Witch Is Why The Laughter Stopped (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 14) (4 page)

“Winky, get out here now!”

He walked slowly around the screen. “What? Can’t you see I’m busy? I was in the middle of fitting a transponder.”

“I don’t care about your transponder. What’s this?” I pointed to the remains of the cuckoo.

“It’s that stupid mechanical bird.”

“The one you thought was real?”

“I did
not
think it was real.”

“Yes you did. You were trying to catch it.”

“I was only winding you up. You’re so gullible. Anyway, the stupid thing was driving me insane with its cuckooing, so I took it out.”

“What will Mrs V say?”

“Who cares what the old bag lady says? She’s not the one who has to listen to it.”

He went back behind the screen, and carried on working. If I was being perfectly honest, I was pleased he’d taken out the clock. I found it hard to focus at the best of times, but with that thing cuckooing every hour, it was nigh on impossible. But what was I going to tell Mrs V? Maybe if I hid what was left of the bird, she wouldn’t notice. Provided, that is, she didn’t come into my office on the hour.

Chapter 4

I hadn’t been at my desk for more than fifteen minutes when I felt a chill in the air. My first thought was that my father might be paying me another visit, but it turned out to be my mother this time.

“Hi, Mum. How’s things?”

“Is it true what I’ve heard?” She snapped.

“I don’t know. What have you heard?”

“I heard a rumour that your father has attached himself to you.”

“Yeah, he did. He came to see me the other day.”

“And you allowed him to?”

“I thought it would give me a chance to get to know him.”

“He didn’t want to know you when you were born, or when you were growing up. It’s a bit late to want to get to know you now he’s dead, isn’t it?”

“I know he left you in the lurch, but he did try to save my life when I had the showdown with TDO.”

“And I’m very grateful that he did. Although, you would make a good ghost.”

“Don’t say that. It gives me the creeps.”

“There’s nothing that man could do that would ever compensate for all the years when he was out of your life. I’d suggest you tell him to get lost.”

“I’m not going to do that. I want to at least give him a chance.”

“Well, if that’s how you feel—” And with that, she disappeared.

Oh, dear. It never occurred to me that getting to know my father might upset my mother. Even so, I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. My mother would just have to get used to the idea.

I couldn’t bear the thought of Jules making a drink. The spillage was more trouble than it was worth.

“I’m just nipping to Coffee Triangle, Jules. And while I’m passing, I’ll call in at Ever A Wool Moment to see Kathy, and Mrs V if she’s there.”

“Mrs V? Why would she be there?”

“She’s decided she doesn’t like the shorter working week, and is looking for something to fill her time. I suggested she might cover for Kathy at Ever. She’s been offered a job presenting on Wool TV.”

“I didn’t know there was such a thing as Wool TV. Mrs V never mentioned it.”

“It’s probably not your thing. It’s mainly for older people.”

“I’d like to see it. I’m really into knitting now. I bet it’s really exciting.”

“I’m not sure I’d call it exciting. Instructional, maybe. You might get some tips. Anyway, as I was saying, Kathy’s been offered a job there. It’s only one day a week, and she didn’t think she’d be able to get time off from Ever. That’s why I suggested that Mrs V could cover for her.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“I’d better get going. I’ll see you later.”

When I arrived at Ever, Mrs V was behind the counter with Kathy, who appeared to be showing her the ropes.

“Hello, you two. How’s it going?”

“Hi, Jill,” Mrs V beamed. “I think I’m going to enjoy working here one day a week.”

“Thanks for suggesting this, Jill,” Kathy said. “It’s a brilliant idea. It means I can take the Wool TV job. And your grandmother seems okay with it.”

“That’s great. I’m glad it worked out for you both. By the way, Kathy, I saw Megan this morning.”

Kathy’s face fell. “What did she want?”

“She said she was looking forward to going over to your place this afternoon to see Peter.”

“Oh crumbs, I’d forgotten about that. I’d better make sure I’m back in time. I’m not leaving her alone with Pete. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.”

“I’m going to Coffee Triangle. Do you want to join me?”

“I can’t. I want to run through a few more things with Mrs V, and I have to make sure I get away on the dot, so I’ll be back home before Ms Megan arrives. I’ll catch you later.”

