Valor on the Move (26 page)

Shane gulped his beer, his palm wet from the condensation where he gripped the bottle. “How do you know?”

“Because I know you. And you’ve been sleepwalking for a long time now. But this boy woke you up.”

“I haven’t been sleepwalking,” Shane scoffed. “I’ve been busy. The service asks for a lot. It’s a demanding job.”

“Bitch, you think I don’t know from demanding jobs catching murderers and rapists?”

Shane relented. “True. So you should understand why I haven’t had time for dating and all that stuff.”

“All that stuff,” Darnell echoed. “Like friends, for example.”

“I have friends.”

“You have a couple guys from work, and you have me. And do you know why you have me? Because I’m a stubborn son of a bitch, and I stayed in touch with your sorry ass while you were transferring all around the damn country. I didn’t hold it against you when you took two months to answer an email.”

“Yes, I can tell,” Shane replied dryly. “It didn’t bother you at all.” He took another sip from his bottle. “I know I’ve never been the best at that stuff.”

“And when your folks died, you shut down completely.” Darnell raised his hand as Shane opened his mouth. “And I understand why. I do. I understand why you became even more of a workaholic, and the service was only too happy to bleed you dry. But sometimes life smacks us upside the head when we least expect it. You’ve been smacked but good, Shane. Admit it.”

As Darnell waited, Shane struggled for the words. “I don’t understand why I feel this way. I do want to fuck him. God, do I. But it’s more than that. I like talking to him. He’s funny and smart. I want to keep him safe. Not because it’s my job. But because I hate to think of him unhappy or hurt. I want to see him smile. There’s this…when he smiles for real, I can tell the difference. I want him to smile like that all the time.”

“You wanna see that face when you wake up every morning?”

Shane rolled the question around in his mind, his heart beating loudly in his ears. He exhaled. “I do. I really fucking do. This is crazy. I’m out of my mind.”

“It happens to the best of us, Shane.” Darnell patted his arm. “Hoo boy, I tell you I knew this was different. Could see it in your eyes when you told me about that first kiss. If I offered to take your mind off your worries right now, what would you say?”

Sex with Darnell had always been fun and casual. No strings. No stress. But not anymore. “I’d say no. I’d say it would feel like cheating. Like a betrayal. Christ, this doesn’t make any sense. I’m way too old for him. Eighteen years. That’s…a whole other person. Jesus, I could practically be his father.”

“Since when does love make sense?” Darnell sipped his beer. “And sure, you’re technically old enough to be his daddy—just—but you’re not. Nothing wrong with someone younger or older bringing a different perspective to a person’s life. A new energy. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Finding people who make our lives better? Friends, lovers, whatever. People who wake us the fuck up.”

“Yeah.” Shane fiddled with the label on his beer bottle, tearing off a long strip. “I’m thinking about surfing again because of him. Thinking about home. Mom and Dad.” His eyes stung, and he shook his head. “Shit. I’m gonna start blubbering. I’m a wreck.”

“What you are is exhausted. Not to mention emotionally repressed. Hey, you can blubber any time, my friend. And if this kid’s getting under your skin and loosening up that shit-ton of guilt and grief you’ve got built up? That’s a damn good thing in my book.”

Breathing deeply, Shane got himself together. “I guess it is. But it doesn’t really matter. It’s impossible. Even if I moved off his detail, it’s not like we could start…
dating
.” He barked out a laugh. “I’m just imagining the faces at HQ. It can’t happen. I can’t even call him. Had his number in my work phone, but they took it at the scene as evidence. Routine procedure. He might as well be on the moon.”

“But come the new year, Castillo’s out of office. Rafael will be just an ordinary citizen.”

Shane quickly smothered the flare of hope. “He’s moving to Australia to go to the Cordon Bleu school there. It’s just not going to happen. It’s not feasible for a million reasons.”

“Hmm. Maybe not. But stranger things have happened, my friend.”

“Doubtful.” As Shane finished his beer he knew it was impossible. There were fantasies, and there was reality. He and Rafa didn’t have a future. They couldn’t.

But a little part of him still whispered,
maybe.
 

It felt like his head had barely hit the pillow, but when Shane squinted at the clock, it was five a.m. He fumbled for his personal cell phone on the bedside table. “Kendrick.”

“It’s Nguyen. We need you at HQ for an official depo. Zero-seven-hundred.”

“Right. Any word on Pearce?”

“He’s stable. Surgery was a success. It won’t be quick, but they expect him to recover.”

Thank God.
Shane breathed a little easier.
“Glad to hear it. See you soon.”

He hauled himself out of bed and into the bathroom. After splashing his face with cold water, he stared at his bleary reflection in the mirror. He wanted to sleep for days, but it wasn’t an option. His gut simmered with acid as he rushed through his morning routine and put on a clean suit. His pistol had been bagged as evidence, along with the M-16. He felt naked without his weapon, but quickly snapped his badge and handcuffs to his belt.

In the unmarked headquarters building, they wound up in a windowless boardroom with an oval table. Harris, Nguyen and five other agents he didn’t know sat along one side. Shane took one of the empty chairs on the other, facing them. He doubted they’d slept.

“Morning,” Nguyen said. “Sorry to get you back in so early, but you know the routine.”

He’d actually never been involved in a protectee incident, but Shane could imagine he was in for endless questions. “No problem.” He breathed and kept his tone even. “How’s Valor?” To not be able to even talk to him was more torturous by the minute. Let alone the ache to take Rafa in his arms again.

