Why do Clocks run clockwise? (34 page)

opening orientation of, in buildings

shopping mall entrances

“THIS DOOR TO REMAIN UNLOCKED DURING BUSINESS

HOURS” signs, in stores

“Doozy”

“Do-re-mi”

Dots on cue balls, in pool

Double doors in stores

“Doubleheader”

Double-jointedness

Double-yolk eggs

Doughnuts

tissues and handling in stores

origins of holes in

Downhill ski poles, shape of

Dr Pepper

origins of name

punctuation of

Drains, location of bathtub

“Draw a Bead,” origins of term

Dreams, nap versus nighttime

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 279

Drinking glasses, “sweating” of

Dripless candles, whereabouts of wax in

“Driveway”

Driveways, driving on, versus parkways

Driving, left-versus right-hand side

Drooling, dogs and

Drowsiness after meals

Drugstores, high platforms in

“Dry,” as terms for wines

Dry-cleaning

French

garment labels and

Dry-cleaning (
cont
.)

One Hour Martinizing

raincoats and

Dryers, hand

in bathrooms

“off” switches

Ducks

lakes and ponds and

on Cadillacs

Duels, timing of

Dugouts, height of

“Dukes”

“Dumb [mute]”

“Dumbbells”

Dust, ceiling fans and

E

as school grade

on eye charts

“Eagle [golf score]”

Earlobes, function of

“Earmark”

Earrings, pirates and

Ears

hairy, in old men

popping in airplanes

ringing, causes of

Earthworms as fish food

280 / DAVID FELDMAN

Easter

chocolate bunnies and

dates of

ham consumption at

“Easy as pie”

Eating, effect of sleep on

“Eavesdropper”

Ebert, Roger, versus Gene Siskel, billing of Egg, versus chicken

Egg whites and copper bowls

Eggs

color of

double-yolk

hard-boiled, discoloration of

meaning of grading of

sizes of

“Eggs Benedict”

“Eighty-six,” origins of term

Elbow macaroni, shape of

Elderly men

pants height and

shortness of

Elections, U.S.

timing of

Tuesdays and

Electric can openers, sharpness of blades on Electric drip versus electric perk, in coffee Electric perk versus electric drip, in coffee Electric plug prongs

holes at end of

three prongs versus two prongs

Electricity, AC versus DC

Electricity, static, variability in amounts of Elephants

disposal of remains of

jumping ability of

Oakland A’s uniforms

rocking in zoos

Elevator doors

changing directions

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 281

holes

Elevators

overloading of

passenger capacity in

“Eleventh hour”

Emergency Broadcasting System, length of test

“Emergency feed” on paper towel dispensers Emmy awards, origins of name

English, driving habits of

English horn, naming of

English muffins

in England

white particles on

Envelopes

Christmas cards, paper bands on

colored stickers on

computer scrawls on

red letters on back of

return windows on

size of, in bills

Escalator knobs, purpose of

Escalators

green lights on

rail speed of

Evaporated milk

refrigeration of

soldered cans and

Evolution, loss of body hair and

Exclamation marks in telegrams

Executions

autopsies after

hours of

“EXEMPT” signs at railroad crossings

Expiration dates

on bottled waters

on fire extinguishers

on toothpaste

Exposures, number of, in film

Exterminators, hard hats and

Extremities, wrinkles on

282 / DAVID FELDMAN

Eye chart, E on

Eye closure during kissing

Eyeglasses and nerdiness

Eyes

bags under

floaters and

pain, when tired

position, during sleep

rubbing of, when tired

sneezing and

Fading, causes of

Fahrenheit scale

increments in

zero degrees, meaning of

Fainting and women, lessening of

“FALLING ROCK” signs, purpose of

Falsetto voices

techniques for men producing

women’s inability to produce

“Fan [loyal partisan]”

Fan speeds, order of

Farm plots, circular shape of

Fast-food restaurants, dessert and

Fat people and alleged jolliness

Fathers, new, passing out of cigars and

Fats, on nutrition labels

Faucets, water

“FD&C,” meaning of, on food and shampoo labels Federal Express, hours of employees of

Feet, swelling in airplanes of

Fences, height restrictions of

Field goals, measurement of

Fifty-five mph

reasons for speed limit of

speedometers and

Fighting Irish, Notre Dame and

Figure skating and dizziness

“Filibuster”

“Filipino,” spelling of

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 283

Film

countdown leader on

measurement of, in millimeters

number of exposures in

prints, after theatrical runs

wagon wheels in, movement of

width of

X-and XXX-ratings

Filters, cigarette, brown spots on

“Filthy lucre”

“Fin [five-dollar bill]”

Fingernails

biting of

growth of, versus toenails

growth of, after death

lunula on

yellowing of, and nail polish

Fingers, length of

“Fink”

Fire, crackling sound of

Fire extinguishers, expiration date on

Fire helmets, shape of

Fire hydrants

freezing of water in

shape of valve stems of

Fire trucks, roofs of

Firearms, confiscated, after arrests

Fireplaces, rain in

First basemen, ball custody of, in baseball First class mail, priority mail versus

Fish [see also specific types]

biting in rain

eating preferences

fear of, in aquariums

floating upon death

pebble spitting

return to dried-up lakes and ponds

saltwater coloration

sleep patterns

urination

284 / DAVID FELDMAN

Fish tanks, oxygen in

Flagpoles, balls atop

Flags, Japanese, red beams and

Flags, U.S.

half-mast

on airplanes

“Flak”

“Flammable,” versus “inflammable”

“Flash in the pan”

