What to Expect the First Year (109 page)

“I haven't given my baby a pillow or a blanket in her crib because of the risk of SIDS. But now that she's almost 1, I'm wondering if it's safe to let her sleep with them.”

For you, a bed might not be a bed without a pillow (or two or three) to rest your head on and a fluffy comforter to cuddle beneath. But for a baby who has slept flat and uncovered on the mattress since birth, pillows and blankets aren't an issue—what she doesn't know can't bother her or keep her up at night. And that's just as well. While the time of greatest risk for suffocation and SIDS has passed, most experts agree there's no compelling reason to put a pillow in your little one's crib. Besides, since she probably does a lot of tossing, turning, and shifting during sleep, chances are, her head wouldn't stay on a pillow anyway. So wait until she moves to a bed to pony up a pillow.

As for the blanket, the same advice holds true—later is better than sooner. Though some parents start tucking in their babies with a blanket closer to 12 months, most experts advise holding off until at least midway through the second year. The risk of using a blanket, especially with an active baby, is less of suffocation and more that she might get tangled up in the blanket when she stands up in the crib, leading to falls, bruises, and frustration. Many parents opt instead for the one-piece footed pajamas on top of lightweight cotton ones to keep their babies warm on cold nights.

When you do decide to throw in the pillow and blanket, don't let your preference for fluffy bed accessories guide your selection. Choose a “toddler” pillow that's smaller and very flat and a blanket that is lightweight.

Wondering about your baby's little lovey? That small comfort blanket that never leaves your baby's hands is fine to bed down with from a safety perspective. From a cleanliness perspective (if it never leaves your tot's hands) … well, that's a whole other story.
Click here
for more on comfort objects.

“My baby used to eat like there was no tomorrow. Suddenly, he seems to have zero interest in eating—he only picks at his food and can't wait to get out of the high chair. Could he be sick?”

More likely, the ever-sensible Mother Nature has curbed his appetite—and for very good reason. If he continued packing on the pounds at the rate he's been going so far, your baby would swell to the size of a third-grader by his second birthday. Most babies triple their birthweight in the first year, but in the second year they add only about a third of their weight. So a decline in appetite now is your baby's body's way of ensuring this normal decline in his weight gain rate.

But that's not the only reason your 1-year-old is clamping shut instead of opening wide. During most of his first year of life, mealtimes—whether spent in your arms or in a high chair—were among his favorite times. Now they represent an unwelcome interruption in his busy day. He'd much rather be on the go than sitting still for a bowl of cereal (so many things to do, so many places to see, so much stuff to get into—so little time!).

Growing independence is another reason he's shunning the spoon. He'd rather assert his autonomy than allow you to run the show—even (or perhaps especially) when it comes to eating. If you haven't already, you may want to retire your spoon and graduate him to all finger foods (and a spoon of his own for practice). Maybe you're just serving too much food for his very tiny tummy—toddler portions of food are surprisingly small (think tablespoons, not cups). Scale down portions, and he may be less daunted in the face of food (you can always offer seconds). Maybe he's downing too many liquids and drowning his appetite (cut back on bottles and sippy cups, especially those containing juice).

Or maybe your baby's on a feeding strike because he dislikes being exiled to the high chair and would rather join
the party at your table—a booster chair could erase the isolation and get him back in the eating game. Or maybe he can't sit still as long as the rest of the family can (and there's no reason why he should be expected to at this stage). Maybe he's lost his appetite temporarily because he's teething. Or maybe he's coming down with a cold.

Bottom line: Respect the appetite. As long as your baby is growing well and isn't showing signs of serious illness, there's nothing you need to do about food intake that's slacking. What's more, pushing, cajoling, or urging plate cleaning or one more bite will only trigger more mealtime resistance. In fact, healthy babies and healthy toddlers who are allowed to eat to appetite can be counted on to eat as much (no more, no less) as they need to so they can grow and thrive. Your job: to offer him nutritious foods. His job: to eat as much or as little of them as he wants.

“I thought a 1-year-old was supposed to experience a drop in appetite. My daughter's has seemed to grow and grow. She's not fat, but I can't help worrying that she will be if she keeps eating at this rate.”

Maybe your baby's pit is bottomless because she's drinking less. Babies who are either just, or just about, weaned from the breast or bottle to the cup are likely to be getting less of their total calorie intake from milk and other liquids, and they may compensate by stepping up their intake of solids. Though it may seem as if your little one is taking in more calories, she probably is taking in the same number or fewer, only in a different form.