It was maracas day in Coffee Triangle. There were a few people shaking their maracas at the other end of the shop, but I deliberately found a quiet corner seat. Someone had left a copy of The Bugle on the table, so I took a quick flick through it. It was full of the usual, low quality, gutter journalism, but one thing did catch my eye. It wasn’t an article, but a large advert for a missing dog. Someone was offering a two-hundred pounds reward for the safe return of a Westie called Hector. Could this have any connection to Toto’s disappearance? Were there dog thieves in the city? I made a note of the phone number listed in the ad.

I was on the point of leaving Coffee Triangle when I heard someone call my name. It was Mad; she was with her mother, Delilah. Oh boy. Mad looked thoroughly fed up. When Delilah went to the counter to order drinks, Mad came over to join me.

“Rescue me, Jill, please.”

“What’s going on?”

“You’ll never believe it. My mother’s getting married.”

I glanced across at Delilah.

“Not to Nails, surely?”

“Oh yeah. To Nails.”

“So, Nails is going to be your dad?” I laughed.

“Step Dad,” she insisted. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“What are you two up to, anyway?”

“She’s been dragging me around town to look for her wedding dress. As if I’m in any position to give her advice.” Mad glanced over, just to make sure her mother couldn’t hear us. “Besides which, you know what Mum’s like. You’ve seen the way she dresses.”

“But surely she’ll dress differently for her own wedding?”

“It makes no difference to Mum. We’ve spent the best part of three hours looking at some of the skankiest dresses you’ve ever seen in your life.”

Delilah looked around to see where Mad was. She spotted us and came over.

“Hello there, Jill. I didn’t realise you were here. I would have got you a drink. Would you like something?”

“No, I’m okay, thanks, Mrs Lane.”

“Don’t call me Mrs Lane. I’ve told you, it’s Deli.”

“Right, okay, Deli. I was just about to leave—”

“Don’t go yet! Has Madeline told you my exciting news?” She hustled Mad along the bench seat, so she could sit opposite me.

“That you’re getting married? Yeah. Congratulations.” Or commiserations, one of the two.

“It came totally out of the blue,” she said. “I was eating fish and chips, and Nails was treating his corns. Then suddenly he said, ‘Wanna get married?’ It was so romantic. It fair took my breath away!”

“I can see how it would.”

“I said yes, obviously. A girl can’t turn down a catch like Nails. Madeline tells me you’ve got yourself a young man, at last.”

“Yeah, I’m living with Jack now out in Smallwash.”

“Good for you. Now you need to start pumping out some young-uns.”

Pumping out?

“We’re not ready for children yet, Deli. Maybe in a few years’ time.”

“It’s never too early to start. We’ve been looking at dresses all morning. We’ve seen some beauties, haven’t we, Madeline?”

Mad rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

“I think the nicest was that last one we looked at.” Deli slurped her coffee. “The one in Top Dress. You know, that red one?”

Mad shook her head. “You can’t possibly mean the one that just about covered your bum?”

“It wasn’t that short!”

“And so low you could almost see your navel.”

“Take no notice of her, Jill. She’s always exaggerating.”

“It wasn’t suitable for a wedding, Mum.”

“’Course it was! It was a beautiful dress. I would have bought it there and then if you hadn’t made me have second thoughts. I still might. I ought to go back and get it before someone else beats me to it.”

“I shouldn’t worry on that score, Mum. What about your varicose veins?”

“I’ll wear tights. Anyway, Jill, I’m glad I’ve seen you because we’re going to be sending out the wedding invitations soon. You’ll have to give me your new address because I want you and your fella—what’s his name, again?”

“Jack.”

“I want you and Jack to come. You will come, won’t you?”

I could see a grin spreading across Mad’s face.

“Yeah, of course. Providing we’re not already doing something that day.”

“Great! Look, I can’t stop thinking about that red dress.” She gulped down the rest of her coffee. “I’m going to nip back and get it before someone else does. Madeline, you stay here with Jill, and make sure you let me have her new address, so I can send her an invite.”

“Okay, Mum.”

“Bye then, Jill.”

“Bye, Mrs—Deli.”

“Thank goodness she’s gone,” Mad said. “That dress is ten shades of horrible.”

