Vanquished (19 page)

A thought hits me. “They lied to her.”

“What?”

“They told her you didn't want her. They said you'd chosen to stay here without her, and then they sent her away.”

Realization lights his eyes and they fill with fresh tears. “I didn't say that!” His words are too loud.

“Shh!” I hiss, glancing at the stairs. “I said they lied, didn't I?” I don't have much patience for him. “I still don't think she had the procedure. I think they sent her away.” It makes perfect sense to me. Easton is a promising agriculturist. They don't like losing productive members of society.

He crumples to the floor, covering his eyes with his hands. “I'll never see her again.”

He's probably right, but I don't say so. “I'll see what I can find out. I'll be in touch if I find anything.”

He glances up from his seat in the floor. “Why are you helping me?”

“I'm not helping you. I'm helping Jamie.” And it's true. I don't really care about Easton or his problems. In fact, I think I blame him for all this.

A spark of guilt nags at me. I glance at him, sitting like a wounded animal in my kitchen floor. Maybe I do pity him, just a little.

A floor board creaks above our heads. I yank on his arms and pull him to his feet. “Get out of here before my dad catches you.”

A soft thump, thump, thump sounds. “He's coming. Go!”

Easton moves like thick sludge, shuffling toward the door. My dad's at the bottom of the stairs, and I quickly shut the door behind Easton and grab a glass from the counter.

“Hana? What are you doing down here in the middle of the night?”

I pretend to drink. “I was thirsty.”

“I thought I heard voices.”

“Hmm, maybe it was a dog. I keep hearing some mutt barking up a storm. It's why I can't sleep.”

He watches me like he's weighing my words, but just then a dog starts howling down the street.

I roll my eyes. “Dumb mutt.”

I can tell he's not buying it all the way. “Don't forget what we've talked about, Hana.”

“I won't, Dad.” I congratulate myself on keeping my voice steady and will my heart rate to slow. I feel like I should tell him the truth. I hate lying to him, but judging by his previous reactions to what's been going on, I don't think he'd be very understanding.

He stares for one last moment. “Hurry to bed, Hana.”

“Goodnight, Dad. I'm on my way up.”

He disappears up the stairs after one last scathing look, and I let out a rushing breath. I hurry to the window and peek out just as a shadow passes the window. It seemed awfully short for Easton, but at least he got away.

 

 

 

 

33

 

We have six days left of school. How has it passed in such a blur? I still don't have a speech, but when we practice our graduation march and ceremony, I pretend I'm perfectly prepared. I just want to get through the day so I can meet Mr. Elders at the park.

“How's your mom doing?” Mrs. Sewell asks.

“She was doing well yesterday. She saw a special doctor who's supposed to set up a better treatment plan for her.”

Mrs. Sewell's eyes widen. “That's great, Hana! I'm so glad to hear it. I want your mind to be at ease with the Test coming up. You've seemed so beaten down lately.”

Have I? If she's noticed, then I've been taking too many chances, drawing too much attention.

“I'll be ready,” I assure her.

“I'm sure of it.” She smiles and moves on.

Finally, the day ends and school is out. I hurry out of the building, not bothering to look around for Ava or anyone else.

I head straight toward the park, but something catches my eye. It's Lilith, standing beside a tree watching me walk. Again, she doesn't look hateful, just curious. She doesn't even turn away when I catch her looking.

I keep walking and try to ignore her.

The weather is just as warm as yesterday, and I peel my sweater off and wrap it around my waist.

Nerves jump in my stomach. I don't like meeting Mr. Elders like this, out in the open. I don't have a reason to be at the park, and I'm afraid I'll be stopped. My dad's warnings ring in my ears. He made his threat before Jamie was turned in. After seeing her be dragged away, would he really be willing to put me through the same thing? Wasn't there any love for his own daughter? Since when do parents turn over their own offspring?

I get to the park, and it turns out I don't have to worry about standing out. There's some kind of celebration going on. A party. People crowd the beautiful green grass throughout Forest Park.

