Wrecked Book 4 (7 page)

Where had
that
girl gone?

And as soon as the question flitted through my brain, I knew the answer. It was my fault. I
’
d caused her whole world to come flying apart and the result was this new, bitter, angry girl who was making the kind of stupid mistakes that were the ones I
’
d been making years ago.

I thought that maybe I wasn
’
t the one who should be judging her in the first place
—
and it was none of my business, right?

But I couldn
’
t help but remember Beck as I laid on my back staring at the blank ceiling above me.

“
Get out, Miranda!
”
Beck yelled at her little sister.

Miranda was only thirteen and her favorite pastime seemed to be spying on us. She had been lingering in the doorway for who knew how long now, watching us as we dressed up and put on make-up, blaring the music while Beck
’
s parents were out.

At the sound of Beck
’
s scolding, though, she bolted from the doorway. We could hear her tramping down the stairs quickly.

“
I hate it when she does that,
”
Beck told me, making a frustrated sound.

I waved off her concerns, painting on a bright red color on my lips.
“
She
’
s a kid. It
’
s annoying, but no biggie. She runs as soon as we catch her. It
’
s not like she asks to join or anything.
”

I glanced over at Beck, but she was still frowning. She still hadn
’
t finished her make-up yet, but instead of picking up the mascara, she just sat there staring at the tube that sat on the counter.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I turned to her.
“
What
’
s the problem? So what if she snoops sometimes?
”

Beck looked at me, and I realized that she was really worried. Not just annoyed at her little sister for being all up in her business or worried that she was going to tell on us or something. There was something else that was bugging her.

“
I just worry, you know?
”

No, I definitely didn
’
t know.
“
Um, not really,
”
I told her honestly, putting the tube of lipstick down on the counter and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.
“
Care to elaborate?
”

She lifted her shoulders uncertainly in a small shrug.
“
I don
’
t know,
”
she began, second guessing herself.
“
It just seems like she
’
s so young. She
’
s just a kid and we
’
re
…”
She gestured around us at the clothing scattered all over the place and the makeup that littered the counter.

There were a dozen different shades of lip gloss and lipstick and at least four different tubes of mascara, not to mention the huge palettes of eye shadows. The clothing was a mixture of dresses and skirts and low cut shirts. Not to mention the underwear.

We
’
d gotten Visa gift cards for Christmas that year, and we
’
d waited until the Victoria
’
s Secret sale came around and went absolutely crazy. We got all kinds of bras and panties that there was no way our parents would ever have let us get. We
’
d taken full advantage of the fact that the Visa cards could be used just about anywhere.

Frowning, I shook my head.
“
I still don
’
t see the problem.
”

Maybe it was because I didn
’
t have a little sister and my mom was always working late that it took me so long to see where Beck was coming from, but I honestly didn
’
t know. To me, all of that stuff littered all over the place just seemed like fun, but to her it meant something else.

“
I just mean that we
’
re a lot older than her,
”
Beck tried again, finally picking up a tube of mascara and applying it liberally. We
’
d both gotten fake IDs and were going to use them tonight to try and get into a bar. Beck
’
s parents had promised that if we watched Miranda while they were out, she could stay at my place that night. And seeing as how my mother was always working the late shift, it was the perfect opportunity to try out our new IDs.

My name had been Rosy.

“
We
’
re not that much older than her,
”
I pointed out to Beck, picking up a lacy thong that I
’
d tried out, but decided was a little too uncomfortable. Besides, what was the point if no one was going to see it?
“
I mean, we
’
re only a couple of years ahead of her.
”

She nodded her head.
“
Yeah, but a couple of years makes a huge difference, don
’
t you think? I mean, she
’
s still playing with Barbies and stuffed animals. We
’
re shopping at Victoria
’
s Secret.
”

Okay, granted, we were doing that against our parent
’
s will (we assumed, since we hadn
’
t mentioned it to them at all), but no one questioned it when we went in there and bought thongs.

“
Okay,
”
I said slowly, trying to figure out where she was going with this.
“
So you don
’
t want her exposed to lacy panties yet?
”
My tone was teasing and I tossed the thong I
’
d been looking at right at her face.

She batted it away, but it still hit her. She laughed and then grabbed it, flinging it back at me. I dodged by rolling off the bed and going to the other side to hide from any other potential attacks.