“What is she thinking, marrying Nails?”

“I don’t know. I only found out myself a few days ago. It’s like some sort of nightmare. I keep hoping I’ll wake up.”

“Has Nails got any better?”

“In what respect?”

“Any respect.”

“If anything he’s worse. I don’t go around to Mum’s any more often than I have to. But every time I do, I spend most of the time dodging his toenails. He’s a horrible man. I don’t know what Mum sees in him.”

“What about you, Mad? Are you seeing anyone at the moment?”

“Actually, I am.”

“And you look pretty pleased about it.”

“Yeah. This guy is a cut above some of the others I’ve been out with recently. His name’s Henry.”

“And what does Henry do?”

“He’s a Ghost Hunter too.”

“Really? I thought you were the only Ghost Hunter in Washbridge.”

“I was until recently. But we’ve had so many incidents in and around Washbridge that the powers that be in Ghost Town decided it needed a two-man operation to cover the area. So Henry was transferred from somewhere else in the country.”

“What does Henry do when he’s not ghost hunting? Does he work at the library with you?”

“No. It would be too dangerous to have two Ghost Hunters using the same cover job. Do you know that little arcade, close to Washbridge Library?”

“The one with the really small shops inside?”

“That’s the one. There’s a stamp collectors’ shop in there. Henry’s working there.”

“Stamp collecting?”

“He isn’t into stamps, but it’s an ideal cover for a Ghost Hunter. He’s bored out of his mind, much like me, but what can you do?”

“You said there’s been a lot of ghost activity?”

“There has, and it’s going to get worse. Something’s going on, Jill. I don’t know what it is, but in all the time I’ve been in Washbridge, I’ve never known so much ghost activity.”

“Should I be worried?”

“I don’t know. If it carries on like this, I’m not sure even two Ghost Hunters will be able to keep it under control. If we don’t, and word gets out, there could be mass panic. Hopefully it won’t come to that.”

Mad’s phone rang.

“I have to take this. It’s Henry. Hi, sexy. No, I’m having a coffee with Jill. Remember I told you about her? Yeah.”

“I’ve got to go, Mad,” I mouthed. “Catch you later.”

Mad was obviously smitten with her new guy.

Chapter 5

The next morning, I decided to pay a visit to Aunt Lucy. It was a while since I’d checked on Barry and Hamlet. They were probably beginning to think I’d abandoned them.

I magicked myself over to Candlefield, and was surprised to find Lester at home. He was at the kitchen table, and had a newspaper and notepad in front of him.

“Hello, Jill,” he said, barely managing a smile.

“Hi, Lester. I don’t see you very often these days.”

“You’ll probably be seeing a lot more of me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“I’ve lost my job.”

“I thought you were really busy?”

“We were. That’s why it came as something of a shock. Apparently the company has been losing money for some time, so they’ve had to let about half of the workforce go. I was one of the unlucky ones.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that. Are you looking for something else?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’ve got the newspaper. There isn’t much available at the moment, but I guess I’ll have to keep trying. I’m too young to retire.” He laughed, but it was a hollow laugh.

Just then, Aunt Lucy came into the room.

“Jill, hi! How lovely to see you!”

“Lester’s been telling me his bad news.”

“Yes. It’s very disappointing, but worse things happen. We’ll get through it, won’t we Lester?”

“Of course we will.” He sounded less than convinced.

“Cup of tea?” Aunt Lucy offered.

“That would be lovely, and then I’ll take Barry for a walk.”

“You’ll be lucky.” She laughed. “He’s dead to the world. Lester and I took him for a long walk this morning. Much longer than usual. When we got back, he was absolutely shattered. He’s fast asleep upstairs. I don’t think he’ll be going on any more walks until much later in the day.”

“Oh? Okay. I’ll go and say hello to Hamlet while you make the tea.”

“You know where he is, don’t you?”

He was in one of the spare bedrooms.

“Hello, stranger,” Hamlet said.

“Hi, Hamlet.”

“Nice of you to find the time to visit.” No one did sarcasm quite like a hamster.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you for a while.”

“For far too long! And I don’t remember being consulted about being moved from the shop to here.”

“Don’t you like it here?”

