Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much (28 page)

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Protein shake ice cream—
It takes a little creativity, but I discovered this years ago when I wanted something like ice cream but healthy. Prepare your favorite protein shake, add some fresh berries, and place in the freezer for about 20 minutes. You'll be surprised at how the cold and the texture make it feel sinful—but it's not!

WHEN BUYING FOOD: THREE TOP INGREDIENTS TO STAY AWAY FROM

High fructose corn syrup

Artificial sweetners: sucralose, aspartame, saccharin

Hydrogenated and partially hydrogenated oils

AND DON'T FORGET THE ADRENALS

Under moments of perceived stress and high emotion, these glands kick in to do the job known as the fight-or-flight response. Earlier in the book, I discussed how this response plays a big role in why people who feel too much can gain weight so quickly, as well as have the hardest time releasing it. The adrenal glands produce the stress hormones that enable you to get away from perceived danger. A response that was critical to human survival many years ago now causes us problems. Human lifestyles have changed so much, especially in the last hundred years, but we continue to respond to emotional situations or even phone calls in the exact same way as our cavemen ancestors. EEK, rhino alert!

This situation presents a typical syndrome for those of us who are on empathy overload, as it can eventually leave us in a state of depletion where we start to feel constant symptoms of lethargy and fatigue. Many people suffer from adrenal exhaustion, yet it is not commonly diagnosed in the conventional medical health model. Therefore, many people live lives in which they are consider “healthy” by medical standards yet they feel that something is just not right. You can find various “Adrenal Dysfunction Score Quizzes” online that can give you an indication of your severity. You can also get some in-depth testing performed, such as checking your blood serum DHEA level via a blood test or your cortisol levels through a saliva test.

To learn more about adrenal fatigue, read James L. Wilson's book
Adrenal Fatigue, the 21st Century Stress Syndrome,
which is a comprehensive, easy-to-read review of this subject that particularly plagues people who feel too much.

MEAL PLANNING AND COOKING

It takes more time to cook than to eat out, but it saves you money and keeps you from being tempted by dessert trays. If you're pressed for time, try recipes that take very little time to prepare. Also, you can always make a big batch of something on a day when you have extra time, such as during a weekend, and either freeze some of it so you aren't eating vegetarian chili for lunch and dinner four days in a row or trade with a friend who would love a batch of chili after four days of eating lentil soup. In some cities, you can even find services that bring you fresh, home-cooked meals prepared with high-quality local ingredients, or that allow you to assemble meals to take home to use the same day or freeze.

So what can you prepare if you're short on time and money?

Salad

If you store greens carefully, and use a salad spinner to dry them, you can make up a big salad that will last for a few meals so you're not constantly making a salad from scratch. Mix it up. I often start with several types of greens, lemon juice, herbs, and Himalayan sea salt, then add any of the following:

• fresh, organic, raw corn kernels

• nuts and seeds

• seed sprouts (especially pumpkin seeds), which contain enzymes that help with digestion

• shrimp or tuna for some protein, or perhaps some parmesan cheese

• daikon radishes

• jicama

• cabbage

You can also add mushrooms, carrots, green pepper, red bell pepper, celery, and other vegetables to create a variety of shapes, textures, colors, and flavors.

I also like to shred baby kale, then add lemon, garlic, olive oil, and organic parmesan cheese, then let it stand for 30 minutes before eating it. The olive oil softens the kale and makes it chewy.

I've seen several cute containers for carrying a salad and separate dressing as an on-the-go meal—it's easier than ever to make salads a regular part of your diet.

Simple Vegetable Dishes

You can sauté spinach in a little oil and garlic, then add almond slivers for a simple vegetable dish. You can also sauté squash, onions, and red and yellow peppers in olive oil and garlic, or prepare grilled vegetables, laying them on the grill or spearing them with kebob spears.

Bean and Lentil Dishes

Three-bean or lentil salad, refried beans (without lard, and preferably, homemade), chili, and lentil or bean soup are good options for getting cruelty-free, healthy protein. If you're pressed for time, remember that lentils cook more quickly than other beans or legumes do, and you can always keep some canned, organic beans on hand if you're in a rush. Do the best you can and try to find beans and other typically canned foods packaged in glass containers instead, as they have no BPAs.

