Valor on the Move (22 page)

“Easy.” Shane petted Rafa’s head, his voice shaky.

But Rafa didn’t want to go easy. He wanted to make Shane tip over the edge so he could swallow every drop. And maybe he should have been concerned about safe sex, but he’d fantasized about sucking a man’s dick for years, and he wasn’t going to back down now.

His jaw was getting a little sore, his lips stretched wide over Shane’s thick shaft, and his knees were jammed against the stone floor where he straddled Shane’s legs. But he didn’t care. He was actually giving a blowjob, and he was going to make a man come. Make
Shane
come. Moaning around Shane’s cock, he reached down blindly with his other hand to fondle Shane’s heavy balls, the hair wiry against his skin.

“Rafa, I’m going to…” Shane tugged on Rafa’s hair.

But he stayed put, sucking hard on the head as Shane shuddered and gasped. Warm, salty fluid flooded Rafa’s mouth, and he wished he could see Shane shooting. But he could taste it, and he swallowed as much as he could until he had to pull off and take a deep breath.

Shane pulled Rafa’s head up and leaned their foreheads together. The little puffs of Shane’s exhales were warm on Rafa’s skin, and he reached for Shane’s cock, milking out all he could until Shane twitched and stilled his hand, pressing little kisses to Rafa’s face.

“So good, baby,” Shane murmured.

Rafa tried to fight it, swallowing hard and blinking as fast as he could, but tears filled his eyes as incredible warmth spread through him. Shuddering, he thought of being locked in that metal box. But it was over, and he was still alive, and Shane was there. They were alive, and they were together, and it was all that mattered.

Don’t cry. Get a grip.
It’s okay. He can’t see. Just breathe, and—

Shane froze. “Rafa?” He brushed his fingers over Rafa’s face. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he whispered.

“Tell me. Please.” And Shane sounded so pained that Rafa fell in love with him even more.

Sniffling, Rafa laughed at himself as a couple of tears spilled out of his eyes. “I’m just so happy. I’m so happy I’m alive, and that I’m with you. I’ve wanted this for so long. And when I met you,
fuck
how I wanted it to be with you. I never thought it would happen. Not in a million years.”

With gentle fingers, Shane brushed Rafa’s tears away. “I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again. God help me, I want you so much.” He sighed. “Rafa…”

“I know. I know. Can we just…let’s not talk about it yet. Not yet.”

Kissing him tenderly, Shane nuzzled his cheek. “Okay. Get some rest now.”

“I must be heavy. I can—”

“No.” Shane wrapped his arms around Rafa. “Not yet.”

Sighing, Rafa rested his head on Shane’s shoulder, safe in his arms for a little while longer.

“What if they don’t come?”

Sliding his fingers through Rafa’s hair where he rested his head in Shane’s lap, Shane answered, “They will. It’s been three hours since contact was lost. They’ll be crawling all over these backwoods.” He’d checked the time and his phone signal—still nonexistent—and now they were settled back down in the inky black of the cave to wait. Rafa had stretched out on his back and pillowed his head on Shane’s thigh. They’d straightened their clothing, and they were probably so dusty and dirty that no new stains would stand out.

When the light had briefly shone, Rafa hadn’t been able to meet Shane’s gaze, a skittish smile playing on his lips. Shane had tilted his chin up and kissed him softly until Rafa had looked at him with bright eyes and kissed him back.

It was true that Shane hadn’t been with a man so inexperienced since he was a teenager. Over the years, sex had been a lot of things: fun, hot, crappy, so-so, and occasionally great.

But it had never been like this.

It had always been about getting off—scratching an itch on his skin with a few well-placed swipes. It had never tunneled below the surface. Never made him feel clogged with a gluey affection he couldn’t explain. Never made him come so hard just because of
who
he was with.

After getting soaked, Rafa’s hair had dried curly, and Shane rubbed the strands between his fingers. “I like your hair like this.”

Rafa snorted. “You wouldn’t if it wasn’t pitch black. I must look like a Chia Pet right now.”

Shane continued petting Rafa with his left hand, his right palm resting lightly on Rafa’s chest. Rafa tentatively drew little patterns on the back of Shane’s hand with his fingertips. “I like the way it looks. Saw it that first night up in the kitchen.” The night he should have known he was getting himself into deep trouble.

