War Torn Love (56 page)

             
Landing on a couple of people on their way downwards, this quick heroic action of my father probably ended up saving my husband’s life. Poppa then grabbed
a hold
of him, and began forcefully hugging him. Looking him squarely in his eyes. “I love you son, just as if you where mine, your father loved you very much. Do not let his death be in vain, you go on and live your life. That is what he would have truly wanted for you. He was very proud of you; he was always talking about how proud he was of you. I am going to let you in on a secret him and I had made a pact about a year ago. That was that if something was to happen to one of the two of us, that the other would step in and assume the role, fill the void, and let me tell you I intend to honor that role. Do you understand - you’re not alone?”

             
Crying, Abram now put his arms around Poppa and held him.

             
Soon as he realized the door was closed up, realizing, what he just had borne witness to had in fact taken place - it was not just a nightmare. My father took out his handkerchief and wiped the blood from his face. Abram’s emotions could not be held in anymore; he sat down, his head between his legs,
sobbing
so excruciatingly hard, I could not stand hearing him be in so much pain as he was Abram’s mother cried along, pretty much identically to her son. I felt both their immense pain, and sadness for their loss. Every one of us in that boxcar understood their heartbreak, and most could truly identify with what they were going through. There was not one of us, who had not recently experienced at least one tragic loss
of a family member, over those last three years. The war had altered us all, and those far taken too many innocent lives, managing to rob us of our innocence.

             
Marym thinking with her heart, as Momma would have done if she still were in our presence. Crying herself, she reached out to my mother-in-law, and held onto her.  I went to Abram, and cuddled him with our daughter. I shall never stop thinking about that very painful cry they had. The only time anyone successfully produced such amount of painfulness in a cry, is when is sadly calling out to their lost love ones. It is truly heart-
rending
.

             
Suddenly this catastrophe began drudging up some of the most painful memories of losing my Momma. I remember not having a chance to mourn her passing in the manner in which I should I have, because we were fleeing for our lives. To this day, I have felt guilty that we never had a chance to bury her; she did not deserve to be left. I have been plagued with nightmares ever since.

             
We could hear the train’s whistle going off once, signaling that we were preparing to pull out of the station. The train then began lurching slowly and steadily forward. The engines wheels spinning around faster and faster, as they began building up traction with the steel tracks below. Then you could feel the train picking up more and more speed, the boxcar then gently began rocking back and forth.  Though, it was not soothing in the slightest. In addition, the clanking sounds grew steady as the train reached cruising speed. The whistle went off occasionally.

             
Poppa, seeing that my Abram needed me, came over and took Abeila, so I could try to console him. He was still crying when I came to him. I had never seen him this upset like this before. I really wish there was something that I could do for him,
if
I could take all his pain away, I would. He and his father had been so close as father and son, closer than most fathers had and son’s are. They were as much as best friends were, as they were father and son. There was never a day that they did not chat - my Momma taught me how important a good line of communications was. My husband would need me now more than ever. And this was proving unfamiliar, uncharted territory for me, I guess I just need to find a way to try and comfort him. I prayed for God to help me. As he had helped me when I lost Momma.

             
The train rolled on through the rest of the day and then that night, making two addition stops along the way. One to take on water for the steam engine locomotive, and to pick up addition boxcars full of more Jews, adding cars to the train, but we were not let out – not even to stretch. No access to water, or food along the way either, I was glad for the meal we’d had the night before. And then that became two nights before.

             
Abram barely spoke to even me the rest of the day, he
stared
right past even me; it was painful to realize that this one time I was failing him. I could not make him feel better, as he was trying in his head to make some sort of sense of all this. Nevertheless, in his time of weakness, he did eventually turn to me and I was glad he had - relieved that he felt he could turn to me in his time of need. I had
been giving him a little space prior to this, because when I had tried engaging with him, he just was silent ignoring me, it was not like him to ignore me. He was more vulnerable than I had ever bared witness in him before now, I had known him most of his life. And I had never seen him in so much pain. What I chose next on handling helping him I knew was not going to be so easy. Being there for one another, in sickness and health was what it was all supposed to be all about - it was our vows. 

             
Neither of us had bothered sleeping. I really do not think either of us could have, if we had tried. I was afraid if I had, I might have had to dream, and if I dreamed, it would have probably been a nightmare. The image of my father-in-law being shot, and the pain in my husband. Then finally sometime in the heaviest part of the night, it was completely dark, when everyone else was asleep, other than a small amount of people here and there stirring about, He broke his silence, rather abruptly on me. Without any warning, he began opening up to me. I tried to just let him talk, not interrupting him. I just wanted him to express-whatever it was that was on his chest, and once he began opening up to me, so much pain had begun to pour out! I could hear the aching in his trembling voice. Every so often, he would begin to cry once more, as the thought of his father dying began creeping on in.