“As it happens, I do. It’s much better than the other place. I have a lot more space than I had in that little cupboard I was in before. Still, it would have been nice to be consulted.”

“How’s the reading club going?”

“Very well. Some of the members complained because the move meant they had to travel a little further, but I think they’ve all got used to the idea now. We’ve covered one or two good books recently. What about you, Jill? Have you done much reading lately?”

“Lately? Not a lot, to be honest.” None, to be precise.

“You really should. You need to keep your mind active. As you get older, the brain cells start to disappear.”

Cheek!

“I suppose I’d better get back downstairs. Aunt Lucy is making me a cup of tea.”

“Before you go, there are a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about.”

Oh dear. Usually, when Hamlet wanted to talk to me, it cost me money.

“What’s that, Hamlet?”

“Firstly, I’ve heard that you are now on the board of the Combined Sup Council.”

“How on earth did you hear about that?”

“The rodent grapevine is alive and well here in Candlefield. So, is it true?”

“It is, yes. But I haven’t actually attended my first meeting yet.”

“I have just the issue for you to raise.”

“You do? What’s that?”

“The internet. We desperately need it here in Candlefield. Although we rodents are fortunate to have RodentNet, it has limitations. I need access to the wider internet.”

“It’s curious you should mention that because the twins’ husbands actually approached me on the very same subject. They want me to bring up the issue with the Council too.”

“Will you?”

“I’ll need to find my feet first, but I’ll definitely bring it up at the first opportunity.”

“Good.”

“You said there was something else?”

“This is a rather delicate matter. I trust I can rely on you to be discreet.”

“Discretion is my middle name.”

“I get a little lonely sometimes.” He sighed.

“What about the book club?”

“That’s all very nice, but what I really need is female company. One on one, if you know what I mean?”

The last thing I wanted was dozens of little hamsters running around the place. Still, it was understandable that Hamlet might be lonely.

“Would you like me to go to the pet shop to buy a female hamster?”

“How am I supposed to bond with some random female? I need to find someone of like mind with similar interests.”

“Right? And how are you going to do that?”

“I plan to register with Rodent Match.”

“Is that some sort of dating agency?”

“Precisely. It’s a dating agency specifically for rodents. They cover all the rodents, but there’s quite an active hamster contingent on there from what I understand.”

“Is it available on RodentNet?”

“No, more’s the pity. Although they have a very good reputation, they’re a little behind the times technology-wise. It’s all very old fashioned; very old school. I’ll need you to get me an application form.”

“For Rodent Match?”

“Yes. Everything Rodent has the forms. They act as an agent for Rodent Match. Will you pop in there, pick one up, and let me have it as soon as possible? Then I can get the ball rolling.”

“Sure. Why not?”

When I got downstairs, I’d expected to find a cup of tea waiting for me. Instead, Aunt Lucy ushered me into the hallway.

“Jill, do you mind if we go out for a drink? I think Lester wants to make a few phone calls. He’s job hunting. It would probably be better if you and I weren’t here.”

“No problem. Do you want to go to Cuppy C?”

“Oh, goodness no! I see enough of the twins as it is. They’re always coming around here. There’s another coffee shop I often go to in Candlefield. It’s probably my favourite.”

“You’d better not let the twins hear you say that.”

“It’s called Holo.”

“That’s an unusual name. As in, an empty space?”

“No, not H-O-L-L-O-W. It’s H-O-L-O. Short for hologram.”

“I’m intrigued.”

Holo was some distance outside of Candlefield city centre. It was obviously very popular because when we got there, we only just managed to grab a table.

“I don’t get the significance of the name?” I looked around, still trying to work it out.

“Do you see the two people behind the counter?”

“Yeah?”

“They’re holograms.”

I did a double take. “Really?”

“They’re very good, aren’t they?”

“Unbelievably good. I would never have known.”

“If you look very closely, you can tell when they move.”

I stared at them for several minutes, and sure enough, when they moved, they seemed to flicker a little.

“How does it work? How do they take orders and serve customers?”

“No one knows. The people behind Holo are a bit of a mystery. No one seems to know who they are. Somehow, they managed to concoct a spell which allows the holograms to interact with real objects. For example, they can pick up and carry things. And they take money at the till.”

“That’s amazing.”

