William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace (3 page)

I do. Yet thou shalt not be pleas'd when thou

Hast heard what I intend to say to thee.

Thine errant boycott of our planet's through.

Your words are naught but deep surprise to me,

For of our failure I've heard no report.

I am aware that the ambassadors

Who were by Chancellor Valorum sent

Have come to thee, and thou art order'd to

Come to a settlement o'er this blockade.

And yet, I know of no ambassadors.

For certain, you have made a gross mistake.

[
aside:
] Alas, have all our plans been thwarted then?

[
To Nute Gunray:
] Beware, I warn thee, Viceroy, for 'tis true:

The Federation hath made steps too bold.

I know not what you mean, good lady queen:

We would do nothing sans the Senate's say.

As doth befit your youth and woman's fear

Your Highness doth assume too much, indeed.

O, we shall see how mine assumptions fare.

[Exit Queen Amidala
.

In troth, the lady is correct. The Senate—

'Tis far too late! What's done can't be undone.

Aye, so! But do you think she doth expect

The swift attack that we are bound to make?

Nay, I know not. Yet this, at least, is clear:

We must disrupt communication to

The planet, lest they learn of our intent.

[Exeunt Nute Gunray, Rune Haako, and Tey How
.

Enter
Q
UEEN
A
MIDALA
with
S
IO
B
IBBLE
, C
APTAIN
P
ANAKA
,
COURT
,
and
ATTENDANTS
.
Enter
S
ENATOR
P
ALPATINE
in beam
.

What is't you say? Negotiations have

Not reach'd a starting point because the two

Ambassadors did ne'er arrive? But nay,

How could that tale be true? The chancellor

Himself inform'd me that th'ambassadors

Most surely did arrive. Negotiate—

[Exit Palpatine from beam
.

I prithee, Senator, where hast thou gone?

[
To Captain Panaka:
] What is the matter? What hath happen'd here?

[
to attendant:
] Check our transmission generator, lad.

If our communication hath been breach'd

It means but one thing only: an attack.

The Federation would not go so far,

For such a move would mean their suicide.

I do agree: the Senate would revoke

The Federation's trade ability,

Which would destroy their commerce all at once.

Negotiation must be our fond hope.

Negotiation, Highness? We have lost

Communication, and as yet we know

Of no ambassadors who have brought suit

Unto the Federation for our sake.

[
aside:
] O how he sneers and mocks mine utterance

As he would never do were I his age.

The situation is most grave, my queen.

If an invasion comes, the meager, slight

Security our volunteers provide

Shall be no contest for the harden'd ranks

The Federation surely shall employ.

I hear thee, counselors, and may hear more,

But will condone no move that leads to war.

[Exeunt
.

How may I serve you, Viceroy? What's your will?

Pay heed now, Captain. We have search'd the ship

And found no trace of Jedi Knights therein.

'Tis possible they hide aboard thy craft.

If they are here, good sir, we shall detect

Them and destroy them as we were enjoin'd.

Pray, use thou caution—underestimate

These Jedi at thy peril. Vigilance!

[Exeunt Nute Gunray and Rune Haako from beam
.

Enter
Q
UI
-G
ON
J
INN
,
hidden
.

With hundreds of these battle droids I fly

Unto the planet that doth wait below.

Yea, unbeknownst to its kind citizens

Attack doth cruelly come to break their peace.

The craft hath landed. Run, e'er we are found!

[Qui-Gon begins to run from the craft amid fleeing falumpasets, pursued by battle droids
.

Enter
J
AR
J
AR
B
INKS
,
hidden, seeing
Q
UI
-G
ON
J
INN
.

A man approacheth, cloth'd in Jedi garb.

Belike this man brings aid unto Naboo

Such as will help my people and my land.

Mayhap this is the chance I have desir'd!

For I have wander'd lo these many months

A'thinking o'er this planet's dreary fate:

Two peoples separated by their fear

And prejudice, which e'er doth make us shirk

From giving help unto each other. Aye,

It may be that the only hope for us

To be united is to realize

That our two fates are tightly knit as one.

Perchance this Jedi, follow'd by these droids,

Doth bring the words to break our deep mistrust.

I shall make introduction, in my way—

Portray the part that I have learn'd so well:

It doth befit the human prejudice

To think we Gungans simple, low, and rude.

I shall approach him thusly, yet shall bend

Him to the path that shall assist us all.