I wander through the people, getting bumped and elbowed. I didn't even know there were this many people in the city. There are so few of us, and the city is so large, it's easy to lose sight of how many of us there really are. The people smile, laugh, talk loudly. It feels safe. I feel hidden.

Someone bumps into me and I mutter, “Excuse me.”

Something sharp pokes my hand, and I frown. I realize the honey-haired man is moving away from me. I look down at my hand and see a folded piece of paper. Our meeting must be over. Disappointment washes over me. I had hoped to speak with him at length again. I have so many questions, and no time to get answers.

I shove the paper in my pocket and go to the hospital.

Fischer talks with Dr. Bentford in the hallway. We all smile at each other as I pass, and I go straight to Mom's room.

“Hi, Mom.”

Her eyes are yellowed, and her lips are cracking and dry. I'm shocked by how bad she looks. How did it happen so fast?

“Hana, I've missed you.” She's making herself be cheerful, I can tell.

I glance at her bag of fluids. It drip, drip, drips into the IV line attached to her arm.

“How are you, Mom?”

She smiles and shrugs. It comes out more as a grimace. “You know. Same as always.”

How could she feel so good one day, and so bad a couple days later? “Are you eating?”

She hates it when I ask this question, which I do, every day. It's the only chance she has at getting better. She has to eat the fruits and vegetables, or she has no shot.

“You know it's the only hope we have,” I say.

“I know, Hana. I eat a little each day. That's all I can manage.”

I don't push the issue. The note in my pocket puts me on edge, and I can't read it until I'm alone. I don't want to take my frustrations out on Mom.

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, and I sit beside the bed. “Did you finish the other book?” One of the books I bought her lays on the bedside table.

“Yes, it was really good. Jamie picked that one didn't she?”

Jamie's name stings a little, but I nod. “How did you know?”

Mom smiles for real this time. “You girls are so different and yet so the same. I could tell she would pick something like that. Will you tell her I knew?”

Her words bring relief to my heart. What did Fischer say yesterday? If Jamie's anything like me, she'll be fine. So maybe she will. “The next time I see her, I promise.” I don't tell her that I probably won't see Jamie again. That Jamie is most likely far away from us and will be for the rest of her life.

I've always been able to talk to Mom about anything. Everything. I want to tell her about Jamie and Ava, and even about Fischer and my confusing feelings for him. I want to ask her about God, but I'm too afraid. What if she mentions it to someone else, even offhandedly? It's too dangerous. Fischer's family is proof.

“You look upset,” Mom says. “I mean, more than usual.”

She knows me so well. I toy with the idea of telling her the truth. I stare at my hands for long moments before meeting her eyes. “I've been thinking about some things, Mom.”

“What kind of things?”

Where to start? I can't deny I admire Fischer, a lot. The fact that he believes in this God goes a long way. I want to believe him. I want to trust him, and I want to look for God myself. And maybe, if there is a God, He can save Mom.

“I know religion is against the law,” I say softly. The door to the room is closed, so I know no one in the hall can hear me, but still I worry. Her face doesn't register shock or anger, so I go on. “But I've heard some talk lately. Talk about God.”

My mom watches my face for a second, and then sighs and looks at the ceiling. “I'm not surprised, Hana. You and Jamie are alike, but you and I are alike too.”

It takes a moment for what she's saying to kick in. I gasp. “You've been thinking about this too?”

She smiles a little guiltily. “I think it must be natural when you're faced with death, but I've always wondered about God. There were things I heard years ago. They've stuck with me, but I never sought out answers. I was too afraid.”

“Mom, don't talk about death,” I say.

But Mom holds up her hand. “Don't argue about it, Hana. We all know what the mutation does. I'm just saying, I've been wondering what happens after I die.”

“You'll come back,” I say automatically. I hope she's going to refute this.

“I know, I know. But is that true? I'm not sure I believe it. Not entirely.”

