What the Heart Knows (6 page)

“You’re so beautiful.”

Heat spread through her body and she cried out when he lowered his head and sucked a nipple into his mouth. His large hand palmed its mate, pinching her stiffened bud and roll
ing
it between his fin
gers. She spread her
legs apart, and he sank between her thighs.  He pulled away to tug the black shirt over his head. She traced a path up his lean porcelain chest and pulled him back to her, hungry for the taste of ocean breeze and the unique flavor that was Oliver alone.

Her nails raked across his skin in desperation. She reached down between them and stroked the leng
thy bulge through his pants. His cock twitched and he rocked against her hand
as he grunted his approval. She unzipped his pants and wrapped her hand around his impressive girth.

“Hurry,” she whispered. She accompanied her words with a squeeze and pulled back. He removed his shirt, and she shimmed out of her thong before she helped him out of his pants.

“I need you
,
Oli. My pussy aches for you.”  She opened her legs wider and parted her lips.

“Look at how wet I am.  Have you missed this pretty pink pussy?” The words she spoke horrified her, even as they turned her on. 

She dipped two fingers inside her wet channel and allowed her head to fall back onto the sand. She pumped the slender digits into her cunt and moved them in and out as she watched Oliver from beneath lowered eyelids. He licked his lips and she stopped just shy of her release to rub her juices over his lips.  Oliver’s tongue flicked out to lick the offering clean and snake down her fingers.

“Do I taste good
,
Oli?”  Laughter bubbled up into her throat when Oliver nodded. “Show me how much you want me. Lick my pussy clean.”

He scrambled to his knees in front of her and dove between her thighs like a swimmer into water.  She buried her hand deep into his soft locks and held on for dear life as he worked his magic.  His thumb circled her swollen clit, and her toes curled into the sand.
He’d always had a talented mouth. How she knew that, she wasn’t sure.
He crooked a finger inside her and hit a button that made her see stars as his stiff tongue penetrated deep. Her head thrashed from side to side as she screamed.

*
***

She jerked awake in bed
,
mortified by the liquid that pooled between her legs and onto her fingers. Her face grew hot as she removed her hand from inside her underwear. She’d never done anything like this before.
Why had she responded that way to Oliver in the dream?
  The filthy words that flew out of her mouth confounded her. She’d never thought shit like that, let alone said it out loud to someone. Panic filled her belly as she peered down at her left hand. Relief and sadness flooded her when she found it bare.

Was she so into Oliver that she was dreaming about what could be possible?
It was just a dream
,
Juniper, no reason to spaz out. 
She tossed the sheets away and slid out of bed, thankful to find her headache had subsided.  With a shower and some food in her belly she’d feel like a new woman.
Maybe I just need to get laid?
There’d been plenty of heavy petting. It just never but went any further. The whole dream disturbed her.  She slipped out of her clothes, tossed them into the white hamper in the corner of her room and padded to the bathroom. It wasn’t like her to be so out of tune with her emotions. Maybe the guilt of not explaining the past had caught up to her?

Juni sighed as she turned on the faucet. How was she going to broach this discussion?  Her stomach twisted itself up like a pretzel. The thought of the man she’d come to care for turning his back on her or acting differently made her stomach sour.
It won’t be like before
.
Y
ou’re not sick anymore.
  She stepped inside the white basin, closed the shower curtain, and ducked beneath the water as she warred with herself.

If he doesn’t understand you’ll lose everything you’ve always wanted.
 
If that happens, Oliver isn’t the man I thought he was.
I
t
felt odd to argue with herself like this,
a
lmost as if she
had
two different personalities in one body. 
One wet dream and she was losing her mind.
She shook her head and brushed aside the doubts.  It was time to broach the subject of her past, and his as well. She hadn’t mentioned the way he’d go still and silent at times, but she’d noticed it.

It was like he went to another place in his head, and every time he returned he was just a bit more melancholy. She knew he’d lost someone close. He’d said as much the first day they met. The vague explanation had been fine at the time, but major expansion was needed now that they were past the casual dating stage.

Why the hell did he think this was a good idea? Everywhere he turned images of him and Hannah or her solo seemed to greet him. Hannah’s eyes appeared to have taken on an accusatory gleam as he put the frames away in drawers in his bedroom and other places around the house. It might be time to tell her his wife died in a car accident, but that didn’t mean he had to tell her all the gory details, or bombard her with said woman’s image. He’d never noticed how much he hadn’t changed until now as he waited for Juniper to arrive.  Another woman in the house hadn’t been a concern since Hannah passed.

Though it’d been two years, he couldn’t help but feel like he was doing something wrong.
You’re not defiling your home with the presence of another woman. Hannah is gone.
   This was about him moving forward with life.

Oliver glanced over at his bed and felt a sharp pain in his heart. He could remember picking out the blue and white stripped duvet and matching sheets, with her. It took three stores before they ended up in Bed Bath and Beyond
,
exhausted
,
and spotted the simple design that appealed to them both. The thought of taking Juniper on these made him feel
as if
a rock sat in the bottom of his stomach. His mouth went dry and he thought of phoning Juniper to call the whole thing off.
You shouldn’t be doing this. You’re not ready
. Doubt assailed him as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. His fists curled around the bedspread and he closed his eyes as his nose twitched. He swore he could smell his wife’s lavender scented perfume.

