrong, and I hadn’t died.  Still, I’d never met one of them that didn’t insist on biting.  Even Baen had asked me to bite him the first time I met him, and I’d been nine in that life.  Things might just be looking up.

He turned away from me and mounted the motorcycle.  Then, he held my duffle out toward me.  “Coming?”

He’d found me and, apparently, was set on following me.  Why not take advantage of it?  Stepping forward with lingering reservation, I grabbed the bag and nodded.  If he wasn’t here to help, I’d find out soon enough.  At least sleep wouldn’t tempt me so much if the wind battered me as we traveled.

I put the strap across my body and climbed on behind him.  As I wrapped my arms around his middle, I noticed his flinch.

“And stay away from my neck,” he said as he lifted his feet from the road and eased forward.

I ducked behind him within seconds.  The wind bit into me with ferocious insistence, driving me closer to him.  He twitched occasionally and told me to hold still several times.  I didn’t have his ability to stay warm though.  Finally, red cheeked, I laid my face against his back.  Through his thin shirt, he warmed me.  Sighing, I closed my watering eyes.

She stood before me in her taupe gown looking sad and serene at the same time.  Nothing surrounded us but the tiny glow of thousands of multi-colored life sparks.

“This was the beginning,” she said lifting a pale hand to indicate the sparks.  Most had a blue center with a grey halo.  Almost as many had a blue center with a green halo.  Only a few had a yellow center with a green halo.  Among those, I saw six unique colors and knew whom they represented.

“The Judgements must maintain balance,” she said.  “Only they can decide what that balance may be.  Every one thousand years you all return, though only one will remember.”  She reached forward and touched me softly on top my head.  “Choose wisely, or there may not be a world to return to in another one thousand years.”

“What the hell was that?” Luke shouted in my face.

I blinked my eyes open trying to pull myself from my dream.  Dream?  No, it hadn’t felt like the past.  What the heck was that?  Every one thousand years I returned?  How many lives would I need to relive?  Those dots...I’d seen them before.  One of us had the ability to see the sparks of people around us.

“Well?”  Luke continued to look down at me with a furious expression.

Understanding dawned.  “Crap!  Did I fall asleep?”

“While I was flying down the road on a two-wheeled death trap?  Yes!”

He held me cradled in his lap while he still straddled the idling bike.  The heat from his thighs warmed my backside.  How he’d managed the switch, I had no idea.

“Put me down. Please.” The last word came out a bit clipped.  My stomach was going crazy being so close to him, and it annoyed me.

“Gladly.” He surprised me by setting me down gently.

On my own feet, I rubbed my hands over my face.  “I’m sorry.  I’m tired.” When I glanced back at him, I caught a fleeting look of pity in his eyes.  “Save your pity.  I don’t need it,” I said.  I didn’t need pity. I needed decent sleep and an assurance those things wouldn’t catch me in this lifetime.

He held up his hands in surrender and took a deep, calming breath.  “Are you going to fall asleep again?  Because we won’t get far this way.”

“Yes, I’ll most likely fall asleep again.  No matter what I’ve tried, I can’t seem to avoid it.”

“Maybe you should stop avoiding it,” he suggested with an edge of exasperation in his tone.

I didn’t bother answering.  He wouldn’t understand.

He saw something in my face because he sighed and said, “Loosen the strap of your bag as far as it will go then get on.”

He motioned for me to hurry up when I didn’t immediately do it.  Stifling an eyeroll, I did as he asked.  Once I sat behind him, he grabbed the strap and lifted it over his head—while it was still around me. Then, he went one step further and tightened the strap so I pressed against his back.  He grumbled the whole time, and that was the only silver lining in the whole situation.

“Take both arms out so it’s around your waist,” he said.

Understanding he meant to strap me to his back so I wouldn’t fall, I complied.  But I didn’t like it.

As soon as he lifted his feet, the dreams pulled me under.

The Taupe Lady once again stood over a new mother.  This woman didn’t put the babe to her breast.  She set the quiet infant aside and hurried to bury the afterbirth not yet noticing the Taupe Lady.  Lying on a coarse blanket shivering in the light warm breeze, I watched her with new eyes.