“
Alright, alright,
”
she said, rolling her eyes a little bit. She was smiling and seemed like she was in a much lighter mood than she had been moments before.
“
I
’
m being overdramatic.
”

I propped my chin on the edge of the bed, folding my arms across the comforter. Grinning at her, I raised an eyebrow.
“
Ya think?
”

She threw a bra at me.

I ducked.

“
I just don
’
t want her to get mixed up with the wrong stuff, you know?
”
she said finally, still looking like she was in a much better mood, but slightly worried about Miranda still.

I let out a sigh and got up. I went to sit next to her, planting myself on the edge of the counter causing several makeup items to scatter off the counter to the floor. I put my arms around her and smiled.
“
I
’
ll make you a deal,
”
I told her.
“
If you stop worrying about her, I promise that I will keep an eye out for her. Make sure she hangs out with the right people.
”

She thanked me, grateful and put at ease. Then we proceeded to go to the bars that night and I didn
’
t even consider what it was that she was really worried about.

The memory stung me as I lay on my bed now. I had no idea what it was that Beck had been so worried about, not really. I didn
’
t understand what she already knew, even so early back then. That we were getting into trouble. That we were always doing reckless things
—
that
I
was doing reckless things.

I
’
d promised to take care of Miranda, but I hadn
’
t really understood what that meant. Now that I was here in college with Miranda hanging out with Lexie, well, I understood what she
’
d been so worried about. Lexie was trouble.

The problem was, now I wasn
’
t in any position to keep an eye out for anyone. I couldn
’
t even seem to keep myself out of trouble, how was I supposed to look out for anyone else?

“
Okay,
”
I said aloud to myself.
“
One problem at a time.
”

I considered what it was that were my biggest problems. Miranda and Lexie, but I couldn
’
t really do anything about that. Lexie had it in for me and Miranda was watching and waiting for me to fail. Chances were, neither of them were going to listen to reason regardless of whether or not I had a good or fair point.

So, problem number two. Logan and Derek. I had to choose between them, and I
’
d already done that, right? But it didn
’
t look like that was going to be enough. Choosing Derek was the smart choice in the sense that he was practical, with a future ahead of him and the even kind of temperament that was going to keep me from getting into trouble.

But I was so
attracted
to Logan. I wanted him. And I didn
’
t know what to do with that.

So then, the problem was Logan
—
and more importantly, me. What was I going to do about that?

Taking a deep breath, I reached over to my phone which sat on my bedside table. It was still off. I hadn
’
t been willing to turn it off since I
’
d seen that first text this morning from Logan, not even when Derek told me that he was going to text me.

I turned it on now, though, and once it started up, I went to my messages. I had six new ones, including the one I
’
d seen that morning.

Give me a chance.

Don
’
t do this, please.

Addy, I love you.

I can make this work. Give me a chance to prove I
’
m not a fuck up.

Addy, please.

Addy, I
’
m not giving up on you.

Biting my lip, I wondered how I was ever going to get him to let me go.

I had to find Logan. Things were unsettled between us and I wasn
’
t sure what to do about that. I had feelings for him - I couldn
’
t deny that no matter how much I wanted to - but fact of the matter was I couldn
’
t. It wasn
’
t his fault, but he was the kind of person that would bring out the worst in me. Derek was the kind of man that was going to make me a better person, and that was the point, wasn
’
t it?

This wasn
’
t just about proving to Miranda that I
’
d changed and become a better person anymore. This was about
being
a better person, and I didn
’
t think I could do that with Logan.

I texted him back, finally, after all of the texts he
’
d been sending me over the last few days. It wasn
’
t detailed, but simple instead. I asked him to meet me, just as he
’
d asked me. I didn
’
t want to lead him on by telling him that this was his chance, but I needed him to show up, too, because I knew that this was the only way I was ever going to convince him that we weren
’
t good for each other.

If I could just explain things to him
…

I shuddered, and it wasn
’
t from the cold. The thought of reliving my memories of high school, and of Beck, yet again, was awful. It made my stomach twist into terrible knots. I
’
d just had this conversation with Kass and now I was going to have to have it again with Logan. It was the only way to make him understand why I couldn
’
t be with him, but that didn
’
t mean I was looking forward to it.