Raw Foods

Chopping up fresh raw vegetables to dip in hummus or bean dip, or to throw into a salad doesn't take a lot of time. You can pay extra for a crudités and dip tray at the supermarket, but the vegetables probably won't be consistently fresh, or organic, and the dips are often filled with ingredients you can't pronounce. Buy a sharp knife and a cutting board, and spend a few minutes chopping, or throw big chunks of vegetables into a food processor to chop or julienne (slicing them into thin strips). It's time-consuming to peel and chop, but while you're playing prep cook, you can share the chore with your partner, roommate, or kids and use the time spent preparing a meal to talk together.

Popcorn

Popcorn is a nutritious, inexpensive, whole-grain snack. I like to air-pop it and season it with Himalayan salt and olive oil. Keep in mind that corn is one of the vegetables along with soy that is most commonly genetically modified, so always look for “certified organic” or “non GMO,” or the word
heirloom
right on the package and your body will be able to digest the corn.

Preserves

Buy fruits or vegetables in season and learn to can, or preserve, them. You can even do this in a city apartment, using produce from a nearby farm when the fruit is at the height of its freshness.

Juicing

I love to juice. Most people are familiar with fruit smoothies made in a blender, but these contain a lot of sugar and can make a person with hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) light-headed if not eaten with a little protein and fiber (try some popcorn and a small piece of cheese on the side). I like to make smoothies with a carrot or celery base. One of my favorites mixes carrot, celery, kale, spinach, and ginger. Invest in a quality juicer because I think you'll use it a lot once you realize how convenient it is to whip up a healthy juice drink.

Soups

Try lentil soup, split pea soup (it's great with rosemary added), or vegetable soup, and add beans for protein. For stock, keep the rough spots you cut off of vegetables—the end of the carrot or celery, for instance—in a container in the freezer until you're ready to throw them in some water on the stove to make stock. If you soak beans, use the excess water as stock. You can also buy stock to use as a base; just be sure to buy stock that doesn't have MSG, loads of processed salt, and who knows what other additives.

For soup making, a slow cooker is a great tool. You can put all the ingredients in it before you leave for work and come back with your main dish ready to go. I don't always have time to cook the way I like to, so my slow cooker has become my best friend! All you have to do is throw in the ingredients and let it simmer overnight for a delicious, healthy happy meal!

Sandwiches

Sandwiches don't necessarily require big slices of bread. You can make an open-faced sandwich using a whole-grain, high-fiber bread or make a wrap using a tortilla (if you're avoiding gluten, use a corn tortilla).

Vegetable Dishes as Main Courses

Make a Chinese stir-fry in a wok and throw in some tofu, beans, or nuts to give it some protein. Raw, steamed, and sautéed vegetables don't have to be relegated to a tiny portion of your plate. Make them the focus and have a small portion of protein on the side.

Dip and Crackers or Pita Slices

Bean dip, fresh guacamole, and salsa (avoid the sugary ones made from mango, pineapple, etc.) go great with whole-grain crackers or pita slices, as well as raw vegetables.

Whatever you eat, remember that it should support your body, your emotions, and your spirit. Now that you know these aspects of yourself (along with your thoughts) are always intertwined, I think you'll better understand why it's so important to eat cruelty-free food that is produced in ways that sustain the earth, and to avoid the foods that will send you back into the old habits of detouring and grounding with sweets and treats instead of managing your porous boundaries.

KEEP IN MIND …

• Eat a predominantly locally grown plant-based diet, as free as possible from chemicals and environmental toxins.

• Limit stimulants, especially if they are noisy foods for you.

• Avoid processed foods (including soy isolate and textured vegetable protein or TVP) and genetically modified foods.

• When choosing foods, listen to your body's wisdom about what you can tolerate.

• Consider cutting out all sweets, processed flour, and gluten.

• Think hard about eating animal products. If you feel they're right for you, eat cruelty-free versions.

• Don't skimp on the protein, and use quality protein sources such as beans, seeds, nuts, soy, and whole grains like quinoa, as well as cheese if you're not avoiding animal products. Choose cruelty-free meats if you're eating animal products.

• Try to eat fresh, seasonal, locally grown, organic produce. If you can't afford organic produce, focus on buying the organic versions of the dozen or so fruits and vegetables most likely to be doused in pesticides.

