Vampire Charming (4 page)

Perhaps
there was a deeper reason for the mix-up that he was missing.

In
any case, their divorce had actually been a relief.  Melessa had annoyed him
long before the marriage and spending an eternity with her would have been
unbearable.  Pink and
orange
, for gods’ sake.  He would never recover
from that atrocity.  At least, she was out of his life.  Slade was just angry
that she’d
taken
so much of his life when she’d gone.  He missed his grandmother,
and his people, and having a place where he belonged.  He even missed his giant
butterflies.  His beloved pets could flit between realms, so they would return
if he called.

Maybe.

They
only followed kings and, deep inside, he wasn’t sure he qualified anymore.  Slade
was no longer sure of anything.  Especially not himself.

He
tried to project an image of confidence to the world, but his hidden doubts
were getting louder all the time.  That’s why this new opportunity for
greatness was so important.  Somewhere deep inside, he was very afraid he was
the loser that everyone on the Vampire Isle believed.  He needed to do
something to silence his insecurities.

“Look,
I have to go.”  Damien told him.  “You just stay
right here
with Amalie
and don’t do anything stupid, alright?  He jabbed a finger at Slade.  “I’m not
bailing you out of jail, again.  I mean it.”

Slade
scowled.  The week before, he’d spent three hours in a human prison cell and it
still annoyed him.  He tried to help weaker beings and act heroically, but this
world didn’t appreciate his efforts.  Maybe Jane Squire was correct.  Maybe no
one here believed in heroes.  “I was
saving
a woman when those policemen
arrived.  I explained many times that she misunderstood my intentions…”

“You
slayed her Vespa with a broadsword.”  Damien interrupted.  “You’re an idiot. 
Don’t leave the house.”

Amalie
rolled her eyes at her brother.  “Just go already, Damien.  Slade and I will be
fine.  I have our evening all planned.”

Damien
gave an exaggerate groan at that announcement and slammed the door on his way
out.

Slade
made a face.  “Your brother is no longer a villain, but he is still a difficult
man.”

“He’s
an ass.”  Amalie agreed cheerily.  “You have no idea the trouble I went through
to save the big doofus from himself.”

“Actually,
I do.”  Slade sat down at the chrome and glass table, seizing the opening. 
“Witches have access to many different dimensions, correct?”  He’d certainly
paid one enough to get him there.  What Melessa hadn’t stolen in the divorce
went to travel expenses so he could escape his old world.  At the time, he’d
marveled at how easy it had been.  Almost like some greater force was guiding
him.  Now that he’d seen this place, it was clear he’d overpaid.

“Correct-
ish.
 
I can fiddle with the spaces between the different dimensions.”  Amalie dropped
onto the chair across from him.  “Why?”

“Because,
I need to leave.”  Slade leaned closer to her.  “I must find my real spot in
the universe, Amalie.  I do not belong here.”

She
propped her chin in her hand.  “Totally picking up on that.”  She commiserated.

“I
can’t stay in this world and I can’t go back to the Vampire Isle.  That leaves
only one choice:  You must help me get to a
new
land.  One that’s in
need of a mighty king.  Where I can lead my people with valor and strength. 
Where I will find my true purpose.  …And a large castle.”

Amalie
thought about that.  “Well…”  She let the word trail off.  “There is
one
thing I could do to help, I guess.  It won’t be easy, though.”

“No
challenge frightens me.”  It was an undisputed fact that Slade could do anything. 
He’d simply been born superior in every way.  He needed to believe that.  “Tell
me what I must do and I shall see it done.”

“Well,
a lot of my power comes through my Witches’ Writing Circle.  We kind of peek
into other worlds and write down observations and sometimes… fiddle with stuff.” 
She shrugged.  “I mean, it’s all
real
.  We’re not controlling anything
or
making
people do things.  We’re just giving them some…
opportunities.”

“You
did that to our old world.”  Slade nodded.  “It is how Karalynn and Damien
found each other.”

“Right. 
Theoretically, I could plop you into some other world, using a Witches’ Writing
Circle manuscripts as a doorway.  But…”

“But
what?”  Slade prompted impatiently.

