War Torn Love (57 page)

             
“Abram what are you talking about! Why would they want to do this in the first place, it cannot be true, please, it cannot be! I knew the Germans are cruel, and had it out for all Jews, but do you honestly think that they are actually conducting such atrocities against humanity - murdering so
many each week
the numbers would be staggering. Why, you know what that Hitler is trying to do? If I did not know any
better,
I would say he is trying to exterminate us. How are they going about doing this?”

             
Abram responded back, “I do not know a specific answer to your questions Hana! But anyways that is what they had said! And I do not think that they would lie about this. I pray however that it is a cruel joke, but we have not
heard...” he trailed off, and looked over at Abelia, in my father’s arms.

             
Holding my head low, looking down at the boards that lay beneath my butt, I was crying, I had to face so much bad news in less than twenty-four hours - I was not sure I could not do it. I felt like I needed to scream out, hoping God would hear me, and come and save us. I was desperate, I was afraid for my daughter.

             
He then used both hands and then gently turned my head so he and I were looking eye-to-eye. I knew that what he was saying was quite difficult for him; I could appreciate why it was he had hesitated telling me, if the roles were reversed, I think I would have done the very same thing, spare the others feelings.

             
He then gently gave me a kiss, crying himself, his hands still on my cheek, “I love you my love, more that you could ever imagine Hana! So please just listen to me sweetie, I have to have you right now absolutely give your solemn word to me that no matter what ends up happening once we disembark and reach our destination, that you will fight on. You will continue, for Abelia. At the camp they end up taking us to, if in fact that is where we end up, whatever unfolds for us, you will not give up on me! Even if things get very ugly for all of us. You have to swear to me, that you will do everything in your power to survive, and then when this is all over with you can taste freedom once again. The Germans will fall, God willing.

             
Sweetie please, live your life to its fullest, even if, God forbid something happens to me. Will you promise me
and to God you shall not give up; you may be greatly tested at every turn coming up? If anyone can do it, it is you Hana; you have to be the strongest person I have ever met in my entire life. D
o not let them get in your head
break you down. If you make this promise to me, than I will in turn promise you that I too will never give up, I will not let them get to me.”

             
I thought about what he was trying to say, and why it was he was saying it. That this was no game, I was not be taking it lightly, that he was only saying this to me because he loved me, and wanted me to survive all this muddle, and he’d been trying to protect me probably since the day I met him. I think that knowing I would not give up no matter what, that he could draw his own strength off of me. Maybe it even took some weight off his shoulders hearing me say those words. I could only imagine what it must be like for him. Holding this horrible secret, and losing his father.

             
“Hana we have to survive for Abeila, do whatever it takes, if not for ourselves! She will need her parents.”

             
When he said this, it made perfect sense to me! This just was not about me. I remembered my momma purposely gave her life to save her granddaughter. “Well he was absolutely right about everything, and think about what we had been through already, they had only conditioned us for things to come. And we had survived! We had thus far sampled the darkest in men, now I think we will be dished out the main course, and basically my dear husband wanted me to be as mentally prepared for all this! A great battle lay ahead for all of us - we were heading into a storm!  “Our weapon shall be our faith in God. From this day forward,
we should not take any more pity on ourselves. Do whatever it takes to survive.”

             
I smiled, “Ok honey I give you my word, I will never give up on you, or Abeila we will not let them get us, that is that!”

             
Realizing our time together was growing short, before our world was going to spin upside down. Not desiring to waste our time with one another. I then began kissing him passionately. I sensed this kiss was going to had to in fact had to last me if what he was saying was true, so it was going to had to be good. Why was I feeling that the last resemblance of my life was about to be ripped away from me unlike anything I had seen before. Nevertheless, I was not able to shake this horrible feeling. We both then began to pray!

             
“Honey, I think I should go tell my sister, I want her to know!”

             
Abram grabbed onto me hand stopping me before I could get up, “No please sweetheart she already knows. She’s known for a couple of days now. That is why it was so important to all of us to throw the party last night -why she had worked so hard on dinner. We all knew the importance of it.”  I sat back down smiled, I was shocked by what I was hearing, and then I gazed over at Marym she promptly gazed back over at me. I understood that look of hers that smile. I whispered to her, “I love you mama!”

             
She replied, “I love you too sweetie!”

             
Even my own sister was trying to protect me, but that was be no surprise, she always had. The two of us sat
side-by-side
, holding hands. We laid Abeila in our two laps - her little body sprawled out equally over the both of us. Her head was now resting in her Daddy’s lap. He ran his hand gently –through her long brown hair, his fingers acting like a hairbrush. I began rubbing her tummy, and she always loved when I did that, I was sickened to feel how skinny my little girl was getting. I could fell all of her ribs.