“He’s good,” she answered. “Shaken up, but handling it well. There will be counseling, of course. But he’s a tough kid.”

“Glad to hear it.” It was on the tip of his tongue to ask to see him, but Shane resisted. It wasn’t how they operated. He wasn’t supposed to care. “So, questions? Shoot.” He grimaced. “Probably a bad choice of words. “

Nguyen smiled—a momentary flick up of her closed lips, before indicating the man on her right. “This is Agent Blonsky. He has a few preliminary questions.”

Blonsky nodded briskly and referred to a piece of paper in an open folder. “Your parents are deceased?”

“Yes. A house fire six years ago.”
But you know that already.

“You don’t have any siblings?”

“No.”

Blonsky still looked at the paper. “Are you in close contact with any other family members?”

“No. My mother was an only child, and my father wasn’t close with his brothers. I haven’t spoken to my uncles or cousins since before I joined the service.” Resentment simmered in his gut.
No, I don’t have any family ties. Yes, that makes me a better mark to be turned by the enemy. Whoever the fuck the enemy is this week.

“And you’re homosexual and don’t have any children. Correct?”

“Correct.” Shane knew he should bite his tongue, but couldn’t seem to. “That’s never been an issue before. Is it now?”

Blonsky glanced up, speaking calmly. “Not at all. We’re simply gathering facts to aid our investigation.”

Nguyen jumped in. “Here’s the thing, Kendrick. This had to be an inside job. Nothing else makes sense.”

“I agree. I told you that yesterday morning at the scene.”

“Yes, you did. And we just need to go over a few things involving your actions, and the actions of Agent Pearce.”

A hot rush of anger slammed through him. “Alan didn’t have anything to do with this.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked evenly.

“What do you mean? Because I know him. Because he would never do this. Jesus, they nearly killed him.”

“Yes, they did,” Nguyen said. “Pearce would have surely died if he hadn’t been discovered when he was. You, however, weren’t seriously injured.”

Shane ran his fingers over the wound on his skull. “Because I got stupidly lucky. I almost got dead.”

“Very lucky,” she agreed.

Harris and the rest of the agents watched with grim expressions, and Shane wished he had water.
I’m innocent. Why the fuck am I so nervous?
“It would be a hell of a shot to pull off if it was on purpose.”

“It would.” She glanced at Harris and back at Shane. “Here’s the thing. We don’t want to think you had anything to do with this. But there was a major breach of protocol. And that breach led to Valor being in an unsecure location where he could be grabbed.”

“What breach?” Shane ran back the hours after leaving Castle in his mind. “We followed pop-up protocols to the letter.” He looked to Harris. “Alan relayed our locations to you every thirty.”

“Every location but the last,” Harris said.

“What? No. That isn’t right.” Shane’s mind spun. What the fuck was Harris talking about?

Harris continued. “Once we determined that contact had been lost and Valor’s location was unknown, we were scrambling. You followed protocol except at the crucial moment.”

“No. You’re wrong. Pearce called in the last location. I heard him as I left the vehicle to follow Valor inside the rest stop.”

“Why were you the one to go inside?” Nguyen asked.

“No reason in particular.”
Stay calm. Breathe.
“Valor was more accustomed to me. We knew he was agitated and upset. It made sense for me to try and talk him down. Talk him into returning to Castle.” No one took notes, but Shane knew he was undoubtedly being recorded.

Harris and Nguyen shared a look. “We received no communication from Pearce at the rest stop,” Harris said.

“He called it in. I know he did.” Shane watched Harris across the table. “I heard him say your name.”

Harris shook his head. “Kendrick, I did not receive the call.” His voice was calm, but there was steel beneath it. Something else Harris had said echoed in Shane’s mind.

“I’m just about done with this whole damn place. All of it.”

No.

Shane’s heart thumped. Not possible. As disillusioned as Harris had seemed to become, he wouldn’t do this. Wouldn’t sacrifice Rafa and set up two agents to be killed. He was a good man. It had to be someone else.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Shane shifted in his seat. Nguyen, Harris, Blonsky, and the others watched him intently.

Suddenly this interview felt a lot like an interrogation.

“Then I don’t know what to tell you.” It was on the tip of Shane’s tongue to hurl an accusation across the table, but he bit it down.
Harris was bitter, but was he
that
bitter?
He looked at Harris across the table. Was the man lying now? How well did he really know him? Shane cleared his throat. “Have you checked the recordings of incoming communication?”

Harris’s jaw tightened. “I would remember receiving the call.”

“Perhaps it was misdirected, or—”

“You and Pearce have a direct line to me. I’d remember if the call had come through. It did not.” Harris didn’t raise his voice, but he folded his hands tightly on the table.

“We’ll check the data to eliminate the possibility that the call was somehow rerouted,” Nguyen said. “Good suggestion, Kendrick. As soon as the doctors allow it, Pearce will be interviewed. We’re hoping that’s later today, but it will likely be tomorrow. I’m sure you understand that the brass is extremely alarmed by this incident, and the potential security breaches that might have taken place if an agent has been compromised. Since you and Pearce were the agents at the scene, the investigation must start with you.”

Nodding, Shane took a deep breath. “Of course.”

“Let’s table this for now,” Nguyen said. We’re going to go back to the site and have you take us through the events in real time, starting at the rest stop.”

Take them through the events. Like when Rafa jerked off and I listened. Maybe I should come clean now.

But he couldn’t find the words. It felt too much like a betrayal of Rafa’s trust to share such an intimate moment. And maybe it was simply an excuse for his own weakness, but Shane would keep their secrets for as long as he could.