She
bit her lower lip.  “Well, some of the things we write aren’t very good.  There
is one screenplay about a king questing for a throne, but it’s kind of lame. 
Like
Dragonheart
meets
The Dark Crystal
meets
Beastmaster 2
. 
Trust me, you do
not
want to go that world.”

Slade
wasn’t so sure about that.  He didn’t recognize any of those things she was
comparing it to, but at least these people were in need of a king.  “This
kingdom is searching for a new ruler?  It has magicks and supernatural beings
and no automobiles?”

“Yeah. 
Hang on.  I have the story, right here.”  Amalie picked it up and handed it to
him.  “It’s like a swords-and-sorcery thing.  I think the movie would rely a
lot on special effects and monster makeup.  See, the land’s been overtaken by
this jackass Werewolf named Fang.”

“Fang?” 
Slade scowled.  “I expelled him from my world many years ago.  He was a cruel
and twisted man, like most of his species.  He enslaved thousands before I singlehandedly
defeated him.  I would have killed him, but he can only be slain with the
fabled Silver Sword and I did not possess it.”

“Well,
he found a new kingdom to oppress.  Now, the people there need someone to
valiantly fight him, free their beautiful princess from his evil clutches, and
restore peace to their enchanted land.”  She shrugged.  “It’s not something
you’d
be interested in…”

“Yes,
I am!”  Slade interjected excitedly.  “I can do
all
of that.”  He wasn’t
sure why Amalie already had the script sitting beside her at the table, but it
seemed like fate.  “Yes!”  He fanned through the pages, quickly scanning words
like “knights,” “magick spell,” and “crown.”  “
This
is where I belong.”

“Are
you sure?  Because there’s this kid called Roland who thinks
he’s
the
one who will save Infinia…”

Slade
cut her off.  “No one will keep me from my destiny.  Certainly, not a lad named
Roland.  Send me here immediately.”  He pointed at the red folder.  The title
typed on it read:
From Here to Infinia
.  “I will gather the rubies you
need for payment.  Anything you ask.  No matter the cost, I can…”

“Don’t
be silly.”  Amalie interrupted with a flick of her hand.  “I’m happy to help
pro
bono
.  I feel partially to blame for the whole Melessa thing.  I knew that she
wasn’t your true Eternal-One.  We’ll get it right this time.”

Slade
barely heard her, his eyes on folder.  “They have horses!”  He pointed to that
paragraph with great enthusiasm.  “This is truly where I am meant to be.  I can
overthrow Fang again and give these peasants all they seek.”

“And
maybe someone’s going help you figure out what it is that
you
really seek.” 
Amalie hopped to her feet.  “Speaking of which, I’d better get the door.”

Slade
hadn’t heard the bell ring, but he gave a vague nod.  He flipped through the
script, learning more about his new homeland.  This “Infinia” seemed a
wonderful place.  Once he arrived, he would immediately begin rallying loyal
subjects.  It should be quite simple.  All peasants loved him.

“
Where
is he?!
”

Slade’s
head snapped up at the sound of shouting, unexpected happiness filling him as
he recognized the voice.  “Jane Squire!”  He breathed in the unique citrusy
scent of her skin, his Vampiric instincts humming at the tart fragrance.  How
could an ordinary human smell so good?  “How did you find me?”

“You
left your doctor’s address, you moron.”  Jane Squire wadded up the yellow paper
with Damien’s contact information and threw it at him.  “Way to be a criminal
mastermind.”

“Criminal?” 
Was this about killing that ridiculous “Vespa” creature, again?  The monster
was defeated and
still
they harassed him about it.  “What have I done
besides make this world safer for all?”

“You
got me fired,
that’s
what you’ve done!”  Jane Squire pointed at the
apples on the counter with an outraged finger.  “You didn’t pay for those.  And
who do you think got blamed for your shoplifting? 
Me
.  So, you’re going
right back to Iversons and tell Mr. Anderson that we
aren’t
friends and
that I had nothing to do with your aggravated fruit theft.”

“But,
we
are
friends.  I cannot lie.  Vampires are innately noble.  Have I not
mentioned this?”