Flashlights, police and grips of

Flat toothpicks, purpose of

“Flea market”

Flies

landing patterns of

winter and

Flintstones, Barney Rubble’s profession on Flintstones multivitamins, Betty Rubble and Floaters in eyes

Floral graphics on mattresses

Florida, cost of auto rentals in

“Flotsam,” versus “jetsam”

Flour, bleached

Flour bugs, provenance of

Flour tortillas, size of, versus corn

Flu, body aches and

Fluorescent lights and plinking noises

Flush handles, toilets and

Flushes, loud, toilets in public restrooms and Fly swatters, holes in

FM radio, odd frequency numbers of

Food cravings in pregnant women

Food labels

“FD&C” on label

lack of manufacturer street addresses

Football

barefoot kickers in

college, redshirting in

distribution of game balls

goalposts, tearing down of

measurement of first-down yardage

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 285

origins of “hut” in

Pittsburgh Steelers’ helmet emblems on

shape of

sideline population in

tearing down of goalposts

two-minute warning and

yardage of kickers in

“Fore,” origins of golf expression

Forewords in books, versus introductions and prefaces Forks, switching hands to use

“Fortnight”

Fraternities, Greek names of

“Freebooter”

Freezer compartments, location of, in refrigerators Freezers

ice trays in

lights in

French dry cleaning

French horns, design of

“French” bread versus “Italian”

“French” style green beans

“French” versus “Italian” bread

Frogs

eye closure when swallowing

warts and

Frogs of violins, white dots on

Frostbite, penguin feet and

Fruitcake, alleged popularity of

“Fry”

Fuel gauges in automobiles

“Fullback”

Full-service versus self-service, pricing of, at gas stations Funeral homes, size of

Funerals

burials without shoes

depth of graves

head position of, in caskets

orientation of deceased

perpetual care and

small cemeteries and

286 / DAVID FELDMAN

“Funk”

“G.I.”

Gagging, hairs in mouth and

Gallons and quarts, American versus British Game balls, distribution of football

Gasoline, pricing of, in tenths of a cent Gasoline gauges, automobile

Gasoline pumps

rubber sleeves on

shut off of

Gasoline stations, full-service versus self-service, pricing of Gasoline, unleaded, cost of

Gauge, width of railroad

Gauges, fuel, in automobiles

Geese, honking during migration

Gelatin, fruit in

“Gerrymander”

“Get the sack”

“Get your goat”

“Getting down to brass tacks”

Gifts, children and

Girdles and fat displacement

Glass, broken

Glasses, drinking

squeakiness of

“sweating” of

Glasses, wine, types of

Glitter, sidewalks and

Glow-in-the-dark items, green color of

Glue

stickiness in the bottle

“Super” versus conventional

“Super,” and Teflon

taste of postage stamp

Glutamates, MSG and

Gnats, swarming of

Goalies, banging of sticks by

Goalposts, football, tearing down of

“Goat”

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 287

Goats, kids versus adult

“Gobbledygook”

Gold bullion, shape of

Golf

origins of eighteen holes

origins of term “fore”

pain of mishits

Golf balls

dimples on

veering toward ocean while putting

Golfers and sunglasses

Gondolas, black color of

“Good Friday,” origins of term

Goofy

identify of

marital status of

Goofy, Jr., origins of

Goosebumps, faces and

Gorillas, chest pounding of

Gowns, and caps, at graduations

Grades in school, E

Grading of cigarettes

Grading of eggs, meaning of

Graduations, military academy

“Grandfather” clock, origins of term

Grape jellies, color of

Grapefruit, sweetness of, canned versus fresh

“Grape-nuts”

Grapes, raisins and

Gravel and placement on flat roofs

Graves, depth of

Gravy skin loss, when heated

“Gravy train”

Grease, color of

Grecian Formula, process of

Greek names of fraternities and sororities Green beans, “French” style

Green color of glow-in-the-dark items

Green lights, versus red lights, on boats and airplanes

“Green with envy”

288 / DAVID FELDMAN

“Green” cards, color of

“Greenhorn”

Greeting cards, shape of

Gretzky, Wayne, hockey uniform of

Grimace, identity of McDonald’s

Grocery coupons, cash value of

Grocery sacks, names on

Grocery stores and check approval

Groom, carrying bride over threshold by

Growling of stomach, causes of

Guitar strings, dangling of

Gulls, sea, in parking lots

Gum, chewing

water consumption and hardening

wrappers of

“Gunny sacks”

“Guy”

“Habit [riding costume]”

“Hackles”

Hail, measurement of

Hair

blue, and older women

growth of, after death

length of, in older women

mole, color of

parting, left versus right

Hair color, darkening of, in babies

Hair spray, unscented, smell of

Hairbrushes, length of handles on

Hairs in mouth, gagging on

Hairy ears in older men

Half dollars, vending machines and

“Halfback”

Half-mast, flags at

Half-moon versus quarter moon

Half-numbers in street addresses

Halibut, coloring of

Halloween, Jack-o’-lanterns and

Halogen light bulbs, touching of

WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / 289

Ham

checkerboard pattern atop

color of, when cooked

Easter and consumption of

“Ham [actor]”

Hamburger buns, bottoms of

“Hamburger,” origins of term

“Hamfatter”

Hand dryers in bathrooms

Hand positions in old photographs

Handles versus knobs, on doors

Handwriting, teaching of cursive versus printing

“Hansom cab”

Happy endings, crying and

Hard hats

backward positioning of, in ironworkers

exterminators and

Hard-boiled eggs, discoloration of

Hat tricks, in hockey