“But no one likes it like that.”

“Says who?”

“Like…everyone. The internet. The world.”

“What do
you
say?”

“I…I don’t know. I feel like…if I don’t slick it down, people will stare more. Talk more. Make memes about me.”

“Screw those assholes. But I know it’s easy to say.” He caressed Rafa’s head. Shane knew he should stop touching him, but here in the black they were in their own world, and no one could see. Which didn’t make it right, but he’d already detonated the line and crossed it miles back. He’d surrendered to his weakness—to his desire—and he couldn’t push Rafa away now. Every instinct had him holding on. They still might not make it out. If they survived, he could be sorry then.

“Feels good to stretch my legs,” Rafa said. “I don’t know how long I was in there. An hour, maybe? What do you think their plan was?”

“I don’t know. Take you somewhere. Ransom, maybe. Or political demands.”
Torture you and send you back to your father piece by piece until they got what they wanted.

“Did they sound Russian or something?”

“Yeah. If not Russian, from that region, I think.”

Rafa was quiet for a few breaths. “Do you think Alan’s okay?”

Grief flared, searing Shane from the inside out. Although he couldn’t see, he squeezed his eyes shut against the image of Alan on the ground, his face pale as he bled out. How would Jules and Dylan cope? She was going to lose them all. His throat felt full of rocks. “I don’t know,” he managed. “I hope so, but…”

Clasping Shane’s hand against his chest, Rafa squeezed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“But it is. I’m the one who came out here to the middle of nowhere. How did they find me?”

“I don’t know. You didn’t tell anyone where you were going?”

“No. I swear. I only talked to you when you called my cell. I didn’t even know where I was going. I was just driving. It could have been anywhere. I don’t know why I picked that exit off the highway. It was a whim. Driving along these back roads, stopping up at that lookout—I didn’t have a reason for any of it.”

The terrible suspicion brewing in Shane’s gut grew stronger. “It had to be an inside job.”

“What do you mean? One of you guys?”

“There’s no other explanation. I know we weren’t followed off the highway. I mean…it’s possible. But we would have noticed. There was no one behind us for miles.” The possibilities clicked through Shane’s mind. Any number of agents at Joint Ops and the White House knew the locations Alan had reported in as they followed Rafa. The signal had still worked when Shane had left the Suburban for the toilet building. They’d checked in with Harris. They’d followed procedure. Who would betray them? Betray Rafa?

“Shane? Are you okay?” Rafa rubbed the back of Shane’s hand.

He blew out a long breath. “Yeah. Fuck, I can’t think about this right now. No point in it. They’ll find out what happened.” He caressed Rafa’s hair again. “You should sleep.”

“Not tired.”

Shane smiled. “Liar.”

“Okay, okay. But I don’t think I can sleep. I…can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Have you ever killed people before?” Rafa quickly added, “Not that I’m judging. Believe me, I’m glad you killed them. Which might make me a bad person, but…I guess I’m okay with that.”

“You’re not a bad person. I’m glad I killed them too.” The memories flashed through Shane’s mind—shooting out the van’s tire to disable the vehicle and the men streaming out with guns blazing, red figures through his night-vision goggles. He’d taken them down with kill shots, one after the other the way he’d practiced a million times. The service demanded their skills stay razor sharp with training exercises every two months, and tonight had shown why.

But along with his training and automatic responses, tonight Shane had wanted to destroy those men. He’d wanted it with every piece of him. He turned up his palm and caught Rafa’s hand, squeezing. “I’d kill anyone who tried to hurt you.”

“I know. I mean, it’s your job. Not just to kill, but to die. How do you deal with that? And what if you didn’t even like me? What if I was a total bag of dicks?”

“I’ve never had to like anyone I’ve protected. It’s irrelevant. Liking them or not has nothing to do with my duty. It’s like…” Shane huffed out a laugh. “I’ve always thought of it as taking a bullet for America. Not for the specific person.”

Rafa laughed softly. “They should use that in their recruiting brochures. ‘Take a bullet for America!’ But that makes sense. That it’s about the bigger picture and not the actual person.”

“Yeah. It was, at least.” Shane’s voice was barely a murmur. “But now…”
Just shut up. Stop talking.
But the words came anyway.
“It would be for you.” He brushed Rafa’s hair off his forehead. “I’d take a hundred bullets. Kill a hundred men. Keep you safe no matter what.”