             
The only other time I had seen him cry in front of me was the night our daughter was born, and when we were little kids, that is it, that is why I was grateful he felt comfortable enough in me to let his emotions out in front of
me. Abram was a strong, proud man, which had a hard time showing his vulnerabilities to me.

             
Morning snuck up on us both as we had
withered
away hours talking. As the rising sunlight began filtering in through the cracks in the boards. I realized, we had both lost track of time as our heart-to-heart had continued on most of the night. I sincerely think he was starting to feel slightly better about everything; at least he was talking, though deep down I knew it was not going to be that easy. It would in all likely end up taking him years until he felt better. Now he was refocusing his emotions from the loss of his father onto a completely new, unrelated worry, I saw what he was doing he was channeling his pain in a different unexpected direction.

             
Abram began bringing up the possibility that where it is the Nazis were taking us, might not be such a good place, we were all hoping for, in fact, it was clear suddenly he was worried about the safety of his family! The worry on his face said it all. That is when he ended up confessing to me about what he had overheard - and how it had been eaten him up on the inside having to keep it from me all this time.

             
“Hana I have to apologize to you,” he began.

             
“For what sweetie?”

             
“For holding something very important bad back from you, I have never kept such a big secret from you before, never. I just have not been able to find a good time or way to bring it up with you. Now it would seem I need
to share with you, since there was no more time left. Its time you know what it is I know!”

             
I interrupted him with a nervous excitement in my voice, “What is it, what haven’t you told me?” I could tell he still did not feel comfortable sharing whatever
it was, because he kept hesita
ting. Of course, I was thinking it was like another woman -
or something of that nature. He
then said, “So what I have heard, I had previously had a discussion with both your father, and mine when he was still alive,” He hesitated a moment, was a little cocked up, regained his composure and continued, “they both thought you hearing this should be coming from me would be better. They both asked me not to tell you until we were aboard the train, they know how you worry so, and your big heart tries to take on the world.”

             
I was mad that none of them had told me - they all knew but me, but I knew it had been for my own good. My family would never purposely go out of their way to hurt me. “Ok my husband you have kept this secret of you’re from me long enough now tell me what it is, please tell me!”

             
He smiled when he realized I was not mad at him, I think it had been killing him to be deceitful with me. And now with his father he could not take it any longer.

             
“Hana before I share with you my secret you have to know what I did was because I love you so much. Ok so the likely locations the Nazis ared taking us…well there’s is two possible choices it would seem was either going to be a “death-camp” where the soldier claims say that they
try working the prisoners to death building weapons. Trying to obtain as much work out of them, while barely feeding the people - just enough to keep them breathing, locked away. If one person dies then they just bring in more replacement prisoners.” I felt my mouth go dry, and my eyes widen in horror.  

             
“Abram be frank with me, I want to know the truth about everything, you said there was two different locations, then what’s the other place their taking Jews?”

             
That is when he got extremely serious looking with me; He grew a bit pale
suddenly
, he grabbed hold of my hand.

             
“Ok the other place is called a “concentration camp.”

             
“What exactly is a concentration camp?”

             
He answered, “I could not believe it when I heard it myself, and I thought that there was no way. I could not believe the Germans could actually be doing such a cruel thing to another human being. I had to turn to God to give me strength through this. I found this out when I had misguidedly overheard some soldiers talking about all this in the factory where I work; I sure wish I had not. It seems one of the two soldier’s brothers is a soldier in one of these concentration camps called “Auschwitz,” and I guess there is now several of them set up throughout Poland, and Germany. They are planning to empty out all the Ghettos of Jews, and send them off to these new camps, let us just say a more permanent situation.”

             
He paused, looking into my eyes sorrowfully “During their conversation, one of the soldiers had asked the other, “What do they do at both camps? I had not heard of them before.” It seems even the average soldiers and the German people are kept out of the loop about Hitler’s final solution.”What the one soldier shared with the other soldier was unbelievably horrifying, “The concentration camp is where we are purposely being exterminating Jews from all walks of life. In unimaginable numbers, thousands, and thousands put to death every week!”

             
It was difficult to be hearing
this; I started crying, and chatt
ing. I stopped Abram, “Wait! Wait just a moment. I really could not believe what I am hearing!” I went as white as a ghost receiving this news! When he told me this, I was so sickened by the mirror though of this, that I ended up throwing up, in an empty pail - our stew had been in it earlier.