What to Expect the First Year (107 page)

Your situation.
Recommendations aside, sometimes the logistics of juggling breast, baby, and life (including work or school) get in the way of continued breastfeeding. Penciling nursing into a busy schedule starts to get tricky, especially if the logistics must include a breast pump as well as transporting and storing milk. For some moms, it's just a matter of the physical toll continued breastfeeding can take—it can be a drain, literally, particularly for pumpers. If breastfeeding just isn't fitting in with your life or your lifestyle anymore, consider weaning—either fully or partially.

Your baby's situation.
The best time to wean a baby is when all's quiet on the home front. Baby's sick? Teething? Are you moving? Going on vacation? Returning to work? Have you changed babysitters? Has daddy just been deployed on a long mission or gone on an extended business trip? It's probably best to hold off on weaning until there's less uncertainty and stress in your little one's life.

Your baby's bottle and cup skills.
If your baby is a pro at bottles because you've been supplementing or pumping, weaning from breast to bottle will be a breeze. Likewise, if your baby has picked up cup drinking already, weaning directly to a cup—and bypassing the bottle completely—will be a cinch. If, however, your baby resists taking milk from any source but your breast, weaning will have to wait until either the bottle or the cup (a better option as baby approaches the first birthday) is mastered.

Whenever and however it comes for you, weaning is bound to be a time of mixed emotions. On the one hand, you may be somewhat relieved to be relieved of your breastfeeding responsibilities—positively giddy at the prospect of more freedom (a late night out on the town, a weekend out of town), of leaving for work without a breast pump, of ditching your nursing bras. But, at the same time, you'll probably be more than a little misty at the end of this chapter in your mommy-baby relationship.

Whether early or late, weaning is an inevitable milestone in a child's development—as they say, nobody goes off to college still breastfeeding. Your little one probably won't end up missing breastfeeding for more than a brief time, and will likely move on more quickly than you'd really like. And you, too, will survive this monumental mommyhood moment—though realistically, you'll always have a special place in your heart reserved for the months (and maybe years) spent breastfeeding your baby.

Have you decided to call it quits on the breast? With weaning right around the corner, it's probably looming large. So it might be comforting to know that the process is already in progress: You actually started to wean the first time you offered your baby a sip from the cup, a nip from the bottle,
or a nibble from a spoon. And whether you realized it or not, you've been taking baby steps ever since.

Weaning is basically a two-phase process, one of which is likely well under way or even fully accomplished:

Phase One: Getting baby used to other sources of food beyond your breasts.
Chances are, you've already begun baby on solids, but what about the cup? Ultimately, the cup will be an important conveyer of nutritive fluids every growing child needs, probably in the form of cow's milk. But since it takes lots of practice to become a cup pro, it's ideal to get that practice started as soon as possible, while your baby is still somewhat open to change (fast-forward a few months, and you'll definitely hit a cooperation speed bump). Getting the cup established now is smart no matter when you'll be weaning, but it's especially key if you'll be moving on to Phase Two of weaning soon. Keep in mind that weaning to a bottle doesn't make sense at this late date—after all, doctors recommend weaning from a bottle at the first birthday.

Is your almost-toddler resisting the cup already—refusing to sip from anything but the best (breast)? Break down resistance by:

• Serving up a cup when baby's hungry. Hunger can (sometimes) wear a baby down—so try offering the cup instead of a scheduled breastfeed. Baby just becomes cranky, not pliable, when hungry? Then offer the cup after a feed. Or serve it with meals and snacks.

• Staying out of the picture. As when you were introducing the bottle (if you did), baby's more likely to be up for the cup when mom's not the one offering it. After all, breasts can be distracting to a breastfeeding baby.

• Switching it up. Some babies are more likely to consider the cup if it's filled with familiar breast milk. Others are more open to the cup if it doesn't remind them of the breast. In that case, substitute formula (before age 1). You can also offer water or watered-down juice for practice. After a year (and the doctor's go-ahead), you can switch directly to whole cow's milk.

• Varying the cups. If you've been trying a sippy cup, try a straw cup—or a cup that allows baby to drink from the rim, just like you do (these are available in covered, spillproof form or with special inserts that slow the flow of liquid).

• Being relaxed. Of course you're eager for baby to start taking the cup, especially if you're eager to get weaning. But don't let your baby know that. Put on an indifferent front (as if you couldn't care less whether baby took the cup or not), practice patience, and give it time.