Jane
Squire looked ready to explode.  “I need that job, you delusional lunatic!”

“Why? 
It seems quite thankless.”  He shrugged.  “Any worthwhile establishment would
be pleased to give Slade, King of the Vampires a few paltry apples.”  It
actually hadn’t occurred to him to pay.  He’d never had to pay at any shop he
visited.  Why would he?  “Truly, I’ve done you a favor by freeing you from such
miserly people, Jane Squire.”

“The
last thing I need is favors from
you
.”  She grabbed one of the apples
and threw that at him, too.  “Now, I don’t care if you think you’re King of the
Vampires or an orangutan, you’re going to fix this or I’m going to fix
you
. 
Got it?”

Slade’s
eyes widened at the passion on her face.  High emotion lit her plain features
from the inside.  Why was she not like this all the time?  It was much
preferable to the wallflower monotonously stacking ice cream cartons.  She was
a woman who needed to be freed from the shackles of this tedious existence, if
she was ever going to find her full potential.  She needed to take risks and
have adventures.  Like Slade, Jane Squire didn’t belong in this drab world.

Inspiration
struck.

He
had only found his new path because of this human.  Why shouldn’t she benefit
from his good fortune?  Slade was a generous ruler, who always strove to help
the little people.  Besides, he did not want to see the last of this woman. 
The doubts that plagued him of late were silent around her.  Jane Squire was
the one thing he was suddenly sure of.  The one person who made him feel less
alone.

“You
do not need to work in that gloomy market any longer.”  He informed her, rising
to his feet.  “I’ve found a new kingdom and you shall come with me as my trusty
servant.”  Surely, she would see the great honor he’d just bestowed and be
thankful.

Instead,
another apple bounced off his head.

Slade
frowned.

“You’re
insane!”  Jane shouted at him.

“Oh,
I think he’s making a lot of sense.  A king
does
need a squire.”  Amalie
said, strolling back into the kitchen.  “Don’t worry, this is going to work out
just like it’s supposed to.  I’m kind of an expert.”  She handed Slade a set of
golf clubs.  “You’re going to need these, so don’t lose them.”

He
had no idea what she was talking about, until he saw she’d hidden his sword in
the tall bag.  No doubt she hadn’t wanted him to upset Jane Squire by
brandishing a weapon in the kitchen.  Slade was resigned to the fact that
humans tended to react badly when they spotted a broadsword.  They were such a
high-strung group.

“An
expert at what?  Golfing?”  Jane Squire retorted skeptically, glowering from
Amalie to the clubs.  “Yeah, that makes me feel a lot better.”  She rolled her
eyes and looked back at Slade.  “Look, I’d rather live in a dumpster than be
your servant.  Just drop the curtain on your little play and let’s go back to
the store.  That’s the only way things are going to
work out
.”

Amalie
ignored that and gave Slade a jaunty wave.  “Bon voyage, Vampire.  Do yourself
a favor and listen to something deeper than your ego.”  She glanced over at
Jane.  “And, Jane, learn to take a risk, huh?  It’s the only way you’re going
to find your real home.”

Jane
Squire frowned.  “What?”

Amalie
winked and began chanting some words of magicks.

Slade
nodded in thanks, bracing himself for the trip to Infinia.  “Tell your brother
and Karalynn that I will think of them often, Amalie.  We part the best of
friends.  They are welcomed in my new kingdom anytime.  And if they wish to
name their child after me, it would be honored.”

“You’re
on drugs, aren’t you?”  Jane Squire demanded.

He
decided to rise above her ingratitude and fruit throwing.  She could
still
accompany
him on his mission of destiny.  Now that she was here, he was in no hurry to
see the last of her.  For some reason, the ordinary little human still seemed…
special.

Jane
Squire gave her head a clearing shake, her eyes on Slade.  The woman did have
lovely eyes, even covered with the absurd square glasses.  “Look, just march
down to the store or I will drag you back there by your pretty blond hair.”  Her
index finger jabbed into his chest.  “I don’t care if you
do
look like a
shiner version of Thor, you are
not
going to…”  She broke off mid-word, her
gaze darting in shock as the kitchen spun around them.