I take a shaky breath. I can't bear to think of Mom's death, and a dull ache starts behind my eyes. “So what happens if we don't come back?”

She keeps her eyes on the ceiling. “I don't know, Hana. I wish I did.”

Something hardens in me, in my mind. I make a resolution. If there is another answer to be found then I will find it. My mom deserves to know. My mom needs to know. She seems reserved to her death. I am far from reserved. I not only want to find answers for her, I want to find a cure for her. There is only one thing I know of to help her—chemo drugs. I don't care if I have to die for them, I will get them for her, but more than that I'm going to find out what happens if she does die.

“Where did you hear about God, Hana?”

I shrug, unwilling to tell her the truth. If she were to accidently let the information slip, I don't want anyone else getting in trouble. “Just around. People talk all the time.”

She seems to believe me, but what's more, she seems to believe in God. I feel the wall around my heart crumbling just a little.

I don't stay at the hospital much longer. The note from Mr. Elders calls my attention. Fischer isn't in the hall when I leave. It's the first time I've come to see Mom that I haven't spoken with him. I almost miss him.

Guilt plays with my mind, but I push it aside. Keegan is far away and so is Jamie now. I'm allowed a friend, aren't I?

Ava's face pops into my head. Maybe I should go see her. I ‘m worried about her, and I want to make sure there's nothing dangerous between us. Does she remember I agreed to meet Easton? Has she told anyone? I definitely need to see her. Maybe I can talk her out of taking the pills. I finish my walk home with the determination to track her down at school.

 

 

 

 

34

 

My dad isn't home when I get there. I hurry to my room and shut the door behind me, and my eyes immediately look to Jamie's window across the alley. It's a habit I'll have to break. For now, I just close the curtains.

I flip off my shoes and sit cross-legged on my bed. Mr. Elders's note is two pages long.

The Holy Bible is God's book. It was penned by men over 2100 years ago, by inspiration of God. We can know that His words are sure and right, because He promises us they are. Ever since the words were first written there have been evil men who have tried to obliterate them.

One hundred years ago, evil men almost succeeded.

After the great disasters of the Early Days, most of man's knowledge and access to technology was lost. The survivors of the disasters banned together and started the cities we now know. They formed laws to keep the cities moving smoothly and safely. Laws that would keep the people fed and cared for. Some of these laws were questionable, but everyone agreed they were for the best.
We believe that t
he head of those people, the first Greaters, realized that if man followed the Bible, they wouldn't always agree with the Greaters' new laws. So the Greaters outlawed religion. It was an easy sell—the wars throughout time have all been religious wars. The people had moved away from God and cared nothing for religion anymore. They were tired of the morals, hardships, and fighting, and they just wanted peace.

They willingly gave up God.

There were a few who disagreed, and they went into hiding. They worked to find Bibles and other holy scripts. These artifacts are kept closely guarded.

Over the years, generations have completely forgotten about God. Your generation doesn't know Him or His laws at all. You've never heard of heaven or hell or right versus wrong. You only know what the Greaters have told you, which isn't much. Lawlessness is allowed and even encouraged in Lesser cities. Their excess works to the Greaters' profit.

Middle cities are kept running smoothly, because if it weren't for the Middles, the Greaters would have to do the heavy lifting themselves.

The Greaters have access to more information than you can imagine. They even have religion themselves—only not the true religion. They have deceived themselves, and they worship various gods. Gods that neither see nor hear. But they would never admit this. It would cause rioting and uproar among the people.

It is the same with the chemo drugs, and why they are kept secret. The best things are reserved for the better people. At least those who are better in the Greaters' eyes.

Change is coming. There are more who are ready than you know.

I stare at those last words and try to process them. There are more than I know? Who? Fischer of course. Who else? Have they read the Bible?

More than ever I want my hands on this book. I will beg and plead with Fischer if I have to. I don't want the answers only for myself anymore. I need them for Mom, and for Jamie locked away behind Lesser gates.