Wings of a Dove (38 page)

    "Think carefully of the choice you're making, Allie." Delaney's voice was cold, lifeless. "I'm leaving on the morning train. I won't be here when you come back."

    James lifted her onto the wagon bed and Mother Case's trembling hand reached for hers. Her faded eyes closed as she labored for breath, and a low sob escaped Allie's throat. James swung a silent Sarah onto the front seat beside her father before climbing into the rear to support his mother's quaking frame.

    The wagon lurched forward and Allie saw Delaney's face the moment before he turned, his back rigidly erect, and walked back toward town.

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    "I don't need her," Delaney murmured. "I don't need anyone."

    His heels clicked on the board sidewalk, but Delaney did not hear the echo on the nearly deserted street as he continued walking in a long, even stride that belied his inner turmoil.

    Delaney shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind. It had all happened so quickly. Allie had been in his arms a few minutes before, telling him that she loved him and would be with him the rest of his life, but that joy had been fleeting. Reality had returned when Allie turned her back on him.

    Even now he could not quite believe it. He had always been so sure she loved him, if not with the physical passion she had shown tonight, at least with her full, innocent heart. He had been certain that when the time came to choose, she would choose him over all others. It was now obvious that she was just like everyone else, another person who had let him down.

    Delaney's frown deepened. James's pleas, Jacob Case's warnings, and Sarah's maliciousness had had no effect on Allie's faith in him, but the doubts Mrs. Case had put in her mind had turned the trick. Why couldn't Allie see that for all the sincerity with which Mrs. Case spoke, her love for James influenced her heavily against him? Why didn't she realize that Mrs. Case would never see anyone but James in Allie's future? Why didn't she understand that once she went back with the Case family, they would see to it that she never left them again?

    The answer to those questions was simple: Allie did not see because she did not choose to see.

    Delaney attempted to ignore the pain of that realization. He was sure of only one thing now: He was leaving tomorrow morning, with or without Allie.

    Suddenly slowing to a halt, Delaney gave a short, harsh laugh. His steps had taken him automatically to the door of the
News
office. A wounded animal returning home.

    Not enjoying the analogy his mind had conjured, Delaney pushed open the door and strode to Max's desk. He was through with being a fool. He had thought the hard lessons he had learned on the streets so long ago would never be forgotten. He had not realized that love could replace common sense and render him vulnerable once more. And he had forgotten that life was fickle,  that time and circumstance altered all, and that the only protection against pain was to be sufficient within oneself. He would not forget those hard-learned lessons again.

    Delaney jerked open the desk drawer and took out the bottle Max "consulted" several times a day. He held it up to the light. The amber liquid stood at the three-quarter mark, and he gave a short, satisfied nod of his head. Turning, he walked out of the office and pulled the door shut behind him.

    Stepping into his room a few minutes later, Delaney paused as the light from the hallway behind him touched on the small, cheap suitcase he had packed earlier. Not much to show for twenty-one years of life.

    Delaney pushed the door closed behind him, and made a silent vow: He would have much more to show for the
next
twenty-one years.

    Walking the few steps to his nightstand, Delaney turned up the lamp. He flopped down on the bed, the thought occurring to him that he had been right all those years ago when he had taken that little pale-haired girl's hand in his own in silent commitment. He had sensed he would regret it one day.

    Pulling the cork from the bottle, Delaney raised it to his lips and drank deeply. The burning heat that scalded right down to the pit of his stomach was a welcome relief from the ache that had lodged itself there. He took another, determined to shorten the long night ahead of him and to drive a familiar image from his mind any way he could.

    The ride from town had been endless. Allie raised her gaze from Mother Case's ashen face, grateful that she appeared to be sleeping. She looked into James's stiff expression where he continued to cushion his mother against the wagon's sway.

    "She's going to be all right, isn't she, James?"

    James did not answer.

    She tried again. "James, I'm sorry that everyone was upset about Delaney and me, and I"

    "I don't want to talk about Delaney and you." James looked at his mother. Satisfied that she did not appear to hear them, he looked back to Allie, his expression grim. "As far as I'm concerned, it's over and done. Marsh will be leaving tomorrow and     I'm going to do my best to forget he ever existed. I suggest you do the same."

    Allie shook her head. "Delaney won't leave without me, James. He was angry, but he loves me."

    "Marsh doesn't love anyone but himself. What does he have to do to make you see him for what he really is?"

    "James, please, I don't want to argue. I just wanted to tell you I never meant to hurt anyone, not you or Mother Case. I'm sorry things happened the way they did. I didn't intend it that way, and neither did Delaney."

    James held Allie's gaze, finally shaking his head in apparent disbelief. "You still don't realize what happened, do you, Allie? Delaney took what he wanted from you, and when the going got a little rough, he backed off and walked away. He's leaving without you."

    "No. He was angry, but he'll think everything over tonight and he'll wait for me. He couldn't leave without me, not now. He loves me, James, and I love him."

    Regretting the pain that flickered across James's face, Allie reached out to him, but James shook off her touch.

    "Save your comfort for yourself. You're going to need it more than I do after the morning train leaves tomorrow."

    Allie turned away from James's hard-eyed expression, biting back tears. She wished so desperately things could be different, but she had learned a long time ago that wishing did not make things so.

    Her eyes intent on Mother Case's pale face, she did not notice that Sarah had subtly shifted her position on the front seat so she might listen to the exchange between James and Allie. She did not see the fresh surge of jealousy that altered Sarah's beautiful face into a vicious mask. She did not see the new determination in the set of her shoulders as Sarah faced forward once more.