Oliver shook his head to clear out the cobwebs that’d settled in and stood. A fresh burst of energy hit him as he tugged the duvet off the bed and tossed it behind him. Unable to slow down as the feeling of freedom washed over his soul he continued his demolition of the bed. A few minutes later he stood over the strip
p
ed queen size bed, breathing heavily and grinning like a fool. It felt like he’d won a marathon. He bent to gather the bed set and walked over to the closet where he shoved everything into the back. He’d p
ut on
the navy sheets he’d gotten for a gift at Christmas and never
yet
used on the bed.  Problem solved.

****

With the bed re-made
,
Oliver had no problem imagining Juniper in his bedroom. It was clear they were both ready to take things further. He’d spent hours dreaming up all the things he wanted to do to the delectable body she always kept covered.  His cock hardened as he imagined stripping her clothes off piece by piece and worshipping every inch of her mocha skin with his mouth. He had what
one
might call an oral fixation. He loved the taste of
a
woman when she was wet and wanting. His mouth watered at the thought of her flavor. He bet it’d be just as sweet as those lush lips he wanted to slip his dick between.  He needed to stop thinking about this or he’d be in the bathroom in search of yet another release. His left hand hadn’t seen this much usage since he was twelve. Oliver adjusted his cock in his pants and made his way from the bedroom to wait in the living room.

His heart pounded in his chest when a knock sounded on the door. It was now or never. He wiped his clammy palms on his jeans when he stood, and headed over to the door.  Oliver paused, and then he swung the door open. He took in Juni’s appearance. Dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans, a rancid t-shirt, and a black fedora, she looked like
someone else had picked out her outfit
.  It bothered him
, w
hich was surprising considering this was what he used to prefer.  Maybe he’d been making more progress moving forward th
a
n he’d thought.

“Hi,” she said. The bashful smile that crossed her face relaxed him. He wasn’t the only person nervous about tonight.

“Hi, come on in.”  He stepped back to allow her to enter.

“This is a really nice place.”

He led her to sit on the
beige
suede sectional.

“Thanks. Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked. 

“Sure, a water would be great.”

“I’ll be right back.”

He made his way to the kitchen and mentally went over everything he wanted to say as he poured their drinks.  Oliver handed her a glass, setting his own down on a coaster as he turned to her.

“I know I haven’t been the most forthcoming in this relationship. We’ve been getting to know one another, but there are things I’ve held back or avoided talking about.”  He met her gaze, and continued when she nodded her agreement.

“Remember the first day we met when I told you it was the anniversary of someone I’d lost?”
          
“Yes.”

“That someone was my wife.”

Juni gasped as she covered her mouth with her hands. “I am so sorry
,
Oliver.”

“No. It was two years ago, and I should have told you earlier. It was just nice not having you know.”

“Why?” she asked. Her eyes clouded with confusion.

“Because I could just be Oliver Young, not the widow
er
who
’
s had a hard time moving on past the death of his high school sweetheart.”

He saw worry flash over her face
,
and he placed his hand over the ones she had clasped in her lap.

“I know Hannah is gone
,
Juniper
.
I
t’s just hard to talk about the events surrounding her car accident, and not feel guilty that I’m here going on with my life while she’s in the ground. I’ve run the gamut with shrinks, and I’m in a good place to move forward.”

She frowned and he could feel the doubt his words had raised.

“Juni
,
you are the first woman I’ve dated since my wife passed. There’s something about you that made me want to leave the gloomy business of grief behind.”

Oliver leaned in to place a finger under her chin and force her to meet his gaze.

“I promise you, I wouldn’t have let things go this far if I wasn’t one-hundred percent ready to commit to this relationship.”  Her brown eyes grew glossy with tears and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to her quivering lips before he pulled back to study her face.

“Do you believe me?” he asked.

“Yes.”  Her voice was scratchy as tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I understand exactly how you feel,” she said.

“What do you mean?” He shook his head, lost.

“I know what it’s like to feel guilty about being the one who’s still alive.”

“Juniper?”

“I’ve been keeping a huge secret from you
,
Oliver. Up until a couple of years ago no one thought I’d live to see twenty-three, let alone twenty-five.”

“What?”  Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. He couldn’t imagine her life force being a dim flicker that could go out at any moment.

“I was born with a congenital heart defect. We knew from an early age a transplant was my only hope for a chance of a full life, but it’s not that easy to find a match. Growing up was like living life behind a two
-
way mirror. I could see everything going on, but I couldn’t participate. My brother really suffered the most. He was healthy, but he couldn’t do
some things
because I was always holding him back. It made me feel like a vampire, draining him of his life force. That last year I had accepted the fact that I was going to die. My health was disintegrating at a rapid pace, and I was just too exhausted to fight any longer.”

Her words sent a spike of fear through him.  He’d come so close to losing her before they even met. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and pulled her closer. This was why he fully supported organ donation.  If he was going to die the least he could do was give someone else a chance at life.

“The notebook you saw me writing in that first night in Cupa was my bucket list. It was all the things I wanted to do before I died. I checked as many of them off as I could before I landed in the hospital that last time, and after my second lease on life, I vowed to complete the ones that were left over. I watched so many of the friends I’d made pass on without receiving the organs they needed. I felt like I owed it to them to live life to the fullest. The guilt that came from surviving was something I’d never considered.”