• Eat more high-fiber fruits and vegetables, which fill you up and are good for your system.

• Use better quality condiments, such as Himalayan sea salt.

• Use healthier sugars, such as stevia, agave, and maple syrup, but be careful not to overuse them if sugar is a noisy food for you.

• If you eat grains, go for whole grains. Read labels carefully. “Multigrain” is not the same as “whole grain,” which retains its fiber.

• Stay hydrated. Consider drinking alkalinized water or water with a slice of lemon as your usual beverage.

• Look for healthy foods at farmers' markets, farmers' cooperatives, urban farms, and health food stores and co-ops. Healthy, organic produce and meats can sometimes be found in a grocer's frozen food aisle.

• Think about gardening so you can grow your own food, even if your garden is made up of a few containers on your porch.

• Observe your eating patterns and any social pressure you might feel about eating or not eating certain foods. Journal about your observations.

• If you want to eat nutritionally, don't obsess over micronutrients. Just follow the simple rule of eating a mostly plant-based, organic diet.

• Plan meals and snacks, and cook ahead. Your options include salads, bean and lentil dishes, raw foods, popcorns, preserves, juices or smoothies, soups, sandwiches, vegetable dishes, and dips with dipping crackers or vegetables. Think about what you can eat, not what you can't eat!

9

Challenging Situations for People Who Feel Too Much

As I'm sure you have experienced, the best of intentions fall away when you are under stress or are distracted. When I was writing this book, I was in the midst of many major changes in my career and my life, menopause and thyroid issues not the least of them, and it was a huge challenge to process my emotions and avoid the detour of grounding through food. One thing I've learned is that there are always times when we simply have to do our best, and make peace with ourselves and our lives in the present moment. Progress, not perfection, is always my motto.

That said, you will be better prepared for challenging times by understanding what it is that makes them so stressful and distracting, and having practical strategies you can use to get through those times more easily and avoid detours and disordered eating. Let's look at situations that are common triggers for sliding back into the old behaviors and losing control of your porous boundaries, and what to do about them.

WHEN YOU ARE CELEBRATING

The simple acts of breaking bread to bond with others, treating yourself to a small indulgence, or expressing love or appreciation to someone you care about have inspired a massive global industry of producing and selling junk food. Advertisements tell us to celebrate with a particular wine, beer, or Champagne, or give ourselves a break from cooking by serving the family some carbohydrate-laden pizza-like substance that gets popped into a microwave.
Pick up convenient packages of cookies and candies “for the holidays”! Stock up on tortilla chips and soda pop for the big annual sports event! Save money buying a “family pack” of sausages to grill when you celebrate Independence Day!
And that's just the American merchandising of junk food. All around the world, food packagers have caught on to the money to be made with the “special holiday edition” of some traditional treat, infused with preservatives and processed oils to extend the shelf-life. Trust me, your grandmother would not recognize the ingredients on the label of that food advertised as “just like grandma made.”

Even if you don't come across advertisements to indulge in noisy foods, you'll be reminded of their existence when you go to the grocery store. There's an entire science of retailing that dictates the placement of junk food: tt's no accident that it can be found at eye level in spots where shoppers linger, such as the end of an aisle or at the checkout. Cheap, processed food can be found around the globe now, even in India, where obesity and Type 2 diabetes rates are soaring. It is very hard not to be bombarded with messages urging you to “treat yourself” with cheap junk food.

Indulge yourself, express your affection, and make occasions special—but find a way to do it that doesn't involve noisy foods and disordered eating. If you're celebrating on your own—maybe treating yourself for sticking to your intentions to manage your porous boundaries and your disordered eating, or for getting through a rough day, think about noncaloric treats. Buy some flowers, a music CD, or a book instead of candy. Let yourself watch junk TV or your favorite movie or old shows that you've seen again and again, or play videogames or online games.

If you want to celebrate with others and make it special, give the gift of time: Help them to set up or clean up after a party, or hang out on the porch with them watching the sunset and having a conversation. It might sound hokey, but really, don't you find that when you do spend time just enjoying the people you care about, you actually feel better afterward than if you had all sat around a big table stuffing your faces all afternoon?