Put on thy simple wits now, Jar Jar Binks:

Thus play the role of clown to stoke his pride.

[Jar Jar stands in Qui-Gon's path. Qui-Gon runs into him and the two fall as the battle-droids transport passes by over them
.

[
To Qui-Gon:
] O moiee-moiee, I so luvee!

Thou brainless knave! Almost thou kill'd us both.

I speakee, speakee, look at mee-mee!

That thou canst speak doth not yet make thee wise.

Now, go ye hence. Away!

[
aside:
]                      —Your kind did teach

Me human language, and my profit on't

Is I know how to move your human heart.

So shall I speak most like a Gungan plain

And thus disarm you by a fool's deceit.

[
To Qui-Gon:
] Nay, nay, wise sir, O meesa stayee!

O meesa callee Jar Jar Binks—see

Now meesa is your servant humble.

'Tis quite unnecessary, simple beast.

O nay, it izzee necessary.

Commanded by da gods it izzee.

Enter
O
BI
-W
AN
K
ENOBI
,
pursued by two
BATTLE DROIDS
.
Q
UI
-G
ON
J
INN
destroys the droids
.

Now twicee you a'save my lifee.

[
to Qui-Gon:
] What creature, friend, is this?

—A local, aye,

A piteous native with a simple mind.

Now let us hence afore more droids arrive.

Did ee say more an more? Exquize me …

[
Aside:
] And now to cast the line that plants the hook.

[
To the Jedi:
] The safes' place is Gunga citee.

'Tis where I grew, a hidden citee.

Mayhap this lackwit may have purpose yet.

A city? Canst thou take us there, kind brute?

Ahh nay, as I me thinkee … nay, nay.

And wherefore not, amphibious buffoon?

o 'tis embarrassee, me banish'd.

If I return and see de bosses

Den dey will work me woe. You gettee?

[A sound is heard in the distance
.

Dost thou hear that grave sound? It is the noise

Made by a thousand thousand woes to come.

If they discover us, we shall be crush'd

And ground into a million fleshy bits.

Oblivion shall be our final home.

Ye makee good the pointee. Dis way!

[The Jedi walk in the direction Jar Jar points
.

[
Aside:
] These men have prejudice deep in their hearts,

For looking on me, they see savagery.

A “native,” “local,” “piteous,” “buffoon”;

With such dark slurs they slander my whole race.

Yet, Gungans quickly shall destroyèd be

If this attack doth touch our soggy home;

Belike the Jedi are our only hope.

Thus—though I was cast out for mine ideas

And have for many moons gone wandering

Above the waters of my home, where I

Have studied human ways and learn'd their speech—

I shall return to make amends and bring

These Jedi to the people to whom I

Am bound. So may I save my race entire.

To thine own kind be true, so say I e'er.

Give ev'ry man thine ear, but few thy voice—

At least the voice that speaketh with wise words.

Let them hear only speech of ruffian.

My truer voice I'll hide with outward squeaks

Of “meesa,” “yousa,” and “exquize me, sir.”

So shall the simple lead the high and wise,

That all of us may dwell in harmony.

I prithee, Jar Jar, how much farther on?

We gowee underwater, kayee?

But hearee mya warning, too, sir:

De Gungans likee not outsiduhs.

De welcome may not be so warmee.

Ha! Fear thou not. This has not been a day

Made for the warmth of hospitality.

[Jar Jar leads the Jedi to the water's edge, where they plunge in and swim to Gunga City
.

Enter
GUNGANS
,
including
C
APTAIN
T
ARPALS
.

Now meesa home, so good it feelee.

[The Gungans begin to shrink back at the approach of Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Jar Jar
.

Hey yousa, stoppa there. What brings you here?

Heyo-dalee, good Captain Tarpals.

Nay, Jar Jar, not again. Now yousa shall

Go to de bosses. Yousa in it deep.

[Captain Tarpals steps forward and prods Jar Jar with his power pole, zapping him
.

How wude indeedee. Aye, how wudee!

Now commee all with me, to see de boss.

[Captain Tarpals and other Gungans escort Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Jar Jar into the chamber of the bosses
.

Enter
B
OSS
N
ASS
and other
G
UNGAN BOSSES
.

I bid to yousa welcome, gentlemen.

But yousa cannah be here. Dis array

Of mackineeks above is yous weesong.

Dey are your problemee, not oursa, nay.