“I know. I love it. And every time you come here, the holograms are different. You never see the same ones twice.”

Aunt Lucy wanted to pay, but I insisted it was my turn.

What do you mean, it’s about time?

“Could I have a pot of tea for two, please?” I asked the hologram behind the counter.

“Green tea? Fruit tea?”

“Earl Grey, please. And a couple of those cupcakes.”

The hologram took my money. “We’ll bring them over to your table.”

I’d always thought that the whole point of holograms was that they weren’t real. But the ones in Holo were some sort of hybrid human/hologram thing. It was all much too complicated for my simple mind.

A few minutes later, one of the holograms brought our order over. He served us with a smile, and unlike Jules, managed not to spill anything.

“This is really strange,” I said to Aunt Lucy. “Are you sure they’re holograms?”

“Why else would the shop be called ‘holo’?”

We eventually got onto the subject of the twins’ plans to expand into Washbridge.

“I’m not sure about it,” she said. “I think they may be biting off more than they can chew.”

“They seem really keen on the idea.”

“That’s just it. You know how they are. They get a bee in their bonnet, and they dive in feet first. They don’t think it through. You should know that better than most; you witnessed the chocolate fountain and conveyor belt debacles. But this, this is serious money. If it goes wrong, it could have a knock on effect on Cuppy C. I don’t suppose you could try to make them see sense, could you?”

“I’ve got even less chance of doing that than you have. Every time they come up with a brainwave, I try to talk them out of it, but they take no notice. If they’ve got their hearts set on it, I doubt anything I say will make a difference. What I don’t understand is where the money is coming from. They’ve only recently bought their houses. It’s going to cost them a pretty penny to open a shop in Washbridge.”

“I know.” Aunt Lucy frowned. “I asked them, but they fobbed me off. I think they must be borrowing it, and that’s what really worries me. Still, they’re both adults now. There’s nothing you or I can do about it. We’ll have to keep our fingers crossed that it works out.”

Just then, a woman on the opposite side of the shop started laughing so loudly that everyone began to stare at her. What on earth was she laughing at? She was at a table by herself, and didn’t appear to be reading, or even looking at her phone. She was laughing uncontrollably for no apparent reason. The strange thing was, she didn’t look happy. In fact, she seemed quite distressed.

The laughing continued. She was getting redder and redder in the face.

“Is she okay?” Aunt Lucy said.

“I don’t know.”

Then the woman stood up and reached out, as though she was asking for help. Before anyone could react, she knocked over the table as she slumped to the floor. Only then, did the laughter stop.

“Quick, somebody, call an ambulance,” the man kneeling beside her yelled.

One of the holograms reached for the phone, and made a call to the emergency services.

“Is she okay?” someone shouted.

The man kneeling beside her looked up, and shook his head.

***

I called the number shown on the advert for the missing dog. The man who answered obviously thought I’d found his dog, and was rather disappointed when I said I hadn’t. I asked if I could go over to his place to talk to him. He wasn’t keen, but I managed to persuade him in the end.

Boris Froggatt was a plump, middle-aged man with red cheeks.

“I don’t suppose Hector’s turned up yet, has he?” I asked.

“I’m afraid not. Yours is the only phone call I’ve had so far. I had hoped the advert in the Bugle might generate some interest. It cost enough. But so far, nothing.”

“What exactly happened, Mr Froggatt?”

“Hector was in the garden. It had never occurred to me that anyone would want to steal him. There’s a fence all the way around, but it’s not particularly high. Someone could climb over it fairly easily. Hector’s only a small dog; he doesn’t weigh much. And he’s very friendly; he wouldn’t snap or bark at anyone. He’d probably just lick their hands as they picked him up. I can only think that somebody must have climbed over the fence, and passed Hector to an accomplice on the other side. Horrible people. I don’t know how they can live with themselves.”

“Look, this may seem a strange question, Mr Froggatt, but was Hector wearing anything of any value?”

“How do you mean?”

“Like a collar with jewels on it, for example?”

“No. Hector didn’t really like wearing any kind of collar. But of course he had to for his name disc. I bought him a very lightweight fabric one.”

“And the dog himself? Had he won any shows?”

“No. He’s just a mutt, but I love him to bits.
”