What if you have to spend holidays with strangers, or at large gatherings? Does the social anxiety or just the dread of taking in all that emotional stimulation make you want to hide out in the kitchen, nibbling? If the celebration will include foods you don't want to eat, and Mom will insist that you try just a little of the birthday cake, have a plan for what you are going to do to deal with the emotional pressure. You do
not
have to take a mouthful of high-fat, high-salt, high-sugar, highly processed foods (“Just try one—it can't hurt!”) to please other people. I know it can be hard. Keep in mind that sometimes, the pressure is coming from someone who herself wants to limit sweets and alcohol but doesn't feel she can, and doesn't want to be the only one eating and drinking too much. If you think about it, you probably know someone like this. Her discomfort with your eating rules is hers, not yours, so don't take it on.

Even if you are having a great time socializing and not feeling pressured to eat nonstop, you can become easily overstimulated by the emotional pressures and start to think,
What the heck, those cookies look so cute!
or
It's only once a year that I have nachos and real cola.
It may seem as if you're just “loosening up,” but you're really reaching for a quick fix for your overstimulation. This is the time to go out on the porch, tour the garden, take a walk, or find some excuse to get away from the gathering for a short respite. I know all about this first hand, and I can list the names of all my food buddies whom I can rely on to have experienced this very situation many times. Sometimes, you do have to get away from the social pressures before reconnecting. If you are temporarily isolating yourself, and you plan to rejoin the celebration, that's fine. It all boils down to mindful choices rather than mindless ones.

I'm all for enjoying yourself and letting go of restrictions that hold you back from having a great time, but if you are really honest with yourself, actually eating or drinking that food is rarely as satisfying in reality as it is in your mind. Biting into a hot dog or a huge pile of stuffing with gravy? Is that truly delicious, or do you talk yourself into believing it is? “Loosening up” needs to be redefined. Loosen up by having fun, laughing, and moving—whether that's going for a family hike, dancing, or playing games. Loosen up by not fixating on your problems, or all the awful news in the world. When you are new to the concept of feeling too much as it relates to food and are beginning a program like this, it's important to minimize the stress from the outside, so I am not saying to ignore the things that are painful in the world—just deal with what's in front of you for now. You're learning a new skill set.

Even if you have a healthy attitude toward holidays and what to expect from them, the people around you may have a lot of emotional baggage they open up at these times and have expectations that are unrealistic. Uncle Fred is not going to turn away from the ball game and ask his adult nieces deep questions about what's happening in their lives. The teenagers are not going to automatically take their personal music players out of their ears to start up a conversation with you about how all the interesting things they are learning at school. Your alcoholic in-law is going to knock back too many cocktails and grow increasingly sullen. And, yes, your overweight, busybody aunt is going to show up with ten dozen gooey deserts that you just have to try. You don't have to be psychic to know what the plots and subplots of your family gathering will be!

Being empathic, you're likely to pick up on everyone's muddle of feelings—discomfort, resentment, shame, irritation, and frustration included. Then you'll feel a strong urge to ground with food and run around making everyone happy. And, even if you don't turn to the food, you may gain weight anyway, as your body begins to be inflamed in response to the stress. I have a student in one of the online classes of my Weight-Loss Program for People Who Feel Too Much who told me she will gain 8 pounds over a family weekend from stress, then lose it a few days later without even changing her food. Has that happened to you? I bet it has.

Don't get dragged into that toxic complaint corner, hoping to quiet everyone's agitation. You know the place. There's one at every gathering—the spot where everyone's standing around bitching, hissing, gossiping, and downing handfuls of junk food in big bowls. “When is he going to get himself to A.A.?” “He couldn't care less about us!” “What is
wrong
with these kids? I know we weren't like that!”
Take your hand out of the chips bowl and get away from there!

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to manage the pressure of attending holiday and social gatherings that tend to overwhelm you.

CUT THE GATHERING SHORT OR SKIP IT

You don't want to be antisocial and isolate yourself so much that you have difficulty maintaining relationships, but you don't have to go to every gathering and stay from the moment it starts to the moment it ends no matter how grueling it gets, either. Make an excuse that you have to go to another party, and go straight home if you are too uncomfortable to admit you aren't up for a seven-hour holiday extravaganza.