             
Abelia was now awake, glad that her Mommy and Daddy were right with her. Her big puppy dog blue eye said it all, gazing up directly up at the both of us, realizing we were no longer it the apartment - she looked a little confused, gazing around. The three of us were together; we tried to make the best of the situation we now were currently found ourselves in. This was her second time to actually be riding on a train, but she was much too young to remember the last train ride we took. That also meant that she did not remember a time before war, which was sad for me to realize, - she would have no memories of peace, or memories of pictures of the town we all came from, or the farm her dad I left behind. The thought of our farm was becoming a more and more distant memory.

             
My daughter was certainly young, just under four years old, but she was quite smart for her tender age; she also innately inherited my appetite for curiosity. Her mind was waking up from her long slumber.  Trying awfully hard to put the pieces of the puzzle - together. She reached up and brushed her daddy’s check. With studying eye’s, she looked unswervingly at her father, gazing up at his eyes
- she was quite perceptive, she quickly picked up on her Daddy’s
pain “What’s
wrong Daddy, why are you so sad? Please do not be sad Daddy, are you sad we left our home? Can I make you happy Daddy, I can tickle you?”

             
While she had been asleep, the two of us had spent our time talking, it was then that we decided for now to try to keep her grandfather's death from her for as long as possible. This was going to be a drastic change for her as it was, she absolutely adored her grandfather. When we both heard her say, she was leaving her home, made me sick to my stomach, that in her mind that was anything close to home.

             
After his daughter's question, Abram was silent a moment, trying his very best to suppress his own sadness gazing into his daughters sweet eyes, and then
came
up with the sort of answer that would make her happy. Rather my husband quickly put a positive spin on why it was he looking so sad.

             
He looked down at her innocent face. She was too young to have sinned, so she deserved none of this. Rubbing her cheek, he said, “Sweet pea, see it’s like this, your Daddy’s not sad I was just sitting here thinking just how lucky I am, gazing down at you, I got to say I am just so happy to have such a beautiful daughter, and wife with whom I love so much, and who loves me back.”

             
As he had been saying this to her, with his free hand he held lovely onto my hand.

             
Happy with his reply, my daughter's smiled brightly back with her big huge bright smile, that could light up a room, when she did, she exposing the recent gap from a tooth she had lost a couple days earlier. She was so proud of that, it was her first tooth to lose. She liked sticking her tongue through the narrow
gap;
it reminded me of two little kids.

             
“Daddy will you tell me one of your funny stories?”

             
I looked over at him – and smiled, knowing that this dear sweet big-hearted little girl had just
managed
so quickly to un-thaw her Daddy’s aching heart that had been injured with his catastrophic loss. She distracted him, and refocused him, something I could not do myself, being able to forget his loss with the love of his little girl. Of course I should not be so jealous, my father and I had the very same sort of relationship.

             
On that day, he shared a story with his little girl that was his favorite when he was small - his father would tell him when he was her age. I think by telling her the very story, narrating in the same manner as his father would have with him, he kept his father alive. He became our storyteller He had to go off of memory, though, now that he realized the importance of tradition.

             
I on the other hand, I begun experiencing a rather magnificent flashback - a particular very dear memory all the way back to the first time I had met both my husband and his parents, the day they moved next door to us. From the very first moment, I met my father-in-law; he had revealed me nothing but absolute kindheartedness, never so
much as raising his voice to me. Over the years, I began growing to think of him as more than an in-law, but rather more as a second father. There was a secret his father had shared with me once. It was on our wedding day - it was when he and I had a dance. What he had said was so sweet, I shall never forget it.

             
He said, “On the first time upon seeing you and my son look at one another, that very day we moved in next to you, you remember?”

             
“Sure!” I said

             
“Well I observed the two of you; you were good together. Even as young as you two were. I just knew then and there that moment in time that you two would end up getting married one day. You two were predestined to be together and did not even know it. God works in mysterious ways! When you were around each other, I have to say both of your eyes would light up. You both became so alive when you were together. That first night my son could not stop talking about you. Truth be told, do not tell him I said this, but he never has stopped talking about you, he has so much love for you. So, I say Hana my dear, if my son has this much love for you, and God has united you both, then please do me the honor today of considering me your other father. I from this day forward I shall think of you as my daughter. I too shall love you until my very last breath” it was the very last part of that
memory that hit me like a ton
of bricks. His loss hurt so deeply. He was an easy man to talk to. Many
times,
I had turned to him.