Chapter Twelve

    The silent tableau in Margaret's bedroom was one of exhaustion and temporary relief. It had been a long and terrifying night. Mother Case, laboring for each breath through the endless hours before dawn, had finally found some relief, but the price she had paid was written in her pallor, in the deep lines in her face, in the marked deterioration from which Allie knew instinctively there was no return.

    The realization that Mother Case had looked into the eyes of death but had managed to face it down once more filled Allie with pain at the part she had played in this close encounter.

    Allie noted Jacob Case's exhaustion and sorrow as he sat on the opposite side of the bed, holding his wife's hand. Behind her, where he had stood most of the night, James lent his mother the solace of his presence in silence. Sarah had been noticeably absent during the long vigil. Claiming exhaustion after the first hour, she had retired to her room and had not been seen since.

    But Mother Case had not appeared to note her daughter's absence. It was Allie to whom she had looked during the moments    when her agony had abated enough to allow her lucidity, and it had pained Allie to realize the extent of Mother Case's concern for her.

    Allie desperately wished she might talk to Mother Case, convince her that her fears were unfounded. Had circumstances been different, had not this violent attack occurred, she was certain she could have made Mother Case understand that Delaney's coldness did not extend to the place in his heart where he had declared Allie alone abided. When Mother Case was well enough to listen, she was determined to try again. She was just as determined that when she left with Delaney, it would be with Mother Case's blessing.

    Raising her gaze to the window beside the bed, Allie was startled to see dawn beginning to streak the horizon. A momentary anxiety flicked across her mind, but she shrugged it away. Delaney was probably watching the coming of dawn just as she was, and he was probably regretting the harsh words between them just as much as she. She wished with all the strength within her that she were lying in his arms or standing beside him on the railroad platform awaiting the train as they had planned.

    A touch on her arm interrupted Allie's thoughts, turning her toward James's pale face. She saw deep sorrow and acceptance of the inevitable there, and she suddenly wished she could put her arms around him and offer him consolation. Realizing that would be unwise, Allie attempted an encouraging smile. James did not return her smile, but his expression evinced a concern for her that did not waver.

    ''Allie, Mama seems to be resting. It's almost dawn. Why don't you lie down for a while? Pa and I will watch over Mama while you rest. If she wakes up and looks for you, we'll call."

    Seeing the wisdom of James's suggestion, Allie nodded wearily and crossed the hall to the room she shared with Sarah. Desperately hoping the girl was sleeping, Allie pushed open the door and looked toward Sarah's bed. The bed was empty and the coverlet had not been disturbed!

    Her heart pounding, a new, growing anxiety taking shape in her mind, Allie opened the wardrobe. She swallowed at the sight of her own few articles of clothing lying in a wrinkled heap on the floor. The rest of the cabinet was bare.

    Unwilling to allow her suspicions full realization, Allie quickly left the room. She had run to the staircase when the door to Mrs. Case's room opened. James stepped into the hall and took her arm.

    "What's the matter, Allie?"

    "Sarah… she's not in bed."

    James shook his head, not quite comprehending her concern. "Maybe she's in the kitchen."

    "Her bed hasn't been slept in, James, and her clothes are gone."

    His tired face suddenly flooding with color, James pulled Allie aside and descended the staircase without a word. Unable to move, Allie was still standing where he had left her a few minutes later when she heard James returning. Her gaze clung to his as he reached her side.

    "The gelding is gone and so is Sarah."

    Allie closed her eyes, knowing full well where Sarah had gone. Jealousy and contempt at her own weakness overwhelmed her. Sarah had been right all along. She had proved herself stronger than Allie, and had proved her love for Delaney took second place to no other. Fool that she was, Allie had allowed her own guilt and her concern for Mother Case to force her to turn her back on Delaney, if only temporarily. Sarah had taken the opportunity to step into the breach.

    James's arms closed around her, drawing her close. Allie did not realize she was crying until James separated himself from her and wiped her tears from her face with a gentle touch. He was about to speak when the sound of a horse approaching in the yard below drew her attention. Within moments Allie was running down the staircase, hardly aware that James was behind her. She wanted so desperately for the rider to be Delaney. She needed to feel his arms around her, to feel his mouth on hers. She needed…

    Reaching the front door with a gasping breath, Allie pushed it open.

    It was not Delaney.

    Reining the gelding to a halt in front of the porch, Sarah dismounted without a word. Her eyes strangely haunted, she attempted to walk past Allie and James without speaking. Not allowing her silent dismissal, James grasped his sister tightly by the shoulder.

    "Where have you been, Sarah?"

    No response.

    Fury assuming control, James shook her roughly. "I asked you where you've been!"

    Green eyes wide, Sarah returned his stare for a silent moment before jerking herself free of her brother's hold and running past him into the house. The sound of her footsteps on the stairs and the slamming of her bedroom door were her only response.

    A new quaking besetting her shaking limbs, Allie did not hear James's softly spoken appeal. Suddenly unwilling to reenter the house, she turned and walked blindly into the yard. A deadening ache began inside her.

    Why was it suddenly so clear to her that she had failed Delaney? Why had she not been able to view events through his eyes before this, to see that despite her avowal of love only a short time before that dreadful scene in town, she had turned her back on him? Why had she not seen that Mother Case had used her ill health unfairly to keep her from leaving? Why had she not seen that in allowing that to happen, she had sacrificed Delaney to salve her own conscience, when the only true guilt she should have felt was in failing him? Why had she not realized that in attempting to force Delaney to remain until she was ready to leave, she had proved to the hardened and penniless boy of fifteen who was still alive inside Delaney that her love was conditional, and that, as such, it was a luxury he could not afford. Why had she made Delaney believe that she, who had loved him all her life, did not love him enough.