With a shaky exhale, Rafa lifted Shane’s hand and kissed his palm. His lips were dry against Shane’s skin, and his breath hot. “I know you would. God, Shane. I was sure you were dead,” he whispered. “I know we can’t do this. But…” He reached up, hands grasping in the dark, and pulled Shane’s head down. When their lips met, they kissed softly.

When Shane sat up again to lean against the rock wall, he sighed in the darkness. His ass was numb and his head throbbed where the bullet had grazed him. But Rafa was safe and alive and warm beneath his touch, and that was all that mattered. Because there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about anything outside the cave for the time being. Still, he wanted to know. “What happened yesterday? Why did you want to run away?”

Rafa muttered, “I found out I’m an idiot. So dumb.”

“That’s not true, but tell me why.”

Rafa was silent for a few moments before pushing himself up. Feeling his way in the dark, he sat next to Shane against the wall. He put his hand on Shane’s thigh, almost like he was holding on before he started talking. Shane wrapped his arm around Rafa’s shoulders, and Rafa fit against him so perfectly. Like he belonged there.

“They know I’m gay. My family. Well, apparently Matthew didn’t really, but he’s never been the most observant. But Chris, and Adriana, and…” He exhaled loudly. “My parents. My mother and father know. They’ve apparently suspected for years. My mom said…”

When the seconds ticked by, Shane caressed Rafa’s shoulder and prompted, “What?”

His voice was so small in the darkness. “She said she thought we were on the same page. That I’d keep on hiding. Being with Ash in public. That I’d keep being gay ‘private.’ Forever, I guess. So they didn’t think we even needed to talk about it. It was like…like it’s something I can just keep in a box, and it has nothing to do with my life. Like it’s not
who I am
.
”

Fucking goddamn it. Shane’s nostrils flared as he forced down the surge of fury and stayed calm. He rubbed Rafa’s arm gently. “I’m sorry.”

“And I realized—remember that bill a few years ago, about ‘constitutional marriage’? My dad supported it. They waited until he’d gotten reelected, and I guess they figured they had nothing to lose. They trotted us all out for the announcement. It was a few days before Thanksgiving. I was so caught up in my first semester at school that I hadn’t even been paying attention to what was happening in Washington. So there I was, with lights and cameras and so many people, and I had to smile while Dad talked about taking away civil rights from gay people.”

As Rafa took a shuddering breath, Shane rubbed his arm. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He didn’t know what else to say other that Ramon Castillo was a selfish, close-minded bastard.

“I’d been building up to it. Coming out, I mean. I was finally in college, and he was reelected, and I was getting my nerve up to do it. But after that night, I just…I wanted to disappear. Vanish into thin air. That’s when Ash and I came up with our plan. And I told myself he didn’t know. My father didn’t know he was talking about me. That I was one of those people. I told myself he would never have backed the bill if he’d known.” He whispered, “But he did, Shane. Even if it wasn’t for sure, deep down he knew.”

He kissed Rafa’s temple. “I’m glad you didn’t disappear.”

“But I did. I haven’t really been me. Not until this summer. Until I started cooking for you. When I’m with you, I don’t have to hide.”

“I like watching you cook.”

“Yeah?” His voice had a hopeful lilt that grabbed at Shane’s heart.

“Yep. Food tastes amazing too. You’re going to be an excellent chef.”

“I hope so. I just wish my parents understood it.”

“Maybe after this, they’ll try harder.”

“Maybe.” He leaned his head on Shane’s shoulder. “I know they love me,” he murmured. “They do. But it’s been so hard pretending to be someone else.”

“I know.” Shane stroked his curls.

After an easy silence, Rafa said, “You said your parents were good about it from the start?”

The familiar wave of guilt and sorrow washed through him. “Yes. I was very lucky. They were surprised at first, but not for long.”

“How old were you?”

“Seventeen. They just listened and nodded, and my mom cried a bit. She said it was because she didn’t want my life to be hard. But then she said everyone’s life was hard, and it was nothing to cry about it.” He smiled at the memory. “She did that a lot. She’d have these conversations or arguments with herself. Me and my dad would just listen and wait to see which side won. The next day, he drove me to Brooks Street to surf and have a slushee.”