Phase Two: Cutting back on breast-feedings.
Are you considering a cold-turkey approach to weaning (say, leaving your breastfed baby for an overnight or a weekend, and taking your breasts with you)? Usually, that's not the best game plan for either member of the breastfeeding team. For your little one, it may be too unsettling. For you, sudden weaning can make a mom an emotional mess (especially once hormonal havoc has been unleashed) and a physical one, too (leaking, painful engorgement, clogged ducts, and infection are all more likely if nursing stops suddenly). So unless illness, a sudden need for travel without baby, or some other event in your lives makes cold-turkey weaning necessary, take it slowly. Wean gradually, beginning at least several weeks—and up to many months—before your targeted weaning completion date. (Once you're down to a single feed, you can consider taking yourself and your breasts out of the picture entirely for a day or two, leaving baby with daddy, grandparents, or another favorite non-lactating care provider. This kind of mommy break can sometimes ease the final adjustment to the world of weaned.)

There are two common approaches to gradual weaning:

• Dropping feedings. This is usually the easier way to go: Begin dropping one feeding at a time, waiting at least a few days, but preferably a week, until your breasts and your baby have adjusted to that loss before dropping another. First to go should be the feedings your baby is least attached to—most likely those midday ones. Over a couple of weeks, cut back to just two favorite feedings a day (typically those that offer the most comfort for both of you: first-in-the-morning and bedtime), then one. Bedtime's usually the last to go—you might want to continue the bedtime nursing for weeks or even months, even if your baby's otherwise weaned. Be sure to add formula (or milk, once it's been approved) and a
snack or meal to replace any feedings you drop. And don't forget to supplement, too, with generous amounts of affection and attention.

• Cutting down on each feeding. Instead of cutting out feedings, you can cut down on each one: To start, take the edge off of your little one's appetite before feeds by offering a snack, along with a cup of formula (or whole cow's milk if your baby has already turned 1). Then offer the breast. Gradually, over the course of several weeks, he or she will be taking more from the cup or bottle and less from your breast. Eventually, your baby will wean completely.

How will your baby handle weaning from the breast? Since every baby's different, reactions will vary—but all will be normal. Some little ones will turn to alternative sources of comfort, such as the thumb or a blanket, during weaning. Some will become extra clingy (pawing or sniffing at your breasts or trying to lift up or open your shirt are all definite possibilities). But even the most committed breastfeeding fans don't seem to miss nursing for very long. Some, in fact, move on so quickly that it takes their misty-eyed moms aback. As you adjust to the new feeding norm—and the fact that it no longer includes the special bond of breastfeeding—it may help to remember that nursing is only one part of your relationship with your baby. Giving it up won't weaken the bond or lessen the love between you—that's already cemented for life. In fact, you may find that closing up shop on breastfeeding means that you'll open up even more dimensions in your relationship with your baby.

“My son will turn 1 next week, and he hasn't even tried taking his first step. Shouldn't he be walking by now?”

It may seem fitting for a baby to take his first steps by his first birthday (after all, isn't that when he officially becomes a toddler?), but many opt to crawl their way into their second year instead. Though some little ones start walking weeks, or even months, earlier, others won't totter toward the momentous milestone until much later. The majority of tots, in fact, don't begin their adventures on two feet until after their first birthday (though the vast majority will be stepping out on their own by 18 months). And when it comes to walking, age doesn't matter, either—whether a little one takes those first steps at 9 months, 15 months, or even later is no reflection on his future abilities, not even athletic ones.

When your little one starts walking may be determined by genetics—early (or late) walking runs in families. Or by his weight and build—a wiry, muscular baby is more likely to walk earlier than a placid, plump one. Or by personality—a tot who's a born risk-taker is more likely to rise to the challenge of walking sooner than one who's naturally cautious. It may also be related to when and how well he learns to crawl. A little one who's an ineffective crawler or who doesn't crawl at all sometimes walks before the baby who is perfectly content racing about on all fours.

A negative experience—perhaps a bad fall the first time a tentative 1-year-old let go of a parent's hand—can also delay those first steps. If that happened to your fledgling toddler, he may decide it's not worth chancing steps again until he's very steady, at which point he may take off like a pro. Feeling under the weather—energy and exuberance zapped by teething, a cold, an ear infection, for instance—can also put walking on hold.

Some babies don't give toddling a try because they're too often corralled in a play yard, strapped in a stroller, enclosed in an ExerSaucer, or otherwise given little chance to develop their leg muscles and their confidence through standing and cruising. Give your baby plenty of time and space to practice pulling up, cruising, standing, and stepping. He'll do best if he's barefoot, since babies use their toes for gripping when they take their first steps—socks can be slippery, and (some) shoes can be stiff. And bring on the encouragement, too, since a baby who's quite content sitting it out may need a little coaxing to join the action. Playfully challenge him to come walking after you (“Try to catch me!”).

Remember, your little one will start performing great feats on two feet when he's ready. Until then, don't stress the finish line—enjoy the journey (yes, the one with all the bumps and falls, false starts, and baby steps), and that victory lap will come soon enough.