Just as eating needs to have a beginning, middle, and end, social gatherings need to have boundaries if you're going to avoid empathy overload. Benjamin Franklin wrote, “Fish and visitors stink in three days.” Set some limits on how much time you spend in the challenging environment of a social gathering or a family vacation. Eventually it will get much easier as you learn the particulars of self care for people who feel too much.

HAVE A PLAN FOR LEAVING

If you feel ungounded at a social gathering, have a plan for leaving, even if only for a short time. Go to another room and do a grounding exercise (bring your saltwater spritz with you!). Offer to be the one to go to pick up your cousin at the airport 30 minutes away, then listen to calming music in your car during your mini escape. Arrange for your own reliable transportation to and from the gathering. If your family or friends can overstimulate you or upset you, you don't want to get stuck waiting for your chatty friend or relative to drive you home when she gets around to it.

START NEW TRADITIONS FOR FOODS

Bring a dish or two that you know you can eat. Make a healthier version of a traditional food. And if you want to have some control over the food and the guest list, and you're too anxious to host the party yourself, have the party catered, or hold it in a restaurant or club.

START NEW TRADITIONS

Food should not be the entertainment. Host the gathering yourself or arrange with the host to get the food out of the way when everyone sits down to talk or watch the game on television. It may sound radical to your friends or family, but where is it written that you can't enjoy a gathering without constantly munching? Get everyone exercising, whether it's a walk in nature or a competition using an active videogame that has everyone moving, singing, dancing, and laughing. Play a party game, whether it's charades, cards, an active videogame, or a game that comes in a box. Do crafts together, or group singing of holiday songs or funny songs everyone knows from childhood.

It's hard to snack when you're singing. If your tradition is to go to the movie theater together after your meal, avoid buying popcorn, candy, and drinks just because “it's tradition” and “it's a holiday.” (By the way, movie popcorn is unbelievably bad for you. They use unhealthy oils and douse the stuff in processed salt to get you to buy a soda pop to wash it down.)

STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM HOT TOPICS

Everyone seems to want to talk about the formerly forbidden subjects of religion and politics these days, and to voice their strong opinions. These topics can lead to tension and arguments—which is why our parents and grandparents said, “Avoid talking about religion and politics!” On top of that, there are subjects that families and groups of friends don't seem to handle well for whatever reason, whether it's competitive sports teams or personal topics such as who is gaining weight, who had an affair years ago, and whose son is having trouble in school and whose child is clearly a genius.

Don't kid yourself: You can't control all these people and get them to behave themselves and avoid hot topics, especially once the alcoholic drinks begin to flow and inhibitions get lowered. You might even prepare for a very long family party by thinking ahead of time about some subjects you can introduce into the conversation. Pick some topics that are usually pretty safe territory. Go out of your way to see a new movie, catch the latest viral video, or read an interesting and noncontroversial news article that you can bring up. If you tend to be anxious, a little preparation for a party involving hours of talking can be a good idea.

KEEP IT LIGHT

If the people around you want to bring up intense, emotional subjects, you can take a break or leave, but you can also scoot out of the room and take with you some of the people who want to avoid the big argument over who said what fifteen years ago, or which political party is superior. You can also choose to smile a lot and disengage by seeing this badly written melodrama for what it is: a bit of absurd theater. Compare it to a funny movie or television show and try to predict what the next line or scene will be, and congratulate yourself for picking up on the predictability of it all. Imagine everyone as six inches tall and squeaking out their lines. Turn them into an animated cartoon characters and give them funny names. Imagine a famous comic actress or a comedian playing their parts. Your ex-husband's lines will be much more amusing than if you took them seriously.

In short, find the craziness in the people, the situation, and the conversation and laugh inwardly. Let your mind run wild with images that make you giggle. Maybe your squabbling sisters should just have a catfight you could turn into a viral video and make a fortune off of—I'm not saying you should actually
do
this, but it's much more fun to fantasize about that than trying to referee their latest passive aggressive duel over who got more attention growing up.

Humor is a powerful tool for managing your tendency to be reactive. It empowers you because humor is based on the truth, and people who feel too much often avoid the truth because it's too painful—either their own emotions, such as anxiety or embarrassment, or too great or the emotions of others, which they take in, make them uncomfortable. Become the Laughter Goddess. Banish the storms with a belly laugh.