Or, it could be that she's eating more because she's going through a growth spurt or because she's become more active—possibly because she's walking a lot—and her body needs the extra calories.

Healthy babies, when allowed to eat to their appetites—hearty or skimpy—without any prodding by parents, will grow at a normal rate. If your little one's weight and height are still following a familiar curve, there's no need to worry that she's overeating. Instead, pay more attention to the quality, rather than the quantity, of what she's gobbling up (if she's hungry for two bowls of fruit, that's fine—if she's hungry for two bowls of ice cream, not so fine).

Also keep in mind that young children, like adults, can pretty easily fall into the habit of eating for the wrong reasons—that is, for any reason besides hunger. If you've been unwittingly feeding such a habit—giving her a snack to keep her content while you're shopping, or when she's really just craving cuddles, or to make boredom disappear, or to make a boo-boo get better, now's the time for a switch to a more sensible strategy: feeding her when she's hungry.

“I know my son is perfectly capable of feeding himself—he's done it several times. But now he refuses to hold his bottle or even pick up a cup. If I don't feed him, he won't eat.”

Growing up is hard to do. Even as your almost-toddler tackles more and more skills that bring him closer and closer to the independence he seems to crave, his inner baby may balk at taking on too much self-sufficiency too soon. So he tries to find a happy yet secure balance between big boy and baby: Maybe he'll let go of your hands to stand on his own two feet, but not to feed himself. For now, he's content to let you do the heavy lifting of bottles and spoons while he sits back and enjoys those last cushy comforts of babyhood.

Eventually, inevitably, the big boy will triumph over the baby. In the meantime, when he wants to be fed like the baby he still very much is, feed him—without a fuss. Make the bottle, the cup, and even a spoon available to him without insisting he use them. Offer him finger foods often, at meals as well as snack times—his early ventures into self-feeding will be more successful and satisfying if he uses the five-pronged utensils that are conveniently attached to his wrists (besides, it's still too early to expect him to use a spoon). Also make sure that you don't unwittingly sabotage self-feeding by getting exasperated over the mess it makes (neat eating won't be on the table for at least a year to come).

When he opts to feed himself, applaud his initiative and his efforts—and stick around to offer him lots of reassuring attention. He needs to know that giving up being fed by mommy or daddy doesn't have to mean giving up mommy or daddy.

“My baby can't seem to make up her mind about what she wants. One minute she's crawling after me wherever I go, hanging on my legs while I'm trying to get work done. The next, she's trying to get away from me when I sit down to hug her.”

Is your baby ready to declare her independence? Well, that … depends. It depends on the day she's been having (a triumphant one of toddles … or a trying one of tumbles?), on how she's feeling (napped and recently fed … or hungry, overtired, and wired?), even on how those around her are feeling (stress in the house? She'll feel it, too—and cling accordingly). But most of all it depends on the terms of her independence. She spies something shiny, bright, and deserving of a closer look?
She'll leave your side in a heartbeat to check it out—without a moment's hesitation about separating from you. Independence declared. You get up from playing with her to check your text messages? That's independence on your terms, not on hers—and in her mind, that's not cool. Independence rejected, dependence declared.

Like most older babies and younger toddlers, your little one is conflicted—split between a craving for independence and a fear of paying too high a price for that independence. When you're busy with something other than her, especially when you're moving about faster than she can follow, she worries that she's losing her hold on you and the love, comfort, and safety that you represent, so she tightens her human velcro grip. You're all hers? Then she feels confident letting go and putting her independence to the test.

As she becomes more comfortable with her independence and more secure in the fact that you'll be her mommy and daddy no matter how grown-up she becomes, she'll feel less conflicted. But expect this inner struggle between dependence and independence to continue on and off throughout her childhood—definitely through her teen years, and even into her adult life. (Don't you ever look back longingly on the days when you could always count on being taken care of?)

In the meantime, you can help her strike out on her own by making her feel safe and reassured when she does. If you're in the kitchen making a salad and she's across the divider in the family room, chat with her, stop periodically and visit with her, or invite her to help you, stationing her high chair next to you at the sink, for example, and giving her some zucchini and a soft vegetable scrub brush to work with. Support and applaud your baby's steps toward independence, but be patient, understanding, and welcoming when she stumbles and rushes back to the security and comfort of your arms. And most of all, be realistic in your expectations of her—there are just so many minutes (and you can probably count them on one hand) she'll agree to play or otherwise keep herself busy independently.