“The men tracking you have crossed the river,” the Taupe Lady said.

Fear clouded my mother’s eyes, and she spun to face the lady.  “Thank you!”  My mother scooped me into her arms.

“I did not tell you so you could leave,” the lady explained.  “You need them.  They are her only protection.”

“I am her protection,” my mother whispered forcefully as she hugged me to her chest to quiet me.

“You protect her from her father, but he will protect her from those who are much worse.  For the love you feel for your child, return to him so her life may be spared.”

“Who are you?” my mother asked noticing for the first time that the lady’s feet didn’t quite touch the ground.

“I am a friend.  Save your child and return.”

“If I return, he will kill me.”

The Taupe Lady’s eyes filled with sadness.  “Yes, he will,” she agreed.

“Then, I cannot.”  My mother ran with me.

*    *    *    *

I woke lying limply against Luke’s back as he braked hard and turned into the parking lot of a small motel.

Instantly alert, I lifted my head. “What are you doing?”

“You keep twitching.  You can’t ride sleeping.  It’s not safe,” he said over his shoulder as he parked in front of the office.

Not safe?  My whole life was not safe.  Riding anywhere with one of them was probably not safe.  Adding my narcoleptic tendency to sleep didn’t really decrease my life expectancy that much more.

He loosened the strap as I argued. “Sleeping strapped to you is better than sleeping here.  We need to keep moving.”

“Believe me, I’m all for hurrying, but I’m not going to risk you falling off.”  He lifted the strap over his head so we were no longer pressed against each other.

I scrambled to dismount.  “I’m not tired anymore.”  I saw in his eyes he didn’t buy it for a second.  “I don’t want to stay here,” I said as I started to panic.

Taking a ride from him was different from locking myself in a room with him. I didn’t trust him—us—in a room.  There was too much pull going on.  My stomach went wild at the idea of a room with a bed and him in it.  And my eyes dipped to his snug fitting shirt.  Given his reaction when I got close to his neck, I didn’t see how this would end well for me.

“Too bad.  Inside.  Now,” he practically growled at me as he pointed to the door marked “Office.”

I met his eyes for another moment and then pivoted on my heel intent on walking if I needed to. I took one step toward the road.  He stood in front of me before I took the second step.  He didn’t look happy that I hadn’t immediately complied.  We scowled at each other.  A yawn ruined any hope I had of him taking me seriously.  His expression changed to one of concern.

In my crazy, sleep deprived state, all I wanted to do was lean into him.  If he happens to kiss me, I thought vaguely, I’ll just have to endure.  Wait.  What?  No!  No kissing.  It led to other things, which led to a life of misery.  I shook my head to clear it.

He sighed and tilted his head at me.

“You are so tired, luv.  Please.  Sleep a few hours,” he said.

My stomach went crazy with the pull.  Disgusted with myself that a caring tone and a few nice words could cause such a reaction, I snapped at him.  “As if sleep is what you really have in mind.”

His eyes widened, and he held up his hands.  “Sleep.  That is all.  I can’t drive fast with you sleeping.  Too many things could happen.  I might not be able to catch you in time.  If we keep going as we are, snow will cover the roads before we reach the Compound.”

“Compound?” I asked, wondering why I was even listening to him.

“It’s where Gabby said to bring you.  She promised she would be there.”

The way he worded it gave me pause.  “No one is holding her there?”

“Holding her there?  No.  She...visits.  Honestly, she doesn’t seem to like it very much.”

I looked down at the faded blacktop.  If they didn’t hold Gabby as a prisoner and she remained free to wander as she pleased, it probably meant Luke truly wanted to help me get to her.  Though, it could all be a lie.  Calling the number he had given me wouldn’t prove anything.  Any woman could answer, and I wouldn’t know the difference.

“I don’t trust you.  But...”  I looked at the motel.  Sleep tugged at me.  I was doing what I thought the dreams wanted me to do.  Maybe they would leave me alone, and I would actually get some real sleep.  “I’ll stay.  Just not with you in the same room.”